by Lyra Shanti
“Yes,” agreed Meddhi. Turning to look ahead, he added, “Listen, Pei… I have to see Weema and tell her about the loss of her brother, which I’m not looking forward to, but it must be done. She is a good woman, and I cared for her.”
“I think you did more than that,” said Pei with a hint of a grin.
Meddhi smirked for a moment, then said, “Yes, well... I may be a few months, perhaps longer. I’m not sure.”
“That long?” asked Pei, surprised. “Ayn won’t like that.”
“No, he won’t, but I feel I must do this. It’s not just for Yol... or Weema. I can’t explain it, but it’s a journey I feel I must take. Do you understand?”
“Somewhat... but if you’re asking me to make Ayn understand, that won’t be easy.”
“I know. Thank you, Pei. I am depending on you to watch over him. However, there is something else...”
“What?”
“The doctor…”
“Doctor Hessen? What about him?”
“He’s hiding something. When we inspected the laboratory during renovations, everything was clean, but I know he’s keeping a body somewhere secret. Don’t ask me how; I just know.”
“A body? What are you talking about? He claimed he destroyed all the experiments under Yol’s command. He even told us he never wanted to research regeneration again unless it was to rebuild living tissue for the injured and so forth. Why would he lie?”
“I don’t know,” Meddhi replied, “but I suggest you keep an eye on him. Can you do that for me, Pei?”
“Yes, of course, though he is loved and favored by Ayn. He thinks of Hessen as his second father, no offense.”
“None taken. I am made of stronger stuff.”
Pei laughed and said, “That, you most definitely are.”
“Goodbye for now, Pei.”
“Goodbye, Meddhi. Good luck on your journey. May the Gods bless you.”
“And you, Pei.”
Hugging once more, the two men parted ways, wondering if their paths would ever meet again.
--
Lying on his bed, Ayn waited for Ona to return from the restroom. He was nervous, yet impatient, and still rattled from Zin’s unexpected appearance.
As he waited for his bride to join him, Ayn’s thoughts turned to earlier in the evening when he gave Srah and Axis a gift in return for theirs. They had given him and Ona a pair of opal Sirini stones, meant to enhance and heighten sexual pleasure and fertility. It was half a joke, but given as a blessing as well. Either way, it made Ayn nervous. He wasn’t even sure he could give Ona children, though he desperately wanted to try.
In return, he gave them seeds from the Saras tree, which now grew wildly in the gardens of the temple once again. Telling them they should scatter the seeds where Raxas was buried, Ayn hoped the Saras would grow on Sirin, so their planet might return to the lush landscape it once was.
Thinking about the wedding made him smile. Despite Zin’s eccentric plea for help, and the bizarre Hunian along with him, the event had been wonderful, full of warmth and love.
His heart raced when he thought of his beautiful bride, and he began fearing what Ona would think when she saw him without his clothes. He knew this moment was unavoidable, but actually having it happen was different than imagining it. In his fantasies, he was so enraptured by Ona he never bothered to imagine how she handled him having both male and female genitalia.
Ayn looked down at himself, then closed his eyes and began to pray.
Ona soon came out of the bathing room and said, “What do you think?”
When he opened his eyes, he saw her standing at the bottom of the bed, wearing a silky, see-through, white gown. He looked at her womanly form and how the gown draped over her curves, revealing just enough to thoroughly excite him.
“I think I am the luckiest man alive.”
Smiling, she crawled over Ayn and straddled his lap.
“Show me how lucky you feel, my beautiful, powerful husband.”
Ayn kissed her desperately, then grabbed at her hips. He needed her more than he could articulate.
It had been months of waiting before they could be together, and now that the moment had arrived, it almost felt like a dream for them both.
Taking off his silky blue robe, Ona playfully growled and said, “I want to see all of you, my delectable king!”
Ayn almost stopped her, like he had done before, but this time, he had no more excuses. He knew he’d have to trust her, and hope for the best.
Pulling down his blue under-shorts, she saw his erect manhood, smiled wide, then immediately grabbed and sucked.
She seemed lost in her passion, and it made him lose himself in the feeling. After a few minutes, she cried, “Oh, my heavenly God! How I adore you completely!”
In ecstasy, Ayn moaned as she slid him inside of her. There was no time to worry or even think. All he knew was he was inside of his beautiful Ona, and nothing else mattered.
Writhing on top of him, Ona lost her inhibitions, and soon brought them both to climax.
“Oh, my king… my God of love!’ she said in between gasps of air. “You are my completion! You are my absolution!”
Beginning to cry, Ona wrapped her arms around her husband and silently prayed for a child. It was all she ached for.
Ayn started to cry as well, almost in shock. He realized it didn’t seem to matter to Ona that he had female genitalia. Either that, or she somehow hadn’t noticed. He wasn’t sure if he should even bring it up after such beautiful, soul-connecting sex.
“Ona…”
“Yes, my beloved?” she answered him in a soft, relaxed voice.
“Am I manly enough for you?”
After laughing at the absurdity of his question, she said, “I don’t call any man a God, but you! You are the manliest there is, my sweet husband!”
“But… did you not see my entire body? Do you not see how I was born with... both parts?”
“Hmm?” she said, confused.
“Ona, did you not really look at me?”
“Of course I looked at you. What are you talking about, Ayn?”
Feeling extremely vulnerable, Ayn hesitated to sit up and show her. However, he felt he had to be truthful. He was sick of feeling ashamed and wanted her to know once and for all. Lifting up his sack, he showed her what lay underneath: folds of feminine skin with an entrance he feared and loathed his entire life.
Ona tilted her head to see him fully. At first, her face looked confused, then it turned into a smile. “Oh, Ayn, you’re so beautiful!”
“I am?” he asked nervously, letting his body rest again.
“I should have known you would be so special!”
“You don’t see me as a female, do you? I want you to know I am most definitely male. Even if my body is confused, I am not!”
“Oh, Ayn, of course you are male. It is apparent how masculine your soul is. I don’t need your body to show me that. However, your body is beautiful and wonderful the way it is. I love it, and I love you.”
Ayn broke into tears. “I’m sorry…” he said as he cried. “I’ve waited my whole life to hear such words.”
“Oh, Ayn…” she softly replied as she held him tight.
“The priests…” he spoke through tears, "they told me I was a paradox, like The Un, as if I was the living embodiment of the universe! They made it sound as though I was male and female at the same time. They loved that idea somehow, like it would fix things or something. But I can’t fix anything, Ona! I’m not a paradox! And I’m not female and male as one! I’m just male! I may be sensitive, but so what? That doesn’t make me female, does it?”
Sobbing, Ayn released years of repression and pain as Ona held him and rubbed his back.
“You are you, Ayn... and if you feel you are male, then you are male. You don’t have to be anyone other than you, my love. Forget what they told you. Those priests were lost souls, trying their best to hold onto your light for guidance. But they didn’t know you. And you are
free now…. to be anyone you want. And I will love you, my beautiful husband, for now and always.”
Ayn rocked in her arms, feeling his confused, panicked childhood slipping away.
“But Ona… why? Why was I born like this if there wasn’t a greater purpose?”
Ona sighed and said, “Ayn, The Un isn’t some all-controlling, all-knowing thing. The truth is, the universe is full of chaos and wild, burning energy, both light and dark. It is unpredictable and unfathomable, even for the likes of you, my beloved husband. Just let it be what it is, and let yourself be what you are. And while you live and learn, I will do the same right beside you, life after life.”
Her words were calming and good, and it comforted his heart as they lay in their bed, husband and wife, man and woman, together as one.
Chapter 25: The River
He saw Ona’s pale, deathly face staring at him through the unbreakable glass in the darkness. Without a way to break through, and without his Viha or healing ability, Ayn knew there was absolutely nothing he could do for her. Begging for the Gods to intervene, Ayn felt utterly helpless to stop the sickness from taking her away.
He frantically searched for his communicator, trying to calm his nerves enough to contact Axis; surely he would be able to do something to save his beloved wife. Over and over, his shaking hands tried to press the numbers he remembered belonged to Axis and Srah. No matter how slow and careful Ayn was, the numbers didn’t seem to work. Somehow, there was nothing but dead air or static, even though he swore he had gotten through.
“The Gods are against me!” he yelled as he tried once again to break the glass. Ona merely stared at him with tears slowly running down her thin, sunken cheeks.
“Hold on, my love! Please, hold on! I’m coming for you! I promise!”
It was no use, however. Nothing worked, and soon, Ona could no longer stand. She slid against the glass, face to face with Ayn as their hands met on opposite sides, trying to touch each other the only way they could. In her last breaths she said, “I love you, Ayn. Goodbye…”
Screaming, Ayn’s throat swelled and stung as tears streamed down his face. “No, not my Ona!” he yelled to The Un. “Anyone, but her!”
In a flash, he saw the other prisoners in the glass dome: women, children, elderly, rich and poor of various races and colors, all stuck inside the dome of death, doomed to slowly rot in their incurable sickness.
Just when Ayn thought he could take no more, he saw her… in a bed of gold and jade green. Her breath was shallow as she reached for Ayn’s little hand. It was all too familiar.
“Come here, my sweet boy. Let me hold you one last time.”
“No… Mother, no,” he whimpered while holding her frail hand as he sat with her on the bed. “Please, I can’t go through this again.”
“It’ll be alright, Ayn, my dearest son. You’ll see… life and death aren’t all that different - just two sides of the same mirror. I will soon be on the other side, but I will still be able to look at you, and even speak to you… if you choose to hear me.”
“No, Mother, please don’t leave me!” yelped Ayn.
“I’m not leaving you, sweetheart. I will never really leave you.”
Ayn knew she meant her spirit would stay with him, but it wasn’t good enough.
“Mother! I never got to spend any time with you! Please don’t leave me yet. I’m not ready!”
“Hush, my sweet son. Do not cry. My soul will always be with you. Let us sing a song… like we used to. Yes, a song to help me reach the river on the other side. Do you remember, Ayn?”
He sniffed, fighting to swallow his tears, and said, “Yes, Mother, I remember…”
She motioned for him to start, so he sang with a quivering voice:
“The river, the river
Brings me home when I am ready to sleep
The river, the river
Calls my name when I am under the deep
The river will hold my spirit forever
And cradle me like my mother
And when I am ready, when I am done,
The river will rise above me like the sun…
And bring me home.”
As Ayn looked over at his mother’s beautiful, yet lifeless face, he knew she had slipped away, and it crushed his heart.
Suddenly, Ayn was floating… swimming… in the watery space in the void. It was dark and cold, and the only light he could see was from the distant stars and planets of The Un.
He was completely alone and naked, but somehow still alive.
How is this possible? he thought, though no answer came in return. All he knew was everything he cared for was dead, and he had not saved anyone.
“I am so sorry, Mother… Ona… Meddhi, all of you!” he cried in the void. “I was supposed to find the balance, and all I did was make things worse!”
In an instant, he looked down at his trembling hands and saw he was holding Adin’s Viha in his right hand. It was shining like one of the stars in space.
Looking at his left hand, he saw he held an ona flower as it gently touched his skin with frail purity.
“You must decide,” said Adin from somewhere beyond. “Which way shall you go? Who will you be? Will you choose the sword or the flower? Strength or love?”
Breathing erratically, Ayn cried and softly replied, “Why can’t I have both? Why can’t it be one and the same?”
After he said that, Adin appeared in front of him and replied, “To have both, you must accept you were once me, as I am you now. We must become one person and no longer be separated in two. Can you accept you have killed before, and that you might feel you must do so again? Can you truly leave behind the role the priests placed upon you, and simply be who you truly are: imperfect, passionate, and complex - like the universe itself?”
Ayn thought about Adin’s words, then remembered the man with the red dragon tattoo, and Thotwa as well. Adin was right; he had killed before, and might again, if he felt he must.
“I am not without sin,” whispered Ayn.
“Of course not,” said Adin. “No one is without complications. It is the way of the universe.”
“So,” said Ayn in tears, “I am not The Bodanya after all, and I cannot save the galaxy from illness and despair.”
“You cannot save them all, no. But you can save yourself. You can join together with me, and we can empower the plasma within our own mind. Then, and only then, can we become truly enlightened.”
Extending his hand, Adin reached for Ayn in the vastness of space. Ayn took a deep breath and reached for Adin’s hand in return.
As the two of them touched, Ayn felt a shudder run through his entire being.
In a matter of seconds, Ayn saw Adin’s past flash before him: his rebellious youth of war and ego, his wild passions with lovers before his soul-mating with Sri, his quest for truth, which led to his unbearably painful death, then ultimately, his rebirth and wisdom. It was almost too much at once.
Gasping, Ayn withdrew his hand and said, “No! I don’t want your knowledge! I don’t want to be The Bodanya! If I remember and accept all you’ve been, then I too will carry the weight of your pain! I can’t bear it! Leave me alone!”
“Ayn… you don’t understand. We will be stronger if-”
“I said leave me alone! I don’t want to be you! LEAVE ME-!!”
Sweating, Ayn darted up before he could finish his sentence.
“Ayn...” said Ona groggily, “are you alright?”
“I… I don’t know. I had… a very intense dream.”
“You were shouting,” she said, gently rubbed his back. “What was it about?”
“It was… about Adin. But before that, it was about everyone getting sick. Oh, Ona… I couldn’t save you! I couldn’t save anyone!”
“Oh, my sweet Ayn… come here.”
As he hid in her loving arms, he focused on nothing but breathing in and out. Listening to her heart beating, Ayn could only think about her sunken eyes, and how he had lost h
er in his nightmare.
“Ona, I have to do something... about Ohr… and about everyone. The Plasma Sickness will only spread. I know that now. I can’t let that happen, Ona. I just can’t.”
“I know, beloved. You and I both will seek a cure. I believe in you, Ayn. Doctor Hessen will help us as well. We have the technology and the will power. Everything will be alright, my love, you’ll see.”
Wanting to believe her, he nodded. “I think I need to take a walk,” he said as he got up, unable to shake his fears.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No… it’s alright. I want, no, I need to go to the meditation garden... where I used to go as a child. The Saras tree will help give me focus and guidance. I know it will. I’ll be back in a little while. You should go back to sleep.”
“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”
“I will be fine, my sweet wife. I just need to clear my head.”
“I love you, Ayn… with all my soul. You know that, right?”
Ayn smiled and kissed her hand before putting on his blue robe. “Yes, I know. And I love you with all my soul in return. Go back to sleep. I will be with you soon.”
Ona gave a slight smile with a look of concern in her eyes. She was extremely tired, however, so she yawned and lay down. In a matter of minutes, she fell fast asleep.
Ayn took one more look at his sleeping wife, then walked out of their bedroom. He then headed for the garden.
It was his favorite place as a child. The garden held the great Saras tree with its hanging, wispy leaves of violet and white. Ayn would often sit under the tree as a child, even when he wasn't guided by Meddhi or Pei. Sometimes, he would come out in the middle of night and sit, watching the stars or silent river, flowing nearby. It was the most relaxing and spiritual place he knew.
He once again found himself drawn to the same spot, though he was now an adult. It felt familiar, yet mysterious and new.
Sitting down to meditate, Ayn felt the breeze of the night blowing by. He breathed in the scent of the river and felt it calling.
As he closed his eyes, he saw his mother. It was not the image of when she was ill, but healthy and beautiful. Her long, dark hair flowed past her waist, and she smiled at him with loving eyes. He then saw her extend a graceful arm to him, beckoning with her hand.