by Malone, Nana
The vulnerability in his eyes had her snapping away.
“Everyone knows what kind of talent you have, your strength, agility. That’s what will matter in the end. No matter what anyone says or what they write about you. What you do on the court is what matters. If you can leave the other stuff behind and focus.”
His smile was sad. She wanted to say more, but she heard the faint sound of a ringing phone. The PA called from the kitchen. “Miss Connors? Your manager is on the phone.
She did her best not to roll her eyes, but she was only half successful. “I’ll call him back.”
Jason inclined his head in question, but she ignored it. The inquisitive look was immediately replaced with a rakish smile. All traces of earlier vulnerability gone. “Let’s talk more about my strength and agility.”
That was the Jason she remembered, the one always trying to tease a smile out of her.
Once she had all the shots she needed, he helped her pack up her lenses and equipment. The PA and makeup artist left the house first and drove off in the second van.
Jason walked her to the car carrying all her equipment, refusing to let her carry anything. “Jason, don’t be ridiculous, I can carry my own equipment.”
“I know. I’m working at my chivalry. Let me see how it feels, okay?”
“Fine, do as you like.” She said fine, but what she wanted was to get out of Dodge as quickly as possible. The moment they were alone, she felt the tension spark between them. She didn’t need him to be nice to her. When he was nice, she remembered they’d been friends. And forgot that he’d broken her heart.
She climbed into the beat up Corolla. “Let me know if you have any questions about the photos.”
He cleared his throat and hesitated before he closed the driver’s door for her. “Izzy, I’m really sorry about the other night. Please let me make it up.”
Shit. Why did he have to look so sexy in that black shirt? “I—you know what, Jason, no harm no foul. It’s already forgotten.” Maybe he’d let it go.
“Then let me take you out for dinner?”
She didn’t need this. She didn’t need the sweet Jason she remembered. She didn’t need him to be vulnerable and nice and sexy. “I don’t think so. It’s probably best if we keep the past in the past, you know?”
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but refrained. He stepped back from the car and returned to his front steps.
Ready to be back in the safety of her sanity, Izzy turned the key. The ignition clicked but didn’t catch. “Oh please, oh please, oh please,” she muttered under her breath and sent up a fast prayer, frantically wondering where she was going to find a mechanic in the middle of Malibu.
She turned the key again with another prayer. Click.
Concerned, Jason came down from his perch on the front steps. “You’re going to need a ride, huh?”
“I’ll just call a tow truck and a mechanic. I don’t think the last van is too far away, they can come back and pick me up.”
His gaze was concerned. “You don’t like to rely on anyone do you, Izzy?”
“I—uhm…” She couldn’t tell him it was the safest way to avoid disappointment. She needed a good reason to decline his offer, other than the fact she didn’t want to be in a confined space with him. Other than the fact she didn’t trust her emotions when she was near him. Other than the fact his scent made her want to do things she’d only read about in romance novels. Other than those reasons, she couldn’t offer up one.
His voice was even. “I’ll move your stuff to my car. Let me get my keys, and I’ll take you home.”
Even though another prayer was probably a hopeless cause, she sent one up anyway. Dear God. Please don’t let me act like a fool with this man.
Chapter Twelve
Tension, thick and sexual, filled the space between them. Jason considered rolling down a window to let some air in, but the night was too chilly. The drive from Malibu to Pasadena took longer than normal, thanks to traffic. And he felt every moment of it. For the first time, Jason noticed the claustrophobic effects of the car, as the endless seconds ticked by.
He slid Izzy a glance. Her rigid posture said she wasn’t thrilled about the close quarters either. The Porsche wasn’t big enough for all of her equipment, so he’d promised to chauffeur over the rest tomorrow.
She seemed content not to talk much, but the way he figured it, they couldn’t sit in the car in silence for the next few hours. The trip up the coast, under normal circumstances, only took an hour. But given the congested brake lights, it would take at least two to get her home.
He was normally comfortable with no chatter, but the heavy silence made him feel as though they were sluicing in a sea of tension.
He needed to say something. Anything. He forced his body to obey the command. But in that moment where his lips followed the order his soul betrayed him and spilled out the last words he wanted her to hear. “I’m sorry I didn’t come back to you.” Damn. Where had that come from?
Out of the corner of eyes, he saw Izzy shift her body, angling her knees away from him toward the passenger door. Desperation etched her profile. “We don’t need to talk about this.”
His brain worked for a way to retract his statement, anything to keep from going into it, but he figured the damning words were already out. No use keeping the rest of it in. “I know you think I left and never looked back.” He paused and drew in a breath, letting it ebb out of him slow and steady as he silently counted. One, two, three. One, two, three. “And in some ways it’s true. But I thought about you—a lot. At the time, I thought I had a good reason.”
She turned her head and gave him a view of her elegant curved neck as she looked out the window. “Right.”
“Look, I know I was an ass. Immature for leaving like that. Everything you could call me, I’ve already called myself. It was a stupid decision, and I would reverse it if I could.”
She whipped her head around to face him, dashboard lights reflecting in her eyes. “What? What could have been so important?” Then she shook her head and turned back to the window. “Forget it. It’s not important. It was so long ago.”
“I owe you an explanation. I always felt bad about how I walked out on you.”
“What? Why? Between Sabrina and the girls on the tour? I’m sure you never gave another thought to the pathetic girl that had a crush on you.”
He muttered a curse. “I never thought you were pathetic.”
Her derisive scoff boomed in the tight space. “Really? Because Sabrina told me all about how you laughed at me.”
“That’s a lie,” he spat. “I never laughed at you.”
“Why would she lie?”
The vise around his heart tightened around its captive. “Because that’s what Sabrina does. Because she’s a master manipulator. Because she thought I was in love with you.”
****
Bursts of frenetic pulses started in Izzy’s belly, then spread all over her body, all encompassing. She placed a hand above her diaphragm with a hope to quiet the spasms there. She tried to block out his words. But her brain refused her attempts at banishment. It insisted on echoing his words again and again against the cavernous walls of her consciousness. I was in love with you. I was in love with you.
“Wh—wh—why would she think that?” She didn’t recognize the squeaky voice for her own.
“Because it was the truth.”
Her left hand shook, and she placed it over her right, still pressing against her diaphragm. “But, but, you laughed at me. She told me how you’d laughed at my attempts to throw myself at you.”
He shook his head. “Where would you get that from? It never happened. It’s not the first time she’s lied.” Exasperated, he punched an open hand against the rim of the steering wheel. “More than once, I let her almost leave my life in ruin. The year I was with her I spent in this intense fog, completely impenetrable.”
As her brain plucked at his words, Izzy tried to make sen
se of them. “What do you mean it’s not the first thing she’s lied about? She didn’t start spiraling out of control until after Nick was born.”
Izzy watched his jaw clench and unclench, watched as he pulled in breath after breath.
His voice came out, ragged and harsh. “That night I left you, she told me she was pregnant.”
Her lips formed a silent O. The final remnants of the Hershey’s Kiss she’d eaten that afternoon swirled in her belly and threatened a reappearance. “What?”
His hands tightened around the steering wheel. His voice chilled as he spoke, and a slithering shiver spread over her body. “When she called that night, she told me I’d better get over to her place, or she’d make sure I didn’t get to leave on the pro tour.”
Izzy chose not to focus on the one word that could shatter her world. Pregnant. Instead, her brain tried to make some sense of what he told her. “How could she stop you from leaving? Everyone expected it.”
He tensed his jaw once, then again before he spoke. “Something I’d rather forget.” He cleared his throat before he continued. “When I went over to her place, she was high and pissed off, the way only Sabrina could get.”
He deftly dodged a piece of debris in the road, careful of the rain-slicked path. “She went on and on about how I’d ruined her life and knocked her up and she’d never forgive me.”
Reason finally broke through the confines of her shock and confusion, and Izzy found her voice beside him. “But she wasn’t pregnant. She didn’t get pregnant with Nick until several months later.”
His heavy breath filled the tension-thickened silence in the air. “Yeah I know. We’d always used condoms. I knew her history of manipulation. I needed her to prove it to me. I wasn’t going to blow my future on one of her manipulations. If she’d been pregnant, I would have done what I needed to do, stayed and supported her and the kid. But like hell I was going to chain myself to her if she wasn’t pregnant.”
Confusion and bewilderment swirled in her mind. All along, there had been a reason why he left her. Years of self-doubt, rage and disappointment threatened to spill out. “You would have done the right thing.”
He turned toward her, pinning her with a harsh glare. “Don’t make me a hero, Izzy. I ran out and bought one of those home tests. I brought it back, ready to call her bluff.”
Unable to hold the anger in any longer, Izzy blurted out, “But who does that? Who lies about something like that?”
Jason kept his eyes on the road ahead. “When I got back from the store that night, she cried and put on the Sabrina show. Told me she’d made it up.” He tightened his grip, swerving to avoid clipping a car. “I wanted to get as far away from her as humanly possible.”
She didn’t know what to do. What platitudes would be enough to soothe? She wanted to face him, she wanted to offer an apology of sorts, but didn’t know what she could say. She hadn’t told the lie, but she felt for him just the same. She raised a hand to his face, then drew it back into her lap. “Jason, I’m so sorry. She had no right.”
He shook his head. “I would’ve killed her if she hadn’t been so pathetic.”
“I don’t know how you didn’t. I might have. Why would she lie?”
He shook his head, quirking the right side of his lips up in a wry smile. “You don’t get it do you?”
When she blinked at him several times, he gave a humorless chuckle before he spoke. “Simple jealousy.”
Izzy could see him steal a glance at her face. “You know I never even thought about it. I was just…” Her voice trailed.
He loosened his grip on the wheel as he exited the freeway. His voice softer, he said, “Izzy, I’m sorry I didn’t show. I was too angry and immature to handle any of it the right way. So I took off.”
Not knowing how to take the apology, she stared at him. For years, she’d imagined what she’d say to him if given the opportunity. Imagined what she might feel. However, after what he’d told her, all she felt was the blinding numbness. “I don’t know what to say. Not sure how to feel.”
“I wanted to call you a million times, but I just thought it would be better if I left you alone. You were still so young. You didn’t know what you wanted. So I went on a bender for two weeks.”
“It was so long ago, Jason. It doesn’t matter now.” Even with her words, her brain was unwilling to let it go. “You weren’t scheduled to leave for weeks. What did you do once you could see straight again?”
“I went to training camp early and focused on being who I was supposed to be. I told myself you’d be happy, and I could live with that.”
She watched him navigate the exit toward Pasadena, glad to be out of the traffic. They sat in companionable silence for the remainder of the trip, neither sure of what to say, now with the air cleared up. When he pulled into her driveway, he smiled at her. “Door-to-door service, milady.”
She gave him a genuine smile. “Thank you. You didn’t have to drive me all the way out here.”
“It was the least I could do. Your photos will save my public image. Giving you a ride is part of the bargain.”
Before she alighted, he reached out and placed a hand on her arm to halt her. She stared at his hand and relished, for a moment, the tingling sensation. He angled his body toward hers, and she reminded herself to breathe. In and out. In and out.
His gaze searched hers as if seeking permission. He leaned in as he brought their heads into closer proximity. No matter how many times she told herself to calm down and tried to practice her diaphragm breathing, she couldn’t stop the erratic thud, pound, thud, pound of her heart.
When he spoke, the low timber of his voice spread though her like chocolate fudge. “Would you mind if I came in real quick to apologize to Nick?”
She told herself the hollow feeling that followed his words wasn’t disappointment he hadn’t kissed her. She’d told him to apologize. He was making good. She couldn’t fault him for that. “I think he’d like that.”
Three weeks, ago, if anyone had told her Jason Cartwright would stand on the threshold of her house about to walk in, she would have had a good laugh. Yet, here he was, and here she was, in an awkward first date parody.
Because her hands were full, Izzy rang the doorbell. Moments later, thunderous footsteps rushed toward them, and the door yanked open. A panting Nick stood before them, ear to the phone. “Holy shit. Sam, let me call you back.” He hung up with a snap of his cell.
Izzy watched his transformation with amusement as Nick’s demeanor shifted from confident and nonchalant to awkward and nervous. In a well-established homecoming ritual, she went in with her bags, and Nick grabbed the other camera bags from Jason, moving toward the kitchen.
Behind her, Jason closed the door and followed them into the kitchen with halting steps. Clearing his throat, he said, “How’s it going, Nick?”
A powerful blush stained Nick’s cheeks, and he stammered a response. “Mom said you didn’t think you’d be able to come around for awhile.”
Izzy cringed. Nick’s voice held no reproach, but the combination of tough question plus expression of childish innocence would make anyone’s insides squirm, curl and wriggle like octopus tentacles.
Jason flushed and had the good sense to appear contrite. “I’m sorry about that. I couldn’t get away on Sunday. But my schedule has opened up, and I’d like to make up for the other night. How about a tennis lesson?”
She watched as her son’s eyes widened to reveal grapefruit sized eyeballs. “Are you serious? You would do that?”
Jason smiled one of those movie star smiles. “Yeah, we’ll set something up. Maybe have you come out to the house if your mom says it’s okay.”
Izzy flashed Jason a look that said she’d make sure he followed through. “I’m sure we can work something out.” Heading into the kitchen, Izzy pulled out a casserole for dinner and turned the oven on.
Nick followed and attempted to wrestle the dish from her hands. “Mom, I’ll heat it up. You don’t
want to take a chance you’ll mess it up, especially if we have company.”
Jason leaned against the doorjamb and grinned. “I think I’d be willing to take my chances.”
Nick grimaced at him. “No. You wouldn’t. Why don’t you ask her how she scorched the pot the other night with a simple task like boil water?” Nick glanced at his mother. “I love you, Mom, but you just can’t cook.”
Izzy glared at Nick. “You act as if I haven't kept you fed for years.”
Nick ignored her glare and responded with a sunny smile. “Thanks to a housekeeper and my own expert culinary skills.”
Izzy rolled her eyes. “Look, I can put in the casserole and set the timer. You go wash up.” She turned her attention to Jason before she added, “Will you stay for dinner? It’s the least I can do since you drove me home.”
One of his lazy, slow burn smiles guaranteed to singe her nerves, inched across his face. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”
Nick’s grin flashed as he ran off to wash up. “So cool. The guys are never gonna believe I had dinner with Jason Cartwright.”
Jason smiled at Izzy. “Thanks for the second chance.”
She shrugged. “I’ve been with you half the day. You haven’t eaten in at least as many hours as I haven’t eaten. The Hershey’s Kisses in the car don’t count. I might as well feed you.”
Nick came back freshly washed and chattering a mile a minute. But it wasn’t long before they all smelled something burning. What temperature was I supposed to cook the casserole?
Nick ran over to the oven, yanking it open allowing a tower of billowing smoke into the kitchen.
Nick shook his head. “I swear, Mom, it’s like you were born without the culinary gene.”
“I can cook,” Izzy blustered as she waved a napkin around to clear the air. She couldn’t help sneaking a look over at Jason who still stood in the doorway. When she saw the smile, she considered an attempt at a vanishing act.