by Penelope Sky
Love wasn’t enough—not for us.
I had to let her go.
She was disappointed in me now, but one day, she would meet the right man. He’d be a good husband and father. She would have the big family she dreamed of, gathering around the dining table for dinner, drinking wine and eating all the pasta she wanted. I would fade into a memory.
That was how it should be.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand with a text message.
It was from Case. Can you talk?
Case and I met on the sidewalk outside the compound. It was freezing cold, and there wasn’t a single person outside. It was three in the morning so people weren’t out at this time anyway, but even the bums were gone.
Case wore a black blazer over his olive green V-neck t-shirt. Vapor escaped his nostrils because his breaths immediately vanished in the freezing temperatures. His hands were in his pockets, and he looked at me with disappointment.
I snuck out of bed and didn’t stir her when I left. The sheets would hold my body heat for at least an hour. When the temperature started to drop, she might realize I’d slipped out. But for now, I had some time. “How can I help you, Case?” We hadn’t spoken since we killed Lucian. There hadn’t been much time for small talk.
“First of all, thanks for saving my sister…and me.”
“I’ve got to be honest, she was the only thing on my mind.”
He smiled slightly. “I figured. But I’m grateful anyway.”
“She was determined to get you back in whatever way she could. If that meant handing herself over to be killed, she wouldn’t hesitate. But I couldn’t let that happen. There was no other choice. It was her or me…and I chose me.”
His smile faded away as he turned serious. After a subtle nod, he said, “Because you love her.”
I wouldn’t admit it to Cassini, so I wouldn’t admit it to anyone else.
Case stared at me like he expected me to confirm what he said.
Not gonna happen. “You didn’t need to thank me in person. A text would have sufficed.”
“That’s not why I’m here. Well, it’s not the only reason why I’m here.”
“Cassini is leaving in the morning. I won’t try to get her back. I’ll stay out of her way so she can move on.” I wouldn’t contact her for booty calls, not when our hearts were both so damaged. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her. We were already heartbroken enough. “So don’t worry about that.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. I said you weren’t good enough for her and you should go your separate ways. I said the same thing to her. But when I spoke to her on the phone… I’ve never heard her sound like that. Even when our parents died, she wasn’t as devastated.”
My eyes moved to the street even though there weren’t any cars on the road.
“I want my sister to be happy. I don’t think going your separate ways is the best thing for her.”
“Case, you know what I am. You know what I’m capable of.”
“And I know you’ll do anything to keep her safe. You’d give your life for hers in a heartbeat. When I said you weren’t good enough for her, I was wrong. You are good enough for her. In fact, you’re the only man in this world who’s good enough for her. Letting her go is a mistake, Balto. It’s a mistake for both of you.”
I turned back to him, surprised by what he was saying. He’d never made his distaste for me a secret, but now he had a different attitude. He complimented me rather than insulted me. As the patriarch of their family, he gave me his blessing. “I’m the Skull King, Case. I’d protect her with my life, but she’ll always be in danger because of me. If someone wants to hurt me, she’s the best way to accomplish that.”
“I agree.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Then there’s no way it will work.”
“Not unless you walk away from the Skull Kings.” He stepped closer to me, vapor constantly rising from his nose and mouth. “And you should.”
“No.”
“What makes you happier? Work or Cassini?”
“It’s not just work. It’s who I am. And I’m not the kind of man that would give up everything for a woman. I’m not changing who I am for anyone else. I’ll never sit at home with two kids in my lap, watching TV. I’d be miserable.”
“That’s not how it would be.”
“I disagree. Case, I’ve made up my mind. I told Cassini this weeks ago, and nothing has changed. I won’t change my mind. I don’t want kids, and I’ll never want kids. I don’t want the boring life that Cassini wants. I’m the Skull King—that’s where I belong.”
Case stared at me with disappointment in his eyes. “I know she’s my sister, but I’m not blind. Our parents always said she could move to Milan and be a model. If they hadn’t died, maybe that’s what she’d be doing right now. She’s also smart. She’s passionate. And she loves so fiercely that it nearly gets her killed. You won’t find another woman like her.”
“I don’t expect to. I understand how wonderful she is. I’ve been living with her for months. Trust me, I know how fucking perfect she is. Trust me, I’ll miss her like crazy. Trust me, I’ll be drinking myself to sleep for the foreseeable future. But it doesn’t change anything. We want different things. It was fun while it lasted, but there’s no future…at least not a future that’s good enough for her. Breaking it off is the honorable thing to do. A selfish asshole would stay, but I’m not a selfish asshole…at least not when it comes to her.” I stepped away as I dismissed the conversation. “I know you’re here for your sister and I respect that, but don’t ask me about this again.”
When morning arrived, all the affection we’d shared the night before had ceased. We both knew this was our final moment together, so we didn’t know how to behave around each other. We both dreaded the goodbye so much that we didn’t even know what to say to each other.
She was constantly on the brink of tears.
I hoped she was strong enough to keep those tears back. There was nothing I hated more than seeing my woman cry. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I’d rather be shot in the stomach than be forced to look at it, especially since I was the cause of her heartbreak.
I’d never expected us to fall in love. She snuck past my defenses and sank her nails deep into me. Slowly, she’d claimed my body as well as my heart. She made me soft, made me into a man with a weakness.
I’d been emotionless my entire life. Even when my mom died, I didn’t shed a single tear. After being scarred by a difficult life, I didn’t have the capacity to feel anything. I’d been with many women, and not once did I actually feel something. Loving someone was never a concern.
But then I met Cassini.
And she changed my life.
I still didn’t know how it happened. When it happened. I didn’t know anything.
The elevator beeped when Case arrived to pick her up. He would take her away from this place, never to return.
She stared at the elevator doors, her hair thick around her shoulders. She wore jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, her curves highlighted by the tight clothing. With her arms crossed over her chest, she stared at the double doors.
I came to her side and stared at her face, wishing I could say something to make this better. We hadn’t said a word to each other that morning. Neither one of us ate breakfast. Now that the moment had arrived, we seemed to be eager to get it over with.
She didn’t turn to meet my look.
The doors opened, and Case walked inside, wearing the same disappointed look he had the night before. He looked at both of us before he glanced at the suitcases waiting to be taken.
She slowly turned to me, her eyes dry but filled with overwhelming pain. “Well…” She couldn’t get any more words out, not without choking on impending tears. She avoided eye contact with her arms staying crossed over her chest. “Thank you for everything… I owe you my life.”
“You don’t owe me anything, baby.”
Her eyes shut for an instant,
the nickname a trigger for her.
“You disabled that bomb like a badass. We’re even.”
“We’ll never be even,” she whispered. She stepped toward the door to join her brother. “Well, goodbye, then.”
I grabbed her by the arm and tugged her back. My eyes bored into hers, showing her the pain I carried in my heart. If she thought she was the only one suffering, she was wrong. A battle was raging inside my heart—and both sides were losing. “This isn’t easy for me either, but I’m not letting you leave like that.”
Case grabbed the two suitcases. “I’ll put these in the car and wait for you in the lobby…” He pulled everything into the elevator before the doors closed.
My hand continued to grip her arm even after he was gone. My eyes didn’t deviate from her face. I stepped closer to her then pulled her into me. “You’re still my woman until you walk out that door.”
She turned away. “Don’t call me that…”
I tugged her harder into me. “I can call you that all I want.” I released my grip then moved my hand into her hair.
She turned her face and rested her cheek against my palm, living for my affection.
I pressed my forehead to hers and held her close to me. There was nothing to be said in that moment, nothing that hadn’t already been said over the last few days. The decision was set in stone. I could confess the feelings that resided in my soul, but that would only make things worse. And listening to this woman tell me she loved me made me deserve her even less. With eyes closed, I held her in front of me, dreading the final moment when I really had to let her go.
I didn’t want any other woman. I couldn’t picture myself bringing a woman home for a long time. And I couldn’t see myself enjoying it for a long time either. Whether it was a whore or a woman I met in a bar, it wouldn’t make a difference.
They weren’t Cassini.
She was the first one to pull away.
I wasn’t ready to let her go.
She grabbed the necklace from around her neck and held it out to me.
I stared at the diamond hanging from it and remembered how sexy it looked against her naked skin. When I made love to her, it was a turn-on to see it tucked between her breasts. It made me feel like I owned her, like she was really my queen. The diamond meant so much to me, but now I didn’t want it.
I took the necklace from her hand then put it back around her throat.
Her eyes widened. “Balto, I can’t keep this…”
“It’s yours.”
“No.” She started to take it off. “I really can’t keep this—”
I steadied her hands. “I want you to have it.”
Still incredulous, she looked at me like she couldn’t believe what I’d just offered. “You just got your third diamond back. If you give this to me, you’ll be down to two again.”
“Exactly. I already have two. I want you to have the third. Keep it.” When I knew she wouldn’t fight me, I released her hands.
She stared down at the diamond against the front of her shirt. “I don’t know what to say…”
“It’ll protect you. Any man who wishes you harm will respect that diamond. They’ll know that you’re the Skull Queen…that you’re my queen.” I stared at the diamond before my eyes flicked up to meet hers.
Her eyes were soft and wet. “But it’s your ring…”
“I can make another.” I grabbed the diamond and tucked it underneath her shirt.
“You worked so hard to have all three diamonds, and now you’re just giving one away.”
I wanted the set to be complete, not because I intended to sell them, but because they were mine. But letting that ring go, the one I’d worn on my hand every day for half of the last decade, was the easiest thing in the world. “I want you to have a piece of me.” I held her gaze even though the sight of her tears killed me. “If you ever need anything, call me. If you want me to chase off a guy who won’t leave you alone, I’d be happy to make him shit himself. If you want me to kill someone, I will—no questions asked. I’ll be your guard dog, your scarecrow. Always.” I cupped her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. My lips rested there a long time because I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wanted to keep her forever, freeze this moment in time so I could have her a little longer. But the longer I held her, the more difficult it became to let her go. The words she wanted to hear sat on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t bring myself to say them. It wouldn’t do either of us any favors.
I ended the affection and turned away. I walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows and looked out over the city in the morning light. It was foggy from the chill, and I could barely see anything. But it was better than watching her go.
I could hear the elevator doors slide open and her shoes thud against the floor as she moved. When her footsteps stopped, I knew she was inside the elevator.
I didn’t turn around. I was too much of a coward.
The doors started to close.
“I love you, Balto. I always will.”
The doors shut.
She was gone.
16
Cassini
Case rolled the suitcases into the bedroom and set them in the closet.
It was a bedroom with a private bathroom, along with a balcony that overlooked his property. If this was just a guest bedroom that never got used, his own bedroom must be fantastic. I took a look around and stared at the king-size bed in sadness. I didn’t need a bed that big, not just for me.
Half of it wouldn’t get used.
Case stepped out of the walk-in closet. “Is the room okay?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Want me to show you how to use the TV remote?”
I didn’t have the heart to roll my eyes. “I can figure it out, Case.”
He continued to stand beside me, his sad eyes roaming over my profile. “You want something to eat? I can whip up some lasagna.”
Not even my favorite meal would make me feel better. “I just want to be alone right now.”
Case wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze. “You know where to find me if you need me.” He kissed the side of my head before he walked out and shut the door.
I opened the doors to the balcony and felt the cold breeze immediately sweep into the room. The balcony would be perfect in spring or summer, but at this time of year, it was far too cold. I shut the doors then made a fire instead. Once I got the flames going, I sat on the floor and stared at the fire, listening to the wood crackle and pop from the heat. It was a mindless activity, something that stopped me from thinking altogether.
Today was the most painful day of my life, and I didn’t know how to process it.
How to accept it.
My fingers moved to the diamond around my throat, the gift he wanted me to keep. It was the most expensive thing I would ever own, that most people would ever own. It was almost dangerous to wear it. But since it represented the most powerful man in this country, it was a necklace of invincibility.
Crying over that man wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make me feel better. I tried to stay strong because that would make life easier. The future would come to pass whether I liked it or not. I might as well hold my head high instead of kicking and screaming.
I told that man I loved him, and he still didn’t say it back.
He said he would never give up his world for me.
He would never change his mind.
So I had to move on.
Weeks passed, and I didn’t leave the house.
I finally had my freedom back, but I was doing a poor job of enjoying it. I stayed in my pajamas most of the time, showered rarely, and I hardly ate Case’s cooking. The most fresh air I got was looking out the window.
Winter was slowly turning into spring, my favorite season, but I couldn’t get excited about the change in weather. All I kept thinking about was him.
Had he slept with someone else yet?
Did he miss me as much as I mis
sed him?
Did he think this was a mistake?
Would he change his mind if he missed me enough?
Case came home from work with bags of groceries. He unloaded them from the car and set them on the counter.
I started putting everything away, trying to pull my weight as much as I could. I did laundry and the dishes, but the rest of the time, I was just useless.
Case carried the last bag inside. “How was your day?”
I placed the chicken in the fridge. “The same as always.”
Case unpacked everything and left it on the counter. “Maybe you should come to work with me tomorrow. We could use the help.”
“You need help selling drugs?” I asked like a smartass.
Case would normally tell me off for a comment like that, but he continued to be sensitive with me. “You’re going to have to let that go. It’s not gonna change anything. And the pasta business is operating like normal. You used to enjoy being down there with us. We could work on new recipes and sauces.”
I did use to enjoy that. “I’m sorry for snapping at you… I know I’ve been a pain in the ass since I got here.”
“You haven’t been a pain in the ass.”
I glared at him.
“Alright, you have been,” he said with a chuckle. “But it’s okay. I know you’re going through a hard time. Come to work with me tomorrow.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I didn’t ask you,” Case said. “I’m telling you. If you could do more on the pasta side, I would have more time to help Dirk with the…other side of the business.”
I would never approve of their criminal activities, but nothing I said would change anything. I might as well not fight it.