by Sybil Smith
Not wanting to refute with family traditions—traditions that she's so thankful to be a part of—her fingers nimbly start to work at the seams of the paper. And when she opens it, she can't help but gasp; can't help the way her throat constricts.
In her hands rests an enlarged copy of the photo on her refrigerator of Tristan and herself at the zoo—set in a frame that matches the ones that hang on the family wall of Clara's living room. She looks up with watery eyes and Clara clasps her hands together, smiling as she fights tears herself.
"He may not be here with us, but he's still part of our family," Clara starts with a wavering voice, pointing to the spot on the wall that had been cleared out just for this picture to be hanged, "Just like you are part of this family now."
She's abruptly pulled up and into a hug by Clara, and although she's not usually one for such displays besides with Vera, she doesn't fight it. Simply sinks into the maternal, loving warmth of it as those tears from earlier silently fall.
"You're my daughter now, too," Clara shakily whispers into her ear, "Don't ever forget that."
Chapter 25
"It's not much," Evelyn says, holding out the small golden package to Vera beside her on the couch. "Actually, it's more practical than anything. I just didn't know what to get the—"
"Evelyn," Vera laughs, interrupting the rambling. "I bet it's great."
She holds her breath as Vera's fingers nimbly work on her immaculately wrapped present. The lid is removed, and her eyes scan Vera's face for any sign of…anything as Vera's fingers run over the face.
"Do you like it?"
Vera turns the silver watch over, and her thumb grazes the inscription on the back.
I love you all the time. –Evelyn.
There's no immediate answer, and she has to swallow thickly to keep from jumping to conclusions. "I know it's a horrible pun, but I mean it Vera. I love you all the time. When I'm upset, when I pull away from you, when you're grumpy, when you won't get out of bed on time…my love for you doesn't wane. I hope you und—"
She's cut off by the touch of Vera's lips against her own. It's short and soft, but the point comes across quite clearly. I love you all the time, too. Vera pulls back slightly, a grin tugging on her lips. "It's perfect. Help me?"
Once the watch is secured around Vera's wrist, Vera procures a tiny gift bag from under their tree and hands it to her. Every edge is taped shut, and it's so Vera that she can't help but smile as she tries to open it.
Vera watches her struggle with rapt attention. "It's dumb now that I think about it."
"No, it's—" she finally manages to open it, and looks down at the contents with a wrinkled brow.
"It's okay if you don't want it or don't think it's enough or…I don't know. It seemed like a good idea last week," Vera finishes with a nervous laugh.
She finally looks up, head tilted. "Why…?"
"I wanted to give you a key. Officially. So you know you're always welcome," Vera explains, pulling the key to her own apartment out of the bag. "I trust you enough to be there even when I'm not, and I'm okay if you drop by when I'm singing to myself in the shower—as embarrassing as that is. I don't have anything to hide, and well…I thought this would be a good way to show that."
Taking the key, she closes her fist around it. Her eyes involuntarily water as she looks up to Vera, grinning widely. "You make me so happy, Vera. With you, I am so happy."
Then she's leaning over and kissing Vera, fiercely but softly. Trying to drive every ounce of desire and want and thanks into that one simple gesture. And though they've kissed numerous times, it never ceases to feel like she's finally coming home after years of being lost.
Vera eases her down until she's leaning back against a pillow on the arm of the couch, and Vera hovering slightly above her. Above her and all around her. Kissing her softly and adamantly and more lovingly than anything she's ever experienced in her entire life.
They're on the edge of something else. Something new. Something more.
And they can both feel it in the way the air seemingly crackles around them, weighs heavily down upon them.
Vera's fingers start to lazily creep underneath her shirt, but she pulls back and lightly wraps her hand around Vera's wrist to stop her. Vera's face crumples into confusion and she tries to reassure her with a tight-lipped grin. "I haven't…I haven't done this in a really long time."
Her voice is barely a whisper, and Vera's face softens. "It's okay. We can—"
"In almost four years, Vera."
Involuntarily, Vera's eyebrows rise. "Really?"
She shyly looks away and nods. "At first I was too busy raising Tristan and working. Then he was diagnosed," she looks back to Vera, "and doing this was one of the last things on my mind."
Vera lightly runs her thumb across a reddened cheek. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Evelyn. You had more important things to do. I get that. Anyone that would judge you for doing the responsible thing instead of sleeping around is an idiot," she leans down and lightly kisses Evelyn's lips. "And despite what you've probably heard, I'm not an idiot."
It feels like a thousand pounds have been lifted from her shoulders. This is Vera. Vera loves her. She should've known Vera never would've judged her for this.
Shakily, Vera's fingers start to undo the buttons on Evelyn's shirt, but halfway through she pauses and looks down at Evelyn with eyes shining with tenderness. "Are you sure about this? I don't want to push you—"
"I need this, Vera," she admits, her voice breaking slightly. "Over the past few weeks, I truly realized how awful it would be not to have you in my life and… I don't want to wait anymore. I'm still broken and I still have bad days, but I know I want to be with you. Wholeheartedly," she settles one hand on Vera's to urge her to continue unbuttoning. "So please."
And it's enough.
Only moments later, her clothes are discarded and she's left bare with only the lights from the tree dancing upon her skin. Completely exposed. But she's not afraid. She's not self-conscious. Why should she be? Vera has seen her stripped down; so emotionally vulnerable that there is absolutely nothing left for her to hide.
Vera hovers above her, hands gently sliding up the warm skin of her sides, down her arms, and then stopping at her hands to lace both of theirs together.
"You are so beautiful."
She feels her body flush with the intensity of Vera's roaming eyes. Her stomach clenches when she feels Vera's feather light touch roam down her chest, her sides, to the tops of her thighs. So attentive. Caring. Reverent.
"Thank you," she utters, her fingers finding purchase on Vera's back. "Stay up here?"
"I'm not going anywhere," Vera reassures, kissing her once again.
Vera's fingers trail down between the apex of Evelyn's legs and she starts slow and steady and careful—like this is fragile and one wrong move might shatter them both into pieces never to be put back together again.
She'd be embarrassed if it were with anyone else, but this is Vera, so when she's already on the edge only minutes later, she doesn't fight it. She allows it. Lets it and Vera consume her completely.
Her eyes clench shut, Vera's name whispered from her lips as she gets hit with wave after wave of her release. Her completion. Her absolution. Vera watches her, and holds her close as she comes apart in Vera's arms.
Vera works her way between the back of the couch and Evelyn's heavily-breathing body, and pulls Evelyn close to her chest.
It's heavy breathing, contented sighs, and more than a few moments later when Evelyn finally snuggles her face closer to Vera's neck. She shivers, and Vera's arms tighter around her.
She grins, inhaling the scent of the other woman. "I love you," she lethargically whispers, humming in delight as Vera drapes the blanket on the back of the couch across them both.
"I love you too," Vera replies, kissing the crown of her hair. "Merry Christmas."
Chapter 26
"What'd they say?"
Evelyn drop
s the phone from her ear and walks back to stand by the couch where Vera is sitting. She sighs as she rests lightly against the arm. "The agency said it would be best to keep my distance while the paperwork is evaluated."
Vera's brow crinkles in confusion. "Why?"
She busies herself by picking at pretend lint on her shirt; to keep her emotions from shining through. "So Noah won't further form a bond with me. It would be detrimental to him should the process fall through."
"Oh," Vera halfheartedly responds with a slight nod. She understands why the decision was made, but it's not one she particularly likes. Not for Evelyn's sake, and definitely not since she's been unable to meet him yet either.
Silence looms between them, and Vera starts to pick at the label. "If this works…What are you going to tell him about Tristan?"
She shrugs. "Nothing."
Vera looks up, her eyebrows arching. "Really?"
She pauses, hoping that the words come out as clearly as she had practiced them. "I don't want to hide Tristan. He was such a big part of my life…but that's the thing. My life. Not Noah's. I never want him to think he has to fill someone's shoes or that he's a replacement, because he isn't," she explains, subconsciously twisting the ring on her finger. "So, I'm not going to explicitly tell him about Tristan just yet. I don't want Noah to question his place in my life."
Almost incredulously, Vera swings her feet from the coffee table and plants them firmly on the floor. "So you're never going to talk about Tristan again?"
"No, that's not…." Evelyn takes deep breath, thinking of how to best express herself. "I'll always remember Tristan. So it's not like I'm hiding the memories of him, because I'm not. I'll still be able to talk to you about him?" Vera gives an honest, reassuring nod. "I'll still be able to talk to you about him when I have feel like doing so. But Tristan…Tristan is always with me. I don't need to tell everyone about him to know he existed. Because he did. He was alive and he was here…but now he's not. I'll always remember him and feel my love for him. Always. But Noah won't." She shrugs, and blinks back the watery prickling of her eyes. "So why make him miss someone he'll never know?"
Vera reaches out and touches Evelyn's hand, slightly tugging so that Evelyn is sitting on the couch beside her instead of propped against the arm. Her thumb tenderly runs across the tops of Evelyn's knuckles. "But what happens when he finds out? About Tristan?"
"I tell him the truth."
"Won't it hurt him worse to know you lied to him?"
"I'm not lying," she replies, her brow wrinkling.
Vera shrugs one shoulder. "You kind of are, Evelyn."
"No, Vera. I'm not," she refutes with a tinge of frustration in her voice, pulling her hand away from Vera's grasp. "Noah knows loss. He's felt it his entire life. He doesn't talk about it. Is that healthy? No, most likely not. But he doesn't. He knows the pain; he knows what it does to you. So he'll understand why I didn't talk about it. We'll be okay."
Vera looks at her, their eyes locking before Vera gives a reassuring smile. "Well. When the day comes that he finds out, I'll be here for you. Supporting you and…stuff."
She can't help the grin on her face, or the way it feels like her chest swells with joy at the thought of being with Vera years down the road. It's a feeling she can't get enough of. She gives Vera's hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you."
Evelyn glances out the window and notices the snow is falling and accumulating just as thickly as it was earlier, despite her wishes that it would slow. "I wish the weather would clear so we could go to the New Year's party tonight. I don't think I've been to one that didn't double as a charity fundraiser."
"Ah, well. This one would've just been a bunch of cops trying to outdrink each other and Chavez pulling up cat videos on his phone again. Be glad you don't have to see that," she says with a scrunched nose as she looks for the remote. "We can still watch the ball drop on tv later. You've seen that before haven't you?"
"Yes," she affirms, leaning back into the couch cushions. A smile tugs at her lips at the memory. "One year Tristan heard some of his peers talking about it and begged to stay up past his bedtime to watch. It took some negotiating, but I finally allowed him to do so. He barely made it past ten before falling asleep with his makeshift party hat in his hand."
Vera's chest tightens, and she wistfully smiles. "I bet he would've liked it."
"Oh he loved it!" Evelyn responds, her smile growing. "I woke him up just in time to do the countdown. He told everyone we saw for the next three days."
"Well look at you," she teases. "Being a badass and breaking bedtime curfew."
Evelyn shimmies her shoulders. "I can be cool."
"Yeah. Okay. Just don't let it go to your head," Vera laughs, pulling Evelyn's feet up in her lap. She idly runs her thumb up and down the sock-covered arch as she absentmindedly watches television. It feels comfortable like this. Just being together, even in their silence.
She hits a particularly sensitive spot, and Evelyn hums in delight. Vera smiles, her fingers pausing only slightly before continuing. "You looked at any apartments yet?"
"No," Evelyn responds, cracking her eyes open. "I'm going to wait until some of the red tape is cleared to avoid any unnecessary moving."
"Hmm. Well I'm pretty good at bargaining," Vera smirks, pointing to her badge on the table. "If you know what I'm saying. I got my landlord to throw in a fabulous set of blinds for free when I moved in."
"I'll be sure to bring you along then," she responds, a smile growing on her face as she closes her eyes again. "For the sake of fabulously mismatched blinds, of course."
Vera pinches Evelyn's foot in jest . "They are not mismatched, Doctor Smartypants. How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"You can tell me as many times as you want, but until I somehow lose my ability to distinguish colors, I'm not going to believe you," she replies, lightly laughing at Vera's eye roll. "Cream does not equate with white."
"Close enough." Vera wrinkles her nose as her stomach growls audibly. "You think we can get delivery?"
"We are not going to make someone drive in this weather because you don't know how to cook."
"I know how to cook!" She scowls at Evelyn's arched brow. "I do. I know how to make all kinds of stuff."
"Such as?"
Vera flounders. There is no other word for it. "….Grilled cheese. And, uhm…spaghetti. You know. Italian stuff."
"Oh, I see," Evelyn grins. "So I can trust you to make this Italian stuff without destroying your kitchen?"
Vera scoffs, her façade finally breaking into a smile. "I wouldn't bet on it."
"That's what I thought," she playfully replies. Her arms open in invitation for Vera to crawl over and settle against her.
But as soon as the delightful weight of Vera is pressing down upon her, there's a knock on the door.
Vera groans and turns her face to press into Evelyn's chest. "Don't move. Maybe they'll leave."
"I'm not sure that's the best course of acti—"
She's interrupted by more pecks on the door, and Vera mumbles under her breath as she rolls off Evelyn and stands.
Her groan is even louder as she looks threw the keyhole and throws open the door. "Ma, what are you doing here?"
Clara smiles and holds up the bags in her hands. "There's no better way to spend New Year's than with food and family!"
"Oh, I bet there is," Vera mutters under her breath. Her arms cross as her mother pushes past her. "Maybe we already had plans."
Rolling her eyes, Clara looks over to Evelyn instead of her huffing daughter. "Evelyn is it okay if I come in?"
Vera scoffs. "Really, Ma? This is my apartment."
Evelyn smiles at Vera's grumpy antics. She knows just how close Vera really was to stomping her foot.
"It's perfectly fine, Clara," she grins—loving how Clara automatically included her in family—and walks over and takes a few of the bags from her hands. "Let me help you with that."
* * *
"I ca
n't believe she let you help her with the cappelletti. She doesn't even let me help her with the cappelletti," Vera incredulously says as Evelyn sits down next to her on the couch.
An airy laugh escapes her lips as she leans into Vera's side. "At least you were fed."
"True," Vera acquiesces. She kisses the crown of Evelyn's head. "And don't tell Ma, but that was the best cappelletti I've ever had."
Smiling, Evelyn burrows closer into Vera. "It'll be our secret."
She revels in the warmth of Vera's body against her own, and barely intertwines their fingers together as the television quietly plays in the background. "Did you know that what you do on New Year's Day is said to be what you'll be doing all year?"
Vera nudges her side. "Are you saying Evelyn Truby is superstitious?"
"Nooo," she draws out, "I'm merely stating something that some people believe in."
"Mm, okay." Vera wraps her arm around Evelyn's shoulders and pulls her closer. "But if it is true, at least that means I'll be spending all year with you."
"I'd like that," she replies, unable to stop the smile on her face. She'd be more than content to spend the next year with Vera at her side.
The soft tracing of Vera's fingers against her back pulls a yawn from her. "If I fall asleep, be a badass and wake me up for the countdown."
Vera laughs at the reference from earlier. "Don't want to miss the ball drop?"
"No," she sleepily replies. "I just don't want to miss kissing you at midnight."
Chapter 27
Vera stumbles through the dimly lit room towards the faint outline of Evelyn lying in bed. It's late and she had said she would be over for an early dinner, but with a suspect being apprehended last minute, she had been unable to keep that promise.
The mattress sags slightly beneath her weight and the soft sheets rustle against her bare legs. It's mid-January, but the thermostat is set just as cool as Evelyn keeps her office—bordering on uncomfortable. Vera shivers and scoots closer, her body molding around Evelyn's back and her arm wrapping around her waist to pull Evelyn tightly against her.