by Lyra Shanti
Slowly, the horse approached Ayn, looking at Ayn with his deep, blue eyes; only the wooden fence stood between them.
“You have eyes like mine. Have they seen as much pain as I, my friend?” Ayn quietly spoke as he gently pet the horse's wild, black mane. “I bet you were not meant for riding, were you? No... you were meant for freedom and to be who you are, no matter the expectation.”
The horse whinnied and Ayn thought it looked as though he were smiling in reply. Continuing to stroke the horse's mane and side, Ayn felt the urge to jump the fence. Looking around to see if anyone was around, Ayn made sure no one was there when he climbed over the fence so he could pet the horse more freely.
“What I wouldn't give to be freely myself,” said Ayn as he felt tears approaching his eyes again. “No, I'm not going to cry,” he added, “I'm just going to be like you, my friend: brave, honest, and proud.”
The horse nodded and whinnied. For a moment, Ayn felt as if the horse were calling for him to get on top of its back, inviting him to ride. Ayn couldn't imagine that a wild, untamed horse would ask such a thing, but he couldn't shake the feeling.
“Do you want to go for a ride with me?” he asked, looking into the horse's deep blue eyes.
The horse nodded, followed by a grunt.
“Should I take that as a yes?” Ayn said with a smile. “I warn you though, I've not ridden before, so I'm not sure I could match your spirit.”
The black stallion looked at Ayn, then shook his head from side to side. Whinnying again, the horse nudged Ayn with his head. It made Ayn laugh.
“You are indeed asking me to ride you, aren't you? Well... I can try, I suppose. Before I do that, though, you need a name! Let's see... what should I call you?”
Staring into the majestic horse's eyes for a moment or two, Ayn heard its name.
“Undar! Yes, that's your name. It means the male aspect of the cosmos. You see, Undar, there is a male and female aspect to everything – even within plasma, most likely. The female name for it is Undi. My teacher, Meddhi-Lan, used to say that I have both aspects within my body, but my mind and soul is male. I have no idea why that is, but The Un does what it wants, I suppose. Anyway... do you like your name?”
Undar grunted and whinnied. Ayn hoped it was his way of approving Ayn's name for him.
“Alright,” said Ayn as he led Undar near to the fence, “let's see if I can even get on your back. Remember, I've not done this before, so... go easy on me.”
Slowly, Ayn put his left foot on the fence while he lifted up and swung his right leg around Undar's back. In a swift movement, Ayn found himself on the horse's back, sitting quite comfortably.
“I did it, Undar!”
The black steed grunted and took a few steps backward, making Ayn grab onto Undar's mane. “Woah, alright now,” he said nervously, “don't throw me off now. I promise to ride with you in respect of your freedom. Just go easy on me, Undar, alright?”
The great stallion began trotting away from the fence, which made Ayn feel good, though still a little nervous. As he felt the sun on his face and the wind in his hair, Ayn smiled, basking in the warmth of being alive.
“You know what, Undar?” said Ayn as he gently held onto the horse's neck. “They could take away my pride, my strength, and even my freedom, but they could never take away my soul. My soul is not something that can be stolen or destroyed, not even by the greatest of evils!”
Having the urge to loudly laugh, Ayn was quickly quieted by Undar's sudden thrust forward toward the fence.
“Undar?” he yelled. “Where are you going?!”
Charging ahead, the black stallion jumped the fence, forcing Ayn to hold onto Undar's neck for dear life. Laughing wildly, he felt the rush of adrenaline within the horse's willful soul. It was exactly what he needed.
“Now, THIS is freedom!” yelled Ayn as he rode off into the gardens.
–
Ona's thoughts were all jumbled, riddled with doubt and anxiety. One minute, she was able to tell herself she was a strong woman, and an even stronger politician and princess. The next minute, she was clouded with thoughts about her father: if he was alive, and if he would approve of the way she was handling Baran, as well as the other council members. The impending war with Deius scared her, and she wanted to avoid it with all her might. Unfortunately, it seemed as if the very gods wanted them to fight.
Not helping the murkiness of her mind was the news that Pei was her half-brother. How would she announce such a thing? It was a delicate matter, and a very personal one too. Announcing such a thing would not only change her own station as next in line for the throne, but it would also mean exposing the fact that her mother had been with a man before she had married Atlar. Ona's head felt weak and dizzy when she thought about it all.
She needed to sit down, but she had walked so far into the gardens there wasn't a bench nearby. Shrugging, Ona looked up at the blue sky and asked the Gods, “Do you have a divine plan that I'm not aware of? Please tell me if you do, because I'm beginning to lose sense of who I am and what the hell I'm even doing here!”
On the verge of tears, Ona opened up her eyes and looked at the soft, white clouds in the sky. Intrigued, she noticed one of the clouds looked like a giant lion with wings. It appeared to be similar to the legendary sphinx of Sirin, and it made Ona smirk in amusement. “If that's your answer, Gods,” she said, “you really need to work on your communication skills.”
About to turn around and go back to her room for a nap, Ona heard something unexpected. It sounded like a horse's hooves, followed by a man's laughter.
Looking ahead of her on the path, she saw someone on a black horse coming straight for her. Fearing they'd run her over, she quickly moved out of the way.
“Woah!” shouted Ayn as he pulled back on Undar's mane. “Slow down, my friend!”
Undar obeyed his new master and slowed his pace, just in time.
Ona was shocked and out of breath. Her shock quickly turned to anger, however.
“Get down from that unbroken stallion right this minute!” she ordered.
Ayn, not recognizing Ona's position, still sensed the authority in her voice and jumped down from Undar's back.
“Sorry about that,” he said as he walked toward Ona. Taking a closer look, he became speechless. It was the princess! He remembered her from his awful coronation. He had no idea what she was doing in the gardens, but he was more than relieved he hadn't run her over. He was certain that such an accident wouldn't have been a good way to make an impression.
Still angry, Ona didn't look much at Ayn's face when she started in with, “Who do you think you are, riding on a wild horse like that? Are you insane?!”
Assuming the man she was talking to was most likely some young, unreliable stable-servant, Ona was about to reprimand him further. Just as she was going to demote him, she came close enough to see his face, and then her heart stopped. It was... HIM!
She was so shocked by his appearance she couldn't even force her brain to wrap itself around the fact that it was actually him. Somehow, the man with black hair and piercing blue eyes from her nightmares was standing right in front of her. He was even there with a black horse, just like he had been in many of her earlier dreams. He was real. It seemed impossible.
“How dare you be here!” she snapped at him without thinking. “How dare you be... real!”
Almost shaking, Ona began walking backwards.
Ayn was utterly confused at her response to him. Thinking he had done something wrong, he half-bowed at her, then said, “I'm sorry, Your Highness, I just-”
“No!” she yelled, shaken to her core, “I... don't want to hear it! You shouldn't be real! Why are you real?”
Ayn stood silent, completely baffled. All he could do was squint his eyes and look at her in confusion.
About to run away, Ona stopped herself, deciding to take a stand first.
“Now... you listen to me, whoever you are! I will not be controlled or dominated, by
you or any man! Is that clear? Do you understand me?!”
Ayn slowly nodded, stunned at her bizarre behavior.
“Uh...” he muttered, “sure.”
Ona nervously nodded, then lifted up her proud chin.
“Good! I'm glad!” the princess yelped. “So... you can go back to wherever you came from and never return! Is that clear?!”
Bewildered, Ayn watched as Ona abruptly ran off down the pathway. Her touchy attitude and strong aura of near terror made Ayn wonder if she'd seen a ghost. He couldn't imagine he'd done anything to deserve such a bizarre reaction.
“What in the world was that about, Undar?” he asked his black steed who only whinnied in return. “Is she upset at me for her father's disappearance perhaps? Or... maybe she hates me for failing at being The Bodanya. I wish I knew, but I've lost a lot of my mental abilities. Plus, she's a hard one to read.”
Looking ahead at the pathway with a confused pout, Ayn took a deep sigh and leaned up against Undar while patting the horse's side. He wondered if that deranged woman had actually been the princess of Kri or if he'd been mistaken. She looked exactly as he remembered her from his coronation, but that had been when he was only fourteen. He couldn't imagine the princess would act so rudely, especially to a guest, but she looked too similar to Princess Ona to be anyone else.
“She is very beautiful though, isn't she, Undar?” said Ayn as he led his new friend back to the stables. “Insane... but beautiful.”
Unable to think clearly, Ona ran and ran until she could go no further. Without realizing it, she had run all the way into the palace and almost right into Baran who was on his way to the gardens to fetch the princess for a meeting.
“Woah, there you are!” said Baran with an amused smile on his face. “Where are you going so fast, Your Highness? Is anything wrong?”
“Well, I...” she replied, flustered and unable to explain herself. “Baran, let me ask you,” she said, trying to collect herself, “who is that man in the gardens?”
“Which man?” Baran asked with a raised left brow.
“That man... with black hair and blue eyes. He was riding a black horse.”
“Oh, that was probably The Bodanya.”
“The what?!” Ona sputtered, in disbelief.
“Well, I meant to tell you. I mean, I was going to tell you right now actually. You see... The Bodanya lives. It turns out that Shiva the Fourteenth escaped death and has been living on Xen as a slave. He arrived with Pei and General Astire last night. Apparently, they rescued him from Governor Seith's palace. I didn't want to spread it around just yet. I was going to ask you what you thought before announcing this critical news to The Council.”
“No!” she snapped, surprising Baran thoroughly.
“No?” he asked, confused.
“I mean,” said Ona, embarrassed at her outburst, “I don't want anyone to know about this yet either. It would only cause people to react poorly. They might even say or do things they will quickly regret.”
Realizing she was talking about herself, she took a deep breath, feeling like an idiot.
Baran wasn't quite sure what Ona was referring to, but he nodded and said, “Yes, I think it's best if we hold off from declaring Ayn's presence here... at least until our king has been brought back and Octian found guilty of treason.”
“Right...” replied Ona, looking dazed.
He couldn't help but smile at her. “I also think we should paint all the horses in the stable purple with green stripes on them. Is that a good idea, Princess?”
“Yes, of course,” she replied, still staring off.
Laughing heartily, Baran shook his head and said, “Ona, what is wrong with you today?”
“Oh... nothing,” she lied. “I just... I think I need to speak alone with The Bodanya, that's all.”
“Ayn.”
“What?” she asked.
“His name is Ayn. It's what he prefers to be called these days. I suggest you accommodate our special guest, especially since we may need him on our side in the very near future.”
“Right,” she replied, nodding. “Ayn... I need to speak with him.”
Baran nodded as he watched Ona walk into the gardens, as if she were lost in a trance.
He had never seen her like this and was rather tickled by it. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought she seemed in the throes of love. Of course, it was the ever-distant and always political princess he was thinking of, so he knew love was out of the question. Baran shrugged and walked back inside the palace, hoping Ona would come to her senses soon.
As she walked, Ona saw The Bodanya sitting on a bench by the fence which held the free roaming horses. He was sitting with his eyes closed and legs crossed together. He looked like he was deep in meditation, and she didn't really want to disturb him. However, she knew she had to apologize for acting like a crazy person. Even if it killed her pride, she knew she had to force herself to face him again and ask for his forgiveness. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain her temporary insanity, but she had to try.
Walking slowly toward him, she could see his pouting lips and knotted, arched brow. Lack of sleep, she rehearsed in her mind. Lack of sleep... and too much worrying about my father. I'm really not like this! I swear!
Taking Ona completely by surprise, Ayn opened his eyes and looked at her with a smile.
“Hello,” he said, unsure of what the woman who looked like the princess wanted this time.
“Hello,” she replied awkwardly, twisting her folded hands. This is ridiculous! she thought, annoyed at herself. Just talk to him! You're the princess, for Gods' sake!
Ayn was tickled by her odd behavior and sensed her nervousness. Patting the seat next to him, he moved over and smiled.
Taking a breath, Ona sat down next to him and said, “Look, I'm so very sorry about what I said. I didn't mean a word of it. I just... sort of mistook you for someone else and...” Ona felt suddenly caught inside Ayn's deep, penetrating blue eyes, and it broke her train of thought.
“Who did you think I was?” asked Ayn, curious and somewhat amused.
“I... I thought you were... um...” Ona was utterly tongue tied, not wanting to tell Ayn about her confusing nightmares. “It's hard to explain.”
“Try me,” said Ayn with a gentle smile. “Listen,” he added, “I've seen a lot of strange things in my short, yet tumultuous life. I'm sure I'd understand.”
Ona gulped down her fear and truly looked at him, this time noticing how sad his eyes appeared. They were eyes that had seen too much, and the longer she looked into them, the more she realized they were not the eyes she feared. There was more within the blueness than penetration and dominance; there was also intensity, depth, and wisdom. As she stared at him, she felt she might become lost in his sad, beautiful eyes.
“It's alright, Your Highness,” said Ayn, “I am used to people mistaking me for something I am not. You don't have to apologize. I am just... an oddity, I suppose.”
“No, no,” she quickly replied, “it's not you. It's completely my fault. You see... I've had these dreams, nightmares really. They're hard to explain, but they are recurring and rather disturbing, and there's a man I've seen in them, and you look remarkably like he does. I mean, exactly the same... and I panicked a little, but I didn't mean to say that nonsense to you. I'm so very sorry, Your Holiness.”
“Ayn... my name is Ayn.”
“Sorry, Ayn,” she said with a nervous smile. “I really didn't mean to take that out on you. I've just been so... sleep deprived and under a great deal of stress with my father missing and whatnot. I humbly ask for your forgiveness.”
“Is he a good man or a bad man?” asked Ayn.
“Who?”
“The man in your dreams; the one whom I look like.”
“Oh, um... well...”
“He's bad?”
“Oh, no, not bad, just...” Ona couldn't lie to those eyes. “Oh, alright, he's sort of terrible, actually, and he has a tendency t
o torture The Great Adin. I don't know why I've dreamt such things. It's insane, I know.”
“That's bizarre,” said Ayn, frowning. “Why would I torture my own self, well, who I used to be in a past life anyway? That makes no sense... unless I wasn't Adin after all, and to be honest, I'm beginning to doubt whether I was or wasn't.”
“Don't be silly,” Ona replied, suddenly more confident, “of course you were. You are The Bodanya. It was ordained.”
“So?” asked Ayn, turning to look into her green eyes, which he felt were familiar, though he couldn't quite say why. “The truth is, I barely feel my own soul these days. It's hard to imagine I am the great anything. Why should it matter what a bunch of clueless priests ordained anyway? Who are they to know who I am?”
“Well... I... I mean,” she muttered, “they probably knew some things.” She could barely speak. Had he been this gorgeous when he was fourteen? Had she missed it somehow? Back then, he had worn funny, Deiusian clothing, but she knew she would have remembered if he had been so handsome. His jaw was masculine, but his features were immensely pretty. It made her knees weak and her thoughts race, and she hated it. Her whole life, she'd been afraid of becoming some sort of babbling, lovesick idiot, and now it was happening against her will.
“Are you alright?” asked Ayn.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she said, forcing a nervous smile.
Ayn couldn't help but smile back. She was extremely beautiful, but a lot different than he imagined. Everyone spoke of Ona as if she were icy and cold, but to him, she seemed the complete opposite. To him, she was funny, awkward, proud, and fiery.
Just then, Ona did something utterly instinctive and without forethought. She grabbed Ayn's hand and held it in hers. It was almost as though she couldn't stop herself.
“Don't worry, Ayn,” she said, firmly, “you're safe here. My home is your home now, and you are most welcome to stay as long as you like. With time, I promise you'll find The Great Adin inside yourself once more.”
Ayn smiled and looked at her sweet, oval face. In that moment, despite his fears and insecurities, he almost believed her words.