Heart aching, I met Ethan’s eyes as mine burned. “You’re not?” I asked quietly.
His eyes ran over me before they met mine again. “I’m not. I know we didn’t talk to anyone for a few days, but we just needed time.” He looked at Isaac, who was sitting beside him. “We needed time to cool off before we talked to anybody so we wouldn’t say shit that we didn’t mean.”
“It’s better to say nothing than to tear into your friends. We don’t always pull it off, but if we stay away, we do.” Isaac explained. Hell, their silence made sense now.
“Which is why we took their lunch to them at the tournament,” Asher explained.
“Yeah, they were being little shits,” Zeke added. Ethan shot him a look before turning back to me.
“The point is, never doubt that we’re all in,” Ethan said. He gestured around the group.
“That’s how this works. You’re all in, or all out.”
“We’re not asking you to tell us anything you aren’t ready to share,” Miles explained. “We are asking you to tell us what you’re dealing with. What’s bothering you? With the dead, with the Veil. We want to know.”
“Why do you want to know?” I asked, my eyes filling. My chest tight. “I don’t even want to know this stuff.”
Miles looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Because it’s you. It has happened or is happening to you. And we all love you.” He reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. “So, we need you to tell us what’s going on.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My True Self’s voice rang through my ears. ‘Work on your fear of abandonment, it’s annoying as fuck!’ I took another deep breath before opening my eyes.
“What do you want to know?” I asked, not knowing where to start.
“Everything.” Zeke stated, his voice quiet. Tears fell as I looked down at the comforter. I took several breaths before taking the leap.
“It started a couple of months ago.” I began, my voice raspy. “Larger groups of the dead were coming into town more often. So often, I haven’t been able to keep up.” I reached out and took a drink of water, my trembling hand making it tricky. Miles was there in a heartbeat, steadying my hand so I could drink.
“How many dead would you say are in town?” Miles asked gently.
I shrugged as he set the glass down. “I’d say around five hundred,” I estimated. The guys cursed, except for Miles. I continued. “The ghosts started complaining about how long it was taking for me to get them to cross. It wasn’t bad at first, just muttering and bitching. Then this guy, Davis, showed up and it got worse.”
“How bad, Lexie?” Zeke demanded.
I bit the corner of my lower lip before I could answer. “You know that rotting soul I crossed?” They all nodded or said yeah. “That wasn’t by choice. He pretty much threw him at me.” Zeke cursed a blue streak then got to his feet and began pacing.
“And you were at the cemetery alone?” Asher asked.
“Yeah. It sucked, but I figured it out, yelled at them and refused to cross anyone else that day,” I told them.
Zeke stopped pacing and turned to me. “What happened at school?”
I took a deep breath and let it out before answering. “The ghosts found me in Math. They came right through the walls. I… I did something I’d never done before.” I described how I shoved them all from the room and how it had made me sick. That I didn’t know what it meant. If my abilities were growing or if I was just desperate. “It scared me,” I admitted in a whisper.
“Maybe you should ask Serena,” Asher suggested. I looked away from them and to Hades. I started scratching Hades’ ears.
“Lexie,” Zeke snapped, drawing my attention. “Why won’t you go to Serena?”
“I can’t trust her,” I began. “She knows how to work with the dead, she just doesn’t do it.”
“That’s not what she said before,” Zeke growled.
I met his eyes. “She could have helped save Mary Summers and she didn’t. But that’s not the only reason. Apparently, there’s a Witches Council somewhere that polices Magic users. And Necromancers are not their favorite.”
“Keep talking, Beautiful,” Ethan said with a frown on his face.
“They have rules and if you break them you’ll, well, ‘Be dealt with.’” Zeke stopped pacing. “And there’s a specific rule for Necromancers.”
“Which is?” Miles asked. I looked down at the comforter again.
“Raising the dead,” I said. “Once that happens the Witches Council deals with them. I’ve interpreted it as killing them.” Zeke cursed, the others were shocked. But I wasn’t done. I met Ethan’s eyes. “After we told you about Sophie, I went to her and asked some questions. Before I left she said something about… if my abilities are growing as fast as she believed, then it won’t be long before I started raising the dead.” The room grew silent.
“She threatened you?” Zeke growled.
I looked down at the comforter and nodded. “I took it that way,” I said quietly, then muttered to myself. “Hell, maybe that’s why no one’s made it to thirty.”
“No one’s made it to thirty?” Asher asked sharply.
I sighed. I might as well tell them now. “No woman in my family has had a thirtieth birthday. The record is twenty-nine years, seven months and eight days.”
“Damn it, Lexie,” Zeke snapped. “You’ve been carrying this shit all this time?”
I nodded, waiting for the axe to fall. For them to say enough and walk out the door.
“You didn’t need to take this on alone,” Miles said softly. I met his warm eyes and could breathe again. “The fact the other women in your family didn’t make it to thirty doesn’t mean you won’t.” I gave him a look. “Lexie. They thought they were Seers. They were working with false information. You know what you are. And you have more people to support you than they did.”
He had a good point. Why did he always have a good point? “If you’re going to bring logic into it,” I muttered.
“Well, someone fucking has to,” Zeke snapped. “Anything else you’re keeping a secret?”
I thought it over and winced. It didn’t go unnoticed.
“Lexie?” Miles asked.
“When I found my center, I met someone who looked like me.” I met Miles’ eyes. “She wasn’t my True Self, but she helped me. When I got to the Veil, she told me what I needed to do to fix the Way.” I looked down at the comforter again. “And when I struggled with that, she helped again. Since then she’s kind of… become my teacher, I guess.”
“Does she still look like you?” Ethan asked. “Has she told you what she is, who she is?”
“She still looks like me and hasn’t told me what she is,” I admitted. “But she told me to call her Zahur.”
The guys all shared looks. Some were worried like Asher’s and Miles’. Others were angry like Zeke’s.
“Anything else?” Ethan asked, his voice strained.
“Unless Isaac didn’t tell you about this morning…” My eyes met his. He shook his head. I took a deep breath. “Okay. I lost a soul this morning.”
“What do you mean lost?” Zeke asked.
I met Zeke’s eyes. “He jumped into the pit. He chose to be unmade rather than cross over.” His face softened, his eyes warming. I looked back down at the comforter and concentrated on petting Hades. “I grabbed him and tried to pull him back. When I couldn’t, I called for Zahur. She made me let go.” The silence grew heavy. “She said I couldn’t stop them from making that choice. I could try to talk them out of it but I can’t physically stop them.” My eyes filled as I saw it all again.
“Lexie...” Miles breathed as he reached out and took my hand. “That’s not your fault.”
I nodded and wiped my face. “I know, but it still sucks.” I took a breath and looked around the room at them. “That’s everything except for a couple things I’m not ready to share. So… if you want to bail, don’t leave me guessing. Do it now, because I’m done
.” I looked at each of them. “I’m done trying to keep you guys away. I’m done hiding everything. I’m tired of thinking someone is going to leave. I’m all in. If you guys are.”
The air was thick with silence. Isaac moved first, he crawled onto the bed and hugged me tightly. Shaking, I hugged him back. Then Ethan climbed on the bed and joined the hug with his brother. “You’re beautiful Lexie, but sometimes you can be so stupid,” he announced. “Group hug time.” I laughed softly.
The bed dipped, Asher appeared over Ethan’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around all of us. We lost our balance and tipped over. Hades yelped and squirmed out of the way. We started laughing.
A hand found my shoulder. Wintergreen mixed with cinnamon, limes and spice as I looked up. Miles had a small smile on his face as he squeezed my shoulder.
I kept giggling with the twins as I got squished. Over Miles’ shoulder, Zeke stood by the bed. Instead of joining the dog pile, which was what it was at this point, he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Zeke,” I groaned.
“Yeah?”
“I’m being squished,” I complained.
He smirked. “Tough shit.” His dry voice had everyone chuckling.
The tension left the room, leaving behind peace. I grinned up at them while the others squished me.
Chapter 18
Sunday Morning
I put down the last ward rock, then stood up straight. The rocks were painted with symbols and a drop of my blood in the center. They now surrounded the house and I even put a few on the damn dock for good measure. I had started these in December but never found the time to finish them. I sure as hell found the time this morning. Now, hopefully, the dead couldn’t come in at all.
I headed back into the house with Hades. I had slept until two this afternoon and I didn’t care. I was taking the day off from crossing souls. They could just kiss my ass right now.
After my talk with the guys last night I felt better. Lighter. As if some of the weight I had been carrying was gone. Telling them everything had been difficult. Hell, I shook the whole time. But I was glad I did it. I let them in. I was all in, theirs, completely and utterly. It scared the shit out of me, but I’d deal with it.
I was opening the back door when my phone rang. It was Ethan.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Beautiful.” Ethan’s quiet smoky voice rolled through my ear. “How are you feeling?”
“Better than I have in a long time,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said. “Lexie… do you feel up to trying to cross Sophie today?” I went still, my stomach knotted.
“Yeah,” I said. “If you’re ready to talk to her, of course.”
“Miles and the others are going to keep Isaac company for a few hours,” he said. “Meet me over at the house?”
“I’m on my way,” I said before he hung up. Ethan was ready. Shit. Thankfully Rory lifted my grounding after yesterday. He figured almost dying was enough punishment.
I went inside and put Hades on his leash, then headed out to the Blazer.
The drive to the twins’ house felt longer than it should have. The twins’ car wasn’t there when I arrived. Good, I needed to talk to Sophie before Ethan got here anyway.
I quickly headed inside and let Hades off the leash as that chill ran down my neck. I straightened to find Sophie sitting on the staircase just like the other day. Had she even moved? Probably not.
“Ethan’s coming home now,” I said. She gave me a sad smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to your mom too?”
Sophie shook her head. “Mom’s doing alright. She’s not holding on, but she hasn’t forgotten.” She gave me a watery smile. “This would just hurt her. She believes I’m okay, and that’s what I want. And Isaac… talking to me won’t help.” I sighed.
We both walked into the family room. I paced while Sophie took the left chair and curled up in it. We didn’t have to wait long.
Ethan came in with heavy bags under his eyes. I didn’t think, I just hugged him.
He squeezed me tight for several minutes before letting go. He looked down at me.
“Okay, so what do we do?” he asked.
“We sit down, and you talk,” I said. “At least, I think that’s how this would work. We need to find what’s keeping her here.”
His eyes grew shadowed. “I think I know what’s keeping her here.” He moved away from me to sit on the couch. I sat on the coffee table in front of him. He leaned his elbows on his knees and was looking at the floor.
“When you’re ready,” I said gently. He took several deep breaths and let them out slowly before meeting my eyes.
“In order for you to understand, I need to tell you about the car accident that killed Sophie,” he explained.
“Okay,” I said.
Ethan stared off into the empty space over my shoulder. “We were coming home from our grandparents’ place over in Baker, near North Dakota. Sophie was behind Mom. Isaac was in the back behind me. We got in the accident on I-94.”
I reached out and took his hand. He squeezed mine before continuing. “A big rig driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. He crossed into the lane next to him and flipped his truck and trailer on its side, blocking off both lanes.” Sophie got to her feet as he continued. “It was a holiday weekend, so the interstate was packed. We were the second car to hit the trailer.” His voice grew thick.
“We hit head on, the front of the car crumpled, glass shattered. Mom was knocked out immediately, even with the airbags going off.” He met my eyes. “A second didn’t even go by and we got hit again, this time it smashed our side against the trailer. Then we were hit again on the driver’s side.” Oh, God.
Ethan looked down at our hands. “The crash kept going but we weren’t getting hit every time. My legs were pinned under some metal from the car, my back was fucked up and I had a concussion from the second hit. So, I was struggling just to stay conscious.” He looked over my shoulder again, his grip on my hand tightening. “The only thing that kept me awake was Sophie. She was hit hard in the third hit. She was crying, asking for Mom. She said her chest hurt. Isaac had a broken arm but he managed to pull her into his lap and hold her. We started telling her jokes to keep her calm.”
“They were horrible ones,” Sophie said with a teary smile. “They were a comfort, even with the sound of crashes still going on.”
“I passed out while he was still telling her jokes.” He met my gaze, tears running down his face. “What we didn’t know was that the last hit broke her ribs and punctured her lung in several places. Isaac was alone when she died in his arms. He was alone with her for almost an hour after. Until the paramedics could get to us.” My heart broke for both of them as tears fell down my face.
He looked down at the floor and took deep breaths. I reached out and pulled him into my arms. He clung to me as we cried.
Sophie moved to the couch next to Ethan, her face shining with tears. “Izzy kept telling me jokes after he passed out,” she said, her eyes on her brother. “When he realized I was dying, he tried to get out of the car to get help. We were completely pinned and the pile up had just stopped. The ambulances weren’t even close. He could only keep telling me jokes.”
She wiped her face. “Then I had a lot of trouble breathing. He told me how much they loved me. How special I was to them. How I just needed to hold on.” She wiped her face and met my eyes. “Izzy made me feel so loved at the end that I wasn’t scared when I died. He made it okay for me.”
I took a deep shaking breath and repeated what she said to Ethan. He pulled back, wiping his face, but the tears still fell. He shook his head.
“I thought I let her go,” he admitted.
“He did.” Sophie looked over to me with shining eyes. “He only pulled me back two years ago. Every night he lays in bed, his heart hurting. It’s what drew me back.”
I repeated what she said to Ethan. He looked down at the floor and cursed.
“That’s when I
realized how bad Isaac really was,” he said quietly, his voice thick. “I was alone.”
“You’re not alone, Ethan,” I told him softly. “You’re surrounded by people who love you.” He looked up and met my eyes. Those chocolate eyes of his were full of shadows.
“Isaac’s changed. He won’t talk about it, but he has,” Ethan said. “Sophie was dead and Ma… Ma was finally doing better after losing Sophie.” I reached out and held his jaw in my hand.
“You are not alone,” I told him again. “Everyone is here, anytime you need us. I am here.” I swallowed hard. “You’ll never be alone. I promise. If you need me, I’m here.” His eyes gazed into mine for several heartbeats. He nodded before looking away.
“I never got to say goodbye to her,” he muttered. I wiped my face and looked at Sophie.
“Now you can,” I said gently. When he didn’t say anything, I had to ask, “Do you want me to go in the kitchen?” He shook his head, his gaze on my knees.
"Sophie, no perteneces aquí. Lo siento, te traje de vuelta aquí.” he said, his voice cracking. "Te quiero, y te extraño cada día maldito, pero no puedo pedirte que te quedes, tienes que pasar a lo que viene y ser feliz. Adiós mi pequeña Sophie.”
Sophie’s tear streaked face turned to me. “Tell him I love him and I will,” I repeated her words. He nodded and took deep trembling breaths. Sophie looked to me. “I can go now.”
I turned to Ethan. “She says she’s ready.”
He swallowed hard. “Take care of her.”
“Always,” I answered. He gave me a sad half smile.
I turned to Sophie. She reached out her hand. It was barely a thought and that golden thread moved around her wrist. I closed my eyes and dropped down.
After the long fall we landed in the Veil. Sophie got to her feet and looked around, then froze. I looked to my side and blinked. Ethan stood there blinking and wobbling on his feet.
“W-w-what the hell?” I stammered. I looked down… holy shit! I had grabbed both of them with separate threads. Oh, God. What have I done? I’d never brought a living person to the Veil before. What if I killed him? Oh, God.
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