How to Break Your Own Heart

by Maggie Alderson

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said. ‘I was unbelievably stupid not to listen to you guys but, as Kiki said, it’s all ancient history. I’m just so pleased to see you now.’

  I leaned my head against his chest and just breathed for a while, feeling a sense of contentment that had been missing in my life since the last time I had been in that exact position. He put his arms more tightly around me, and I turned my head up to look at him again.

  His dark-blue eyes were gazing at me so tenderly through those funny old John Lennon glasses. I sighed deeply, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, as I realized he was just about to kiss me.

  At that moment, I heard what sounded like a fighter jet screeching around the corner into the tiny lane where the cottage was. Seconds later, car doors slammed and Sonny came running over to us, closely followed by Oliver.

  ‘Is it really true about Hermione?’ said Sonny. His beautiful face was all crumpled, and his eyes were full of tears.

  I nodded and felt my own eyes well up again. Sonny flung his arms around me and sobbed on to my shoulder. Joseph stepped discreetly back.

  ‘I never got to say goodbye to her,’ said Sonny, as I patted his back. ‘I never got to thank her. I just pissed off to London…’

  ‘It’s all right, Sonny,’ I said. ‘She was thrilled that things were going so well for you.’

  He straightened up again and looked at me, tears streaking his cheeks. ‘I’m so glad you were here,’ he said, wiping his nose on the back of his hand and taking a couple of gulpy breaths. ‘I’m going to look at her garden.’

  He ran off in the direction of Checkpoint Charlie, and Oliver stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek very gently, his hands resting softly on my shoulders.

  ‘Hello babe,’ he said, looking at me sadly. ‘Can you finally forgive my foul ugly mouth? I’m really sorry, Amelia. I didn’t mean to make such a mess for you.’

  I just shook my head and hugged him. ‘ There’s nothing to apologize for, Ol,’ I said. ‘You have got a gob like a sewer, but I was incredibly stupid and mad about the whole thing. I acted like a crazy lady. I’m sorry too. Now go and be with your boy, he needs you.’

  He smiled at me again, and then his eyes narrowed. ‘You need a trim,’ he said, touching the bottom of my hair with his fingers. ‘I’ll do it for you later.’ And after giving me another kiss on the cheek, he disappeared off towards the back garden.

  I turned around to look at Joseph, who was leaning against the boot of the car, smiling gently. He stood up and came towards me, taking both my hands in his and leaning his forehead against mine, gazing into my eyes.

  I was feeling almost dizzy as his lips moved towards my mouth, when I heard a noise like a warthog being strangled and pulled back in surprise as my brother’s face, red and a bit sweaty, suddenly appeared out of the back door of the car.

  ‘Arewetherethen?’ he asked. ‘Fuck, feel really rubbish… Bloody winding roads down here… Ah! Sis… Sorry. Hi. Sorry about the bad news.’

  He patted me on the shoulder with his huge paw, staggering slightly, his eyes shifting into focus and out again. ‘Really bad luck… Think gonna hurl…’

  As he stumbled down the garden path towards the back door, I hoped he would make it to the loo before unleashing whatever he had consumed since leaving work that afternoon.

  ‘Have you met my brother?’ I asked Joseph, who was shaking his head indulgently.

  ‘He’s such a messy fuckwit,’ he said. ‘But he’s our messy fuckwit, isn’t he, Meals?’

  I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder.

  ‘Do I finally get to kiss you now?’ he asked me, lifting my chin up with his hand.

  ‘That depends,’ I said. ‘On who else you’ve brought with you…’

  ‘Well, as you mention it…’ he said, ‘there is someone else. Dick rang your mum from the car to tell her what was going on, and your dad answered. They’re on their way over. They should be here any minute.’

  I froze in horror. The prospect of having my father and Oliver in the same room was too horrendous even to contemplate. Then I wondered what Kiki might say to him and physically shuddered. It was all too terrible: I had to intervene immediately while there was still time and get them all to scarper.

  I took a step towards the house, but felt Joseph’s hand on my arm, as he gently restrained me. In my panic, I’d almost forgotten he was there.

  ‘Amelia,’ he said, pulling me to him and resting his hands on my cheeks so I looked up at him again. ‘I was joking.’

  I just blinked at him stupidly.

  ‘It was a joke,’ he repeated. ‘Your dad is not about to turn up here, but even if he was, you wouldn’t have to worry, because I’m here. I can deal with him. Even if they were coming it would all be fine – it will all be fine.’

  And in that moment, as his lips touched mine, I finally understood that it would be.