Coming Home

by Christine S. Feldman

  “I’m sorry, honey.”

  “Don’t be. If anything, I owe you an apology. You just wanted to protect me from the fact that my father never really wanted me.”

  Her mother put an arm around her. “I think he loved us as much as he could love anything. He just didn’t have the stamina for marriage or parenthood. It ain’t for wimps.”

  Callie smiled a humorless smile. “I think you might be giving him too much credit, but I appreciate the effort to make me feel better.”

  “Do you regret going to see him?”

  “No. I had to go.” She blinked rapidly, surprised that she still had a few tears left in her after all. “It did hurt, though. I thought he’d at least be a little glad to see me.”

  “I’m sorry. I wish it could have been different.”

  “I really thought that maybe if I figured out what it was he left us to go looking for, everything would just kind of make sense, you know? Suddenly my whole life would fall into place. But I don’t think he even really knows. I could be wrong, of course — ”

  “I don’t think you are,” Liddy said softly.

  “At any rate, I don’t think he’s got the answers to life that I thought he had. He did open my eyes to one thing, though.”

  “Which was?”

  “I don’t want to follow in his footsteps.”

  Her mother seemed to hold her breath. “No?”

  “It’s just so … I don’t know.” She shrugged wearily. “It’s like it doesn’t mean anything.”

  “What doesn’t?”

  “His life. It’s not about anything. Or anyone. There’s just nothing there.”

  “Sounds very lonely.”

  Liddy’s voice was sad, and Callie looked at her, wondering if there was still a part of her that loved her father. She reached for her mother’s hand. “You never told me that he knew about Elliot’s death and chose not to come to the funeral.”

  “No. That was one piece of information I had planned to keep to myself.”

  There was a lot that her mother had carried alone that Callie had never realized before. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

  “For what?”

  “For never really understanding before how hard it must have been for you when Dad left. Then Elliot on top of that. Then me leaving … ”

  “Baby girl, life’s been hard sometimes, but you have always been my joy, never my burden. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

  “I think you’re an amazing woman, Mom. More so than I ever realized. And I hope you know that I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Her mother hugged her and then wiped at her eyes. “Good Lord, Callie. The past few days have been filled with more soul baring than a year’s worth of therapy. Think of all the money we’ve saved in psychiatry bills.”

  They smiled tentatively at each other, and Callie felt as if for the first time in a long time, she had really come home again. “I’m sure we’re both still crazy enough to benefit from a little professional help,” she returned, her voice not as steady as usual.

  “Most likely, yes. But a little ‘crazy’ keeps life interesting.” The expression on Liddy’s face grew more serious. “So, what now, Callie? Where do you plan to go from here?”

  She looked down at her hands. Putting down roots might still be beyond her, but if there was one place where she could do it, it would be here, with Liddy. With Danny. “I’ve been on the road an awful lot. I think I’d like to stay put for a little while. See if I can explore the world a little closer to home.”

  “I think that sounds like a very good idea.”

  “Don’t get me wrong,” Callie said quickly, glancing up again. “I may not be Dad, but I still may want to see someplace new from time to time. That’s just part of who I am, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

  “No, of course not. But you’re very welcome to stay here as long as you want. Any time you want.” Her voice softened. “And Danny? What about him?”

  “I’ll answer that question just as soon as I figure it out.”

  • • •

  Danny glanced at the clock on the wall above the brochures. Not yet ten o’clock. Em would be in soon to cover the phone.

  Now that his mind was made up, he was impatient. Impatient to get everything finalized, impatient to get out of here and go where he needed to be. See who he needed to see. He still had a couple of calls to make and cancellations to explain, but he thought he would have everything covered by noon. His grandfather, the business, and anything else that might need attention while he was away. He would call Liddy next. He wondered if she had heard from Callie yet.

  Callie. He couldn’t think of her without thinking of the way she had looked at him on his grandfather’s porch. There was nothing casual about that look. He knew it even if she didn’t.

  He reached for the phone, intending to call Liddy, when the door opened. He looked up, expecting to see Em.

  Instead, he saw Callie.

  • • •

  “Hi.” She was going to have to start thinking of something better than that to say each time she saw him.

  He stared at her, clearly shocked to see her, and slowly put down the phone receiver he had been holding. “Hi.”

  She cleared her throat and took a step forward. “Is this a bad time?”

  “Uh … no. Not at all.” Danny looked completely bewildered. Callie would have preferred to see a warmer emotion on his face, but she supposed it was what she deserved. “But I thought you were in Chicago.”

  “I was. Short trip.”

  “Oh.”

  He had not moved from behind the desk, and Callie’s nerves took a hit. Was he at all happy to see her, or not? She couldn’t tell. He was either still in shock or wary. She couldn’t blame him in either case.

  She edged forward. “So, I found my dad.”

  “And?” he asked quietly.

  “Well … ” She smiled without mirth. “Turns out he’s even more screwed up than I am. He lives alone, floats from place to place, and tries to figure out just what it is he wants out of life. I don’t think he’s any closer to finding it than he was when he left us. But he made it very clear that it doesn’t include anything to do with me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “But it was good I went to see him. It made me realize something.”

  Finally, he came out from behind the desk, albeit slowly. He leaned back against it with his arms folded across his chest. “And what was that?”

  Would he believe her after all of her uncertainty? She hoped he could hear the sincerity in her voice. “That I’m not my father. He wanted to cut ties with the people who should have been the most important ones in his life. I don’t want to make that same mistake.”

  Danny didn’t move a muscle but stood tense and still, as if he was afraid to startle her away with any movement. “What do you want to do?”

  What she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and kiss him hard, but she didn’t feel as if she had a right to do that. Callie took a deep breath. “I want — ”

  The door opened again, and Em breezed in, breathless. “Okay, I’m here, I’m here. The traffic on the highway today was — ” She broke off as she saw the two of them standing there. “Uh … am I interrupting something?”

  Danny was silent, and Callie faltered in her words.

  Em glanced at her watch. “Oh, whoa. Look at that. Ten-oh-two. I’ll just go ahead and take my lunch break. Excuse me.” And she hastily retreated the way she had come, closing the door behind her.

  Danny still said nothing but only watched Callie.

  Callie tried again, hoping he would understand what she was trying to say. “Look, I used to think that the only way I could learn enough about life and the real world to be able to writ
e about it was to leave home, but I think my father and I both made the same mistake in thinking that the real world is ‘out there’ somewhere. It is, but it’s here, too. I guess I was a little narrow-minded with my world view.”

  “Is that what you came back here to tell me?”

  “No, not completely.” She took another step toward him. “I’m sorry, Danny.”

  “Sorry for what? Kissing me?”

  Sorry I stopped is more like it, she thought wistfully. “No. I’m sorry if I hurt you the other night when I said I had to figure things out. I didn’t mean that I had to figure out my feelings for you. I don’t have any doubt about those.”

  He started to speak, but she quickly raised a hand to stop him, afraid that if she didn’t get it out now she might never find the nerve again.

  “Just let me get this out first, please. It’s been years since my father left my mother, and it’s still hard for her to talk about it. He hurt her badly, and I didn’t want to risk hurting you like that. You’re the last person I’d ever want to do that to, Danny. Please believe me. And I was afraid that I might, because I was afraid I might be a chip off the old block in that department. So I had to go see him. I had to know why we weren’t enough to make him happy.”

  He appeared to hold his breath. “And what did you find out?”

  “That he was scared life might pass him by. That he thought we might get in the way of something better.”

  “I’m sorry, Callie.”

  “Well … ” She shrugged, trying not to let her hurt feelings show. “It sure wasn’t the reason I was expecting, but at least now I know.”

  “And now that you know?”

  “I want to make sure life doesn’t pass me by, either.” For better or for worse, it was time to make her pitch. “So I came here to collect on that favor.”

  He furrowed his brow, bewildered again. “What favor?”

  “Ah, you trying to get out of the bet after all?” she asked, trying to keep her tone light but hearing the unsteadiness in her voice. “Our pool game. Remember?”

  The confusion in his eyes cleared, and he nodded slowly.

  “So I’m here to call it in.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want you to, well … consider, at least — ” She was losing her courage and botching this up. Wasn’t she supposed to be good with words? But somehow she didn’t think she’d ever had as much riding on the right words as she did now. What if he decided she was too fickle for him to take a chance on her?

  At least he was still listening. “Consider … ?”

  “Me?” she finished lamely.

  “Consider you,” he repeated.

  She nodded, and when she spoke again there was a catch in her voice. “I don’t blame you if you if you have doubts about me, but I really think we could — ”

  “Callie?”

  “Yes?” she trailed off, fearing the worst.

  He stared at her for a moment, and then he gave a self-deprecating laugh that did remarkable things to her insides and shook his head. “Do you know what I was doing when you walked in just now?”

  “No,” she said, startled by the change in topic.

  “I was in the middle of clearing the books for the next few days and making arrangements to close up for a little while.”

  “Why?” She was suddenly worried, thinking there was only one reason why he would do that, and it wasn’t good. “Oh, Danny … Did something happen with your grandfather?”

  “No. Well, nothing like what you mean,” he corrected. “It’s more like what happened to me, watching him. His life has not been easy, you know that? He’s had a long, hard road already and it looks like there’s more of the same ahead. But he hangs on to the good stuff. I don’t know how much time he and I will have left together, but I want to make the most of the good stuff with him.”

  “I see,” she said, still a little confused by where he was going with this.

  “What happened between you and me the other day, that’s the good stuff, too, Callie.” Danny pushed himself up from the desk. “I was watching my grandfather and realizing that life’s too short not to take a few chances. So I thought it would be worth the risk to track you down and try to convince you that maybe we shouldn’t play it safe. Now, for all I knew, you might tell me I’m nuts and to get the message already, but — ”

  “No, no, no,” she said hastily, a wonderfully warm feeling filling her as her hopes rose. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  A slow smile spread across his beautiful face. “So I was just about to call your mom and try to find out if you were still in Chicago or heading to New York, or God knows where else. And Em was good enough to agree to come in today on short notice and cover the desk so I could go home and pack a bag.”

  “I always liked Em.”

  “Me too.”

  Her heart started beating faster. “So you’re not — upset or anything? Angry?”

  “It was hard to watch you drive away. Very hard. I don’t think I’d handle it well if you decided to do it again.”

  “I’m not going to do it again.”

  “Point is, Callie, if you’re asking me to ‘consider you,’ I’m already on board. When all is said and done, I’d rather take a chance with you than without you.”

  She let out a shaky breath and felt an almost irresistible urge to weep with relief. “Oh. Well, that makes things a lot simpler, then.”

  Then she crossed the floor and threw herself into his arms so hard that he staggered back against the desk again, taking him with her.

  He started to laugh, no easy feat when she had nearly knocked the wind out of him. “Try not to put me in the hospital, okay?”

  “Sorry.” She pulled back enough to look him in the face. “I’d take good care of you, though. I have a wonderful bedside manner.”

  “I’ll just bet you do.” Still grinning, Danny framed her face between his hands and bent his head to kiss her tenderly.

  This time there were no conflicting feelings, no doubts about whether or not she should do this. Callie wrapped her fingers in his hair and gave herself up entirely, reveling in the feel of him in her arms. Her breath caught in her throat when she thought how close she had come to missing out on this, missing out on him.

  He heard the catch of her breath and drew back. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded, struggling to speak. “Just happy,” she managed finally, smiling up at him through eyes that had grown wet again. She was turning into quite the emotional mess lately.

  “Good. I like you happy.”

  “I’m still pretty screwed up, you know.”

  “Yeah?” He kissed her again, his lips trailing from her mouth to her throat in a way that left her lightheaded.

  “And I still may want to hit the road from time to time,” she continued breathlessly, wanting to be completely honest with him but finding it harder and harder to form coherent thoughts. “That part hasn’t changed. But I’ll always come back, Danny. Always.”

  His arms around her tightened as if he would never let her go, and she sighed and tilted her head so he could trace the length of her neck with his lips.

  Danny McCutcheon had very strong lips.

  His breath came out warm against her skin. “Maybe I’ll go with you from time to time.”

  “I think I would like that.” Callie guided his mouth up to hers again and kissed him until he had to catch his own breath.

  “Careful,” he warned her, his eyes never leaving her mouth. “We don’t want to shock Em if she walks in here again.”

  “All right. Then let’s get out of here so she can start her shift already, and we can go someplace where we won’t shock anybody.”

  Danny smiled a slow smile at her and put his arm around her waist as she pulled
him toward the door. “Welcome home, Callie.”

  Epilogue

  The following summer

  The sun was hot overhead. Before much longer, Callie would have to take another quick dip in the water to cool off again. But she was reluctant to move just yet, stretched out on the picnic blanket with Danny’s arms around her as she was. They had just finished eating lunch in their secluded little beach, “their” spot, and she felt lazy and content.

  They had come here today with no other reason other than just to enjoy it together, but Callie decided it was as good a time and place as any to share her news with him.

  “You know that editor I’ve been exchanging emails with?” she asked nonchalantly, idly stroking Danny’s bronzed arm with her fingers.

  “Mm, hmm.”

  “Well, he liked my book idea. The one with the collection of essays? He wants to see what I’ve got so far.”

  Danny rolled her over so he could look her in the eyes. “Congratulations.” He kissed her once, briefly, then again, long and leisurely. “I know how hard you’ve been working on that. You must be thrilled.”

  She shrugged but allowed herself a smile. “Yeah, a little. Nothing’s written in stone yet, but it could happen.”

  “We should celebrate. Care for another apple juice on the rocks?”

  “Oooh, you’re breaking out the good stuff. This must be a big deal.”

  “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

  Callie stretched languidly and closed her eyes. It still seemed somewhat amazing to her that she could be so happy. This was not exactly the script she had thought her life would follow. Thank heavens for rewrites, she thought with an inward smile.

  She heard rustling sounds as the man she loved rummaged through their cooler. A minute later he was back beside her on the blanket, propped up on one elbow and handing her a cold drink.

  She sat up to take it from him before turning her eyes to the serene pool of water glistening with sunlight on its surface. “Thanks. Perfect day, isn’t?”

  “Beautiful.” After a moment, Danny cleared his throat. “Callie … ”

  “Yes?” She glanced over at him and saw him holding out a folded piece of paper to her. “What’s that?”