“You're always invited wherever I am. You know that. How'd you find out about this?”
“Ayrton called me. He told me you'd be here.”
It was the first indication I had that the group had their money on one of the girls. Why would Ayrton tell Maddie we were going to be here? Obviously Maddie lived in the area, Lexi was in California. Was it just because she was here? Or was there another reason Ayrton called her first? The thoughts started creeping up on me. Why would the group be cheering for one girl over the other? Am I thinking about this too hard?
Probably.
“I just wanted to come tell you that I love you and I'll always be here for you, no matter what. For now, though – Go have fun. I want to watch you guys enjoying yourselves,” Maddie said. I kissed her and skated away.
About an hour later, the game wound down and ended. Ayrton got all the guys off the ice. I stood there, looking at Maddie, waiting. Chase was the last one to pass. He gave me a hug and said “We're all here for you, bro. We believe in you and we love you. So many years, you've made our lives better every step of the way. This is your time to believe in yourself, focus on yourself. We will take care of everything else.” Chase skated off, gave Maddie a hug and I could read his lips as he told her, “Good luck.”
Maddie walked out onto the ice, I quickly skated to her as she started to slip. “You know better than to try to walk on ice,” I exclaimed.
“I just wanted to give you another chance to catch me as I fall,” she replied. What a line!
“I love you, Maddie. Our journey has been... Adventurous, sure. But great love isn't supposed to be easy.”
“You think we had a great love?” she asked.
“I know we have great love. Don't ever think that I stopped loving you for one second.”
“I left you after you asked me not to, after your mother had died and you needed me most. How can you forgive that?”
“What is love without forgiveness? Despite everything, I trust you. I can't stand to not love you, Maddie. It's just not possible,” I said. When she left the rink and I re-entered the locker room, Chase was the only one left.
“Hey man, sorry. The guys had to get going. They're preparing for the team party tomorrow,” Chase noted. I had completely forgotten about it.
“You knew Maddie was coming tonight, didn't you?” I asked him.
Chase couldn't help but crack a smile. “Yeah. We all did. Just so you know, she – Maddie, she thinks the world of you.”
“Yeah, but she's got a strange way of showing it sometimes.”
“She's been through a lot. So have you. But when it mattered most, you two have always been there for each other. Let's look at the positives. You two are insanely good together. You two have an epic love...”
“And the downside, she always leaves once things have settled down to focus on herself.” It broke my heart to say such a thing knowing that it was true.
“She's been in the middle of an identity crisis for a while now. I talked with her earlier, man. She and I met up for coffee. She's ready for the future now. She won't be giving up on you again.” Chase certainly sounded sure of it, but it was hard not to doubt what he was saying.
“You know, man – We all remember what things were like with Mary-Margaret. You're never going to replace that, you'll never find the same thing again. You aren't replacing her by marrying someone else. I think she would love Maddie. She'd love Lexi. Mary wants you to be happy. We all want you to be happy.”
I couldn't find any way to respond. It had been four long years since Mary-Margaret left and still I couldn't find the words to speak of her. I never was able to articulate what I thought about when it came to her, our separation, and moving forward. I knew long ago I was never going to forget her. She would never truly leave me. And she was just so very perfect, it made it impossible not to measure every girl I met against her. And I was a monster to her.
The next day, we held the company party at the Montana Mansion. The festivities were already full bore by 8AM in the morning. Several of the big guns with our sponsors were at the Mansion tossing back cigars and scotch like they were going out of style. I, on the other hand, was stowed away in my bedroom trying to figure out the massacre of my life.
After Maddie showed up at the hockey rink the night before, I was certain that Lexi would show up at some point. I was expecting the party to be great. These guys with our sponsors, they knew how to party. Traditionally, after the “regular” guests left, we would find ourselves at the bar in the kitchen telling priceless tales of our lives and experiences, and some of them were actually true.
An hour of laughter shared over some single malt was just what I needed to clear my conscience. My mind was clearer than it had been in months. Years, perhaps. Several of the guys went to the back porch to enjoy cigars, leaving Chase, Ayrton, and myself at the bar together.
“Hell of a party,” Chase said as he finished off another drink.
“No joke. One of our best,” I responded.
“You been thinking about everything?” Ayrton asked.
“Yeah, yeah I have. I gotta tell you guys, last night and today... Ya'll really stepped up. I always knew I had the best friends in the world. You guys proved it again,” I said.
“That's our job. We pick each other up when we're down. That being said, you have a guest,” Chase said as he turned around and faced the foyer behind us.
Lexi had arrived. This conversation was going to be a tough one. Ayrton and Chase each gave me a tap on the shoulder and left us to it. I approached Lexi and gave her a hug. I had already made up my mind at that point. Once the fog had cleared, it was the easiest decision I had made in a very long time.
“Hi Ryan,” Lexi said.
“Hi Lexi,” I responded. She seemed resigned and content with the situation, as if she knew what was coming.
“Did you have a great day?” she asked.
“Yeah, actually. One of the best on record.”
We stood in silence for several minutes. She flashed me that sweet smile of hers. It was almost like she was trying to comfort me. My soul was wary, no doubt, and she saw it clearly.
“I think you two are going to be great together,” Lexi told me. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Indeed, she already knew.
“I'm so sorry.”
“Why? I'm not. You were the best thing that ever could have happened to me. I'm a better person for knowing you.”
“But I hurt you,” I responded.
“I am hurt, but you didn't intentionally hurt me. You taught me that the heart wants what it wants, no excuses. If your heart doesn't want me...” Her tears were coming on full force. “Look, you have the purest heart I've ever seen. I'm lucky that I had any chance to ever be a part of your life and experience it.”
“You are so strong, Lexi. I couldn't be as strong as you are if the roles were reversed. I don't know how you do it.”
“The heart wants what it wants. And your heart wants Maddie. So go get your Maddie. She must be pretty incredible if she got you,” Lexi said. With that, she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.
“Goodbye, Ryan.”
Several weeks passed. It was just past midnight. The team was leaving in the morning for Australia. Twenty four hours on the team jet. It was to be the longest flight I had ever taken. I was standing out in front of the Montana Mansion with our head of security, Dave Cowling. He was having a smoke before getting back to work.
He took one last puff and put his cigarette out. I gave him a pat on the shoulder and suddenly we both found ourselves looking into oncoming headlights. There was a car coming up the driveway.
“You want me to tell them to get lost?” Dave asked me.
“No, it's okay,” I told him as I noticed the type of car coming at us. It was Maddie in her little black Toyota. Dave returned to his post as Maddie exited her car.
“Hey there, pretty girl,” I said.
“You haven't called me that in quite
a while. I was starting to wonder if you still thought I was as pretty as I used to be.”
“Oh Maddie, I've seen many beautiful women in my life. It gets tedious. But your beauty could never be tedious.”
“That's quite the line, Mister Sumpter,” she responded with a grin.
“And you are quite the girl, Miss Traut. So what's up?”
“I just – I wanted to tell you that no matter what, you are always going to hold such a special place in my heart...” Maddie stopped. She seemed frustrated with herself, as if that wasn't what she wanted to say.
“What is it, Maddie?”
“You've saved me so many times. Why? Why do you always save me?” Maddie asked.
“Because someone's got to. That I get to be that someone is just a bonus.”
She blushed. I wasn't trying to make her blush. I was trying to be honest. She approached me, wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head against my chest.
“Talk to me, pretty girl. Tell me what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours,” I told her as I gently placed my chin on the crown of her head.
“I want to be the one you choose. I want you. I understand you've got to follow your heart...”
“I chose you,” I interrupted.
“Excuse me?” she asked as she peeled her head away from my chest and looked at me.
“I already chose you. I chose you weeks ago, actually. I was just about to come see you, tell you the news. I was going to ask you to come to Australia with us tomorrow. You know, now that I say it out loud, it doesn’t sound like the most intelligent plan I’ve ever come up with.”
Maddie wasn't just tearing up, she was full on crying. “You can't be serious.”
“I don't know why it took me so long. A few years ago, I went from being the kind of guy that always knew what I wanted to being someone who was gutless and couldn't make a decision to save my life. I'm not doing it anymore. I knew you were the only one I wanted. Since I met you, you've been all I want.”
“You seem so happy. Why?”
“Because for the first time in forever, I know I’m making the right decision. It’s not hard to smile when your life is falling into place.”
“How did Lexi take the news?” Maddie asked, not surprisingly. She was always so compassionate for the feelings of others. It's one of the many things I loved about her.
“She's going to be okay, I think.”
“And us?”
“You and I are going to be great.”
The year was flying by. Ayrton had designed a couple of aero pieces for the McLaren chassis that put us way ahead of the competition. We dominated the first half, winning most of the races and giving ourselves a huge points lead. Maddie and I were fantastic, which kept me looking forward to the traditional Formula World Championship summer break from the racing circuit.
And eventually, it came – Between Budapest and Valencia, we had three weeks. I knew what we were going to do with that time. Ayrton knew. Chase knew. Yusuf knew. We all knew. All of us... except Maddie. She was in the dark. Six days after a huge win, we were all prepared.
August 10th, 2008. The weather was beautiful, I couldn't ask for much more. Mid-70's, gorgeous sunshine, just the slightest breeze. I was out on Maddie's range on the top of the hill in the middle of the property. My career was built by sitting on a machine with hundreds of horsepower. And here I was sitting on one horse and I was completely mortified.
Her name was Hannah. I named the horse after one of Maddie's best friends growing up who died of cancer at a young age. Horses meant so much to her, as did Hannah. I wanted the experience to reflect that.
“Okay Hannah, hang with me for a while. This could take some time,” I told the horse. She was stubborn and impatient... Sorta like me. She grumbled in return. I never realized horses grumbled.
It was about fifteen minutes later that I saw the smoke signal coming from the trees. Ayrton had done his job, Maddie was on the way. Ayrton was helping her by cutting down a trail on the property. He called her and fabricated a story that one of her free range horses was laying dead on the mountain. Not the nicest introduction, but it got her there. Yusuf, Ayrton, and Mikaela were all watching from afar, where the smoke signal came from. I was surprised Ayrton and Mikaela had been together for so long. After she apologized to him in January of 2007, they’d been steady ever since.
Soon after, she came up the hill riding her favorite horse.
“What're you doing here? And on a horse?” Maddie asked with a look of fright.
“Maddie, meet Hannah. She's my horse,” I told her. Pretty sure she was quite solidly stunned. She and I both dismounted our horses.
“Why did you do this?” she asked.
“Last year, you were there for me in a way nobody else ever has been. You protected me when my mother died. That was the moment I knew there was nobody else for me. That was the moment I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. I know how much this property means to you and how much you love horses. I did this to hopefully remind you that I would do absolutely anything for you.” I got down on one knee, took out the ring – Moment of truth.
“Madison Traut, will you save me? Save me from what my life could have been. Save me and show me what my life will be with you at my side. Maddie, will you please marry me?” She grabbed me by the shirt and stood me up. She kissed me, a magical kiss. “You haven't yet answered me.”
“You can't take a clue?” she said with a snicker.
“Not with this one,” I responded. Meant it, too. Guys can't take a clue on the question.
She kissed me again. “Yes. A thousand times, yes!” I could hear Yusuf, Ayrton, and Mikaela riding up.
I held up a thumb for them, to which Ayrton quickly responded, “Yeeeehaw!! One more Sumpter gonna be around to rule the world! Heed the word now, people!”
Before they got there, Maddie looked me in the eye and said “You know since you did this to propose, we're gonna have to get married on a race track.”
“You deserve a real wedding in a real church. Only the finest for my wife.”
It was just a week later, and the sight of Maddie still made me go weak at the knees. Nothing she could do would make her any less stunning in my eyes. In the moments she was self conscious, it wasn't hard for me to remind her how beautiful she was. The moments she dolled herself up and went all out, it still left me without words, simply breathless. The best part was, she appreciated everything I did for her. That made it all worthwhile.
We had gone down to the SoCal Beach House to spend some time getting stuff done for the wedding. We decided to be married in Montana, but she wanted to see what kind of options they had in SoCal. We were headed to a local jewelry store, Maddie wanted to buy each of her bridesmaids something as a gift. Researching wedding party gifts wasn't exactly on my list.
We weren't there for long. Rather, I wasn't there for long.
I left the store as quickly as I could. I was freaking out. My mind was racing a million miles an hour. I called Ayrton. He was the only one who could help me figure this one out.
“Dude, we've got a serious problem,” I told him.
“What's that?” he responded nonchalantly.
“I proposed to the wrong woman.” I could hear him drop the phone and quickly pick it back up.
“You're kidding me, right? No way, no fucking way man. You can't do this to Maddie. She's done so much for you. She deserves better than this!”
“I know, I know.”
“What the hell happened?” he asked. I knew I had to tell him the truth, no matter how stupid it sounded.
“We were in a store, and there was a blue diamond on display.” Yep, it sounded really stupid.
“A blue diamond? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It just hit me, man. Blue is Lexi's favorite color. I saw it, I wasn't even thinking about her, and it was like I got hit by a train. Man, you were so right, and it's awful, I know. I thought you were f
ull of shit man, I did. I wanted to believe you were. But you were right when you told me years ago… Mary-Margaret was my girl. She was only my girl. She never really had a real boyfriend other than me. She was completely mine. And it's so selfish, so damn selfish, but it's what matters in my heart. It's stupid. Maddie will never be completely mine. There will still be someone out there that sees Maddie with me and remembers when she was with someone else. But Lexi? She was always mine. She was all mine.”
“You do realize the issue with all of that, right? You're comparing Lexi to Mary-Margaret, but Mary-Margaret chose you. You chose Lexi. That's a different spin, man,” Ayrton noted.
“Mary-Margaret also walked out on me, which caused me to walk out on her. Whatever. I get that, but Ayrton – I made Maddie promise me that she wouldn't leave. But I promised Lexi that I would always be there for her, with her.”
“That isn't enough, man. There's gotta be more there.”
“Lexi is my girl,” I said. The comment was met with silence. Ayrton was only silent when he knew to give respect, and that was his way of showing it.
“Don't even think about saying a damn thing to Lexi until you get out of this with Maddie. She deserves that much,” Ayrton said.
“This coming from the guy who regularly dates multiple women,” I said knowing it was a foul point. He had just broken up with Mikaela.
“You know what? You're right. You're an asshole, but you're right. I am the guy that fucks with more than one girl at a time, and you know what? You're better than that. You have the balls to dedicate yourself completely to one woman and do everything for that woman. That's a level of commitment I may never have, man. Never. And I've always looked up to that side of you, and I don't want to end up being disappointed in you because, for the first time, you really fucked up with a great girl. Maddie deserves better. Lexi deserves better.”
Well then. I think I hit a nerve.
Maddie deserves better. Lexi deserves better. I needed to think about this. This decision could end up being the best one I've ever made or the worst mistake of my life. I returned to the Beach House to stew over it on my own. I immediately went down to the basement and racked the pool table.
The Legend: The Love of Ryan Sumpter Page 19