by Marlon James
Lilith hiss.
Lilith get tired of coming through the back door. She grab the mop and bucket to swab the cellar floor and fling them in a corner. Lilith throw down the petticoat that the mistress always tearing and Homer always giving her to fix. She hate sewing. She hate that Homer keep telling her to clean the cellar and the shelves that never get dust. Lilith ask Homer when she goin’ be a proper house negro and clean upstairs and how come she can’t serve food like the other negrowomens in the house, since none pretty or have clean fingernail like she. Homer say, Pretty gal go a river and see herself in water. Pretty gal drown when she go down to kiss herself. Lilith hiss at what Homer say, but she mark that Homer say it.
October come. This be crop time on the estate, when no field nigger sleep. Even in the cellar, Lilith hear the marching of two hundred feet in the morning and in the evening. The songs they be singing so far off that all she hear is the uh-huh! when they all chop at once. The crackle and crunch of the mill that run day and night and keep every light sleeper awake. Lilith was glad for the first time that she was a house slave.
One day when Homer gone to Kingston with the massa, one of the cooks say that when Homer ready, she used to go out to the goat pen and cover herself with nanny goat piss so that a ram goat would back her into a corner and rut her. Other nigger say that Homer pussy no got no hole and she buy all her pickneys. Other nigger say that Homer cho-cho tougher than wood chip. Homer used to say that the man no born yet that could handle her, so the only answer was to have no man, except when Jack Wilkins set niggermens ’pon her before she pass child breeding age and she beget a boy and a girl. The boy get sell to salt farm in Bermuda and the girl get sell to a estate in the Cockpit Country to the west.
Homer go down the cellar one night and wake Lilith up. Homer by her close and Lilith don’t like it. Homer pull out something from her apron.
—You know what this be, chile?
—Me didn’t born behind cow. Is book, they call it.
—You don’t say. Is when since you lay eye ’pon book?
—Tantalus did... but not to touch.
—Touch it, then.
Homer hand the book to Lilith and she take it in her fingers. Lilith expecting something like a dress or a jewel box that easy to break like any other backra thing. The book hard and soft at once, the cover when she run her fingers over it feel like linen or osnaburg, but the book also hard like wood and thick. The book red like wine or blood. She never feel or smell anything like that ever. A scent like oil, or mayhaps white man armpit, or dust and something else, all of them smelling something awful apart but together make the most wonderfullest thing. Lilith close her eye and breathe in the smell like tobacco.
—Even better when you open it, Homer say.
Lilith open the book. The leaves white in the center but get browner to the edge. She shut it back quick.
—Why you bring this down here? Me not fool, you know. Me know that Robert Quinn would kill we if he see we.
—You have more sense than me did think. Why you think that be so, me chile?
—Because is white people things. Nigger not to care ’bout them things.
Homer laugh.
—Then you is a real nigger for sure. Make me tell you something and you listen good. You see this? This book? As long as you can’t read this white man will have all sort of power over you.
—So when me can read chain goin’ break? You is one perplexing nigger, Homer, anybody ever tell you?
—Me not nobody nigger. Learn this, when you can make out word, nothing the massa can do will surprise you. A nigger, he no got nothing. He got nothing. But when you can make out a word, that is something indeed. You know how long me know that Massa Humphrey was coming? You think ’bout that. When a nigger can read, she can plan, if is even for just a minute. Make me tell you something else ’bout reading. You see this? Every time you open this you get free. Freeness up in here and nobody even have to know you get free but you.
—If the massa find out, you dead.
—If the massa supper spoil, you dead, what be the difference?
—Me suppose to answer that?
—It name question, me chile. White man is beast either way. Nothing you can change ’bout him. But you can change plenty ’bout you. Regard that a while. You not no fool and you not common. You remember that. One of these days you goin’ know what me talking ’bout.
Lilith quiet for a while. The darkness telling her nothing.
—What that book name?
—Joseph Andrews. Henry Fielding write it. British man.
—That don’t sound like nothing.
—You just wait.
So Homer commence teaching Lilith how to read. Lilith don’t know why her, but glad to have the new feeling rise in her when she see a letter shape into something when they in front of her. A cup was something that she could hold and pour tea into, but a cup was also a c-u-p and when she hold her hand steady she could write it plain for Homer to see. Homer nod her head and then show her s-a-u-c-e-r. Lilith begin to see how reading and writing work and how you can write a thing and give it to a nigger and nobody can hear what she say even if she could only write that t-h-e b-l-a-c-k c-a-t s-i-t o-n t-h-e m-a-t. Writing be silent talking and Lilith like to have something that nosy nigger can’t overhear. But more so every time Lilith learn a word the cellar seem not so dark. Or mayhaps it was she who didn’t seem so dark. Lilith don’t know, but she feel like she enter something or she goin’ somewhere that most other nigger couldn’t follow.
And that Joseph Andrews. That rascal. Seems all that white man have to do is bide him time and keep him place and everywhere he trip he goin’ land right between white woman legs. Black woman hard to laugh, for she must keep it secret and quiet-like for all white man suspicious of negro mirth. Homer read the book and Lilith clutch her side and try to laugh quiet and get a pain that would make her cry if she still wasn’t laughing.
‘I am afraid,’ said Lady Booby, ‘he is a wild young Fellow.’ ‘That he is,’ said Slipslop, ‘and a wicked one too. To my knowledge he games, drinks, swears and fights eternally: besides, he is horribly indicted to Wenching.’ ‘Ay!’ said the Lady, ‘I never heard that of him.’ ‘O Madam!’ answered the other, ‘he is so lewd a Rascal, that if your Ladyship keeps him much longer, you will not have one Virgin in your House except myself. And yet I can’t conceive what the Wenches see in him, to be so foolishly fond as they are; in my Eyes, he is as ugly a Scarecrow as I ever upheld.’
—That wild fellow sound like Robert Quinn, Lilith say.
—Eehi? What news you have ’bout Robert Quinn?
—My ears as good at night as yours, Homer.
They both laugh.
—How you come by book learning? You is just common nigger.
—Nothing common ’bout me, chile. Or you neither.
—How you come by book learning?
—Jack Wilkins’ sister, she teach me. Lord God, that be a long time ago. Every time her governess teach her two word, she find me working the house and drag me away to teach me. She even beat me like how governess beat her. But she show me how word read and how word write and me soon start teach meself.
—And the massa never know?
—No massa live here them time. Only the overseer, Jack Wilkins’ papa. Him never care ’bout what him daughter do. You could have call him a good man, even. Good for a white man anyway. That girl was a wicked little bitch. But she teach me how perfume read, then how it write. P-e-r-f-u-m-e. And how one letter put next to another letter change how they sound like.
—What happen to she?
—Dead from consumption at her fifteen year. She always did sickly. Massa Jack take the death hard. He wicked like the devil after that.
Lilith still wondering why is it that Homer helping her so. Maybe she feel sorry over that matter with Circe but that was a long time ago. Homer come in the dark to teach her to read but she look at her too long. And she keep wiping things off Lilith f
ace, even sweat. And touching her face and giving her extra osnaburg cloth for monthly blood and tea for when them days get heavy. And talking to her ’bout how she must take care of herself because she busting out of her dress. And talking to her like she be a young’un. Lilith start to wonder what Homer desire.
One day right before evening start creep up, Lilith in the open kitchen stirring the pumpkin soup. Every house negro in the kitchen, ’cause the mother still have little sense about her and she begin to send out invitation to the Montpelier Estate New Year’s Eve ball. The mother head not so bad when she have something to do. Is when she idle that the devil fly up in her. Two day before, she and Homer gone to Kingston to buy pretty things to string up in the ballroom. Plenty green ribbon and bow string up on the ceiling and hang down so low that they brush the head. On the walls more candle alight and plenty angel that make out of paper hang up in between the paintings of dead people. The mother excited.
So everybody in the kitchen wondering what they goin’ be called to do when Homer rush in.
—Lilith, go downstairs, she say.
—To go do what? Everybody else up here cooking.
—Me say to go downstairs. We need more potato.
—One whole sack full right there in the corner.
—Don’t backtalk me, negro girl.
—Me will backtalk and front talk you, negro. Every minute you send me go downstairs, what me look like, house rat?
—With them eye, more like a house puss, say one of the man.
—Must be combolo you be looking, pussyhole, Lilith said.
—Lilith! Go downstairs! Now!
—No.
—Me say—
—And me say no. What part of no you not be understanding, the n or the o?
—Jesus Christ, negro girl!
—Is what you talking ’bout, pussy-eye, what is En and what is Oh?
—Everybody shut up you goddamn mouth! say Homer.—Lilith, don’t make me tell you again.
Homer push Lilith and she nearly stumble down the stairs. Lilith stay on the third step and look out. The mistress come in the kitchen before anybody could say anything. Her wig didn’t fix right.
—Homer, I’m sure you’re aware what season it is. Why have I not seen your sorry lot? There are fittings to be done, surely, the way I’ve been fattening the lot of you.
Homer look at the niggers in the kitchen and shout, Stand up, stand up, make the mistress see you! Everybody stand up and line up in front of the mistress, who walk from first to last and back again. The scowl never leave her face.
—I don’t like the look of any, I’ll tell you that much. The women in particular get lankier by the year. Good-bye to good china, I’ll be saying after this. Homer, I could have sworn you had a new girl in the cellar these past months.
—A new girl, mistress?
—Yes, Homer. Contrary to popular belief, I do know all that goes on in my own house, I daresay this entire plantation. You’ve made this mistake before, Homer, do you recall?
—Me recall it plenty fine, ma’am.
—Wonderful. I’m sure your back recalls it quite vividly. Now, where is this new girl?
Lilith leap in front of the two womens with no help from Homer. —Why, yes. Yes. She’ll have to do, the mistress say without looking at her.
—She clumsy, mistress. She goin’ break the china.
—Me not clumsy. Me young.
—And spirited. Perhaps too spirited. Homer, make sure she is cleaned up. I’ll have none of those horrid niggerwoman stenches. I want her hair combed, her back scrubbed, her fingernails cleaned and her uniform fitted. Any hint of lice and I’ll have both of you flogged within inches of your lives.
—Yes, mistress. I be doing it, mistress.
—That settles that, the mistress say and leave.
—Yes, mistress, I be doing it, mistress, Lilith say and curtsy and laugh at Homer. Homer go over and slap her cheek so hard that the little girl stagger and nearly drop. The girl get up to jump her but Homer look at her dead straight and say, Try it, you little bitch, just you try it. Lilith run downstairs crying. Everybody watching Homer as her straighten her frock, raise her chin high and go to her room.
6
LILITH HATING THE DARKNESS BECAUSE IT NOT DARK NO more. In the dark she seeing things, like a swinging noose or a head exploding like a drop pumpkin. Lilith down in the cellar half asleep. But she can’t remember the Johnny-jumper face. She can’t remember if a black pot had green tea boiling or a green pot had black tea boiling. She can’t remember if he scream once or plenty or if that scream different from any other scream she hear on a sugar plantation. But she seeing things.
She running wild in the ratoon fields. She can feel every footstep and her titty not so big that they jerk and hurt her. She running too far. Ratoon field be nothing but last year chopped cane that leave to grow back by it lonesome. Lilith run to the end and pull two stalk apart to see the new fields. A niggerwoman on her knees, shaking and blubbering. Her face swell and cut up and wash with so much blood that she drip red. She begging with a cry for the woman got no words. One of her eye shut. The white man standing with him legs apart, hip thrust forward, shoulder hunch and neck stuck out. He put the bottle to him head and drink again, him long yellow hair blocking him eyes. He rub the bottle ’gainst the nigger cheek and nudge her hard. The nigger put the white man cocky back in her mouth. The white man swig the bottle again as the nigger suck him. Lilith watchin’ the white man thrust himself in the nigger mouth as the nigger suck in her cheeks. Then the white man start groan and make a big fuss and grab the nigger by the head before she can spit him out. Lilith can smell the struggle. The white man make one last groan and release the nigger, who grab her throat and spit and spit and spit. The overseer clobber that nigger and she fall back flat in the dirt. Then he whip out a musket. Lilith jump when he fire and the sudden gunpowder make her cough. The white man look around sudden, but the liquor almost make him drop. Lilith push back quick into the bush but look at the white man drunkenness and feel the sun on her skin and wonder about a man that can drink or carry on as he please. The man shove him cocky back in him breeches.
—What the blazes are ye up to, McClusky? a white voice say some distance away.
—Found meself a runaway, yes I did, the man say.
—Oh, for fook’s sake, ye didn’t shoot ’er, did ye? the voice say.
—Well, the bitch shouldn’ ’ave tried ta run again, innit? the man say.
Lilith look at the dead nigger once and shudder, but beyond that nothing. She don’t have green eye. She not no sister and she not no mother. Lilith say that over and over until her mouth whisper it. She watch the woman turn into nigger, then animal, then dirt, then nothing. Crow food. She look up and follow the sway of the white man, him hair flowing and him loose shirt lapping and her head swinging as him body swinging until he disappear in the field. She cock her finger and aim at the dirt.
—Pow. Pow, she say.
—Is nigger you shooting or whitey? Homer say and Lilith jump.
—Me didn’t see you coming.
—Not much anybody can see in the dark. Other than what they either fearin’ or wanting. Which be you?
—What you want?
—Follow me directly, Homer say.
Lilith not listening to her, and answer with a loud hiss.
—Come chile, make haste. We don’t have much time, Homer say.
—Time for what? the girl bawl out, knowing where Homer is in the dark and looking elsewhere.
Homer say time to make the difference between smart and fool, strong or weak, living or dead. Lilith not understanding.
—Which one you want to be, girl chile? Dead or living? Homer ask.
Lilith say she not ready to dead yet ’cause she don’t know where dead people go. Same place they was goin’ when them living, Homer say. Homer climb up the stairs. Lilith wait like she pondering and decide to follow.
The sky wearing black.
—Stop the dilly-dallying, negro girl, Homer say and Lilith have to run to catch up to Homer as she disappear in the cane field. Homer didn’t have no lamp but move through the cane field like is daylight. Lilith ’fraid that she will step on a rat or yellow snake.
Homer gone ahead of her. Lilith running soft like a goat thief, she barely seeing Homer ahead and could swear that Homer legs not stepping, but she gliding over the ground like a duppy. This would be just what she was expecting from a Myal woman and Homer did scowl when Lilith ask if she be one. She wondering if the black witch cooking up a new trick. Lilith walking and walking faster and faster until she realise that she running to keep up. Homer and the night is friend, Lilith know. She near out of breath now, but Homer still moving quick through the cane field. Lilith wondering how the hell a old woman can run so fast. The cane stalks lookin’ like they bend out of the way before she pass. Lilith ’fraid. She run harder.
Then Homer disappear. Lilith think to scream, but know that if a white man hear a negro this time of night is a full day’s whipping coming for sure, if they don’t shoot her first. And even that not as awful as the Johnny-jumpers. Lilith shudder and cuss and shudder and cuss and cuss some more. Johnny-jumpers. Homer leave her loose in the field for a Johnny to jump her. She cuss herself that she didn’t see this coming. If she was Homer she would turn her over too. This wild girl who take to attacking house nigger, this bad nigger who kill Johnny-jumper who did just want what all man want and will get one way or the other. Because of her there be war between Johnny-jumper and house nigger. Now it look like Homer turn her over and maybe that is best for everybody. But not she. Damn that bitch. Damn that lemongrass-smelling cunt all the way to hell. She wish she could remember what that Johnny-jumper boy look like.
Lilith crouch down in the cane piece, thinking that if she can bide her time till the morning hour at least she will know where to run. Then she look around. Just about every nigger know that sometimes the most wretched thing about being a field slave is the field itself. In the field a rat would bite you toe and in a fortnight the whole leg have to go. In the night a leaf is a blade, a stalk will whip you in the face and who knows what kind of man hide in the bush. And that was only the half. There was other things nigger fear in the field that have nothing to do with flesh. Rolling calf that come up from hellfire to take people back and Imilozi bush spirits that run ten pace behind a nigger, waiting for he to err and look back. Duppy, especially of that girl they burn in 1785. Lilith hear a creak and think of snakes crawling all over her body and strangling her like a rat. She would have to bear till morning. Lilith run back where she think she come from. She run back to the left and the bush swallow her up. Lilith see nothing but dark, not a darkness like sky or like the cellar, but a dark with prickly thing to scratch her. She run further, not knowing where she going but running until that be the only thing she could think of. Then she see a light. A little twinkle far off lead her to the cave.