by Pamela Ann
“I don’t want it to be weird between you two because of me. I can just go back home. I really don’t mind.”
“You’re already here. Toughen up a little bit. So he’s probably mad? Who cares? It’s not as if you’re his keeper. What you do or don’t do isn’t any of his business.”
If he said it that way, then yes, it made complete sense, but come on, Brody seemed like he was going to skin me alive by the look he was giving me. It was as though I was cheating on him or something, which was seriously absurd.
“I don’t know about this…”
“Just use this opportunity to up your game a little. Maybe it’s time you show him you’re done following him like a lost puppy.” His blatant comment overrode the suggestion he had made, making me squirm hardcore from ultimate embarrassment.
“What? I’m really that obvious?” God, how humiliating. How many knew and saw me as this lovesick, pathetic woman? Shit. Unbeknownst to me, I began to nervously chew on my thumb as I tried to calm myself. Maybe Carter had a point about making this an opportunity to change things between Brody and I. Better yet, maybe it was high time people saw me differently, as well, and not labeled me as some lovesick fool.
My newly minted resolution came to a standstill when there was a loud rap at the door.
Before Carter and I could bring our attention towards it, Brody yanked it open, looking as if he was ready to tackle whoever was in his way.
I was holding my breath as our eyes connected, and I could have sworn I saw something there, something that held substantial meaning, but that vital thought was left unexplored because my heart felt as if it was about to explode from seeing him rattled.
His familiar, handsome face I could stare at all night long had been frozen in a frown since his eyes had landed on me tonight.
“I need to speak to you,” he deadpanned, unblinking before pointedly adding, “Alone.”
Glancing towards Carter, who seemed to be unmoved by Brody’s arctic attitude, I knew I had to take the initiative in trying to calm him down by taking this private discussion elsewhere.
“All right,” I conceded with a nod. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
I made my way towards the door, barely throwing Carter a mild look as I exited and then found myself being slightly pushed towards Brody’s bedroom at the opposite side of the hall. A protest teased the tip of my tongue, yet I reined it in, knowing this wasn’t the time to test how foul his mood was.
Truth be told, I was a little surprised by his reaction. I get that maybe he was feeling somewhat betrayed if his thoughts were leading him to me and Carter hooking up. Apart from that, however, he should be speaking to his friend more than me since he and I didn’t have a “relationship.” I didn’t want to label what we did have or had, because it was embarrassing to even admit it. Let’s face it; I was his booty call, nothing more.
Upon entering his room, he didn’t even wait until the door was closed before his verbal attack began, putting me on the spot.
“Are you really fucking serious about this, Amber?” He was as mad as a damn bull. “What the fuck’s gotten into you? You must be out of your mind to consider sleeping in Carter’s room.”
I opened my mouth, feeling as if I had to defend myself, but before I had the chance to spar back, he continued his attack. “Are you fucking him now, too?”
Oh, hell no! “Well, fuck you very much, Brody!”
What was I to him? A hussy? Probably. After all, I never once denied him if he sought me for sex. At this point, I was going to look bad in his eyes either way. There was no way to save myself from this. Might as well just go with what he thought of me. Like that would make a difference.
“You know what? Think what you like. If you’re done insulting me and yelling at me, I’d very much like to go now.”
“He’s not going to make you happy. I hope you know that.”
Like I really cared, but apparently, Brody seriously did. Had he told me this was making him angry—maybe even a little bit jealous—I would have given in just so he would be okay with it. However, he hadn’t done any of that.
I figured he was more angry at the thought of his friends sleeping with “one of his women.” As a result, a little shamefaced from yet another major letdown from him, I angrily led myself out of his room and hightailed back towards Carter’s room, needing to get away from Brody as fast as I possibly could.
I needed a cold drink, preferably something alcoholic and strong to calm my nerves.
These two weeks were going to be nightmare. Of course, I was going to go through with it regardless, because it would be a good test for me. In a way, I needed to detox myself of this ridiculous love I had for him. And what better way to do it than here?
I was almost convinced that, by the end of this trivial ordeal, I would be a free woman. No more attachments, no more guilt trips.
Chapter Eleven
Later that evening, Carter left for about an hour. I assumed he went to speak to Brody. However, I was touched and surprised when he came back with a bag of take-out food and immediately set up shop on the floor in the middle of the room without a care in the world.
“Thought you might be hungry, so I went to grab some food. Hope you like ribs, mac and cheese, and some slaw.”
I was starving. In fact, my tummy had been making a whiny protest minutes before he arrived.
“I love all of the above!” My smile was massive as I hopped off the couch and joined him on the floor. “I must say, Carter, you’re actually not that bad. As a matter of fact, I think you’re mighty awesome.” If he kept going like this, I might just be tempted to trade in Trista for Carter as my bff. Carter was less evasive than the redhead. Okay, that was a fanciful thought, but I could just imagine Trista’s face when I told her what I had been up to.
Salivating as Carter took the food from the bag, I was humming and whistling as I drooled over the luscious aroma wafting its way to me as he opened an item.
Handing me a fork, he gave me a questionable look before asking, “Did anyone try to bug you while I was away?”
I shook my head. “No, surprisingly not.”
“Good,” he said with a satisfied nod. “I spoke to him on the way out. He shouldn’t bug you like that from now on. Well, while you’re a guest here, that is.”
I stilled, giving him a shocked look. “You spoke to him?” That must have been interesting.
“Yeah, I had to. It isn’t like you two are dating, so I asked what his deal was, and he only said he just wasn’t expecting it.”
“That’s all he said?”
“Yup,” he said with a pop of his mouth.
Well, there you go. Had Brody cared more, he would have done something about it. He didn’t, though, so there was my answer.
We began to eat with enthusiasm while recalling the best parts of Lindsey’s wedding and rehashing childhood memories that highlighted Lindsey’s crazy moments.
“Why are you doing this?” I really wanted to know why he was putting his friendship with Brody on the line by taking me in.
He pondered a moment, taking a break from eating to drink from his soda before he finally responded.
“You and me, we’re both in the same boat. Maybe I’m just fed up with all this crap and all the bullshit. We’re like the underdog, you know? We don’t have a fucking choice but to deal what they dole out. So, I thought, fuck, this is so fucked up, and if I can help you get out of this situation, I shouldn’t hesitate.” His heartfelt sentiment went straight to my heart, touching me deeply. “It sucks, you know? It’s hard—it’s fucking hard—and I fucking get that.”
It was, and I was honestly glad he was here with me.
“Thank you. Thank you for that and your kind words. You have no idea how good that just made me feel.” No one, not even Trista, could understand what it was to be in this position.
Done with our cozy dinner, Carter did the gentlemanly thing by taking the couch while I took over his bed. I was actuall
y surprised he didn’t join his friends and party outside. It gave me a glimpse of the new Carter—the tortured one. This new version had a soul, had intense depth, and I couldn’t help having more respect now that I understood where he was in life, his pain, thanks to this odd sense of camaraderie with him.
He was a friend, and I was happy I had found someone who understood me without undermining my decisions or my inexplicable pain.
~ A ~
The next day, freshly showered with my wet hair in a loose bun, I donned some casual, denim short shorts and a peach-hued loose top then tiptoed out of the room to find Carter still fast asleep on the couch.
Upon entering the kitchen, I was surprised to see Brody there, about to make a pot of coffee.
“Well, look at you, looking fresh as a daisy!” His comment was made with a barb, coming off unfriendly.
I stilled, but instead of throwing back shade, I clashed my eyes with his. “Your eyes are red … very red.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t sleep.”
Obviously. It was a miracle I got any sleep at all knowing what the hell was going on in the house. Thankfully, I did get rested sleep.
“Well, maybe you should head to bed, then, ‘cause you look like you’re about to pass out.”
He threw me a hurtful look, as if he was pissed and saddened at the same time. “Can you blame me, Amber? You’re the one who decided to barge in here and fuck with my head.”
I blinked a few times, perplexed, before I found the wherewithal to speak. “What? You think that’s what I’m here for?”
He was insane.
He didn’t move, didn’t blink. Instead of addressing what I had just said, what came out of his mouth threw me for a loop.
“So how were the newlyweds?” he stonily asked, drawled with pure acid.
Damn, he wanted to go there. Okay, then.
“Good … you know … They’re the same as usual.” As usual, I wanted to jab it in, but I chose to answer it in a less cruel way since he was hurting. It was plastered all over him, even if he wouldn’t admit it. I knew Brody well.
Something flashed in his eyes before he made a cruel smirk. “I wouldn’t know,” he said.
He resumed his task of making coffee, busying himself with measuring the coffee grounds, pouring chilled water into the water panel, and then pressing the start button for it to begin brewing. Only then did he finally resort to looking back at where I remained unmoved from my spot, somewhat mesmerized by him doing menial chores.
“She lied and kept a secret about being married to him while I was with her.”
Immense sadness filled me. I was sad for myself, for him, and the unchangeable situation itself. Personal emotions aside, I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the hurt that was constantly stabbing my heart each time I saw him, knowing full well he would never be mine.
“Time heals all wounds. It may take a very long time to get there, but you will get there eventually,” I meekly stated, hoping my words would enlighten him.
“You’re certainly very optimistic,” he said with a sneer.
“In a way, I am. I guess the vacation in Greece showed me there’s more to life than sulking.” And being in love with someone who couldn’t care less what I was feeling, I silently added.
It wounded me to think that, but it was the truth. Though I felt bad for the both of us, I didn’t want to ruin the rest of my life by sulking about the fact that there were just some things in life we would never get to have. It was how the world worked. Sometimes, it was best to learn to accept it, even if it was a hard pill to swallow.
“Two weeks, huh?” he muttered, scratching the side of his chin as he gave me a serious look. “So, when did you and Carter start hooking up?” Instead of giving me a chance to explain, he kept going with his rant and combative words. “He’s probably too fucked up about seeing Emma so happy and shit. That’s why he had to fuck you—to forget her.”
What. The. Fuck! Did that really just come out of his mouth?
“Wow. You’re on a roll this morning, and it’s not even past ten o’clock.”
“I’m just saying, in case you’re thinking he might dig your crazy and that you guys might have a chance longevity wise.”
Pressing my lips together, I tried to compose myself. “Thanks for the great advice, Brody.” He was serving his dish cold and heartless. Okay, I got him loud and clear. “You’re such a great friend.”
“Right.”
For a moment, I had some hesitation. Should I remain after he just stabbed me in the front and back, or should I simply leave? After all, being around his shitty mood wasn’t going to do anything but fuck my day up. He was a big asshole, no doubt about that. So, why the fuck should I be around him when he wasn’t doing me any good?
My decision made, I spun around to retrace my steps then heard him from behind.
“Where are you going?” he questioned harshly just as the coffee indicated the pot was done.
As much as I loved my coffee in the mornings, I preferred it sweet instead of bitter, thank you very much.
“Back to Carter’s arms, as you can imagine,” I snapped, feeling a million times better.
Amber the doormat, I was not! It was time to show some restraint and backbone. Doormats got used and bitches … Well, they ruled the world.
I ought to take something from Lindsey’s view on life.
Chapter Twelve
It was my second day in Carter’s home, and though he was nice and accommodating, I felt as if I needed to get away and be around different people for a while. I knew he meant well, but seriously, being around Brody and his toxic personality, sober or drunk, was just too much for me. I was still in a fragile state, even if I came off as fine and strong. Deep down, I was still coping from the hurt of my past decisions.
Since it was summer, house parties were abundant. My cell phone had been ringing non-stop since I got there with invitations to one party after the other. Given that parties in Carter Mason’s home were a daily thing, be it small or massive, I wasn’t particularly interested in going somewhere else to live it up while making small talk or pretending to be friendly. Declining the parties wasn’t a major deal, but one invite stood out.
It was Rob’s party. He was a friend, just not a close one. We were mostly party buddies, always chilling when I was in the dumps, and tonight, I needed his casual, laidback self to cheer me up.
Sprawled on the floor in Carter’s room as I sifted through the clothes in my luggage, I heard him come out of the bathroom, freshly showered. Then in came a strong, masculine scent that wafted all over the room. Damn, he smelled yummy.
“Hey, do you have a second?” he questioned as I tried to hide the stupid smile that appeared because my mind was drifting off to pheromone land.
Playing it cool, I used my butt to spin my body to face him with an easy smile. “What’s up, doll?”
The easy smile tapered off the moment I found him in his shorts, showcasing a defined six-pack. Did he not realize I was still a woman, one who hadn’t been laid in ages? Seriously, there should be a rule for that.
He snickered upon hearing me call him doll. “I just got a phone call that I got into this soccer camp in Brazil, and I have to leave first thing tomorrow.”
“Oh, wow! That’s huge! Congratulations!” I exclaimed, knowing that was a major deal for him.
He was all about the sport, and I believed his love for Emma had derailed him from achieving what he truly wanted. Since Emma had dropped him like a hot potato, it was time to focus back on what he was passionate about. I admired him for having the strength and will to keep going. He was young and beautiful; I had great confidence he would bounce back in no time if given, of course, enough distance between Emma and himself. Brazil was the perfect answer.
“Thank you. I’m actually looking forward to it.” He made a genuine smile that indicated he was in a good place, that he truly had thought this out, and i
t was time to live again. “I think it’ll be a good thing. I need to focus on where I want my life to go. This is a make it or break it deal for me. If I don’t move now and take this opportunity, I might never have another one.”
“Then go for it. Fuck the rest. Do what you gotta do, babe. You know more than anyone what’s best for you.” I beamed before getting up from the floor to embrace him.
Somehow, it felt as though we needed the unforeseen friendship that had blossomed out of nowhere between us, a relationship I was grateful for. He was a good, changed man, and the next woman he decided to commit himself to better know how to cherish him well, or she was going to get it from me. All that aside, I was sincerely happy for him. This was a chance of a lifetime, so screw the rest.
Besides, he was right. It could be what he needed to refocus and concentrate on what he would love to do in the future.
Despite that he was leaving the next day, he made sure I knew I was more than welcome to stay there and carry out the original plan of my two week stay. I was still on the fence about that, because without him, I would have to deal with Brody and Cooper. Coop, I had no problems with. He was an easy, chill guy to be around, but Brody? Well, he seemed to be angry about anything and everything.
Tonight, I had every intention of letting myself go and having some good, ol’ fun to forget about Brody and his moodiness. I desperately needed it more than anything. I literally needed to lighten up, and a joint or two would do anyone wonders when stressed out. With that in mind, I was looking forward to what was in store for tonight.
Hours later, I waited until the clock hit nine before I began getting ready. I was a girly chick with a tomboy edge, and I liked to mix and match this edginess in my clothing and the way I carried myself. Don’t get me wrong; I loved a beautiful dress as much as the next woman, but I also liked to sweat and have it rough at the gym without a complaint. I wasn’t high maintenance. Well, I didn’t think I was.
No offense to my best friends, but the three of them were super girly. Emma wouldn’t be caught dead trying to play soccer, let alone dress in a sporty outfit. Lindsey would rather dye her hair blonde before trying a beer. Trista would rather get lip injections than do a bicycle marathon for some cause. I understood that we were different individuals and had our own quirks; however, I admit there were times when I didn’t feel as if I fit in with them.