by Jayne Rylon
“I know you’re going to hate this…” Jase winced. “But you were one of those children, too, Gabriel. They may never have laid a hand on you, but still, these people raised you. They groomed you when your mind was impressionable. You never really had a choice. So cut yourself a break.”
Gabriel reflexively rejected that revelation for a moment, until it sank in that Jase was one-hundred percent right. The things he’d been taught formed a foundation that even now he couldn’t fully see. He’d had to tear himself down, smash himself into rubble before he could begin to rebuild.
Ian added his two cents to the silence, which was growing long enough to be somewhat awkward. What did they expect when they’d help him strip back even more layers? “Don’t let the old you keep the new you from being completely happy. You’ve already sacrificed too much to half-ass this now. Go get what you really want. Show Everly who you are, and either that works for her or it doesn’t. But you’ll both know, so you can either take things to the next level or find someone who accepts you as you are. Because despite what you’ve said, you’re wrong. You deserve to be loved. Everyone does.”
“How’d you get so damn smart?” Casey crossed to Ian and swooped in for a kiss that would have made Gabriel uncomfortable a week ago. Today it only made him miss Everly. “It took me a while to figure that shit out.” She shook her head as if in apology to one of the loves of her life.
Jase turned to Gabriel then. “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Don’t let Everly go because you think there’s something wrong with the way you’re made. By some miracle, it could be that what you want and what she needs are exactly the same thing.”
“All I really want is her.” Gabriel gripped the countertop hard enough to turn his knuckles white. “I’ll do anything, be anything, she wants to have her.”
“What I’m saying is if it’s right, all you need to do is be true to yourself,” Casey reminded him. It would take a while to keep from falling into old habits. “And I have a super good feeling that you two were meant to find each other.”
“I’m not sure I believe in destiny or divine guidance anymore, but maybe I finally just got lucky.” Gabriel smiled. “Thank you. All of you. I’d better get going if I’m going to be ready to do this when she gets off work.”
“Either way we’ve got plenty of cake. So come by after and let us know if it’s for a celebration or to drown your sorrows.” Casey held up her hands and crossed her fingers.
Gabriel nodded. “I’ll do that. I hope you’re right. Thanks, seriously.”
“We’ve always got your back,” she told him. “I’m betting you’ll have Everly with you when you stop by for a midnight snack.”
“I hope you’re right.” He shook the hand Jase held out to him before tugging his neighbor into a one-armed man hug.
“It gives us a lot of comfort knowing you’re here on the nights we’re out working. I know you’d do anything to protect Casey and she knows she can trust you,” Ian said quietly. “If you were really the man you’re afraid you are, that wouldn’t be the case.”
Their high opinion did a lot to boost Gabriel’s confidence. That was good. Because he was going to need a ton to take the next step on his journey to reclaim his life and live it on his own terms. Hopefully, with Everly by his side.
9
Everly knocked quietly, then let herself in to Gabriel’s apartment. Whether he wanted to talk or not, she had a few things she had to get off her chest. Only then would she leave it to him to decide if he truly planned to push her away so he could wallow in his self-pity again.
If he did, it would be for good this time.
She had some pride, damn it. Intentionally or not, he shredded it each time he refused to see that she was capable of helping him tame his demons. What if he could never break free of the traps the church had set in his mind to control him?
Her breath caught in her chest when she noticed him standing with his hands at head height, palms flat on the wall of glass. He stared out at the world, as if he didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the mere mortals below him.
The sunset flared, setting the sky on fire. It limned him in a blaze of light. Though she’d never been a religious person, she might have believed he could be some sort of avenging angel right then.
“Gabriel.” She approached him cautiously from behind, practically tiptoeing into his personal space. Tension crackled around them. Something had changed. The man in front of her was not the damaged one she’d come to know over the past few months or the tentative one she’d introduced to physical intimacy this past week.
He was formidable, righteous, reborn with a core of steel that hadn’t bent despite being subjected to enormous pressures. She should probably be wary. Instead, she was drawn to him, unable to stay away.
From the couch, Goliath looked up at her without lifting his massive head. His forlorn expression hit her. Even the dog knew a storm was brewing.
Could she divert Gabriel from the destructive spiral he’d been sliding down and embrace whatever this emerging side of him was? She wanted to do that more than she’d wanted to graduate at the top of her class or be the youngest manager in the 150-year history of Beekman Place.
Saving him had become her mission. Now it finally looked as if he might be ready to save himself. Where would that leave them?
Gabriel didn’t respond when she called out to him.
He didn’t budge.
So she crept closer, until she could wrap her arms around his waist and rest her cheek between his shoulder blades. The sculpted back she had admired so often recently impressed her and reminded her that he wasn’t as vulnerable as he sometimes seemed.
“Hey, I’m here.” Would that make him feel any better?
“For the first time…I think I am, too,” he rasped.
“I get that you have a lot to work through still. Maybe even more after the things we’ve done this week. It’s going to take time and there will be setbacks. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. And I’d like to make your life better, not more painful. So if you need me to go, to back off, so you can sort things out on your own…” She began to peel her fingers from his abdomen, one by one.
Until his hand flashed downward and covered hers completely.
“I don’t want you to leave.” He whipped around, and dropped his head until he spoke nearly against her lips. She shivered. “But I understand if you do. Being with you, experimenting, it’s unlocked a lot of desires I didn’t even know I had. I don’t think they’re going to disappear any time soon now that they’re unleashed. I’m not sure that’s really what you planned to sign up for. Dealing with the darker parts of me not only for a wild night or two but all the time. Forever.”
“Fuck that. You don’t get to decide what I’m into. Can’t you see I love all of you, Gabriel?” Uh oh. How had that slipped past the lock she’d put on her heart and right out of her mouth? Jeez. Now he was going to wall himself off for sure. “I respect you. I’m attracted to you, too. But it aggravates me when you either don’t see what I see when I look at you or you think I’m not strong enough to handle it.”
“Stop right there.” He gripped her tighter, his hand snaking around to the back of her neck and sending tingles down her spine. “I never thought you were weak. I don’t think that.”
“Then you understand that I want to be the person to help you discover who you really are. Deep down. Under the scars and the robes you’ve had to hide them beneath all your life. Show me, Gabriel. I can handle it. I can handle you. In fact, I need you.”
“I pray you’re right. Because I can’t resist temptation any longer. If you stay, we’ll find out together what I’m capable of when I quit holding back.”
Instead of responding, Everly wrenched from his hold long enough to begin undoing the buttons of her blouse. Gabriel made a harsh sound in his throat, raw enough to draw a whimper from Goliath.
When she turned her head to reassure the dog that e
verything was fine, Gabriel pounced. He grabbed her wrist and swapped their positions, pressing her face-first against the glass. He tucked his fingers in the partially opened neckline of her shirt and yanked, scattering buttons so that they pinged off the window in every direction before he smooshed her back into place.
The shock of the cool, smooth, hard surface against her breasts, even through her thin lace bra, and the rest of her torso made her gasp. She attempted to shift away from the shocking contact, but Gabriel stopped her with a single firm touch on her shoulder along with a growled warning.
“Stay where I put you.”
She did as he instructed while he removed her skirt and underwear but left her heels. He did seem to have a thing for them. Everly made a mental note to buy even taller ones next time. Subconsciously, she shifted from foot to foot.
Gabriel didn’t miss her small movement. His open palm landed on her bare ass with a spank that reverberated through the penthouse, standing her nerves at attention. Who the hell was this guy and what had he done with her sweet, sad Gabriel?
She had no idea, but she decided she liked him.
A lot.
The distinct sound of a zipper being undone with a single yank caught her attention. She didn’t make the mistake of trying to peek over her shoulder at Gabriel as he freed his cock from his jeans. Instead, she stood and waited for him to give it to her, when he was ready.
Lord knew she was. The glow of his palm on her ass had guaranteed that.
“What are you thinking, Everly?”
“That I wish you’d save the talking for later.”
He spanked her again, this time on the other cheek. “That’s not very nice.”
“I need you,” she blurted. “You’re not going to leave me like this, are you? Hurry.”
He chuckled. The rich, deep sound thrilled her. “Last night I realized something about myself. I’m a little bit of an asshole. I can attest that waiting won’t kill you. It’ll only make you hungrier when you get what you want.”
She started to object, but he silenced her with another slap on her ass.
This one was followed by his foot nudging hers wider apart and then the blunt head of his cock, which spread her as it invaded her pussy in a single, deep thrust. She’d never been so glad she was on birth control as she was at that moment. Stopping him even long enough to put a condom on would have killed her. Waiting to discuss the situation with him, when he obviously hadn’t even realized the potential repercussions of his actions due to his history…just…no.
Fuck now, talk later.
Gabriel pinned her to the window with his body. It plastered against her from head to toe.
She loved being sandwiched between him and the glass. Let everyone watch, she didn’t give a shit. Then they would know, like she did, what perfect counterparts they were.
“I’m not joking, Everly. I’m possessive. I want you to myself. Is that going to be a problem? If I make you mine and only mine? No more sharing.”
She moaned. “Not as long as you keep fucking me like that.”
“Of course I will.” He leaned and nipped her ear before whispering into it. “Because you have all of me, too. Unconditionally. Fair’s fair, after all.”
Everly’s thighs quivered. If he hadn’t been holding her in place, she might have slid to the floor. No chance he was letting her go anywhere now unless it was lower on his cock.
“Yes. Gabriel, yes.” She sank the slightest bit, sheathing him completely. “I love it when you embrace your inner sinner.”
Could she have been attracted to the parts of him he’d tried so desperately to hide from her all this time? How was that possible?
He wasn’t about to stop and wonder right then.
Couldn’t. Because everything in him compelled him to fuck. To mate with her in every sense of the word. He wanted to be her partner. In bed and in life.
Gabriel curled his toes in the carpet and began to thrust. He wedged his hands between her breasts and the glass so he could squeeze her breasts, letting them overflow his palms.
He didn’t try to stifle the animalistic sounds he made as he drove up into her again and again. Especially not when she responded in kind.
It didn’t take long before her pussy was sucking at his dick, trying to lure him into ending their session early. Before he could withdraw and find a way to amuse himself while he backed away from the edge, she shrieked.
Gabriel didn’t know what possessed him then, but he leaned down and sucked on the sensitive spot he’d discovered on her neck the night before. The instant he did, she lost it.
Everly thrashed against the glass, trying to climb it or fly or who knew what. All she did was manage to impale herself repeatedly on his cock, enhancing her sudden orgasm.
Gabriel was glad he’d jacked off several times before she was due to get off work. Otherwise he probably would have fallen over the edge into rapture with her.
This way was far more fun.
He lifted her into his arms but didn’t make it farther than the kitchen before he felt the undeniable compulsion to be joined with her again. So he bent her over the kitchen counter and pinned her wrists in the small of her back. They made an excellent grip. He anchored her with them as he rode her to a second, if weaker, release.
“Gabriel? What is this? What’s gotten into you?” She sounded dazed, but not afraid. Surprised, but not disgusted.
“You have. Let’s go.” He spun her around and lifted her again, cupping her ass. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, hugging him as he carried her a little farther into his lair. He had to stop again, several times, to feel her pussy clasping him, urging him deeper, reassuring him that she found him attractive no matter how nasty he got with her.
Against the hallway wall. Up the stairs. And even once on the floor of the sitting room in his master suite. He couldn’t seem to make it as far as the bed before plunging back inside her and using his cock, his hands, and his dirty words to undo her further.
When he finally did get her to his bed, he was at his limit. Breaks or no breaks, he was going to come inside her this time. Instead of letting her ride him, or making love to her face-to-face—slowly, gently—he arranged her on her hands and knees.
Face down, ass up, she tempted him beyond restraint.
Gabriel mounted her and sank balls-deep.
She shouted his name as she rocked back against him. He wrapped his fist in her hair and angled her head so he could carefully read her expression as he took them somewhere he’d never been. It was a place he’d love to visit often. A place where he was powerful. A place where his desire brought Everly unfathomable pleasure. A place where nothing mattered except the slap of their bodies meeting over and over. Coming together.
He put one hand on her lower back to keep her in place while the other snaked around beneath her to rub her pussy and feel the place where he disappeared into her. He was getting close, and this time, today especially, he needed her to shatter with him.
His middle finger hadn’t made very many circles around her clit before she began to chant his name. Her body gathered around him.
When she trembled, about to come on his pounding cock, he pressed the thumb of his hand on her back against her asshole. All that porn-watching he’d done earlier after following Colton’s emailed recommendations seemed to pay off when she came. The epic orgasm rattled her from toes to teeth.
She quaked around him, squeezing violently until he had no chance at resistance.
Gabriel threw back his head and roared. He gave Everly every bit of his cock, his come, and his heart. He hoped she understood the fierce release she’d driven him to wasn’t only about sex. She’d freed him from the shackles he’d put on himself and he planned to repay her for it every day of his life.
With the frantic energy leeching out of him, he sagged, blanketing Everly’s back. He nuzzled her nape and memorized the smell of her along with the way he felt in that single blindingly euphoric moment.
Gabriel freed himself from her body, making them both groan. Then he gathered her into his arms and sat, cradling her in his lap. “Are you okay, Everly?”
She nodded, though her lower lip wobbled. “If you dare to apologize right now I’m going to go nuts on you. Don’t ruin it, Gabriel. Please. It was the best sex of my life.”
“Mine, too,” he said with a wry grin.
Everly lost it. She cracked up until her eyes shined with love and laughter and bone-deep contentment. Eventually she settled, staring up at him with wonder before snuggling up against his chest with a sigh.
“What was that look for?” he wondered. At least it wasn’t one of abject horror.
“It’s just like I’m meeting you for the first time.” She ran her hands over his chest then down his arms in a repetitive pattern that lulled him. “The you I always sensed was there.”
“Me, too. I still need to do a lot of soul searching. About my faith and what I believe in. About the universe and what sort of higher power might exist, if any. Most especially about how I can keep doing the sort of work I thought I was doing before, helping people overcome whatever their challenges are in this life. Now that I have practically unlimited resources, I should be able to do something meaningful with them. Maybe put together a refuge program for people fleeing cults or those recovering from abuse. Anything that might make up in some small way for damage I might have been complicit in causing.”
“Those all sound like amazing ideas.” Everly’s nose twitched as if she was trying not to burst into sobs. “This is the first time I’ve heard you talking about moving forward. I’m proud of you, Gabriel. It won’t be easy, but you’re going to get there. You’ll figure this out.”
“I’ll tell you one thing I still believe in without reservation.” He brushed aside a wisp of her hair to press a gentle kiss to her forehead.