by Layla Nash
Chapter 79
Deirdre
We dozed, me curled up against Miles’s side, and he traced his fingers up and down my spine. I kept my eyes half-closed, listening to the thump of his heart, and wondered if we’d left any hot water for Henry and the rest of the pack to take showers.
“We need to finish that house across the way,” Miles said under his breath, and I lifted my head off his chest enough to look at him in curiosity. He grumbled and moved enough to kiss my forehead. “So we can waste as much hot water as we want, and I can make as much noise as I want. I’m tired of holding back.”
“Holding back?” I laughed, going to my elbows so I could look at him, still entertained by the gruff attitude and general grumpiness. “That’s you holding back?’
“Yep.” His attention drifted to where the sheets rucked up underneath me and his hand wandered over to pull the fabric away so he could see my breasts instead. “Plus you’re still recuperating.”
I snorted and rested my chin on his chest. “True enough.”
He brushed the hair out of my face, his forehead wrinkling slightly in the expression I’d learned meant he was worried. “Are you okay? Everything is okay?”
He’d struggled, I heard from others, when I was lost. It hurt my heart to know I’d caused him that much pain, but he’d survived. He wanted to fix everything immediately, and spent most of the first few days feeding me and preventing me from walking anywhere. I patted his stomach and flopped back onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. “Mostly. Every now and then I feel…off. Like there’s something missing or different.”
He made a thoughtful noise but didn’t speak, so I moved my feet in the sheets and caught his hand so I could lace my fingers with his. “Have you noticed any differences? Am I different?”
Miles didn’t speak again for so long I started to get worried, and craned my neck to look at him. “What?”
“You’re a little different,” he said slowly, and I waited for the punchline. I really hoped there was a punchline. His free hand squeezed my shoulder before meandering down my chest to palm my breast almost absently. “But there’s something else that happened... before. I don’t know if you would have noticed it. We didn’t really get a chance to talk about it.”
That didn’t sound good. I didn’t dare look at him, though, and concentrated instead on breathing normally. “Okay. No time like the present.”
“We were bonded,” he said. “The mate bond. It connected us, and would have connected us even if we’d never met. You might never have known about it. But it’s—Smith said what that bastard did to you was to remove any connection you had to Smith, but as he did that, he also removed that bond. Our bond.”
My throat burned. That was it. That had to be it. That was why everything felt off-balance and just a little off kilter. I nodded slowly, letting him feel it, and waited for him to go on. Not that there was much to do about it except mourn.
Miles didn’t go on. The room was still and quiet around us; even the last few shouts and conversations on the first floor faded away as everyone else went to bed. We’d have to eat before we finally turned in, so one of us would have to brave the kitchen. I wondered where Cricket ended up. He’d been sleeping with Mercy occasionally, and had picked out Henry as someone who really didn’t want a cat on his pillow—which meant his pillow became the most desirable one for the Siberian Forest Cat.
“What does that mean?” I finally asked. “Are you…is it painful? Did you feel it?”
“Yes,” he said, and his voice went rusty. He cleared his throat a few times before going on, and the hand holding my breast squeezed gently, like he needed to reassure himself I was still there. “It felt like you died. Like you disappeared from the world and ripped away half of my soul with you. It almost killed me.”
I tightened my grip on his hand, closing my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Miles grumbled and gathered me closer, pulling me close to his side and turning toward me, until he was a giant electric blanket all over me. “Me too. Although I’m glad that’s not the only trouble you’re going to cause me for the rest of my life, witch.”
“Me too.” I sighed and wondered if there were leftovers in the fridge that Miles could be trusted to heat up. After a few long conversations with Mercy of the previous few days, it was painfully clear that Miles thought he was a lot better at cooking than he actually was, so maybe some of Mercy’s caretaking had saved the building from catching fire after the big scary alpha tried to make himself grilled cheese. “You’d better buckle up, then, because I wasn’t even trying to scare you before.”
He chuckled and turned his attention to my breasts again. “I’m ready for it. The rest of my life, I’m ready for whatever you want to throw my way.”
The rest of his life. That sounded like quite a commitment. When I went still, Miles also tensed. He cleared his throat after a long moment. “You know. Since…I love you and all that.”
“All that?” I snorted. “Is that a proposal, Evershaw?”
He growled a touch and his arms locked around me, his teeth grazing my throat in a tingly reminder of only a few hours earlier. “You call me Miles, witch. Only you.”
“Fine. Miles.” I wiggled around to face him, narrowing my eyes in challenge despite that the heat in his eyes drove me crazy. “Is that a proposal? What do you mean by ‘the rest of your life,’ hmm?”
His eyes shaded gold and he pushed onto his elbows over me, bumping his nose against mine before kissing my forehead. “Didn’t think you’d want some froufrou proposal.”
I arched an eyebrow and refused to be distracted as his free hand slid down my hip to grab my ass. “Uh, just because I let you try the cookies doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for putting out your own effort.”
“Try the cookies?” His mouth curled and he bent to kiss behind my ear. “Is that what you’re calling them? Why not something sexier?”
“Don’t change the subject. I can rename my lady parts if I want to, and I don’t need your input.” I tried to give him a stern look. “What’s with the forever talk, wolf? Are you proposing something?”
I didn’t want to get my hopes up, even if I didn’t really know what I hoped for.
Miles grumbled and his mouth drifted down my throat, nibbling and nipping. “And if I am?”
“Then you need to—” I sucked in a breath as his tongue found my nipple yet again and my fingers worked their way into his impossibly tangled hair. “Use your words.”
His head dropped to rest between my breasts and his whole body started shaking; it took me a second to realize he was laughing, not having a seizure.
Miles lifted his head, still wheezing, and managed to choke out, “Use my words?”
“Yes.” I gathered as much dignity as I could, what with being naked and almost completely at his mercy. “Don’t be a jerk and just assume I’ll agree to whatever. Damn it, I’m a lady and I deserve an actual proposal. Or at least you asking the question.”
He sighed, resting his face against my middle, and slowly wrapped his arms back around me. His voice came out all muffled as his beard tickled and scratched. “You’ll be the death of me after all, witch.”
I folded my arms over my chest and scowled at the ceiling. He’d better come up with something magical. Like, magical. Just because I couldn’t imagine my life without him didn’t mean he got a free pass and didn’t have to do anything. Sure, he’d started fixing up my house and decided to buy a bunch of the properties around me, and his pack were out doing work on the yard and around the place. And he’d apparently lost his mind trying to figure out how to save me.
So maybe I was being a little unreasonable.
But that didn’t mean he could just assume that I’d stick around, especially since that bond was gone. He needed to at least ask me if I wanted to get married or live in sin or join the pack or whatever the fuck it was we were going to do.
Miles heaved a dramatic sigh and tried to uncross my arms. �
��Babe, I will ask you to marry me, and I’ll do a good job. I promise.”
I grumbled, unimpressed. “Clock’s ticking.”
He shook his head, focus still on my tits. And it was that kind of determination which made the man dangerous, since he wasn’t about to give up on getting something he wanted. When that something was me... I squirmed and wiggled, trying to stay focused on the topic at hand. “Seriously, Miles. What the hell are we going to do? What is this?”
He groaned and eyed me. “Is this punishment of some kind? Wanting to talk about feelings because I made fun of your cookies?”
“We’ll talk about that later,” I said. I caught his face in my hands and smooshed his cheeks. “Miles, you just told me that the bond is gone. What does that mean? What does that mean for me and the pack? Can I still…can I still be part of the pack, even without the bond?”
More gold shone in his eyes, and he looked at me for a long time before he asked, very quietly, “You want to join the pack?”
“I do if you want me to,” I said. “I like your pack. I like your family. So if I’m going to be with you, I’m going to be with them. Right?”
“Right.” His expression remained serious. “And you…wanted the bond? That’s something you miss?”
I frowned, searching his face for a hint of what the hell he was talking about. “Well, I didn’t really know it was there. I think I feel that it isn’t there now, but I can’t be sure. So much changed... Still. I want to be with you, since you can mostly not be a jackass, and if we can’t have that magical connection, then I want something else. Something else that shows the world you’re mine.”
“And you’re mine,” he murmured. He leaned up to press his lips to mine. “I was going to just tattoo my name across your forehead and your ass. That doesn’t work for you?”
“Try again.”
He smiled, leaning forward again to kiss me. “Then how about this. The djinn thought he might be able to recreate the bond. If you wanted. I didn’t want him to just do it, since I wanted to make sure you wanted to be bound to me forever and ever. Since it sounds like you do...”
I blinked and shivered. “He thinks he can? Or he can?”
“No telling until he tries.” Miles caught my hand and gently kissed my palm, placing it on his shoulder, then did the same with my other hand. “We can talk to him tomorrow. For now, then, know this: you are the heart of my heart. You are my future and my now. You are everything good in my life. I want you as my mate, my wife, my little witch, and anything else you want to be. I want to make babies with you—a bunch of little witchy wolf pups to run around this house and terrorize the neighborhood.”
I had to keep blinking to keep the tears from spilling over. And the only thing I could think of saying was, “But what about your building?”
“My building? The packhouse?” He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “What about it?”
“I thought you liked living there. You like…the privacy. No one in your room. People cleaning up after you.” My voice grew scratchy and his expression softened when he figured out I was about to burst into tears.
“I do like living there,” he said gently. Miles moved to his side and dragged me closer until we were nose to nose, and he stroked my back. “But you like living here. This is your place. And since I like you, I want you to be happy and that means living here. I’m not giving anything up by making this my residence, babe. The pack will still have the packhouse. It’s just that I’ll live here with you, and you’ll have to put up with pack members being in and out of your house all the time. That’s why I bought the block, so we’ll have other property for people to stay at.”
I cleared my throat a couple of times, studying his chin. My voice escaped as a whisper. “You want babies. Even if they won’t really be…like you. Entirely. They might not be able to change.”
“Baby,” he murmured, pulling me closer. “I want my babies to look like you. I don’t give a shit if they’re shifters. I want my kids to have your sass and courage and strength, and your ability to protect yourself so maybe I can sleep at night if we have daughters. Maybe. We’ll have to move to Wyoming if we have daughters, though, someplace where there aren’t any other people. No boys their age. Or any boys at all. I’ll tell you that in advance.”
I couldn’t stop touching his face. The tears spilled over and trickled down my cheeks, and I wasn’t even embarrassed about it. Even though I knew he’d tease me for it later. He wanted his babies to look like me. It took too long to come up with something to say, so Miles helped me out and chuckled and pulled me close to his chest so I could hide my face against his throat and let my tears mix with the sweat that still lingered on our skin.
I was still focused on breathing when Miles whispered, “Will you be my mate, Deirdre? Will you marry me?”
I nodded, saying, “Yes, of course yes,” against his skin, and clung to him.
He smiled and kissed me, and even though I knew the bond wasn’t there, it still felt a lot like magic.
Epilogue
After six weeks or so of hanging around the house and gathering strength, recovering, and getting to a new kind of normal, Miles woke me up from an afternoon nap with a serious expression on his face. Of course, he'd crawled into bed over me, nuzzling behind my ear and letting me feel his weight, so I woke up smiling and rolling my eyes. "What do you want?"
At least he wasn't dirty and sweaty. Miles bumped his nose against mine as I wiggled to lay on my back, looking up at him, and he lazily ground his hips down against mine. "There's something we haven't done yet."
I snorted and put my hand over his mouth so he wouldn't finish that sentence. "There are a couple of things we haven't done yet, and unless it's your birthday, I'm not going to even consider it."
Miles grinned, his eyes sparking gold, and his cock hardened against my hip. "That's not what I was talking about, but that's good to know. Today's my birthday, you know."
"It is not," I said under my breath. "I already asked Mercy."
His eyebrows drew together with irritation, and he glanced over his shoulder like he expected to find her there, ready to spoil his fun a second time. Finally Miles sighed and rested his forehead against mine. "There's something else. Something more serious."
I tensed. Maybe he wanted to move back to the packhouse, to give up my house and make our home together in his space. I still didn't know how I felt about that, or how to negotiate a compromise. I didn't think I could give up the warmth and natural light and comfort of my house, especially not after they'd done so much work on it. I'd finally found some peace.
I eyed him and slowly untangled myself so I could sit up against the headboard, away from the pleasant distraction of his body. "Yeah?"
Miles didn't move, though he pushed up on his elbows so his chest didn't crush my legs. "Just know that you can say 'no' and I won't be offended."
Well, that wasn't a good sign. I folded my arms over my chest and quirked an eyebrow. "Go on."
The corner of his mouth twitched, then he grew serious. "Before I got to you, that little shit witch managed to... sever our bond. He wanted to separate you from Smith and me, and when he did so... he removed the soul-mate bond."
My breath caught and I couldn't look away from him. Was that what was missing? Was that the missing tooth that had been driving me crazy?
"I felt it like you died," he said quietly, reaching up to stroke my cheek. "I thought you were gone and he'd killed you and I would never look into your batshit crazy green eyes again."
"I wouldn't be batshit crazy if you didn't drive me there," I whispered, even as my vision blurred. I couldn't imagine it, even after thinking he might have died the half dozen times he'd been poisoned. At least there had been something I could do to help him when he was in trouble. I healed him, saved his life. He wouldn't have been able to do the same for me.
"Regardless of how you get there," he said, stretched to brush his lips to mine. "I find it adorable. Especially wh
en you start trying to hex me."
And his hand drifted down my shoulder to my hip and then started to tug the sheets down so he could peek at what I wore underneath.
I caught his face in my hands to try and make him focus. "Focus, man. What did you need to ask me about the bond?"
Miles sighed. "The bond is missing. It won't regrow on its own. But the djinn told me, when he was about to fix you, that he could resurrect the bond. Re-establish it. He offered to do it then, but I wasn't entirely sure that you would... want that. So I told him to wait."
"You what?" I blinked.
"I told him to wait," he said. His gaze searched my face and his palm rested heavy on my thigh. "I wanted to be sure. I didn't want to force you into anything. Since the last time anyone tried to make you do something you didn't want to do, you ended up nearly destroying a warehouse. So if you're not sure about being with me, you can still leave and it won't hurt you."
"But it would hurt you," I said. Since apparently he didn't get it.
"I know," he said. "Like having my heart ripped out of my chest and shit on by an Ebola rhino. Every second. Over and over. But that was preferable to making you feel like you were trapped."
I wanted to shake him to try and knock some sense into him. "But knowing that you're hurting would hurt me, you dumb wolf."
"So you want to stay?"
"Yes," I muttered. "Although half the time I don't know why."
"Good enough for me." He leaned up to kiss me again, and took his time as his hand slid under the sheets and then under my shorts and into my panties.
I tried to frown at him sternly, but he grinned and stroked between my thighs until I sighed and let him drag me into the center of the bed so he could loom over me and start ripping off my clothes. Miles's one track mind had him yanking off my shorts and panties as he kicked off his jeans, already growling in anticipation. "We have to be quick, babe."