Silence didn't last long in the truck. We got a few miles outside of the town and she broke down crying. I was pissed. Not with her obviously, but I was pissed. I stopped at a rest area and got out of the truck. I rounded the truck, opened her door, reached across her body, unbuckled her belt, and was going to scoop her out of the truck. Instead, she rolled into my arms and fell completely limp, carrying both of us to the pavement below. She was hysterical. I'd never experienced anything like it. I held her as tightly as I could, just a little reminder to her that I wasn't going anywhere.
We sat there for several hours, daylight was waning on us. She never stopped crying. She never regained her strength. Her life was in my hands at that point, literally. I had to carry her to a brighter day. I knew what my job was. Don't let go. Multiple people drove into the rest stop and gave us strange looks, as if I was holding her against her will. We even had a police officer approach us and ask me what was going on. I told him what happened, her tears didn't skip a beat. The world did not exist to her at that point.
Slowly she came to. She looked up at me, her eyes were so empty. I gave her a faint smile, just enough to remind her that I wasn't going anywhere.
“I'm sorry you had to experience that,” she said sincerely.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. If I had to do it all over again, I'd do exactly the same thing,” I responded.
“It's hard to believe you would stand face to face with a gun for me.”
“I would do anything for you. No doubt about it.”
We got back in the truck soon after that and headed back to the Beach House. The ride was mostly silent. I checked on her more than I think she realized. She looked empty, lost. She stared out the window and watched the landscape go by in the California dusk. Every so often, she wiped away another tear, and I found myself wanting to stop the truck and hold her again.
Once back at the Beach House, I wasn't sure if I should hang around or let her grieve on her own. I knew what I wanted to do, but it's a tough position to be in. Did she want to be alone? I didn't want to be making any decisions for her. She went to the bedroom, I decided to order us some food. I heard her on the phone, wasn't sure who she was talking to. Food was delivered, she got off the phone just in time.
I brought the food to the room and sat on the bed next to her. She was crying again, but she smiled at me as I handed her some dinner.
“Thank you. You're too good to me,” she said, trying to let her smile shine through her tears.
“Truth is, I'm not good enough to you. Nobody could ever be good enough to someone like you,” I responded.
“I just got off the phone with Mandy. She said she's not going to talk to me and that Dad will cut her off if she does. My parents, fine, I get that. But Mandy – She's my twin. She's the one who's supposed to always be there.”
“I wish there was something more I could do. All I can promise you is I'm not going anywhere. I still won't hold it against you if you leave me for your family,” I said, fingers crossed. Yes, it was still a lie.
“You need to stop saying that. I'm not leaving you for them. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to need you to be strong. But we can make it through this. With you, I just – it feels like I can do anything. You make me feel stronger than I've ever felt.”
Lexi was able to get her other sister, Danelle, to talk to her. So we scheduled Thanksgiving dinner at Danelle's place with her boyfriend. Not long after we arrived, Lexi and Danelle were in the kitchen preparing dinner. I was with Danelle's boyfriend, Drew, in the living room watching the Cowboys game. It was a tad awkward. He was not a big talker and neither was I. So we watched.
I'm not going to lie – While I loved the break from my family, I was so not impressed with his TV. At the Crew's beach house, I'm used to the best of the best. I guess I'm pampered. And his TV made me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon.
“So you like Lexi?” he asked.
“No doubt about that,” I responded without hesitation.
“And you realize she's a lot younger than you, right? I mean, I'm younger than you.”
“Age is just a number to me. Feelings and dedication are what matter.”
“I did some reading up on you. You're awfully dedicated to your racing. Just won your, what, eleventh straight title. Would you give that up for her?” Shades of Mary-Margaret came back to the surface.
“I would never ask the person I love to give up their career or their passion, no matter what it is. I think that's far too much to ask. I would like to think Lexi will afford me the same courtesy.” I knew before I said a word that he wasn't going to like that answer. And he didn't.
“Lexi is old enough to make her own decisions, so I'm only going to say this once. She's not always easy to handle. She has fallen for you very quickly, so if you don't think you're going to be there to support her, bow out now. You'll be doing her a huge favor. She's already given up her family for you. Don't make her regret anything else.” Yes, I noticed the underhanded nature of that comment.
"I understand where you're coming from and I don't blame you for saying any of that. But I'm here, I'm invested in her life. I want to be here and I know what I'm dealing with. I'm not leaving her, and I won't be leaving her. I will treasure her with all my life. That is all I can promise you."
Danelle was not supporting Lexi, not surprisingly to me. It was yet another blow to her though. Lexi was taking this really hard. She and I were going to spend Christmas alone together at the Montana Mansion. A couple of days before Christmas, Lexi asked me to go out on a walk with her. We found ourselves knee deep in snow in the middle of a field. She started a snowball fight and I have to admit, the girl had a gun on her. She beamed me in the face with one and it felt like my cheek was about to freeze off.
Once we agreed on a cease fire, I tried to wrestle her to the ground in the soft powder of the freshly fallen snow. She escaped my grasp and then tripped. As she picked herself up, I arrived at her side and she gave me the sweetest little smile. It was so telling, so precise, so real. It was one of those simple moments with her I’ll never forget about.
On Christmas Eve, Lexi was standing by the sliding doors that lead to the back porch. The lights from the Christmas tree gave her hair a special glimmer. It reminded me of how Maddie's hair looked in her icicle fort. As I entered the room, all I could do was smile, sigh, and be happy. That was my girl.
Lexi was staring out the window at the falling snow. Dusk had fallen, she could only see the snowflakes closest to the window. She loved watching the snow fall. I didn't know if it soothed her or what, but she loved it either way. Knowing her, she could stand there for hours before looking away. Her patience was such a virtue.
“What're you doing, young lady?” I asked her. She quickly wiped a tear away from her face, choked back a few sniffles. This was concerning to say the least. I never knew snowflakes to make her cry.
“Hey,” she choked out.
I approached her and sat on the arm of the nearest chair. She, indeed, was full on crying. Maybe not full on – She was sobbing. Either way, I could feel my heart breaking inside. I couldn't stand to see her cry. I had to fix this.
“What's going on?”
“I don't think I can do this anymore,” she responded.
Silence. I couldn't believe it. There was a significant age difference between us. We hadn't really known each other for long, but in such a short time, I grew very fond of Lexi. She was able to understand me, every facet of who I am. Now she wanted to leave? This just couldn't be happening.
“I'm sorry. I just don't think this is right,” she continued.
“Just hold on a second, wait.” I slid into the cushy chair and yanked her onto my lap. I'd only seen her like this once before. She curled up into a ball. I held her, with all the passion I had, I held her. This was a heart I didn't want to see break. This was a girl I treasured.
“Please talk to me,” I said.
“I just don't think this is
right. You haven't seen me at my worst.”
“And you haven't seen me at my worst either.” It was at that point I noticed she was shaking. This girl who had defied all odds against her, risen up, and gone to great lengths to show the world what she was made of – She was scared. Legitimately scared.
I knew I had to be strong for her. I continued, “You haven't seen me at my worst, and that's okay. Please, this isn't the time to leave. When that void inside you is no longer filled, that's the time to leave. When I can no longer comfort you, when you no longer feel safe in my arms – When you don't feel the same feeling when you look at me, that's the time to leave.”
I started to think about why I cared about her so much. Again, the age difference was significant. I was heavily entrenched in my career, she was only getting started. We had met under fairly stressful and public circumstances. Why was it that I cared so much about this sweet little girl?
The answer came to mind quickly. This girl understood me, she got me. But why? How? With everything bedded against us, how could she understand me? She and I, we were from the same world. There was nothing more to it than that. Our paths to where we were right then were far different. But we were from the same world.
“And what about the age difference? I'm ten years younger than you. That doesn't make you skeptical?”
“Certain things just don't matter to me. Our age difference doesn't matter. What you do on the weekends doesn't really matter, within reason, of course. What matters is that you and I grow together. If one of us stops growing, only then are we doomed to fail.”
“You honestly believe that?”
Without a doubt, I did believe that. There were several core beliefs I had when it came to relationships. One of them I learned from my father. I once asked him what made his marriage with my mother work. Without much thought, he told me “Your mother is worth fighting with.” Not at all what I expected to hear. I could walk you back to the exact point on the road where he was driving us that he said that. Couldn't tell you exactly how old I was, where we were going, or even what car we were in. Couldn't even tell you the time of year, or the weather. Fighting for someone is easy. Fighting with someone without turning your back and walking away – That's the hard part.
Another core belief was that if a relationship was going to work, both must grow together. If one half grows faster than the other, it just won't work. I believed that Lexi could be a perfect fit for this part of my life, and I sincerely hoped that she and I could grow together despite the age difference.
“Is there any other hole you'd like to poke in the relationship?” At least I got a giggle out of her. “There's my girl.”
She had no more holes to poke. We laid there together for at least another hour. We didn't fall asleep. We both continued to watch the snow fall. Lexi was a special girl in every sense of the word. Watching the snow fall soothed her, and for that hour or so, it soothed me knowing that it's what she wanted to do and I got to be a part of it.
On the 26th, I woke up and Lexi was gone. I looked all around the house for her. On Christmas night, she and I had sex for the first time. The next morning, she was gone. What happened? What did I do? Why did I end up here? Yet another girl walked out on me. This was becoming a routine I was far too accustomed to.
- 9 -
The Unexpected
Ayrton came up to the Montana Mansion from SoCal to escape after inking his new sponsorships. Yes, that's right. A master mechanic was sponsored. I found myself on the Bogert rink late at night. Ayrton had reserved the Montana Mansion. He was probably having himself a party, girls only invited. He did that once in a while. I was never interested. I enjoyed my time alone on the ice.
Around midnight, I got a call from Mikaela and it was clear she was frightened as soon as I answered the phone.
“Ryan! Ryan you need to get over here. We're over at the mansion on Willson, you need to get here now. Maddie is – I need your help. Just get here, please? Now, quick!” Mikaela was completely hysterical. I'd never heard her like that.
I knew exactly what house Mikaela was talking about. It was a popular party house in the area, generally rented by the richest, nastiest party guys Bozeman had to offer. Rarely did good things happen at that house. The police were regularly called out there for rape cases, drug busts, underage drinking, even a couple of murders. I knew what I was getting into... And of course, again, I was driving Betsy. It’s ridiculous how many crazy encounters that truck had endured.
I drove up and double parked a couple of houses down from the mansion. I could hear the music blaring as soon as I opened my door. This must have been one of their big events. What was Maddie doing there, though? I mean, I realize she was more of a party girl than she had ever let on, but this didn't seem like the new Maddie. Either way, I couldn't stand by as she needed help.
After exiting my truck, I approached the house and just as I got to the front lawn, Mikaela had what looked like a passed out Maddie tossed over her shoulder. Several guys were grabbing at the two of them, lifting up Maddie's skirt, ripping at Mikaela's dress.
“Mikaela, hey. What's going on?” I yelled. The scene was so chaotic, I didn't really even know what I was saying.
“Take her! You've got to take her!” Mikaela said as one of the guys tried to jam his hand in her mouth. This was a nightmare, these guys couldn't possibly be human.
“No, head for the truck,” I said as I started to pull the guys away from her. Punches were thrown. I was quickly getting overrun by a mass of guys much bigger than I was. I stand 6'1” tall, but at only 180, this was a tough fight for me. I got decked several times, pretty sure I got kicked in my old rib injury, and that knocked all the wind out of me. I fell to the ground, started looking around for Maddie as my vision narrowed. I was getting kicked, stomped, punched. This wasn't going to last much longer, I was going to be out.
I spotted Mikaela and Maddie. They still had guys grabbing at them. Suddenly something changed. It took me a second to realize what it was though – Ayrton, Chase, Greg, and Chaz had shown up. One by one, the boys picked off the crowd of drunken assholes that were trying to take advantage of Maddie. I forced myself to stand. Ayrton and I made contact. Not sure what he said, but it was something about getting the fuck out of dodge. I had to find Maddie. I took one deep breath and made a run for Betsy. Mikaela and I made contact at the truck. I opened up the back door and practically threw Mikaela and Maddie in.
Without words, I drove. It was just past midnight at this point. I was headed for the Yellowstone Pad to get Maddie as far away from that party as I could. I didn't know if maybe someone at that party knew who I was, I had to be safe. Mikaela eventually climbed into the front seat.
“I've got her buckled in. She's going to be fine, I got there before anything happened,” she said.
“Do I want to know what happened?” I asked, fully well knowing I didn't really care as long as Maddie was safe.
“Nothing. I was heading to the party to make sure she was okay anyway. I got there right after she texted me for help. Just a bunch of guys grabbing at her and me.”
“Are you okay?”
“Of course. Maddie's okay, so I'm okay,” she said, her voice half trembling.
“I don't know if I can do this, Mikaela. I can't be there for someone mixed up with drinking and partying.”
“Ryan, she's only doing that because she thought she'd lost you.”
“We haven't been together for a year. You're telling me this is what she's been doing the whole time?” I realized that may have sounded insensitive. I didn't really know what else to think though.
“She heard Lexi left you and thought you would come to her. She kept telling me over and over that you'd be there with her by the end of the year. Then it finally hit her. You weren't coming back. And then she heard you were back in town and still didn't come find her. She was pretty crushed. I begged her not to act like this. She just – I don't think she has any idea how to take losing the love of
her life.”
“I know the feeling,” I said. Unfortunately I did. I couldn't hold this against her. It was devastating when it finally hit me that Mary-Margaret wasn't coming back.
“How did you deal with Mary-Margaret not coming back?” Mikaela asked. I knew that was coming.
“I didn't. I drowned myself in alcohol. I was always pissed off. Nothing was going to pull me out of it for that one month.”
“So what changed? I mean, clearly something did pull you out of it. What happened?”
“I met Diana. I had to go back to the racing circuit. I couldn't let my team down... I met her, and even though Diana was amazing, it took me almost five months to realize that if I stuck around any longer, she was going to destroy me with her own problems. Then came Maddie, and suddenly my life all made sense again.”
“What happened when Maddie left? I mean, she walked out on you. What did you do?” she asked.
“Well, I wasn't going to let myself slip back into that same pattern. I had grown up enough to just focus on my passions, my racing, the team.”
We got back to the Yellowstone Pad and not long after we arrived, Ayrton caught up with us and took Mikaela back to the Montana Mansion. I wondered if Mikaela would try to make amends for walking out on Ayrton. I carried Maddie into the bedroom and laid her on my bed. I sat next to her, observing her to make sure she was going to be okay.
It was almost five in the morning before Maddie finally woke up. She wasn't startled at the sight of me, something I was expecting since she was out like a light when I found her. She looked at me and gave me a faint smile.
“You came for me,” she said.
“I told you I'd always be there if you needed me. I just wish it wouldn't have happened like this,” I responded.
The Legend: The Love of Ryan Sumpter Page 16