by Pip Bird
Rani laughed. ‘Maybe you should take a look at your team – they’re obviously the rejects. We have proper sports people on ours. Tanya from Class Green is practically in the England football team.’
‘Actually, we have proper sports people on our team too!’ blurted out Mira.
‘Who?’ said Rani, folding her arms.
Mira looked around at Team Sloth again. ‘Them!’ she said, pointing at Tom and Tom from Class Orange, who were sitting the furthest away so were the least likely to hear.
‘What sport?’ said Jake, raising his eyebrow.
‘Um,’ said Mira. Suddenly she couldn’t think of ANY sports! ‘Bungee . . . Wrestling?’
‘Bungee Wrestling?!’ said Rani.
‘Yes, Bungee Wrestling.’ Mira looked round. The boys had seen her pointing at them and now they were coming over! ‘Anyway!’ said Mira quickly. ‘Lovely chatting to you.’ She wasn’t sure why she’d started talking like her mum. ‘Bye!’
Dave popped up between Brave’s legs and blew a raspberry.
‘Whatever, ’ said Rani. ‘Your team are still rubbish. Because you’ve got the World’s Naughtiest, Laziest, RUBBISHEST Unicorn and I don’t care that’s not a word!’
There was a gasp from the Sloths. Flo and her unicorn stopped running in circles, but then became overwhelmed by dizziness and fell over. By now the two Toms had arrived at Mira’s side.
‘I pulled a muscle sitting down,’ said Tom 1.
‘Me too,’ said Tom 2. ‘I think my bum’s broken.’
Rani gave Mira one last look of triumph and Team Rhino walked off, Jake and Pegasus trying to wipe the poo off their feet as they went.
‘Dave,’ said Mira, as she watched Rani go. ‘We have to prove Rani wrong. We’re going to COME FIRST at sports day!’
She turned to her Unicorn Best Friend. He was asleep.
Mira sat bolt upright in bed. Her alarm sounded different to usual. She looked around the dorm room, which she was sharing with the rest of Team Sloth. The others were rubbing their eyes and looking startled.
The noise was even louder this time and Mira nearly leapt out of bed in surprise. Their PE teacher, Miss Hind, was outside the window of the dorm blowing her whistle.
‘Team Sloth – you are LATE!’ the teacher shouted. ‘It’s 9 a.m.’
Panic gripped Mira. How could they all have overslept? She set the alarm clock! She picked it up. It still said 7:30. HOW HAD THIS HAPPENED?
Team Sloth scrambled out of bed and to the stables to collect their unicorns.
When Mira went into Dave’s stable, he was hiding under a pile of hay.
‘Come on, Dave – it’s sports day!’
Dave squeezed his eyes shut tighter and did a very fake snore.
Eventually Mira bribed him out with some energy bars.
‘You’ll love sports day,’ she said, as he trotted along next to her. Dave gave her a sideways look and raised his eyebrow.
‘Where have you been?’ said Darcy, wheeling over from Team Lions or Tigers as Mira and her teammates finally made it out onto the sports field. ‘We’ve been out here for an hour! Star and I performed the whole of The Lion King to get everyone in the mood.’
‘Weren’t you supposed to be practising the sports?’ said Raheem.
‘Probably,’ shrugged Darcy.
‘My clock stopped!’ said Mira. She couldn’t believe they’d missed a whole hour of preparation.
‘It’s okay,’ said Flo, appearing behind Mira. ‘I’ve made up a cheerleading dance. Now we’ll definitely win! Sparkles and I practised it at midnight for five hours.’ Sparkles blinked blearily next to Flo, then swayed and fell into the long jump pit, fast asleep.
‘Team Sloth – so good of you to decide to join us,’ said Madame Shetland icily. ‘May I ask why you are all wearing pyjamas?’
They looked at each other. They had all had forgotten to change into their rainbow tracksuits!
‘Oh NO!’ cried Mira, and she turned and sprinted back towards the PE changing rooms. The rest of Team Sloth wandered slowly after her.
‘Quick!’ called Mira, as she raced into the changing rooms. But then she gasped. All the Team Sloth pegs were empty – their tracksuits were gone!
The rest of the team joined her – they looked all around the changing rooms but they couldn’t find the tracksuits ANYWHERE. They ran out of the changing rooms and into the corridor, where Miss Hind was blowing furiously on her whistle to get them to hurry up.
‘Why are you STILL not dressed?’ she growled. They told her that the tracksuits had vanished.
Miss Hind folded her arms and frowned.
‘It’s not our fault! They really have disappeared,’ said Mira. ‘We looked everywhere!’
Miss Hind sighed, and told them to follow her. She marched them to the PE cupboard, where they had to get spare PE kit out of the lost property bin. When they’d got changed they looked RIDICULOUS. Everything was either too big or too small, or filthy or just weird.
‘I can see why someone “lost” these . . .’ said Mira, pulling on an enormous pair of shorts.
‘Count yourself lucky!’ said Raheem, who was wearing a tiny vest with a picture of a rabbit on it, that had clearly been dyed pink in the wash.
As Team Sloth approached the sports field for the second time, Mira could see that the other teams were huddled together, stretching and warming up. Mira took a deep breath and told herself not to worry – maybe the extra hour’s sleep would mean Team Sloth had EVEN MORE energy stored up.
Maybe.
‘Oh – you look . . . how unusual,’ said Miss Glitterhorn, when she turned round to see Mira, with the rest of Team Sloth trudging behind.
‘Our tracksuits were gone,’ said Mira miserably.
Miss Glitterhorn started to reassure her that no one would notice but she was drowned out by the sound of other teams collapsing into hysterics. Mira could hear her sister cackling louder than anyone.
At least I still have my glitter trainers, Mira thought, trying to block out the laughter.
Mira asked Team Captain Yasmin if they should start warming up. Yasmin shrugged. So Mira decided to take charge. She was determined to show everyone that Dave wasn’t naughty or lazy and that Team Sloth could do it, tracksuits or no tracksuits!
‘Okay, team,’ said Mira. ‘Shall we do some stretching?’
There were a few murmurs from the team and someone yawned. Mira decided to take this as a YES.
‘Okay!’ said Mira, and then Ali from Class Green put her hand up.
‘What are we doing again?’
‘Stretching,’ said Mira. Tom 1 put his hand up.
‘Can I go to the toilet?’
‘Can I go too?’ said Tom 2.
‘Um, yes?’ said Mira, unsure if she was allowed to give permission for this. ‘So – stretching! Stand on one leg and hold your ankle. NO the other ankle!’
Three members of Team Sloth had fallen over, and they took the rest of the team down with them, ending up in a tangled heap on the grass.
‘Er – warm-up done!’ called Mira.
She felt like they should round things off with an inspirational team talk. She asked Captain Yasmin if she wanted to do one but Yasmin was reading a magazine. So it was up to Mira. She had never given a team talk before, but sometimes when her mum went to her gym class she would have to take Mira with her, and Mira would sit in the corner and read. The man in charge of the class, who was called Tank, would shout things to encourage everyone to try harder or to stop them trying to leave.
‘Right, you lazy bunch of WEAKLINGS!’ Mira shouted. ‘Get those PUNY BODIES into gear! Let’s show those Cobras and Rhinos and Lions or Tigers what we’re made of and then DESTROY THEM! We’ll CRUSH them under our feet and hooves! We’ll –’
Miss Glitterhorn was passing by and she said it was great that Mira was motivating her team, but perhaps she could be a bit more positive and use less violent imagery.
‘But you’re all AWESOME,’ Mira
continued. Miss Glitterhorn nodded approvingly. ‘And just as long as we crush my sister’s team that’s all that matters! Go Team Sloth!’
There was cheering from Flo, a thumbs-up from Raheem and a supportive fart from Dave.
Miss Hind was blowing her whistle again: it was time for the first event.
‘Sports day begins with the “fun” events,’ growled Miss Hind. She was reading from a piece of paper and didn’t sound as though she thought the fun events were very fun. ‘Remember it’s not the winning that’s important – it’s about teamwork. Apparently.’
‘The main thing is that everyone tries their best,’ piped up Miss Glitterhorn. ‘And that you all have FUN!’
She was drowned out by a boy from Team Cobra and a girl from Team Rhino, who were shouting ‘You’re DEAD!’ and ‘You’re MORE DEAD!’ back and forth at each other.
Miss Glitterhorn showed them the scoreboard. There were columns for all four teams, and then spaces to put their points from each event. In the morning were the fun events: the Egg and Spoonicorn race, the Magical Mystery Pouch race and the Hoop-onto-the-Unicorn-Horn throw. Then there was a break before the Seriously Sporty events: the Uni-Pole Vault and the Long Jump. And after lunch there was the Cross Country Obstacle race.
Points would be given for each event, and the team with the most points would win the sports day trophy, which was locked away in a cabinet on wheels next to the scoreboard.
Mira had heard Jake say that the trophy was MASSIVE and made of solid glitter gold. ‘That’s why they lock it away,’ he said. ‘There’s loads of stuff in my house made of glitter gold and we have spies and dogs to guard it.’
But, of course, what everyone was MOST excited about was that the winning team would be going on the mystery quest.
The teams were all mixed up into smaller groups, and would take turns in each event. Mira was doing the Egg and Spoonicorn race first. In this race they had to sit on their unicorns and trot along, while the unicorns held the egg and spoon in their mouths. Mira, Raheem, Flo, Yusuf and Anja made their way to the start line.
‘Actually, it’s very interesting,’ Raheem was saying. ‘It’s all about the angle of the egg on the spoon – not about going fast.’ Brave snorted in disappointment. Raheem spent a few minutes adjusting the position of the spoon in his unicorn’s mouth, before reaching for the egg. ‘Hey – my egg’s broken!’
‘Oh Raheem – you haven’t even started the race yet!’ said Miss Glitterhorn.
‘No, I didn’t break it!’ Raheem protested. ‘It must have already been like that – I’ve been handling it VERY CAREFULLY!’
There were murmurs and calls of ‘Yeah right!’ from the other teams. But Miss Glitterhorn gave Raheem the benefit of the doubt and a new egg.
Mira looked more closely at her own egg, perched on the spoon in Dave’s mouth. It was cracked too! She jumped off Dave and waved to get Miss Glitterhorn’s attention.
‘I’m not giving out new eggs willy nilly, Mira,’ said the teacher, shaking her head.
‘But, Miss – it’s broken!’ said Mira, holding out the egg. Then Dave ate it. Now she definitely needed a new egg.
‘Make sure you take better care of this one,’ said Miss Glitterhorn, as shte reached into her spare eggs box. Mira was about to say that this was unfair, but then they were distracted by shouts from the other teams. Dave was walking along the start line, calmly eating the eggs off the spoons.
Miss Glitterhorn withdrew the new egg and disqualified Mira and Dave from the Egg and Spoonicorn race.
And so Mira could only watch and cheer from the sidelines as Miss Hind blew her whistle and they were off ! Flo and her unicorn dropped their egg immediately, but they did finish the race and get a point for effort. Raheem made Brave go extremely slowly, so their egg survived, but they finished five minutes behind everyone else and received no points.
The other members of Team Sloth did just as terribly, as it turned out that their eggs were also broken before the race started – or in Yusuf ’s case, that the egg was massive and wouldn’t fit on the spoon.
The other teams thought they were just complaining because they were losing and Madame Shetland said that a bad worker blames their tools . . . but Mira couldn’t help but think that something funny was going on.
Next up for Mira and Dave was the Magical Mystery Pouch race.
‘Here’s your Magical Mystery Pouch!’ said Miss Glitterhorn, handing Mira a large sack. It turned out that the Magical Mystery Pouch race was a sack race.
Mira thought she should be okay with this one, as even Dave wouldn’t eat a sack. In fact he looked comfortable when he first got into it. But then he wiggled along the ground in the sack like a big slug and Mira couldn’t help but laugh. Dave was doing his Dave laugh, which was a sort of deafening sing-song neigh. And that made Mira laugh more. And Dave laughed louder. And louder. And louder. Mira stopped laughing. (It wasn’t THAT funny.) Dave was laughing so much his eyes were popping out of his head. Sometimes Dave would get hysterically hungry, so Mira wondered if this was happening now.
‘Are you feeling okay?’ said Mira. Then something fluttered past her eye – it had come from the sack. She bent down, and picked up . . . a feather. Then another feather fell out of the sack. Mira looked a bit closer.
The sack was packed full of feathers.
‘THAT’S why you’re laughing,’ said Mira. ‘You’re being tickled!’
‘Hee HAAAAAA hehe HAAAAAAAA,’ guffawed Dave.
Mira helped Dave out of the sack and brushed the feathers off him. Gradually his laughter slowed then stopped. Dave looked relieved.
Mira realised she could still hear laughter. She looked around and saw Yasmin, Sarah and other members of Team Sloth and their unicorns all rolling round on the floor, while the sack racers from the other teams sped past them.
Miss Hind told them off for mucking about and gave them zero points. She said they must have been hanging around with pigeons before the race, but Mira wasn’t so sure . . . why were strange things only happening to Team Sloth?
The teams gathered for the last of the Fun Events: Hoop-onto-the-Unicorn-Horn throw. Each child had to stand three metres from their unicorn and throw the hoop on to the unicorn’s horn.
‘This is my FAVE event,’ said Darcy. She span her chair around in a circle and then threw the hoop like an Olympic discus thrower. Her unicorn, Star, pirouetted and caught the hoop neatly on her horn. The rest of Team Lions or Tigers broke out into wild applause and started cheering their names.
Mira clapped too. She sort of wished she was on Darcy’s team. Raheem reached into the bucket of hoops and screamed.
‘Miss!’ he said. ‘The hoops –’
‘Stop moaning, Sloths!’ snapped Madame Shetland.
Mira looked in the bucket. Instead of hoops were a pile of unicorn poos.
‘Hey, guys!’ said Flo, arriving at the start line. ‘Oh, why have you brought a bucket of poo?’
‘We didn’t!’ said Mira. ‘Do you think the hoops are underneath?’
‘Should we just throw them?’ said Flo. Unicorn poos were small, neat and glittery, so there were worse things you could throw.
‘So. Grim.’ Raheem shook his head as he pulled the sleeve of his smelly PE cupboard tracksuit over his hand and pulled the tracksuit collar over his mouth.
Mira picked up one of the poos and waved it at the unicorns, just so it wouldn’t be a shock. Sparkles nodded excitedly, Brave remained rooted to the spot, and Dave just shrugged.
‘Ready . . . Set . . .’ called Miss Hind, raising her whistle to her lips.
‘Brilliant throwing everyone!’ shouted Miss Glitterhorn from the sidelines. ‘WAIT! Mira, Raheem and Flo . . . WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THROWING?!’
The event was restarted with a fresh set of hoops for Team Sloth. There were plenty of grumbles from the other teams, who thought it was probably Dave who had pooed in the bucket in the first place. Mira knew he didn’t though – Dave would happily admit it
if he did something like that. Also, Dave’s poos weren’t as small and neat and glittery as other unicorns’.
After everyone had had a go at the Fun Events, the scores were counted up. Team Sloth had managed to get some points on the board, but they were still WAY behind the other teams. And Mira couldn’t help but think that all the problems with the equipment had only happened to them. Something strange was going on . . .
‘Raheem,’ she whispered, as they headed back over to the school for some rainbow squash and glitter biscuits. ‘I think . . . I think someone might be trying to stop us from doing well at sports day. So many weird things have happened to our team!’
‘Hang on a minute . . .’ said Raheem. ‘Do you mean sabotage?’
Before Mira could respond there came a loud ‘HA!’ from behind them. Mira knew exactly who that laugh came from.
‘As if anyone would bother to sabotage you!’ said Rani, as she caught up with them. Angelica trotted alongside Rani and gave an amused whinny.
Mira folded her arms. ‘So it’s just a coincidence that OUR clock stopped and OUR eggs were broken and OUR sacks had feathers in and WE got given a bucket of poo? ALL OF THAT is just a coincidence?’
‘It is statistically unlikely,’ confirmed Raheem.
Mira narrowed her eyes at her sister. Rani narrowed hers back. Then Angelica narrowed her eyes at Dave. Then Dave stuck out his tongue.
‘Just accept it,’ said Rani. ‘Team Sloth are LOSERS!’
As Rani and Angelica smugly strutted away, Mira very much wished she still had that bucket of unicorn poo.