Torn Between Two Worlds (Guardians Series Book 1)

by Lexi Ostrow

  “It's not like I planned it, Gina. Besides that wasn't what I meant. He's military and he's deployed. I didn't want to say anything because I know how much you disapprove of war.” None of it was a lie. Well not completely anyway, but it felt wrong to be lying to a friend who she'd known so long and who was helping her.

  “I see. So what do you want, Ci? You want me to tell you to ditch the Italy trip? Fine I will. Because even if you're crazy off with this other guy, you and Derrick aren't right for each other and you don't need to go to Italy and screw something up. So if all you want is some approval, well fine. If you want to go to Italy to double check, but don't want to admit it, that's fine too.”

  “That's not exactly what I meant. I mean maybe it was,” she shook her head, trying to wade through the thoughts properly. “No it wasn't. I just thought it would be a good idea, to get away and recharge. He asked me and offered to pay, G, which yea, I know does sound a little off, but he's doing really well for himself and I think he just wants a friend to celebrate with. I was pretty cold to him when he came here too. Trust me, what I feel for Stryder...holy shit is all I can say.” She was shocked her friend even thought the trip to Italy would spell a relationship with Derrick. Going there wouldn't change anything because they'd realized while he was living here and sharing an apartment that they were ill suited. Going to Italy would only emphasize that, they'd never really had a vacation prior because his parents didn't approve of bringing her along due to her lack of social status. She frowned thinking about it and wondered again why they didn't break up sooner than they had.

  “G, when the heck did we grow up?”

  Gina let out a laugh and pulled the car off the freeway at their exit. “Well who the hell said I grew up? You've been grown up practically married to Derrick for ten years. I for one hate to see you doubt yourself , but am glad to see you live. But I mean really? You couldn't stay single for bar hopping with me? Honestly?” The joke made them both laugh.

  She groaned when they clocked in and saw the featured book on the white board. They always had a book to focus on when a customer asked if there was anything good out. Walking up to the board she looked at the book and groaned again. “Fifty ways to overcome tough challenges,” she grumbled and tossed her bag into a cubby. “Great, why don't I just air my dirty laundry every time a customer asks me if it ever helped me overcome any of my great challenges. I can see it now – 'oh no ma'am it didn't help me at all. You see I was deciding between a visit to Italy to see an ex boyfriend or not.' Wonderful.”

  Gina had the nerve to laugh and smirk. “Well no one told you to be honest with them. Pretty ironic if I do say so.”

  “If we weren't late already I'd throw this book at you, but then I'd have to hang it back up on the whiteboard and I have some serious ass kissing to do to keep this job.” Still teasing each other they walked out to the front and Ciara went to find her manager, prepared to beg.

  Work passed by with a sense of ease once she knew she was able to keep her job. It felt good to interact with people and to chat about books and authors. That was something she would never tire of. On break she'd grabbed a space travel book to read. Nothing popped out at her and she wondered if it was because there were no evil things in it. She may have found a loophole, read things where nature is the opposing force.

  “Drinks?”

  Gina's question pulled her from her thoughts just in time to look up and see a man stalking toward her, knife drawn, Initiative suit on. Her stomach dropped and she yelped. His eyes locked on hers then and he charged forward.

  Fear coiled around her. Gina couldn't see him, but they'd never found out if others could be hurt. Based on the attack at the aquarium she assumed not, but didn't want to take a chance with her best friend in the line of fire.

  Moving as quickly as she could in front of her friend she screamed through her mind for Stryder and focused on the fire wrapping around her body. Seeing the flames lick around her fingers just as the knife slashed across her lower arm she cried out and sent the fire flying. She could still hear the man's screams as it engulfed him, while Gina turned to look at her arm and frowned.

  “What the fuck, Ci? What happened? How did you do that walking?”

  She was still shaking as she watched and heard the man's demise. Tears welled up in her eyes and she prayed Gina thought it was pain. Whipping her head around she ignored the pain and focused on the shimmering doorway. There wasn't one. How long had that guy been creeping the building looking for her? Feeling the trickle of blood down her arm.

  “I don't know, Gina. I must have something sticking out of my bag.”

  “Um yea no. That's pretty deep. Do you want to go get it looked at?”

  She shook her head. No she just wanted to go home and decide what to do next. “I'll be ok. Pass on the drinks though. Sorry I've got a sexy romance novel waiting for me.” The lie was easy to tell and she wondered when she'd become so good and hurting and lying.

  The car ride was quick because of how close they both lived to the school and she thanked Gina as she got out. Her eyes looked around the area surrounding her building and she sighed. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she climbed the stairs.

  “I really can't do anything without a Guardian.” It wasn't the complete truth since she had taken the man down. But it looked like without a Guardian she couldn't read, couldn't write maybe. She didn't know what to do.

  Cleaning the wound she took two natural sleep aides and climbed into bed. It was only about 9:30, but she needed to sleep. She left for Derrick’s next week and she didn't know if Gina was right or if she was just scared about just what Stryder's absence meant, but she was going to put everything from her mind. Somehow. Maybe Stryder was really done with her? She knew she was right about him being alive because she could almost feel him. So after a week what else could she believe since his parting words were about how short it would be.

  “Dammit. Why didn't I read the fucking book when I had the chance?” She grabbed her pillow and angrily plumped it. Had she read it she would know how long these things really lasted. But now she couldn't read. No way. She may be able to kill, but that didn't mean she wanted too. For now, no reading. Maybe if she didn't hear from Stryder before she left to see Derrick and Italy she could pick up a different book, maybe find a new Guardian. Pain sliced through her as that was the last real thought she remembered before the pills lulled her to sleep.

  * * *

  He cursed as he heard her shout his name for the second time through whatever linked them together. His fist connected hard with the head of some idiot Parisian he was fighting. His connection with War was working overtime. Not just because of all the damage the bombers had caused, but because he was terrified what could have happened to her.

  Growling, he kneed the idiot man in the stomach before picking him up and throwing him into a wall and turning to the next person. He was trapped. Unable to not submit to War and fight and dying to go to her. To know she was ok.

  They'd all been split apart slowly as the hell broke loose. It was how it always was. They would be connected to their Horsemen until the damage ended. For Stryder and Demarcus it was always longer than the other two. He'd wondered how they were doing. They were pretty damn impossible to kill thanks to their breeding, but it didn't mean they couldn't feel shit or get taken by the enemy. Hearing his name a third time from their strange link he bellowed and used his knife to slit the assailants throat. It was time to fucking end this and get to his female.

  Chapter 24

  She stepped off the plane and looked around. Never having been out of the country she didn't know what she was looking for. The airport looked pretty much like any of the few she'd been in. She saw Derrick standing a few feet from the custom's gate when she walked past. He looked as good as she remembered and when he smiled she realized how much she missed seeing Stryder's smiles and hoped to forget about it a little for the short weekend.

  She'd gone to his world last night. Just to hi
s house. She couldn't see inside, so she didn't know if he was home or not, but the lawn was nice and nothing appeared to look like a home abandoned for two weeks. It took a lot for her to not go to the bar to see if he'd been there. But she didn't want to know. Didn't want to feel the pain.

  Regardless, when Derrick wrapped her in his arms after passing her a beautiful yellow rose bouquet she smiled. It felt good. It really did. But he wasn't Stryder and the pain and worry lingered. She had no idea how she'd wound up getting herself freaking connected to someone who technically wasn't real, but it seemed like she had.

  She was distracted as Derrick's gently kissed her cheek. She raised a brow at him as she took the roses and smelled them. “They're beautiful. Yellow roses for friendship. Perfect, but you shouldn't have.”

  “Everyone kisses cheeks in Europe. So, my darling friend, care to explain why you look so upset when you're in beautiful Italy?”

  Her hand twirled in her hair and he caught it and she saw him catch it. “Busted, huh?”

  “Mmm very. So why don't we take a cab to a nice little cafe and you can tell me what this is all about. I have something to tell you too, so it's good you came. I was getting impatient.”

  She wanted to ask what it was, but figured he'd make a joke about being patient so she didn't. Instead she let herself fall into step with him and didn't pull back as his hand slipped around her shoulders. She wasn't really sure what he was doing, but his smile was playful. She shrugged his arm off. Gina was right. She and Derrick needed to learn boundaries if they were going to try and be friends after so many years of more. He didn't try to do it again as they walked so she figured it was just old habit.

  “Derrick this is adorable.” He'd taken her to a place called Trussardi Café. It was a quaint little cafe that she'd actually found in an article of where to eat before he'd even come here. It was in a square and was cute on the inside, but outside it was like a terrarium. A glass box essentially encased the space and it was draped with moss and ivy climbing up it. Modern black chairs and tables lined the sides. It was exactly what she had always thought a hip European coffee shop would look.

  He smiled at her. She felt her heart do the little flip it always did when he looked at her like that and she laughed. “Oh no, buddy, no smiling at me I'm still weak to it. You could ask me to rob a bank with that smile and I'd do it.”

  He grinned wider. “Hey we never said just what the plans were for the weekend.” His look was strange and it made her a little uncomfortable. But she was just too wrapped up in thoughts of Stryder being missing to care what the plans were as long as they distracted her.

  “But would you be here if he weren't missing?” She hadn't meant to grumble the question under her breath at all, but it was too late.

  “What?” Derrick's smile turned fairly quickly into a frown and he didn't thank the server who brought their coffee and croissants.

  Fear leaked from her and she wondered if there were predators present if they would be able to smell it. Chewing on her lower lip she shook her head. She wouldn't do this to him here. “Sorry. Book thoughts.” Not a lie.

  He chuckled and leaned back more relaxed in his seat, sipping his coffee he looked so at home here. So perfectly happy. The thought that he was happy here when she hadn't been with him both made her happy and annoyed her. But she had no right. She was happy without him as well. The sip of coffee she took threatened to come back up for no apparent reason. How did my life become so out of her control?

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “I'm so sorry, Derrick. I guess I just didn't realize you would want to sight see so much. I'm sorry we're just sitting in a cafe.” An awkward silence passed over the table and she felt bad. “So tell me how the scouting went last week.” They had rarely talked. It had killed her, but she had purposefully missed his calls and had called back when she knew he would be busy and leaving voicemails with the answers to his questions. She was trying to keep things platonic and make sure no one got the wrong idea with this trip and avoiding him had seemed like an ok idea at the time.

  His whole face lit up. “Oh, Ci, you should've seen it. I mean really seen it! It's amazing!”

  She wasn't really listening as he talked. She couldn't. She'd opened the door to the fretting and worrying about why Stryder had been gone for so long when he made it sound like it was never a big deal.

  They were finishing up and he suggested ice cream. “Cheap shot.” She smiled and stood and felt his hand reach out to hers. Only it wasn't to hold. It was to get her attention. He wasn't walking, just smiling and at her. His hand was in his pocket and before she could ask him what was going on he was down on one knee.

  “Ciara Miller. I have loved you since the day you all but fell ass over feet into me on the field at that game. We've been pretending at being married since you lost your parents three years ago. Being here, taking in the beauty and living life, I realized, I don't want to live it without you.” He pulled a beautiful princess cut solitaire from the black box and she knew she gasped. “Will you marry me?”

  She heard the murmurs around them. Nausea gripped at her and blackness threatened to cloud her vision. How could this have happened? How? Tears spilled down her cheeks. Angry tears. How could he do this to her? She had told him she was seeing someone. What was the point of this, had it all been a set up to try and get back together? Did he think she'd made up the story to make him jealous or something? Her mind was reeling.

  “Derrick, I.. I...” Her speech was broken up by how much anger she was trying not to unleash.

  She was making a spectacle out of herself and Derrick didn't seem to understand why.

  She felt the ring slip onto her finger and she tore her hand back. A cry wracked her as she took it off and shoved it back at him. She hadn't meant to be so cruel, but her actions were jerky with her grief and anger. He got it then and she couldn't bear the look in his eye. She would never forget it as long as she lived and her feet were tugging her from the cafe, a chicken running away from her fate.

  How could he do that to her? How could he be cheap and sneaky like that? She didn't stop walking until she'd crossed the street and fell onto a bench. Her face buried in her hands she sobbed until she couldn't anymore. She could feel the stares, here the comments, but she didn't pull her head up until she felt a hand on her back.

  Derrick's.

  His voice was weak, laced with anger, but pain as well. “I don't understand, Ciara. I just don't understand.”

  She hiccupped and rubbed her hands over her face collecting a good deal of wetness and snot before wiping it off on her sundress.

  “Derrick I didn't make the other guy up. I'm guessing you thought I did to try and get back with you in some twisted plot. But I didn't, Derrick.” The weight of the world seemed to lift off her as she said the words, putting power behind the relationship she wanted. She'd expected another round of tears to fall, but they didn't. Relief washed over her and she didn't understand how she could feel so free after she'd just torn him up worse than she'd ever dreamed since she had no idea he wasn't ok with their breakup.

  His face twisted from anger to pain to confusion. “I still don't get it. I won't lie to you, Ciara I think you're afraid. I think that's all this is. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It just felt so perfect there at the cafe.”

  She breathed in and out a few times, trying to find the right words. “Derrick, it's not that. It's been going on since before you left. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. I'm so so sorry that you clearly weren't ok with the breakup. I'm so sorry I didn't see that and clearly led you on by mistake.”

  He cursed and more people that were walking by them stared. “I think we need to go to my apartment.”

  She nodded slowly and he stood and led the way. He didn't touch her, didn't look back at her the whole walk. They stopped outside a building that was a mix of Italian beauty and modern art, she wished she could've taken in its beauty. But she was numb. She wasn't taking in
anything except Derrick. She'd watched him the entire walk, his shoulders squared, he'd walked with his head down though and she felt her heart break for him all over. She felt awful, but this wasn't her fault.

  He turned when they walked into his beautiful apartment and her breath caught. Tears streaked his face and his eyes were red. His mouth was tense, set in a straight line. “I can't say I'm happy. But I get it. Shit happens. It's fine. I'll let it go. It's my fault for leaving. Should've asked you to come right away with me. I shouldn't have agreed when you wanted to end things.”

  “Derrick, please don't do this. Please.” For the first time since he proposed she really locked eyes with him. He looked away immediately and she cursed at the same time as he did.

  “I don't get it, Ciara.”

  “ I wish I could say I don't either, Derrick. But I do. When I'm with him it just feels perfect, complete, as cheesy as that sounds.”

  “I'm not going to agree with that, but whatever. I'm sorry I misread your actions. It was my fault.”

  The conversation continued on in that fashion for almost four hours. Finally he stopped questioning her, stopped fighting for the marriage he wanted. They'd both agreed that it was best to cancel the trip and put her on a plane. They agreed to not talk to each other anymore and he put her in a cab to get to the airport. It stung, but she had expected as much after the misunderstanding.

  It was over and if she could just get Stryder to answer her, she would be the happiest girl alive. The idea of Stryder coming back, of being able to tell him she was his and to stop being grumbly she wouldn't pull away ever made her giddy. She knew the only proposal she would want was Stryder's and was fairly certain this whole mate thing meant one would come when they had more time to learn one another. Two weeks together and now three apart and she didn't care. Of course they would need to discuss how they would handle themselves until she was able to fully free him, but they were going to pull this off just fine.