“Because…” he continued as her words died out, as she had no idea what excuse she could offer. Only, she then heard him push back his own coverings and walk toward her, the floorboards creaking under his footsteps. As he slowly sat down next to her on the bed, her body rolled toward his weight on the uneven mattress.
“Because I am lonely,” she finished, and he stayed where he was, sitting upright next to her.
“I am happy to provide you company,” he said. “Always. Is there anything of which you would like to speak?”
She shook her head, but then realized that he couldn’t see her in the dim light, with only the slightest bit of embers from the fire remaining with the room.
“I actually have no wish to discuss anything,” she said. “It is rather… I just want to be close. To you.”
He bent down closer toward her. “Is it me you want, or are you lonely for any companionship?”
“Only yours,” she whispered, and she could sense him hovering above her—so close, and yet the inch between them could have been a mile. Should she take this next step, knowing she could lose her heart in the process?
Her body decided for her, as she leaned up, meeting his lips, and the same shock that had coursed through her the previous times they had done so began once again. This kiss, however, was urgent, wanting, needing, a promise of more to come.
He bent over top of her, his elbows coming to rest on the pillow around her head, while she lifted her arms to encircle his neck, pulling him down even closer. She opened her mouth to him, shock coursing down to her very core when his tongue touched hers, expertly stroking, tasting, kneading. Oh, but this felt so right, their arms about each other, learning more of one another and all they held within.
“David,” she breathed when he broke the connection, though only to place his lips on one of her temples, then the other, and finally on the tip of her nose before he began working his way down. She tilted her head to the side to allow him better access to her neck, and when he reached the high neckline of her nightrail, she impatiently tried to move the material out of the way to allow him better access. Frustrated when she couldn’t do so, she removed her arms from his neck to reach down to pull the garment up over her head.
“Oh, Sarah,” he said with a groan as she threw it on the floor. “You shouldn’t have done that. For I’m not sure… I don’t know if I can ever stop once we go any further.”
“I don’t want you to,” she responded as she placed her arms back around his neck, the truth coming out before she even had time to think of it, to process it. Sarah always reacted according to what she felt, not what she thought, and she knew now with all certainty that nothing would ever feel as imperative as being with David Redmond did at this moment.
“I want to know what it’s like to feel you—all of you—to know you, inside and out,” she said, and he brought his forehead down to hers, their noses against one another as he tensed.
“You do know what you are asking?” he said, his voice husky. “Once we do this… there is no going back.”
“Then let’s go forward,” she said simply, not entirely knowing what she was saying, or of what was to come in their future, but needing this nevertheless.
Sarah could sense when he let go of whatever doubts were holding him back, and when he returned to her it was with an intense desire that nearly overwhelmed her with its passion. He kissed her with the urgency of a man starving for more, his raw, unbridled desire for her flowing from him into her, igniting her own passion for more.
“Please, David,” she said, not wanting to beg, but needing him to understand that she wanted him, more than she had ever wanted anything before in her life. What was to come afterward, she had no idea. But one thing Sarah knew was that never before had anyone treated her with such care, provided her such protection, nor given up so much of himself for her.
As he kissed her now, he filled his hands with her breasts, and she nearly arched up off the bed when he brushed his thumbs over her nipples. She knew everything about anatomy, of course. But no one had ever taught nor prepared her for how it might feel when certain aspects of her were touched in the way David touched her now. And then, through the fabric of her thin chemise, he brought his mouth down to her, and she cried out aloud at the sensations that rushed through her.
Suddenly she needed to feel his skin upon hers, to know what it would feel like for that light dusting of hair to brush up against her chest. She brought her hands to the buttons of his shirt, urgently pushing them through the loops. He made no move to help her but allowed her hands to go to work, until she was lifting the hem of his shirt, and he finally assisted her by drawing it up overhead, her chemise soon following suit.
When he came back down to her, Sarah could sense that he was holding back, but she wanted more, needed to feel his weight upon her.
“You won’t hurt me,” she whispered, knowing within her heart that the words were true. And then she could tell when he stopped thinking but gave into the emotions as well, for their kisses and their touches became all the more intense. His fingers ran down her body, over her ribcage, encircling her waist, before cupping her hip and then moving even lower still. She opened for him without even thinking, and when he found the place where she particularly longed for him, she groaned aloud. All of the sensations he was causing within her, from the warmth upon her breast to the smooth strokes of his fingertips, caused a release unlike anything she could ever describe to course through her, tremors rolling from their beginning point throughout her entire body.
And still, she needed more.
He was lying beside her now, still holding himself up and away from her. She reached out to find he still wore his breeches, though there was certainly a strain at the fall. She loosened the fastenings, and through ragged breathing, he managed, “Are you sure, love?”
“Yes,” she moaned, never more sure of anything in her entire life. He helped her with the breeches, springing free as he rid himself of them. He hesitated for only a moment before entering her, and together they gasped at the perfection of coming together.
The pain she had been expecting lasted for but a moment, and soon she was urging him on to move within her. Sarah knew everything about the act, but certainly not how exquisite the sensations with a man could be—or perhaps it was just this man. Of that, she wasn’t entirely sure.
“I cannot hold back much longer,” he said, his breath heavy.
All she could say was, “Then don’t,” and he freed himself from her before he finished. Sarah hadn’t even thought of such a thing, so hazy her mind had been amidst their passion.
Spent, they lay beside one another as they caught their breath. David reached an arm out around her, pulling her in close. As Sarah lay her head upon his bare chest, she wanted to stay awake, to revel in this moment and all that had just happened, but before another thought could flow through her mind, her eyes closed and she fell fast asleep.
Chapter Fifteen
David had been with many women before. Too many, he could admit even to himself. But it had always been for his own satisfaction. Not that he didn’t take their own into consideration. He had just never, in his life, woken up with a woman in the same bed. In his arms. And worried about how she had felt about their time together.
He bent his head to Sarah’s hair, closing his eyes within it, smelling the lemony freshness of her, feeling the tickle of its softness upon his face. The thing about it was, there was no other woman like her. Certainly not within England, which was why, he supposed, he had had to wait for one from America to find him.
Was she a woman with whom he could spend the rest of his life? For the first time ever, the notion of such a thing didn’t cause panic to race through him. He was still uneasy, yes, for he wondered if his current infatuation with her was something that could last forever. He was hard-pressed to consider that it could, but then the thought of her leaving, of being without her… was also more than he could bear.
; He lay there, staring up at the stained ceiling above him, visible through the dim light filtering through the clouded window. He chuckled to himself at the thought of bringing her home to meet his parents, wondering just what his father would say if he told him that he had, finally, found a woman to call his own—a woman with no title but that of an illegitimate birth, who was a healer from the Americas and currently living within leased rooms in Cheapside as she passed herself off as family of the nobility.
The explanation, even within his own head, sounded far worse than it actually was. Sarah was simply trying to find family, to find a connection, and she was doing the best she could within those circumstances.
She stirred on his chest, and instead of his typical rush to escape as fast as he possibly could, for the first time, David was looking forward to waking up with the woman who slept so soundly upon him.
Sarah blinked a few times as she pushed herself up from his chest, as though she wondered just what her head lay upon.
“Good morning,” he said, and she looked up at him in a daze.
“Good morning,” she responded, looking positively angelic with her hair in a halo around her head. “I’m sorry I fell asleep so quickly.”
“It’s fine,” he said with a smile. “I’m glad you did. You were exhausted.”
“Yes, well…” her cheeks turned bright pink as she smiled at him, a smile that brought him incredible satisfaction.
“Are you feeling well?”
“I am,” she said, and he wondered if her blush could deepen any further. “Thank you, for last night. For your help and for… for everything.”
“It was my pleasure,” he said with a grin, and she finally laughed, though he could tell she was not quite as uninhibited in the light of day.
“It looks quite bright out,” she said, though how she could tell through that excuse for a window, he had no idea, but then, she had far more experience within this room than he did.
“I should probably be going,” he said, though he wanted nothing more than to stay where he was, to make love to her once again. Would she welcome it? If he returned here tonight, what should he expect? But he couldn’t very well stay here all day, for then what would that mean for the two of them?
Everything he had ever thought about himself, about relationships, was in question now, all because of this woman. His desire to please her, to protect her, shocked him to his very core.
“I will help you find your father, Sarah,” he promised her as she moved off his chest to lie on the bed next to him. “I can promise you that.”
He continued to talk as he walked about the room, collecting his clothing and dressing to return home.
“I’ve narrowed down the areas of where his estate could be to a few within the country, based on what your mother told you of nearby fields and forests and what was growing. However, it is still quite a wide range of locations. I’m going to speak with Clarence today. I thought perhaps if we put our minds together, we might come up with additional ideas on where would be best to next search.”
He walked over to the basin in the corner, pouring water from the pail next to it into the bowl before splashing it upon his face to revive himself. He would change once more after he returned to his own rooms, but he needed to be somewhat respectable in case he encountered anyone he knew along the way.
He picked up the towel beside the bowl, wiped off his face, and then was about to replace it when something caught his eye. It was a ring, sitting within a dish beside the basin. He reached out, picking it up and turning it over between his fingers as he noted the crest within the black setting.
“What is this?” he asked, turning to show Sarah at what he was looking.
“It’s my ring,” she said, her face closing as she sat up in bed, drawing the sheet around herself, though he would have dearly liked to have seen what she looked like in the light of day. “My mother gave it to me. I believe it might have been my father’s.”
“Sarah!” he exclaimed. “This could be exactly what we are looking for—something to lead us to the man. Did you not think that this would be something of significance?”
She shrugged a delicate shoulder, though her eyes hardened ever so slightly at his admonishment and she looked down for a moment.
“I suppose I was being foolish. I just thought… if you knew I held onto such a thing, from a man who doesn’t even know I exist, you may think it silly. Besides, it’s just an insignificant design. Probably some trinket he gave my mother. I doubt it is actually worth anything.”
“This is more than a design,” he said, staring at it once more. “This is a family crest. This, Sarah, could be the answer. Can I hold onto it while I look further into it?” At her furrowed brow, he continued, “I promise I shall return it.”
“Of course,” she said, and he palmed it in his hand before slipping it onto his own finger, excited now to finally have a lead. He would share it with Clarence, he decided. Surely he would have some idea as to whom it belonged.
“I should be going, then,” he said, though he made no move toward the door, torn between needing to leave and the longing to stay here, with her, all day.
“Good day, David.”
After a moment of hesitation, he strode over to the bed, cupped a hand around the back of her head, and then kissed her long and hard, an unspoken reminder to her of all that had occurred between them the previous night, and a promise of what was to come.
For now that he had a taste of her, he didn’t think he would ever be satisfied with anything else. Though a part of him was aware that a woman like Sarah would expect more than a simple tryst between the two of them.
Could he make that leap? He had never thought it so before. But, perhaps, with her—perhaps he could.
*
Sarah remained where she was, trapped in her current position as she had no wish to reveal herself in the light of day, as she watched David walk out the door with one last glance over his shoulder toward her. She forced a smile onto her face and gave him a little wave to reassure him that she would be fine until his return.
The moment he shut the door and his footsteps retreated beyond it, she threw herself backward on the bed and flung an arm over her eyes.
What had she done?
She had made love with Mr. David Redmond, the most reputable rake in all of England, according to most within the noble set. If that had been all, however, she might not be so worried. For the fact was, it was the most indescribable, enjoyable moment of her life.
No, the problem was much more than that they had physically come together. It was that the connection she had been beginning to feel for him, the deep attachment that she had been determined to avoid, was now tightening, pulling them even closer together.
Sarah felt tears begin to prick her eyes at the hopelessness of the situation. What was she to do now? Continue to allow him into her bed, to the point where she would fall hopelessly in love with him? And then what? For surely she was not the type of woman he would ever marry. A man like David Redmond may not hold a title, but he remained the son of the Earl of Brentford, and was the closest of friends with a duke and a marquess, for goodness’ sake. He would not marry the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman, who had grown up in the wilds of America.
Besides that, even if he did go against what would surely be his parents’ wishes, how was she ever to trust him? He may be committed to her for now, but at some point, once he felt he had returned the favor of saving his life, he would find something new—perhaps even someone new—to catch his interest, and she would truly be left alone once more.
When he came back tonight, would he expect the same from her once more? At the thought of it, Sarah felt a shiver run through her, and instead of it being one of chagrin, it was actually the thrill of anticipation. She must remember, however, that besides all of that, she had no wish to remain here, in London, for any longer than she had to. And if she were to stay here for David, then this would become her home. And tha
t thought made her feel like one of the caged animals she had once seen when a strange act had made its way through London.
She must give up on all of this, she determined, and leave any thoughts of her father or David behind while she returned home. If David found nothing came of the crest upon the ring—and she truly didn’t believe anything would—then she would be gone. It was the only way she could survive.
*
Sarah’s idea to return as soon as possible, however, was soon thwarted by one simple invitation.
She was walking through Hyde Park with her friends, a circumstance that had now become rather rare, though at one point in time had been a familiar weekly occurrence.
Despite the fact that these women were the closest people in the world to her, Sarah’s heart was beating quickly as she continued to review the words in her mind—the words that would allow them to know that while she appreciated their friendship so very, very much, and would cherish it for the rest of her life, she was returning home. To America. To the familiar. And escaping all that London held.
Just as she took a breath, however, Phoebe began to speak.
“With the Season now coming to a close, we will be returning to the country,” she said, which at first strengthened Sarah’s resolve to leave. If her friends were no longer within London, as they had their own lives and their own schedules, then they truly would hardly even miss her. “We would love nothing more than for all of you to join us for a week!”
Sarah honed in on her words as Elizabeth and Julia enthusiastically agreed.
“It is the one weekend of the entire racing season that I do not believe we are otherwise occupied,” Julia said. “We would love to join you, I am sure, though I will speak with Eddie first.”
“As would we,” Elizabeth said with a warm smile. “In fact, I believe this is the first time in a long while that the four of us might be able to find time to be together, what with our schedules and time with the children.”
Sarah continued to look forward, her denial prepared, but it wouldn’t seem to cross her lips.
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