“Hey, princess,” Dallas answered. “How is the bride?”
“You mean bridezilla?” I laughed. “She’s fine. She looks beautiful. I took tons of pictures of her stressing out to use as evidence later.” He laughed and then told me about the property they were looking at today. I listened intently as he told me how perfect it would be for a restaurant. I was really happy for him, but I didn’t want to move to New York, nor did I want a long distance relationship.
“So what do you think about it?” he asked me, catching me off guard. He was asking for my thoughts. That was something he hadn’t done lately.
“I think you should focus all your energy on one place and revisit New York later.” It was an honest answer without sounding like a total snob. He took a deep breath. I could feel his unhappiness through the phone; it wasn’t the answer he had wanted. “Did you want me to say something different?” I asked bravely.
“Yeah, I wanted to hear your support. Sarah’s right, you don’t support my dreams right now. It’s all about you.”
The feelings I experienced at the moment were unlike any I had ever had in my life. I was mad and tired of this crap. Who was this girl? She didn’t know me or my support for Dallas. Sure, I didn’t want him to move out there, but backing up his visions wasn’t the issue. The way he was acting was costing us our relationship. Now he was including her in it.
“Dallas, listen to me carefully. I have been here, supporting you since the beginning. If you don’t like my answer then don’t ask me for my advice. Ask Sarah instead.” I pressed end and hung up on him. Then I shut my phone off. I didn’t want to think about him right now. I had enough of this Dallas. When the old Dallas came around I would be here waiting for him.
“You okay?” Kerri asked as she met me outside. “Something’s wrong, I can tell.”
“Nope, all is good,” I lied. She put her hand on my shoulder. She knew it wasn’t okay. “Dallas again?” I nodded.
“Apparently I don’t care about his goals now. He is asking that girl Sarah for relationship advice,” I told her. She shook her head in disappointment. She, of all people, knew the changes Dallas had been going through and knew this was unlike him.
“Avery, I promise you two will get through this.”
“Yep, now let’s focus on getting you married,” I said, not wanting to talk about it any longer.
I helped attach her veil to her headpiece and draped it down her back. Her gown looked even more stunning today than it did at the dress shop. She gazed into the mirror, at the woman that stood before her, and a single tear fell onto her chest. Then she beamed; she was happy and sad. I could see the fear of the future in her eyes, but also I saw that the future made her hopeful. She was ready to become Mrs. Justin White. She turned to face us and then I lost it. My tears fell and so did Ianni’s. Astrid kept her cool and helped Kerri get her shoes on.
“Okay,” Astrid said. “You’re ready to go.” We all walked to the limo that waited outside of her house. We piled in first and helped Kerri get seated. Her curly brown hair draped over her left shoulder and her makeup stayed on despite the tears. I snapped more pictures and then held Ianni’s hand.
She squeezed it and whispered, “Maybe marriage isn’t that bad, huh?” I laughed. She was new to all of this, but I didn’t want her to think that a wedding wasn’t in her future. She was sure to meet Mr. Right someday. Heck, maybe she already had. Beau was her date today. I didn’t have one, but neither did Astrid. She sat next to me and I looked at her silky blonde hair that flowed down her shoulders. Landon would scoop her up in a minute flat. He did say he liked Washington and that’s where she lived. Maybe they would move there together and have beautiful blonde babies.
“Avery!” Kerri said sternly.
“Huh?” I asked her, trying to pull myself back out of my visions.
“I was asking if you got the rings.” I nodded and held them up for her to see. She breathed a sigh of relief and we drove on towards the park.
They picked a beautiful location to have their ceremony; a little park right by the forest. Their gazebo was made from redwood trees and adorned with white roses. The whole scene reminded me of the carving I had gotten them last year from the store, Angels and Air. I had picked it out as an engagement present. It seemed to fit their ceremony perfectly. I had tried to forget what happened in that place, but once in a while it came back to me. The abuse by Benjamin and watching Katherine get taken Home. I believed that Katherine was in a better place. And even though I only knew her for a brief time, I wished I had known her longer.
The limo driver had us parked near a large building so Kerri was well hidden. I saw Justin at the gazebo, waiting for his new bride. He looked so handsome. Soft music was being played by a harpist who sat off to the side.
“Well, you look quite beautiful today, Ms. Snow,” Landon said behind me. I turned around and my heart skipped a thousand beats. To say he looked handsome as well would be a lie. He looked downright adorable. His blond hair was combed back and his face was clean-shaven. His piercing blue eyes caught the sun as he checked me out. He wore a black tux with the same matching tie as my dress.
“I hear I am walking down the aisle with Aster.”
“No, her name is Astrid, and she is right there.” I pointed to her as she looked around Ianni at the dashing Landon. She smiled at me and I waved.
“Oh, okay. Astrid. Got it,” he said with a laugh. He glanced at her once and then his eyes were back on me. “You’re walking with Jeff, Justin’s brother. He’s not as handsome and funny as me. So you’re missing out.”
“I am sure he is charming. You’re not jealous, are you?” I dared to ask. He shrugged and tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear.
“Nah, I don’t get jealous.”
He turned away and walked towards Astrid. She perked up her boobs and sauntered over to him. I get jealous though, I thought to myself. Damn evil green monster.
The sounds of the wedding march got louder and that was our cue. I was up first with Jeff and he took my arm in his. I looked back towards Kerri and blew her a kiss, “Knock ‘em dead, Kerri!” She smiled and I knew she was ready to make this change. She was ready to become a wife.
As I watched them exchange their vows I couldn’t help but be forced to think about Dallas and me. Would we get married? Would we survive this bump in the road? Kerri cried and Justin wiped her tears. Who would do that for me?
Ianni must have sensed my feelings because she grabbed my hand. She would be there for me. We had each other. Who needed boys?
Kerri and Justin kissed and they were now blissfully married. I clapped and hollered for my friends. It was time to celebrate for them. I glanced at Landon, who applauded for them too and he winked at me.
We descended the aisle and I helped Kerri get into Justin’s limo. She grabbed my hand before I shut the door. “I don’t know how to thank you for this day.”
“What do you mean? I didn’t do anything really.”
“You were here for me all along. You helped calm my mother down and she is actually being nice to me. Thanks, Avery,” she said as she pulled me into a hug. I closed the door and they drove off. Now all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were to pile into the other limo. We had a bit of a drive to the Inn where the reception would be held. I was not looking forward to sitting in the packed limo, but I headed over to it. All of a sudden Landon’s arm grabbed me and spun me around.
“Nope, we are not going in that car,” he began. “I’m driving.” I followed him to his car. He helped me get in with my dress and flowers.
We headed towards the Inn and he blasted the music. Again he drove fast, but I didn’t mind. For some reason being with him made me feel trusting.
We hit the freeway and he took off even faster than before. I squealed in excitement and he laughed at me.
He made me feel carefree. I liked to feel like there were no worries in the world. Like Dallas and I weren’t fighting, or there
was no crazy Dark Guide after all of my friends and me. I felt free, like I did in the water that day. Free enough to hold his hand again. But I fought the impulse this time.
Chapter Twenty-One
Celebration
We arrived early, and even before some of the guests. We stayed in the car and waited before we got out. I watched some of the guests who stood around talking about how beautiful the ceremony was. Landon’s phone buzzed; he checked it. A text. I couldn’t read who it was from but when he glared at me I knew. Dallas.
“Did you and Dal get in a fight?” he asked me. I shrugged. I didn’t feel like getting into it, especially not now. We were supposed to be having a good time, not talking about things like this.
“Avery, he is upset. You should call him.”
“Why do you care so much?” I asked firmly. “You have no idea how he spoke to me. So stop taking his side.”
He leaned over and looked me in the eyes before he responded. “What did he say?”
“He is talking to that girl Sarah about our relationship. And he says that I am not being supportive. I just don’t think New York is a good idea, that’s all.”
“Do you think it’s not a good idea because you don’t want to lose him? Or because you’re looking out for his best interest?” I tried to respond but my voice didn’t seem to work. I knew the answer. I didn’t want to lose him. Maybe I wasn’t being 100% supportive. Perhaps my selfishness clouded my judgment.
“He shouldn’t be talking to a stranger about our relationship,” I mumbled.
“Yes, you’re right about that, but you have nothing to worry about there. That girl is super strange.” So he thought the same about her that Ianni did. This girl was mysterious, that was for sure.
“Look, I am not the best person to talk to about relationships, but I do know Dallas. He wants this for all the right reasons; he is ready.” He looked out his window. “He is ready to expand his future. Maybe he isn’t being the best boyfriend though.” Finally he saw what I did. Dallas had changed.
“I get that he is ready for this, but him loving me isn’t the only thing I want in him right now. I need him to be an active partner. Does that make sense?” He nodded. He understood me, finally. And I was relieved that he saw it my way. He wasn’t taking his side because they were family. He was seeing what I was seeing, because maybe he was feeling the same way about him. They used to be closer and I could see that their relationship had changed.
“We better get inside. The others are here,” he said as he got out and left me in the car alone. I pulled my cell out of my purse and turned it on. Seven missed calls and even more texts. The last one reading:
‘Princess, I was wrong. I see that now. I just want what’s best for me. I never meant to hurt you. I have to do what I need to for my future.’
What the hell did that mean? Does that mean that he is breaking up with me? He wanted what was best for him. A lump formed in my throat as I fought the tears. I text back, ‘What does that mean?’ I waited for a response but it never came.
Ianni stood waiting for me with Beau on her arm. He looked dashing beside her, they looked great together. So what if Dallas wasn’t here! I was going to celebrate with my friends.
They announced us as we walked in and we took our seats at the head table. Then Kerri and Justin were announced as ‘Mr. and Mrs. White.’ This was a time for festivity, not worry. I was elated to be here as her Maid of Honor.
The music began and they started their first dance as husband and wife. Then we all took our places on the dance floor and we danced. Jeff sadly stepped on my toes every chance he got. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. I swayed to the music and prayed for a fast song so I could be away from toe-stepper over here. Finally the music changed and I broke free from Jeff and found Kerri and Ianni and we danced to the beats. I noticed Landon had latched himself on Astrid. They moved along with each other, making the green monster come show his face within me. I looked away and focused on Kerri.
By the end of the night my feet ached so badly that I ditched my shoes. I found Ianni and Beau making out in a corner so I let them be. Kerri and Justin had left for their honeymoon to Hawaii. We had sent them off after Jeff and I decorated the car with cans and paint. I cried when she left. Only tears of happiness. I couldn’t find Landon or Astrid. I figured they took off together to go practice making those blonde babies.
I was stuck here with the leftovers of food and I started to stuff my miserable face.
“Beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?” Sue asked, catching me mid-bite. I nodded because my mouth was too full to talk. She smiled at me and cocked her head to the side.
“Your aura has changed. It’s not blue any longer,” she said.
“Oh yeah? What color is it now?”
“Dark, because you’re not very happy, are you?” I shook my head. There was no sense in lying to her. She would know. Heck, anyone could see I was miserable as I shoveled food in my mouth. I set down the puff pastries and sat in a chair next to her.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure, anything,” I said.
“When you were with that boy Landon your auras were one in the same. They were different colors, yours blue, his bright orange, but they burned the same way,” she paused. “They were like twin flames. He is not just a friend, is he?”
Shocked, I didn’t have the words for her question.
“You don’t have to answer. I know you are akin to what I am saying. You’re both meant for each other, yet you don’t do anything about it. Why?” She sure could talk. This woman was very smart and I knew she was onto us. She could tell we were twin souls.
“I know what he is to me.” I looked away and saw the crowd had dwindled down. I was now stuck here without a car. Everyone was leaving.
“You’re a lucky woman to have found him, so don’t let him leave your side,” she told me. “Ah, I am getting another reading from you.” Her eyes closed and she held her head. I watched in anticipation, waiting for her to tell me something. I hoped that maybe it was a message from my mother.
“Do you know why you kept reawakening?”
“Reawakening?” I didn’t recognize the term.
“Yes, it means why you left Heaven to come back here. Do you know why you continued to do it?”
“No, I don’t know why. I only assumed it was because I wanted a different life, one without him,” I admitted. She laughed and shook her head.
“No, my dear, it’s not because of him at all. It’s because of you,” she said as she placed her hand in mine. “You wanted to change yourself. You wanted to be with him, but you would look back upon yourself and you wanted to change.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted. Why would I change myself? When I looked back on my lives I wasn’t that bad. Was I?
“You didn’t live the life you wanted. When you were Claire you were selfish and undeserving. Then when you were Emily, you hurt someone; someone who killed himself.” As she said it chills went up my spine. “As Elsie you didn’t have any children and you died of cancer. You wanted to change your path.”
“So wait,” I said. I wanted to clarify what she was saying to me. “You’re saying that it was about me, not about him?” She nodded and squeezed my hands.
“It was never about him. You were always happy with him. And you forever will be. Now live the life you set out to live!”
“What life would that be?” I asked.
“One that focuses on you and has nothing to do with all of this despair you carry around. Find Avery, and let go of the past. Then, and only then, will you be truly happy.”
It was all so clear to me now. I never wanted to be without Henry, Cooper, or Adam. I was happy with them. I wasn’t happy with myself. I wanted to live a different life for me. I wanted to better the way I treated others and myself. When I think back on this life I have neglected myself.
I have carried the weight of losing my mother around on my shoulde
rs. I have had a hard time having fun. Letting go of my past has seemed impossible.
It was time to focus on me. And time to let me become who I am meant to be. But there was only one problem.
How do I do that?
Sue got up and left me sitting there as I pondered this question. I was thankful that she finally answered my questions, but now I was stuck trying to figure out how to make myself happy.
I got up and looked for Ianni, but she had left. Everyone had left. I was alone in the Inn with my thoughts and doubts. They had all left me here alone. I curled up in a soft, plush chair as the lights dimmed and the cleaning crew came in to clean up.
I’ll close my eyes for just a few minutes, I thought to myself.
I walked along the beach collecting shells. Some were iridescent and some were white. No matter the color, they were all beautiful. I placed them in my pockets. I looked up to watch the sea rolling in and out amongst the shoreline. The rhythm of it taking over all of my senses. I closed my hands around the shells inside my pockets feeling the smooth surface.
“So you know now,” Amanda said to me. I nodded, but kept my eyes closed.
“You were a good soul. You still are. You never needed to come back and start over, not really. But you’re too tough on yourself.”
“I suppose so,” I said, turning to look at her. Her white wings raised above her, letting some feathers fall into the sand by her feet. “But I think I understand that I need to concentrate on myself. All this year, and last, I was focusing on Landon and Dallas. Who to choose. Who not to hurt.” I walked again up the beach as she followed. “But never once did I think about me. About what I want.”
Unraveling of Avery Snow, The Page 12