by C. J. Abedi
“I agree,” I replied. “I’m actually glad Odin asked him to come.”
He nodded then looked down at the floor before his eyes flicked up to mine.
“So how was today?” he asked me.
“Fine,” I said.
“With Rowan?”
I stared at him evenly.
“Rowan was perfect.”
I wasn’t going to lie—I did get immense satisfaction from watching his body react to my words.
“Was he?”
“Yes,” I crossed my arms. “Quite.”
He pushed off away from the wall and began striding toward me. My heart started to beat on overtime. He was so confident. He knew. He knew what he did to me and he still pushed forward.
Stopping when he was standing only a few inches away as I leaned my head back to meet his gaze.
I had no idea what was going on his head. And now that I had blocked our connection he was even more of an enigma than before.
“What did he teach you?” Devilyn asked me as he invaded more of my space.
I was finding it hard to breathe, let alone think.
“To be one with every part of the earth,” I told him. “With all living things.”
His eyes darkened. I knew that look. He wanted to kiss me, and more than anything I wanted it in return.
“Show me.” His voice was husky with desire.
“We’re not outside,” I whispered.
“I’m a living creature,” he said.
God.
“Devilyn—” I began.
“Show me,” he said. “I want to feel your Light. I need it, Caroline. I need it.”
I lifted my hand and intertwined it with his. It was the best and worst thing I could have done. Touching Devilyn was right. It was home. I had been working so hard to toughen myself, but I was weak. His darkness fed off my Light and it was everything.
Everything.
His eyes lit up and I was sure mine had as well. When I couldn’t take any more I pulled my hand back.
“That’s enough,” I whispered.
He surprised me by running his hand through my hair and lifting my face up to his. At that moment I would have done anything he asked.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
He stepped away from me.
I opened my door and practically ran into my room.
I was panting.
With longing.
With need.
He was an essential.
I needed him. More than anything.
I took a quick shower and put my white nightgown on. I turned the television on and tried to lose myself in a funny sitcom, but it was impossible.
My thoughts were singular.
Devilyn.
His hands. His mouth. His smile. His touch.
I thought about the uncertain life ahead that awaited me. The one where I was destined to be without him and I stood up and got out of bed and made my decision. I needed one moment. Just one. Something to remember him by.
A moment that I could live in. One I could play over and over again in my head.
Thunder was crackling outside. But a stronger storm was moving inside of me.
I walked out of my room and made my way to Devilyn’s. I didn’t bother knocking. I knew where he would be. Standing on his balcony, looking out at the dark sky. As he always did.
And I wasn’t disappointed.
His defined and tanned back was to mine. Standing in darkness wearing only his pajama pants. Barefoot. Arms spread across the balcony railing.
He turned around the moment I stepped inside.
His eyes were locked with mine.
I wanted to look away.
Turn back.
But I couldn’t.
Devilyn didn’t say a word as I closed his door and locked it. He stood there. Waiting for me to come to him. Breathing hard. I couldn’t blame him for holding back. All I had done these past few days was push him away. As soon as I began moving toward him, he moved.
One step.
Two, but still maintaining his distance.
He knew what I wanted.
And I knew he wanted the same thing.
Whether he would act on it was another story.
We stayed like that for a while. Staring at one another. No words. Our eyes spoke volumes.
And just when I thought I lost the battle, his hands began to move across my chin, along my neck, reaching through my hair. I lifted my hands up his chest. Holding on to him, never wanting to let go.
“Why are you here?”
“You.”
I felt his hands move against my bare thighs, his fingers drawing circles on my skin, then slowly, he started to lift my nightgown up.
My heart was racing.
Even as the nightgown came up to my stomach, he never broke my gaze. I lifted my arms and the soft cotton cloth fell to the ground.
“Don’t go. Don’t ever go,” he said as ran his thumb like a soft feather across my lower lip.
No one had ever seen me like this before. Naked. Raw. But for some reason I didn’t feel shy with him.
It felt so natural.
Devilyn stepped toward me as his hand traced a line down my face, to my collarbone, then the side of my waist.
“You are so beautiful,” he told me.
I stared at his broad, bare chest in admiration. My hand moved on its own accord to touch the black symbol he had tattooed on his arm.
He was breathing just as heavily as I was.
“I’ve dreamt about this moment forever,” he told me. “You’re everything I could ever wish for and more.”
“I love you so mu—”
I wasn’t able to finish my sentence because Devilyn pulled me into his arms and his lips crashed into mine. His kiss was passionate and fierce. Like he was branding me as his forever. My arms curled up around his neck as he lifted me and carried me to the bed.
His lips never broke from mine as he gently lowered me onto the mattress.
“You mean the world to me,” he said against my mouth.
“I love you,” we said at the same time.
We were always destined for each other. For this. He was mine just as much as I was his.
• • •
I stirred a little in my sleep as a cool breeze in the room ran up my exposed legs. I didn’t want to wake up; my body was still humming in excitement from the night before. I never imagined I could feel such bliss. Devilyn had been considerate and gentle, but at the same time, he made me feel more alive than ever. An experience I would never ever forget.
I sat up in his bed and wasn’t surprised to find him sitting in a wingback chair facing the bed.
Just watching me.
I smiled at him, waiting for him to say something sweet and loving in return, but disappointment struck me moments later.
“I can’t take back anything that happened last night. But I wish I could because I don’t want to hurt you.”
He might as well have poured a gallon of ice water over my head. It wouldn’t have felt any more chilling. I stared back at him in shock, as I gathered the sheets and covered any part of my body that remained exposed. How could he say that? Especially after everything we shared? After something so beautiful?
I shook my anger aside. Even though what he was saying was awful to hear, I knew why he was so worried. He fought against us. Against me, even. But I didn’t want him to think that he had pushed what happened. It was my choice. And one I would willingly make again.
“Last night was incredible,” I said softly, hoping to ease any guilt he might feel. “I wanted that to happen. I wanted us to be together. How could you think that intimacy ever hurt me?”
“Because it’s never happening again,” he said.
Dagger.
Straight through the heart.
“After everything—” I began.
“No,” he said, rising from his chair. “It’s too dangerous. We can’t risk—”
I couldn�
��t take it anymore.
“What?” I practically shouted at him. “What can’t we risk?”
“You getting pregnant.”
His words took the wind out of my sails. I hadn’t even thought about that. Honestly, it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was so naive that I didn’t even think about protection. I could feel myself flush in embarrassment.
“You’re not,” he told me quietly.
“Not?” I asked uncertainly.
He shook his head.
“I would know,” he said.
“How?”
“I would feel our child’s soul,” his voice was rough with emotion.
And that was it.
When he said our child my heart shattered into a million pieces.
D
I wished the lightning outside would hit me and end my misery. With every crack of thunder my nerves shook. It was taking every ounce of self-control I had to not gather Caroline in my arms.
I’d gotten up and watched her for hours, memories of last night assaulting my mind. One moment after another. Her soft skin, her eyes as she looked at me, her hands above her head as she held onto mine. Her shiny, thick hair spread across the pillow beneath her.
Each moment with her had been everything I’d imagined. Her body and soul had been made for me. We fit perfectly.
The chemistry.
The love.
It was all there.
Nothing was missing between us.
“You would know that fast?” Caroline finally responded, bringing me back to reality.
She looked heart-wrenchingly beautiful, wrapped up in a white sheet, sitting in my bed. She looked so small and delicate but stunning, even more so now.
Caroline belonged in my bed.
By my side.
Next to me. For eternity.
“Yes,” I whispered.
Even the blush slowly creeping its way to her cheeks was adorable.
“I see,” she said. “I didn’t think that could—I mean, I just—”
I could hear the embarrassment in her voice so I rushed to alleviate it.
“I shouldn’t have been so irresponsible.”
She looked down at the sheets.
“Well then,” she finally broke the silence. “If you can just give me some privacy to—”
She was fumbling for words.
“Then I can go back to my room—”
Her face was bright red. I knew she was beyond mortified. I couldn’t let her go like that. Not when what we had shared was so special.
I walked over to the bed. The closer I got the more alive my body felt. I sat down next to her and cupped her cheek with my hand.
“I need you to look at me.”
Her gray eyes met mine.
“Do you know what you mean to me?” I asked her.
She nodded.
“I don’t think you do, Caroline,” I said softly. “Every time I see you I want to gather you into my arms. I want to run away from all of this with you and pretend that none of it exists. I want to live eternity and beyond with you. Just you. You are my soul.” The words felt as though they were being ripped from my heart.
Her eyes welled up with tears.
“And because of that,” I said. “Because of how precious you are to me. Of everything you mean to me—”
My voice broke when I saw the pain on her face. I couldn’t bear it any longer.
“Because of that,” I went on. “I cannot put your life in danger. I should never have—”
“Don’t say that.” Her voice was filled with sadness. “I wanted this to happen. I have from the moment I met you. So don’t apologize for something I wanted.”
“I should have known better,” I insisted.
“Stop.” I could hear the strength slowly coming back into her voice. “Maybe this was our fate as well. It is our destiny.”
• • •
Caroline’s words remained with me when I left her alone in my room, heading downstairs to make her coffee before school.
It is our destiny.
“Do you really think that was a good idea?”
I stopped and turned when I heard Tatiana’s comment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Please,” she rolled her eyes. “I saw Caroline sneak into your room last night. I came up to check in on her and make sure she was okay after that lunatic left, and I saw her.”
I stared at my sister in silence.
“Are you blushing?” she said with wide eyes then she laughed in glee. “Hell just froze over because my dearest brother is bright as a red rose.”
To my utter horror she walked up to me and squeezed one of my cheeks.
“Look at that,” she said with a smile. “You have feelings.”
“Just because I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve doesn’t mean that I don’t care.” I couldn’t keep the annoyance out of my voice.
“Of course not,” she replied. “But sometimes it’s just nice to see it on you. It makes you feel more human.”
I raised a brow. “Human? I thought you had a disdain for their race?”
Tatiana shrugged and flipped back her blonde hair. “I’ve come to appreciate certain qualities about them.”
“Let me guess.” I had to give her a teasing smile. “Qualities Teddy has?”
“Maybe.”
I laughed.
“What?” Tatiana said innocently. “He’s cute and just so, so nice.”
“I’m glad to see you this way,” I admitted. “Makes you seem less Fae and more accepting.”
“Who would have thought,” she said, her tone disbelieving.
“What?”
“You and I actually sharing a laugh and talking.”
“Maybe we’re getting older and wiser,” I said.
“Or maybe we’re realizing how precious life is,” she replied.
We were both silent.
“I’m going to go and make Caroline a coffee, you want one?” I asked.
“Make?” she sounded horrified.
I shrugged.
“Why not?”
I started to walk past her but she stopped me again.
“You didn’t answer my question, brother,” she said.
“Was it a question?”
“She’s innocent,” Tatiana told me. “And if possible, she will be more in love with you now than she was before. But then what, brother?” Tatiana asked. “When you leave and disappear, as I know you plan on doing, what happens to her?”
I was silent.
“Shall I tell you?” she asked. “Only memories, Devilyn,” she whispered sadly. “Only sweet memories. And that might be a worse punishment, when no one else will ever live up to you.”
I knew she was right.
“I love you, Devilyn,” she told me softly. “But don’t let it happen again, unless you are ready and willing to deal with all the consequences that come with it.”
• • •
Caroline and Tatiana left for school together as I intentionally stayed in my room, taking my time getting ready. As the water came crashing down around me in the shower, I thought about what Tatiana said. She was right. About everything. The only thing she didn’t realize was that just as Caroline would mourn losing me, I would mourn losing her.
We were bound together for eternity.
We would always feel each other.
And what Caroline didn’t realize was that since our union had been consummated, the magikal boundary she had placed between us was gone. I would once again know her thoughts, but I didn’t want her to know anything just yet. It gave me some peace of mind to know where she was, and if she was safe. I promised myself that I would respect her privacy and try not to read all of her thoughts, but it felt right not having a block between us.
I finished getting ready for school, grabbed my backpack, and headed out the front door, thankful that Odin was not home.
He would know.
Maybe he did already, and that was why
he was nowhere to be found. He was probably saving me the embarrassment of having to explain myself.
I heard a bark just as I opened the front door and turned to see Famous on the steps in the middle of the stairwell staring at me.
“Good boy,” I said to him with a small smile.
He actually showed me his teeth.
Even the dog thinks you’re an idiot.
I knew he was judging. Hell, I was judging myself.
“That’s enough,” I told him sternly then, “you need a companion.”
His furry head tilted to the side like he was disagreeing with me. In his mind, Caroline was his companion.
I tried not to roll my eyes and offend him.
“See you in the afternoon,” I said before leaving.
I was in a fog for the entire drive to the school. My mind was completely focused on Caroline. When I pulled into the Manteo High parking lot, I didn’t even remember getting there.
I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t notice Rowan striding toward me in rage. He was able to get the first punch in before I had even registered he was there.
I flew back against the pavement.
“You bastard!” he yelled, picking me up by the collar of my shirt.
He was about to punch me again, but I moved my head to the side and punched him in his ribs.
“How could you?!” Rowan screamed. “Who do you think you are?!”
His words infuriated me.
In a moment, he tackled me around the waist and we flew through the air. Deep into the forest we went, far away from any prying eyes of the students, until we were finally alone and all our fury was unleashed.
I threw myself on him and pummeled him to the ground. I punched him in the face and he hit me back hard.
“How dare you!” My roar was loud enough to shake the trees to life.
It took only a moment and they changed form. Their faces moved out of the bark and they stared at us as we fought one another.
My eyes lit up and I hit him with a ball of dark energy. He retaliated by blasting me with some of his own, but it wasn’t nearly as powerful as mine.
“You son of a bitch!” Rowan screamed. “How could you?”
I hit him again with another dark blast and I watched his body crumble to the ground. He was hunched over in pain, but he stumbled to get up.
“She’s mine!” I told him as a dark fire burned through my veins. “Mine. And she will belong to me for all of eternity!”