by Sophie Stern
“What is it?” Georgia takes my hand. Her face is gentle. She looks concerned – really concerned – and I think she just realized that my problem goes deeper than being an alcoholic or being pregnant.
“It’s bad,” I whisper. Oh fuck. I can’t even bring myself to say it. What am I going to do? He’s lost and Savannah is going to kill me. Carter was only recently reunited with his son, anyway. He’s going to kill me, too, and then he’s going to forbid me from seeing my sister.
And suddenly, the entire world seems like it’s crushing me and I can’t handle any of it.
Without another word, I shift, tearing my clothes, shredding them in the process. Then, ignoring the shocked look on Georgia’s face, I run away like the coward I am.
***
It’s been a long time since I lost control. It’s been a long time since I shifted like this and was unable to take care of myself long enough to get it together. It’s been a long time since I felt myself change, but wasn’t able to stop it.
It’s been a long time.
After Mom and Dad died, the police came to tell us what happened. They brought a social worker who promised that everything would be okay. Eventually, she said, and over time. Eventually, things would calm down. Eventually, we would get through this. She said she would come visit us if we ever needed to talk, but I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to be visited.
I just wanted my parents back.
I always thought Savannah handled things better than me. Me? I’ve always been scared of strangers. It’s not as bad as when I was a kid. That’s part of the reason I started working at Bumble’s: I wanted to learn how to get over my social anxiety. Not everyone is out to get me. Not everyone wants to hurt me.
I get that, at least on an intellectual level.
On an emotional level?
I’m thirty shades of messed up and that’s putting it gently. I’m still so scared of messing up, of making mistakes, of losing Alex.
Fuck, I’m scared of losing Alex.
It’s horrible because I only just “got” him. Before he whispered those precious words, we were just fuck buddies. We were just friends who occasionally slept together. We were just two people who wanted to have a good time, who enjoyed each other’s company.
Now all of that has changed, but I haven’t. I’m still the same messed up girl I’ve always been. I’m still damaged and broken and make horrible mistakes, and now I’ve done the worst thing of all.
I’ve lost Colby.
I don’t even know where to start looking for him. I don’t know what to do or where he could be or what I should do, so I start to run. I race away from Georgia even as she calls my name. The woods are nearby. I’ll go there and calm down, and then I’ll come back. Then I’ll come back and we’ll figure something out. I just need a minute. I just need to calm down.
So I run.
I’m so focused on getting away from Georgia, on getting away from people, that I don’t see the blur coming at me until it’s too late. The jaguar tackles me easily from the side and we tumble together. I swipe at him with a paw, but he’s got the advantage, and there’s no doubt in my mind which jaguar this is.
Alex.
He’s come for me.
He pins me easily because I’m upset and I can’t really think straight when I’m upset. He pins me and growls at me and I squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe he’ll go away. Maybe he’ll just go away because I am completely freaking out. Maybe now he’ll see what a mess I am.
Maybe now he’ll see how unlovable I really am.
Only he doesn’t leave. Instead, Alex starts to nuzzle me. He starts to nuzzle me and then he starts to purr loudly and something about it brings me back to the surface. I shift back to myself. Alex climbs off me but doesn’t shift back. Not just yet. Instead, he stays there, purring, and I wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so scared,” I whisper. I start to cry against him and he just lets me. He just stays there and lets me cry and cry, and something about the moment is so therapeutic to me. He’s not going to say anything back because he’s a cat. He’s not going to do anything but let me cry because he loves me, even now.
My pregnancy hormones might be making me crazy, but maybe I was a little bit crazy before. More importantly, maybe that’s okay. Maybe everything’s going to be okay.
Alex shifts back and presses his lips to my forehead, then he slowly kisses away all of my tears.
“Where could he be?” I whisper. I’m still teary-eyed, but I’m not sobbing anymore, and that has to count for something. “Where did he go?”
“We found him, baby,” Alex says.
“What? Where? Where did he go? Is he okay? What happened?”
He cuts off my questions with a kiss, silencing me. He rescues me from myself with that kiss. He gives me a few seconds to just feel and not to think.
“He saw a magician with balloons and wanted one. When he came back, we were gone, so he just stayed there until I came back. Apparently, Savannah and Carter talked with him about what to do if he ever got lost.”
I sigh audibly. So he went back to where he last saw us and he waited. He had it under control. Colby, a little kid, a sweet little shifter cub, had it under control the whole time, but I didn’t.
“It’s not a big deal, baby. I knew he wouldn’t have gone far, but you really got scared. You want to tell me why?”
I shake my head, but Alex’s eyes narrow.
“No more of that, now. No more hiding,” he insists. “I want to be with you, Selena. I want to be with you and love you, baby, but you have to let me in. You can’t run away when it gets hard. You can’t be scared of me, of us. We’re all scared sometimes, but you’re never going to be scared that I’ll leave you because that just won’t happen, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper, slowly nodding. “Okay.”
“Why did you run, baby?”
“I thought I messed up. I completely freaked out. I started to look for him, but then everything hit me at once and I couldn’t even see straight. I just got sick.”
Alex strokes my hair and watches me, as if he’s waiting for me to say something else, as if he’s waiting for me to say more.
“There are going to be many times when we’re scared,” he says. “When we’re both scared.” Then he rests his hands on my belly and just looks at it. His hands are right over the baby and that’s when I know he knows. That’s when I realize he already knows I’m pregnant and he loves me anyway.
“You…you know.” I manage to stutter out. “How? I mean…how?”
He chuckles and kisses me.
“I wish you had told me, princess, but yeah, I kind of figured it out with all of your barfing.”
“Oh,” I whisper. “You aren’t mad,” I shouldn’t be shocked, but when I say it, Alex almost looks hurt.
“Of course I’m not mad, Selena. I love you.” He kisses my belly then and looks up at me with those big kitty eyes. “And I’m going to love our baby. I can’t wait to start a family with you, princess. You have no idea how happy this makes me.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Chapter 14
Alex
By the time Selena calms down, the parade is long over and I’m sure Jason is getting a bit tired of watching Colby. I feel a little bad leaving the cub with him, but Jason is a good guy. He’s a cat, like me, which means I’m more likely to trust him. Even though most of the shifters in Honeypot are good people, there are always a couple of bad apples and it’s always best to be careful.
“What do you say, sweetheart?” I pull her to her feet. “Why don’t we find you something smashing to wear?”
She giggles. The sound of her laughter fills the air and my heart. We head back to where the parade was and, to my relief, Georgia is there with a couple of blankets.
“Sorry it’s not clothing,” she shrugs. “It’s what I had in my car.”
“It’s perfect.” I wrap a blanket around Selena first, then cover myse
lf. “Thank you. We both really appreciate it.”
“No problem,” Georgia gives an easy smile. I only have eyes for Selena, but even I can see that Georgia is cute and sweet. She’ll make some lucky shifter a good mate someday. I hope she finds someone the way I’ve found Selena. Somehow, life seems a lot less unbearable when you have someone to share it with.
Jason comes over with Colby who starts laughing when he sees us.
“What happened to your clothes, Alex?”
“Lost ‘em, buddy.”
“How do you lose your clothes?” Colby looks suspicious. “Was it a thief?”
“No, we shifted without changing them first,” Selena says with a blush. Colby just starts laughing.
“Don’t worry,” he says. He leans close and stage-whispers to Selena. “Banana says that’s a normal part of pooberky. It happens to everyone sometimes.” I start laughing, but Colby is very serious as he nods again. “Completely normal,” he repeats.
“Thanks, kiddo. I appreciate that.”
“Everything all right now?” Jason asks, looking from me to Colby to Alex. “Everyone feeling okay?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I think we’ve got everything sorted out. Thanks for helping with Colby.” I glance at the cub who is sitting on the ground playing with a stick in the dirt now, completely oblivious to anything but having a good time. That’s how childhood should be.
“Anytime, brother.” He slaps me on the back. “What are friends for?” Then he turns to Selena. “Sure you’re all right, doll? You looked pretty sick there for a second.”
“I’m fine,” she whispers. “Just got a bit overwhelmed.”
“She’s pregnant,” I blurt out loudly, and when her eyes go wide, I just laugh. “Baby, I can’t wait until the whole world knows you’re mine.”
“Is he for real?” Georgia grins and wraps Selena in a hug. “For serious? Congratulations, sweetie!” She places a hand on Selena’s flat tummy and begins to rub. “Sweet little shifter,” she whispers. “Sweet little darling.”
“The baby can’t hear you yet,” Selena says, but Georgia just smiles sadly.
“I know, sweetie, but it doesn’t hurt to let them know they’re loved, even now. You’re going to be a great mother, you know.”
“You mean that?” Selena tears up now, and she and Georgia start hugging.
“You’re going to be the best,” she whispers to Selena. “You’ve got this.”
***
When we get back to the ranch, it’s almost dinnertime. We make sandwiches and eat on the porch while we watch the sun set.
“It’s so quiet without any guests this weekend,” Selena comments, looking out at the guest cabins.
“I like it,” I say. “It’s great the Blairs have been able to grow their business, but I miss the days when it was quiet.”
“The cabins are usually filled, aren’t they?”
“Almost always. We get a lot of shifters and humans alike who want to stay here, especially since the motel in town hasn’t reopened yet.”
“They started that remodel so long ago,” she comments.
It’s true. It’s been a long time, but Bev has had one problem after another with her damn property. She’s actually been thinking about selling it, but very few people in town know about that. She’s getting older and closer to retirement, so at this point, she’s been trying to decide if the motel is worth sinking more money into.
I’m not sure what I would do if I were her, honestly. I don’t envy the position she’s in. Bev has loved that motel and it’s given her a great chance to get to meet new people and get involved in the community. Contrary to popular opinion, the motel isn’t just for people who are getting a little something extra on the side. It’s not just a place people hide from their mates.
I’m sure that happens, too, and Bev is discreet, but she likes when people with kids visit town or when couples spend their honeymoons in Honeypot. She likes getting to be a part of something.
I hope that if she does sell, the new owner will give her place the respect it deserves.
“Can we have a fire?” Colby asks.
“Yeah, can we?” Selena smiles at me, fluttering her soft eyelashes. “I know we’ve had a lot of excitement today, but it could be fun. I got marshmallows at the store and I think Savannah has some chocolate hidden in the kitchen.”
“If she doesn’t, I’m guessing Hope does.” The Blair wives always have chocolate around. They don’t mess around when it comes to their sweet treats.
Selena runs inside and then it’s just me and Colby on the porch.
“Are you having a good weekend?” I ask him.
“Yep.”
“What’s your favorite part been so far?”
“I liked the parade. Not getting lost. Just the parade.”
“You did a good job staying calm today,” I comment.
“Thanks.”
A cat wanders up and jumps into Colby’s lap. He hugs the little feline and wraps his arms around it.
“I miss my mom and dad,” Colby comments. “When are they coming home?”
“Soon, buddy,” I say. “Real soon. In fact, they might be back before lunch tomorrow.” Savannah said not to expect them before dinner, but I know a mama bear and her cub. There’s no way she’ll be able to stay away from Colby that long, especially with another cub on the way. She and Carter are going to have a sweet, gorgeous little cub and I can’t help but feel happy for them. It’s going to be so amazing to see Savannah and Selena pregnant at the same time. They’re going to get to have their babies together and they’re going to be able to raise them together.
And I’m going to be there.
I’m going to be a part of this with her.
“I’m going to be a daddy,” I whisper, but Colby looks up at me immediately.
“Really?” He says. He looks at my tummy. “You don’t look like it.”
Chapter 15
Selena
By the time Colby is in bed, Alex and I are both exhausted. He shuts the door to the cub’s room and comes back into Carter and Savannah’s suite. Personally, I want to collapse on the bed and pass out, but he takes my hand and leads me out of the room.
“Come on,” he whispers once we’re in the hallway. “Let’s go make some tea.”
“Is that what you kids are calling it these days?” I joke, but he smiles brightly, showing me his perfectly white teeth, and guides me down the stairs.
“We can call it whatever you like, princess, but let’s get you something to help you relax.”
“The only thing that relaxes me is rum.” We reach the bottom of the stairs and I turn to look at him. Damn, if he isn’t the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. His hair is short and his smile is easygoing. His eyes are bright and his jaw is chiseled and sharp.
Alex makes me forget, for a little while, about all the bad shit I’ve gone through in my life. Alex makes me forget that sometimes, I feel completely alone. Alex makes me forget that for so long, I didn’t have anyone but myself to rely on.
Alex makes me feel alive for the first time in a very long time.
And he makes me feel beautiful.
“You can have rum in a few months,” he answers smoothly. “Until then, I’ll just have to help you find other ways to relax.” He pushes a strand of hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear. I know I’m a hot mess right now, but it was a long day. It was such a long day.
I don’t want to think about it too much or I might break down and cry, and I definitely don’t want to spend our last night in the big ranch house crying. I want to spend it feeling loved and making Alex feel loved. I want to spend it being content. I want to spend it feeling happy.
“What do you have in mind?”
“Oh, I was thinking something like this.” He pushes me against the wall and starts kissing my neck. At the same time, he runs his hands over my breasts, squeezing them softly.
I’m instantly wet.
I’m instan
tly completely turned on and I want more.
“Holy dragons,” I groan. “Good idea, baby.” Alex’s hands dance on my waist before returning to my breasts. He kisses both sides of my neck, gliding his tongue up and down. My entire body tingles. My entire body feels like it’s on fire. My entire body feels like it might explode if he doesn’t keep touching me.
Oh, I need him to keep touching me.
I’m afraid he’s teasing me, that he’s going to stop. I’m afraid he’s torturing me with sweet kisses and arousal and then he’s going to pull away and we’re actually going to drink tea.
“Stop thinking,” he whispers, and bites my ear.
“Hey, that hurts,” I say, but my voice still comes out deep and husky. I’m still dripping with arousal and excitement. I’m still dripping with anticipation.
“Good,” he whispers, and he nips me again. I thrust my hips forward against his and immediately feel the effect this is having on him.
“You like me horny,” I say.
“I like you everything.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I like you horny. I like you needy and ready and wet for me. I like your pussy aching because I’ve been fucking you so hard. I like your pussy aching because it needs me.”
“Fuck, Alex.” My hands are on his ass now and I pull him closer to me. His lips cover mine in a deep, passionate kiss. He slides his tongue over my lips before slipping back inside of me, before making me melt even deeper against him.
“I need you, baby. I need you every fucking day and don’t you ever doubt that.”
“I need you, too.”
I couldn’t do this without him.
I couldn’t face the world without him by my side. He makes things so much better for me, so much brighter. He makes my world sparkle and shine and glow. He makes me feel like no matter what happens, I’ll be okay because he’s always going to be there for me. He’s always going to be by my side.