This Regret

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This Regret Page 39

by Victoria Ashley


  Two beers later and one shot of Jack in, the game is almost over and it's down to just the eight ball for him. I stand here staring at the eight ball as if I can control where it goes. Do I want him to make it? I can't tell just yet. He's been giving me flirty little smiles all night and I have a feeling, I might let him just for the fun of it.

  Kade's been staring at us most the night, giving us dirty looks. I can't tell if he's mad I'm with someone else other than him or someone else other than Kellan. I don't get him, but if he wants to keep making me feel like crap, then why not. I've got quite the buzz going on anyways. The first time I've been slightly happy in over two weeks.

  "Steady," I tease. "You're going to miss that. Your arm is shaking."

  Aiden turns away from the table to look at me. "That's because I've been wanting to kiss you all night."

  I feel my stomach knot up hearing the words actually come from his mouth. I used to love those soft lips. Maybe I could again if I just try. I shake my head to myself. Nah, there's no way. I try to convince myself, but with each drink of beer, he becomes more and more tempting.

  "Then take your shot," I dare. "I'll let you, only if you make this shot. This might just be your only chance." I smile at him.

  Taking a swig of his beer, he smiles back and prepares for the shot. It seems to go in slow motion as the eight ball slowly sinks into the left corner pocket.

  Like a man on a mission, he sets the cue stick down and runs his tongue over his lips, wetting them. He moves closer to me, reaches out to grab my hips but then stops.

  Okay. Well that's a little strange. "What's the problem, Aiden? Am I suddenly not kissable," I ask teasingly. “I promise not to bite . . .”

  I feel the heat of someone's body behind me, causing me to stiffen. Then my eyes close and my breath hitches as I feel warm breath on the side of my neck. The smell. Oh God, that smell. Whoever smells just like Kellan can just take me now. I swear, I'll keep my eyes closed. I'm buzzed enough to pretend. I think.

  An arm wraps around my waist, resting a hand on my stomach before I feel lips just under my ear. I feel the coolness of metal rubbing against my flesh and my sex clenches with no effort at all. "You are very kissable." Soft lips crush my neck and I gasp. "You are so fucking beautiful I can't go a day without looking at you and the only one you’ll be biting is me."

  My body trembles under his touch and my legs almost give out on me. This cannot be happening. It has to be the shot. It's the shot. Am I that drunk?

  I feel the lips again as a hand tightens around my waist, pulling me against a body. My heart flutters. I'm definitely not drunk. Those lips would sober me up enough even if I were in a drunken coma.

  "Kellan," I whisper.

  A set of firm hands spin me around and my breasts smash into a firm chest as a hand slides up the side of my face before tugging my hair passionately. "I've missed you so damn much, baby." His thumb rubs circles over my cheek as I stare in awe.

  How is it possible he has gotten more beautiful than the last time I saw him? His hair is wind-blown and messy from him running his fingers through it and his jaw is lined with the perfect five o'clock shadow. Everything about him from his worn out fitted jeans, snug white shirt with piercings pressed against the fabric and old Converse shoes turn me on. He's a walking fucking orgasm and I hate him for it. I want to scream at him for hurting me and making me want him all over again.

  "What are you doing here?" I find myself pulling away even though I want nothing more than to be in his arms. “Do you think I'm just supposed to forget everything you did to me?”

  Aiden takes a step closer to me and places a hand on my arm, protectively. Too bad for him, protecting me from Kellan is the last thing he’ll be able to do. "You want me to take you home? We can leave now."

  Kellan's hand grabs my waist, pulling me against his body as his other hand presses against Aiden's chest, separating us. "Listen here, Aiden. Put your hands on my fucking woman again and I will kill you. Never touch what is mine. Understood?"

  I look back and forth as the boys square off, looking each other dead in the eyes. At least, Kellan is looking Aiden in the eyes. Aiden keeps losing contact, looking a bit nervous. I feel bad for him, but so turned on by Kellan at the same time. Is that bad? Man, this is confusing.

  I get so lost in them, it takes me a second to realize he called me his. Wait! What? He takes off leaving me alone, but I'm his. That makes no sense.

  I pull Kellan's hand away from Aiden's chest and back away from his grip. He's only going to hurt me again. I know it. I can't let that happen. I won't.

  "I'm not yours, Kellan. You left. Remember?" I hate myself for the words that keep spilling from my mouth, but I'm mad and hurt. I told him I loved him and he left. He just left as if what we had meant nothing to him. “You had your chance and now . . . it’s too late.”

  I grab my purse and walk closer to Aiden, grabbing his shirt to pull him along. "Let's go!" I yell. "I can't be here right now. I need to get out of here.”

  "You can't leave with him!" Kellan runs up beside me and cups my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I need you to stay with me. Please, don't go. I should have begged you before; I didn't, but I am now. I can’t lose you, Phoenix. Please give me one more chance." His eyes soften and I find myself falling to my knees in front of him, his pleas making me weak. I can’t do this. I can’t fight against the one person I love with all my heart. I just can’t. I've seen how my life is without him. I'm miserable.

  He drops down on his knees in front of me and scoots closer to me so our bodies are touching and his hands are caressing my face. "I don't want to go another day without holding you. I can't fucking do it and I won't." He swallows hard and dips his head, looking at me through wet lashes. "I have never wanted to spend more than one day with a woman, but I have spent every day wanting to spend one more day with you." He licks his lips, wetting them and my heart stops dead in my chest. "I fucking love you, Phoenix. I love you so much it hurts. Just the thought of breathing is too much for me to take on if it doesn't involve you by my side. From now on, every breath, every beat of my heart and every tear I'll ever shed will be for you. I want to give you everything. You own me. My heart and soul is yours. I can't imagine a world without me being yours. I only left because I thought I was protecting you. I realized being gone that I can only truly protect you being by your side." He smiles and looks down at his jeans. "Besides, I already told you, you'd be the only one to take my clothes off. I sort of really need you now."

  We both smile into each other’s arms before he leans closer, brushing his lip ring over my bottom lip. My head is still reeling from him confessing his love that I can barely even think straight. "Now tell me, Phoenix. Are you mine now? I won't give up until you are. That, I can promise you." He grabs my chin, looking straight into my eyes, our foreheads touching.

  I nod my head, tears streaming down my face, knowing that this man will always be able to break me. I love this man so much it hurts. His grip tightens on my face and he smiles. "I love you too, Kellan. God, I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again. Please! I barely pulled myself out of the depression I was in. I won't be able to next time."

  His lips desperately crush mine, as he grabs me, pulling me up to my feet. Holding me firmly against his body, he runs his hand up the back of my neck before tangling his fingers through the bottom of my hair. His kiss deepens and I welcome it with a moan. In this moment it is just the two of us; not Kade, Jen, Aiden and us. It's just us and I can stay like this forever.

  His tongue hungrily tangles with mine, tasting every inch of my mouth as if he can't stand the thought of never tasting me again. The feel of his eager tongue turns me on so badly, I have to fight the urge between my legs to orgasm right here in the bar.

  Then it doesn't help when I feel his erection pressing against my belly. Oh shit, I need this man; it's been too long. Everything about him is everything I've ever needed.

  He pulls away
, sucking in his bottom lip while smiling down at me. "Mmm, you taste too damn good. I almost can't control myself right now." He presses on his jeans and adjusts them with a smirk that soaks my panties. "I. Love. You," he says in my ear. "I love you, I fucking love you and I'm never leaving you again. Never. Do you understand that?"

  Nodding my head, I smile at him and he pulls me in for a hug, kissing the top of my head.

  "Oh my goodness, y'all!" Jen's voice squeaks next to us. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I look up at her and she wipes at her face. "I'm crying. Look at me." She begins fanning her cheeks.

  Kellan leans over and kisses her on the cheek. "Thank you for always being there for my girl. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for." She smiles and her bottom lip quivers. "I can see why Tyler is so worked up over you. You’re special."

  Jen straightens up and clears her throat as if she was never crying. "He is?" Kellan nods and Jen's face turns red. "I um . . . I should get back to work."

  I can't help but to smile as Jen hurries off embarrassed that we noticed she has feelings for the guy. I almost forgot Aiden is standing behind me until I hear him reach for his keys and huff.

  "I'm taking off." He nods at Kellan and then turns back to me with a weak smile. "Thanks for dinner and pool. Friends, right?"

  I smile back and squeeze his shoulder. "Yeah, friends."

  I notice Kellan's jaw stiffen as Aiden leans in to kiss me on the cheek, but out of respect he doesn't interrupt our goodbye. I think he has a feeling Aiden could never come close to comparing to him even if he tried. He knows my heart has been his since the first day I laid eyes on him. Even his brother couldn't take me away. I know for sure my heart is his forever.

  "I’m taking you home; to our home." He grabs my hand intertwining his fingers with mine. "Let's go."

  I follow beside him, my heart pounding heavily as I watch Kade stare us down the whole way out the door. He almost looks sad; like something is bothering him. I don't let it get to me though. Right now, I am right where I want to be; next to the man I love.

  The ride back to Kellan's house seems to be taking forever. All I want to do is be next to him. Being in his truck just doesn't allow the closeness I crave. It’s driving me insane.

  "You smell so damn good, baby. Do you know how hard it is for me to not take you right here while I'm driving? I want to put you on my lap, pull your skirt up and bury myself deep between those thighs." He grabs my hand and pulls it into his lap, pressing it to his erection. "Feel what you do to me. Only you do this to me. This is all yours."

  I feel my breath escape me as my fingers dig into his jeans, stroking his stiffness through the fabric. I’m desperate now. This man; oh how I love that he can be both sweet and dirty at the same time. It turns me on like nothing else in this world. "I would let you take me right here if you wanted," I admit.

  He turns his head to me while still trying to watch the road. "Yeah?" He rubs my hand harder, making me squeeze his cock. "I kind of imagined our first night back together being a bit more romantic than me pounding you in the driver seat of my truck." He smiles a deadly, sexy smile and I lose it. I have to have him and I can’t think of anything sexier than having Kellan inside me while he's driving.

  I smile seductively, while slipping my panties down my legs and tossing them in the backseat. "With you, right now, I want it rough. You do something to me that brings out the animal in me. We have all night to be sweet. I want you." I lean into his ear and run my tongue up it, playfully. "Right here." I suck his ear into my mouth and nibble. "Now."

  Before I can even process his movements, the truck comes to a halt and I'm being pulled into Kellan's lap. He guides my hands down to his jeans and says huskily, "Take what is yours, baby."

  The zipper of his jeans makes a loud noise as I pull it down and try my best to pull his erection out without causing an accident. He's taking some side streets that no one else seems to be on so truly, I'm not too worried. I just want him inside me and the thought of him controlling this huge truck while inside me turns me on so much I feel my sex already clenching. He lifts slightly so I can work his pants down enough for skin to skin contact.

  Placing each knee on the seat next to his hips, I grab his shaft in my hand greedily. Pressing the head to my wet entrance, I rub it back and forth to spread the wetness onto him. We both moan as I guide his cock just beyond the entrance and ease down onto it. “Damn, I've missed the way your pussy feels clamped around my dick.” I go slowly at first, allowing my walls to stretch enough for him to fit. Kellan is bigger than what I was used to with Aiden and I don't want to hurt myself. I can feel it hit against my cervix in this position.

  One hand grips the steering wheel as his other hand grips my waist, guiding me up and down on his cock; it stretching me and filling me with intense pleasure. I have no idea how he's still driving, but he's managing. He is good with his hands, after all.

  His muscles flex as he turns the wheel, causing me to bend down and bite into his arm. Holy shit, this is so hot. "Damn, baby. You bite me again and I'm going to lose control. I want to come inside of you, but not yet."

  His grip tightens as his hips thrust up to meet my bounce, each stroke going in deep and long. I feel his fingers digging into my hip before he brings his thumb up to his mouth, sucking it and moving down to my thighs, spreading them more and then finally finding my clit. He rubs his saliva coated thumb up and down my sweet spot while biting down on my neck. The sensation is driving me wild. I begin rocking back and forth as he continues to rub my clit. I can feel his dick hitting against my G-spot. "Oh shit, Kellan!" I whimper. "It's coming. I feel it."

  He rubs faster, while slowing his thrusts and my whole body shakes on top of his, causing him to growl.

  "Mmm, baby. I love feeling you clamp around my dick." He rests his head on my shoulder so he can see what's in front of him. I bring my eyes up to meet the street and it's still just us. This must be a way he takes when he wants to be alone.

  "Okay, baby. I'm going to rock you faster and harder now. I'm going to have to pull off to the side for this one." He smirks against my neck before pulling the truck over and switching the gear into park.

  He pushes the seat back as far as it goes and grabs my hips with both hands. He grinds his hips back and forth inside me before pulling out and thrusting hard and deep. His thrusts continue to be hard, making me scream. I want this so much. I want this every day. He places his palm against my stomach, rubbing my clit again. The multiple feelings has me completely on edge.

  His hand digs into my hips as he moans against my neck. "I'm going to come so deep inside you, it's never going to find its way out. I want me deep inside you. I want to give you all of me. You’re mine." He thrust into me. “This sexy body is mine and I fucking love you, baby. Okay?”

  I nod my head and bite my lip as he thrust in one more time, his dick pulsating inside me. I cry out in pleasure as I feel myself clamp around him again. It's the first time I've gotten a clitoral orgasm and a G-spot orgasm simultaneously. I can't even begin to explain the feeling. I dig my fingers into his shoulder as it takes over my body. “Hot damn baby, I've never felt you cum all over my dick like that.”

  In this moment, I feel as if nothing can touch us. Yes, we have problems to work out, but not tonight. We'll talk in the morning when we're both exhausted from sex all night and can't move. Right now, I just want to love him and let him love me.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kellan

  The time I spent away from Phoenix fucking killed me. Literally, I wanted to die from the pain in my chest cavity. I knew as soon as I walked out that door that even if it meant me dying, I’d be back to claim her. I spent two weeks in a hotel in Chicago, going crazy, missing her. There was no way in hell, I was going to spend the rest of my days running from the people I love the most. I'd rather have a little bit of time left living fully than to live a long life alone. I've already seen that tear someone down and it's the last
thing I want for her. I stalked around that tiny hotel room, unable to think, eat or sleep. Not a second went by that she didn't consume every part of my world. The truth is, my world no longer exists without her. She is it for me now. I can't go back to the way it was before she walked into that tattoo shop.

  With that in mind, I made a decision. A crazy ass one, but it has me here, in my bed, next to the person I want to spend the rest of my days with. I haven't got all the details put together yet, but I swear with everything in me, I will fight to the end to be with my woman. This is where I belong; next to her.

  I already made a promise to myself that I'm going to come clean about everything. As much as it scares me that Phoenix might look at me differently, I have no choice if I want a shot at keeping her. I refuse to give her up to another man and I know for a fact that if she leaves me again, she'll end up with that Aiden guy or my asshole brother. Nah, fuck that; over my dead body. They will have to pry her from my cold, lifeless fingers.

  Slipping out from under Phoenix's peaceful body, I dash into the kitchen to cook my beautiful woman some breakfast. I noticed as soon as I laid eyes on her from across the bar that she hadn't been eating well since I'd left. Shit, it took everything in me not to break out in tears. No matter what I do, I'm a fuck-up. There are risks if I leave as well as if I stay. I hate seeing her not put together because of me. She didn't deserve to get hurt because of my idiotic mistakes.

  I have a lot of making up to do and later tonight, I plan to make her a home cooked meal by candlelight followed by a romantic massage in the hot tub. Then I want her to curl up in my arms while we talk the whole night, making up for lost time. Call me a pussy, but I don't care. After years of wasting my energy fucking the brains out of every attractive woman throwing themselves on me, it's kind of refreshing to have what me and Phoenix have. She is well worth it and more. She's the only thing that matters. I could care less about myself.

 

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