by Pamela Bauer
“Shhh. Don’t talk now,” he told her. “You need to rest.”
Megan’s voice trembled as she said, “I wish she’d take me home with her.”
Adam felt as if two hands reached right into his chest and squeezed his heart. “You’ll get to go home when you’re feeling better,” he said gently. He took her small hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing the knuckles ever so gently.
“Will Mommy be there?” The question came out on a pathetic little whimper, then before Adam could answer, she had closed her eyes and succumbed to sleep.
It was obvious Megan was still not over the death of her mother. He supposed it shouldn’t have surprised him. She was so young and innocent—too young to have to cope with the loss of a parent. Now the trauma of surgery had been added to her already-confused emotional state. He could only hope that once she recovered from the effects of the anesthetics, she wouldn’t be asking about her mother.
As he watched her sleep, he stared at her face, trying to see why his relatives thought she looked like him. All he saw was a younger version of Christie. With her blond hair, blue eyes and small rounded nose, Megan definitely looked more like an Anderson than a Novak. Lori insisted that she had his smile, but he was reserving an opinion on that one until the space where her tooth was missing had been filled.
His brother, Greg, had pointed out that Megan had several of Adam’s mannerisms, like biting down on her lower lip when she concentrated and wiggling her feet while she slept. He glanced to the end of the bed, knowing that if he watched it long enough, he’d see the blanket twitch. After only a few seconds it did wiggle and he smiled.
Adam thought it was strange that she should have any of his traits considering they’d spent so many years apart. Again he looked at her face, so peaceful in slumber. She had so much potential, so many possibilities ahead of her. From the day he’d first seen her he’d promised himself that he would make up for the years he’d missed in her young life.
And he would. He was going to do his best to protect her from getting hurt again. And he would spend more time with her. Ever since she’d come to live with him he’d been working like a fiend getting ready for the debut of the newest Novak yacht. He’d had little free time to do the fun things that fathers and daughters were supposed to do. But that was going to change. As the sun’s first morning rays slowly appeared through the slits in the window blinds, he pulled out his Palm Pilot to see where he could schedule her in.
AFTER SPENDING THE NIGHT in a chair, Adam needed a shower and a change of clothes. While his sister-in-law kept his daughter company, he took his laptop and went home where he was tempted to grab a few hours of sleep, but chose instead to call his brother in Miami to get a report on the boat show and to take care of several other business matters.
It was after noon when he returned to the hospital. Before going up to see Megan, he stopped at the gift shop in the lobby and bought a bouquet of balloons and a small white bear that had Get Well Soon embroidered inside a pink heart on its chest.
When he walked into Megan’s room, he saw Lori was sitting next to the bed reading her a story. The blinds were open, allowing a stream of sunshine in and Megan’s bed had been raised so that she was no longer lying flat on her back.
“Oooh, what pretty balloons,” Lori cooed when she saw what was in Adam’s hands. “What do you think, Megan?”
“Are they for me?” she asked, a gleam of interest in her eyes.
“They certainly are.” Adam set the bear down next to her on the bed. “Along with this guy, they’re supposed to help you feel better,” he told her, giving her a smile.
As he glanced around for a place to put the balloons, Lori said, “You can probably tie them to the foot rail. That way Megan can see them even if the curtain is drawn around her bed.” She reached for the bear and moved it closer to her niece, tucking it under the covers so that it was beside her. “Isn’t he soft?”
Megan nodded, her small hand closing around the bear and bringing it to her face. “He’s very soft. Thank you,” she said politely.
“You’re welcome. How are you feeling?” he asked, taking the chair on the opposite side of the bed from Lori.
“Okay,” she answered without much enthusiasm.
“Dr. Lindgren was here earlier and said that she should start feeling much better once she’s able to eat,” Lori told him. “She’s going to try some Jell-O for lunch.”
“Yes, I heard. That’s good news,” Adam said.
“And the other good news is that while you were gone, she got up and went to the bathroom,” Lori told him.
“That has to be a good sign,” Adam acknowledged.
“I didn’t like doing my business in that pan,” Megan said with the frankness of a child. She told him several other things she didn’t like about being in the hospital before asking him the one question he didn’t want to hear. “Have you seen Mommy today?”
Lori’s eyes met his and she shrugged helplessly. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and said, “Megan, you know we can’t see her. She’s in heaven.”
“Not anymore she isn’t. She came back,” Megan said in a small voice. “Will you find her for me?”
He leaned closer to her. “I can’t do that because she’s not here.”
She licked her lips with her tongue before saying, “But I saw her yesterday when I was getting a ride in my bed.”
“You mean you saw someone who looked like her,” he corrected her.
“Uh-uh. I saw her,” she told him.
Adam reached for her hand and clasped it within his. “We’ve talked about this before, Megan. From time to time you’re going to see women with blond hair and blue eyes who remind you of your mother. That’s only natural. You loved her very much and you miss her.”
“But this lady was my mommy,” she insisted.
“No, she wasn’t,” he said gently, but firmly.
She pulled her hand away. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me.” It was an accusation accompanied by a look that reminded Adam of all that was wrong in their relationship.
“It’s not that I don’t believe you. I think you’re confused because you saw someone who looks like your mother,” he said.
“It was her,” she stated as emphatically as she could considering she had very little strength. “She smiled at me and she blew me a kiss. Mommy always did this when she said goodbye.” She raised two fingers to her lips, then held them up in the air as if sending a kiss his way.
“Lots of people blow kisses, Megan.”
“It was my mommy,” she stated. Her gaze shot to Lori. “You believe me, right?”
Lori sighed. “Oh, sweetie, it’s not a question of believing you. I’m sure the woman you saw looked a lot like your mom….”
Realizing neither of them thought she’d seen her mother, Megan couldn’t stop her lip from quivering and the tears from falling. Pain tightened Adam’s chest.
“It’s only natural that you’d be thinking about her while you’re here in the hospital,” he said. “She used to comfort you when you were sick, remember?”
Megan nodded. “Sometimes she’d climb into bed with me to keep me warm.” She hiccupped as she struggled not to sob. “She could make my tummyaches go away without having to have an operation.”
“I know.” He brushed a stray blond hair away from her cheek. “Unfortunately your mommy’s not here. She’s in heaven.”
“Maybe she came back.”
The hope in her eyes had the same effect on him as a punch in the stomach. “People don’t come back from heaven, Megan. Once you go there, you stay there forever.”
“But you came back,” she told him.
Adam exchanged glances with Lori before saying, “No, I didn’t. I was never in heaven.”
“Mommy said you were.”
Again he caught Lori’s glance and it was filled with empathy.
“Well, your mommy made a mistake. She only thought I’d gone to heaven,” he expla
ined, trying not to feel frustrated with something over which he’d had no control.
“Maybe you made a mistake and Mommy didn’t really go to heaven, either,” she argued.
His anger with Christie for keeping Megan’s existence from him surfaced. He could only imagine how different things would be this very moment if instead of disappearing from his life, Christie had told him she was pregnant with his child.
“Other people believe your mommy’s in heaven, too,” Lori said. “Even your uncle Tom knows she’s there.”
“Maybe he made a mistake, too,” Megan countered innocently.
Adam could see that he was accomplishing nothing by trying to convince her she hadn’t seen her mother. If there was one thing he’d learned in the short time he’d known his daughter it was that once she had her mind made up about something, she wasn’t about to change it. He could see this was one of those times.
“Tell me why you think she’s here in the hospital, Megan,” he said patiently.
“When I saw her she told me she works here. She rocks the babies,” she answered.
“She told you that?” he asked, wondering if there actually was an employee who rocked babies.
“Yes. In the child-care center.”
He looked at Lori who said, “It’s on the first floor.”
He thought for a long moment before getting to his feet. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll go downstairs and look for this woman so we can find out what her name is.”
“I know what her name is. She’s my mommy.” Megan’s voice sounded weary, reminding Adam that she had a long recovery ahead of her.
Lori raised a finger to her lips. “Shh. Don’t talk, just rest. Let your dad go and see if he can find her.”
Adam glanced down at his daughter. “I’ll be back as soon as I’ve talked to her, okay?”
Megan’s response was a satisfied grin. On any other occasion it would have made him happy. Today it only made him anxious.
Lori looked at Adam. “I’ll walk with you to the elevators.” As soon as they were in the hallway she said, “I’m worried about her, Adam. She really does believe that she saw Christie.”
“I know. Last night I thought it was simply the medication, but she’s lucid today and she’s still asking for her,” he said as they walked toward the bank of elevators at the end of the corridor.
“She thinks people can come back from heaven,” Lori said on a sigh.
“Yes, and we know why.” He found it difficult to hold back his frustration with Megan’s mother. “All of this could have been avoided if Christie had simply allowed me to be Megan’s father from day one.” Impatiently he raked a hand through his hair. “I still don’t know why she never told me she was pregnant.”
“You said it was a one-night stand, Adam,” she reminded him, as if that explained Christie’s behavior.
“That didn’t give her the right to keep Megan’s existence from me,” he argued. “I may not have been the most mature guy seven years ago, but I wouldn’t have turned my back on my own daughter.”
“Of course you wouldn’t,” his sister-in-law said in a tone definitely meant to appease him.
Lori had been married to his brother long enough to know that he had strong family values. She’d also seen enough women come and go in his life to know that making a commitment to one wasn’t a priority in his life. Although she rarely commented on his personal relationships, he knew that she hoped that marriage and a family would be in his future. One of the reasons they got along as well as they did was because they had an unspoken agreement between them. He didn’t interfere in his brother’s marriage and she respected his privacy when it came to his love life. Now that he had Megan, he could see she was finding it difficult to honor her end of the agreement.
They’d reached the elevators and stood facing each other. “It does no good to wonder what might have been,” Lori told him. “We need to get this resolved and soon. Megan can’t go on thinking her mother’s come back from the dead.”
Adam pressed the call button. “It will be resolved. If this woman she’s mistaken for Christie works in the child-care center, I’ll find her. Will you stay with Megan until I get back?”
“Of course. I do have a doctor appointment later this afternoon, though.”
He nodded. “This shouldn’t take long.”
An elevator car arrived and he stepped inside. As the doors slid shut, he tried not to think about how fragile and vulnerable Megan had looked as she’d asked about her mother. He’d wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that nothing would ever harm her as long as he was around.
He hadn’t. And not just because of the hospital equipment connected to her. She had given him no reason to believe that she wanted him to be her father. If anything, she’d shown him in a hundred different ways that she didn’t regard him as her parent.
She wanted a mother, not a father. It’s why she preferred to be with Lori rather than with him. He wondered if it also wasn’t the reason why she wanted so badly to believe that she’d seen Christie in the hospital.
He tried not to feel as if he’d flunked another fatherhood test, but after six weeks of being a parent, he’d made very little progress in earning her trust and love. That had to change. How it would happen, he wasn’t sure, but he knew it had to start with finding the baby rocker.
“THERE WAS A MAN looking for you while you were at lunch,” Mrs. Carmichael told Faith when she came back to work after her break.
She frowned. “What did he want?”
“He said he wanted to thank you for being kind to his daughter.”
“Did you tell him I was just doing my job?” she asked, pulling on the blue and green smock all hospital volunteers wore.
“Oh, he didn’t leave his daughter here at the center. She’s a patient on the second floor.” Her supervisor pulled a slip of paper from her pocket. “A little girl named Megan Novak.”
The name didn’t ring a bell. “Are you sure he wanted me? I don’t remember meeting anyone by that name.”
“He asked specifically for the woman who rocks the babies, and even described you as having blond hair and blue eyes,” Mrs. Carmichael answered. “I told him I’d pass on his thanks but if he wanted to do it himself in person he could come back this afternoon.”
Puzzled, Faith shook her head. “He must have me confused with someone else.”
“I know you like to visit the kids in pediatrics. Maybe it’s someone you met while you were there?”
“It could be, but I don’t remember anyone named Megan.”
The older woman shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about it. If he comes in, it will all get straightened out.”
Faith didn’t give it another thought but went back to work. She had just finished buttoning her smock when a little boy arrived at the center. He was a two-year-old named Isaac who didn’t want to be separated from his mother. Unfortunately, his father was a patient on the fourth floor and his mother wanted to visit him.
It wasn’t the first time Faith had to calm a kicking and screaming child who thought a temper tantrum would bring his mother back to the nursery. With a patience that had earned her the nickname “the peacemaker” from another of her co-workers, Faith waited until he had vented his frustration before attempting to take him on her lap. Eventually he saw that no amount of ranting was going to bring his mother back. Faith spoke to him in a gentle tone, urging him to sit with her in the rocker. Within minutes she had rocked him to sleep.
“Do I dare talk or will he wake up?” The voice was almost a whisper.
She glanced up and saw a tall man with dark hair and even darker eyes looking at her. He wore a pair of corduroy slacks and a tweed sweater. Although he was at least a foot away from her, she felt as if he had invaded her space. So intimidating was his presence. Her heart-beat increased. For the first time since her accident, someone was looking at her with a familiar glint in his eye.
The fact that it was such an attractive man caused
her stomach to do a flip-flop, as well. She glanced at the boy on her lap. “I think this one can sleep through just about anything. Can I help you with something?”
He glanced at her name tag. “You’re Faith, the baby rocker, right?”
“Yes, I am.” When he continued to stare at her without saying a word she asked, “Do I know you?” Her mouth went dry at the possibility and every nerve in her body tensed as she waited for his answer. He hesitated, staring at her the way the toddlers in her care often examined the wooden puzzles on the table—with both fascination and uncertainty.
When he said, “You don’t recognize me?” her heartbeat quickened.
She shook her head. “Should I?” It was obvious from the way he was staring at her that he thought she should. Hope mushroomed inside her that she might finally learn her identity. Ever since her accident she’d been anticipating the day when someone would recognize her. She wondered if this man was that someone.
Then he said, “No, we haven’t met. I’m Adam Novak. Megan’s father.”
The man who’d come looking for her to thank her for being kind to his daughter. Just as quickly as it had surfaced, the hope disappeared. Faith did her best to hide her disappointment, but her voice was subdued when she said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know who Megan is.”
“She’s six years old. Blond hair. Blue eyes. A couple of days ago she had surgery,” he explained. “While they were moving her to her room on the second floor, she must have seen you. She said you talked to her and told her you rock babies here in the nursery.”
The memory of the frightened little girl came to her and made Faith’s voice soften with concern. “That was your daughter?”
He nodded. “I don’t know what you said to her, but she’s been talking about you ever since.”
Something in his tone gave her the impression he wasn’t exactly pleased about that, despite his cordial smile. “Sometimes with children all that’s necessary is a smile,” she told him, wishing he’d leave, but he lingered, his hands in his pockets as he stood next to the rocking chair, his gaze intense. “How is she feeling? Is she going to be all right?” Faith asked.