by Penelope Sky
The weak part of me hoped she would call, but she never did. Even if we only talked about the weather, it would be nice to hear her voice again, to know she was alright. I knew Case and Dirk would look after her just as well as I did.
Heath kept staring at me. “This is stupid, man.”
“You’re just saying that because you want to be king.”
“Even if that’s the case, I’m still right. Your heart isn’t in this anymore. You’re just going through the motions because you’re scared—”
“I’m not scared of anything.”
Heath didn’t back down. “You’re scared to change your life. It’s easier just to think about money and who you’re going to kill later tonight. But that’s not real life. It’s just a job, Balto. Cassini is your real life.”
I was too proud to sacrifice everything I’d worked for just because of a woman. “If it’s so insignificant, why do you want the job so bad?”
“Because I don’t have anything else to live for—you do.”
I stared him down.
“You know I’m right. Stop being so stubborn. If you’re stubborn too long, she’s going to find someone else. A woman like that doesn’t stay single for long. She can walk into a bar on a Monday night and land more guys than she can handle.”
Picturing Cassini surrounded by men with hard-ons made me want to punch a hole through the vault door. I hadn’t been jealous before because there hadn’t been a reason to be. She lived with me and stayed indoors all the time. I never had to worry about another man rivaling me. But now that she was single, she could be sleeping with someone at this very moment.
It drove me crazy.
Heath continued to watch me. “Can you honestly say you’re happy?”
“No. But I’m never happy. I’ve never been happy.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “You seemed pretty happy with her.”
I turned away from the vault and walked out.
He was close behind me. “Slept with anyone?”
That question was too personal, so I didn’t answer it.
“That’s a no.”
“Don’t worry about my dick.”
“I’m not worried about your dick. I’m just proving a point.”
“You didn’t prove anything.” I stepped back into the bar area where the men were drinking. The men on my team drank their beer at a table, swapping stories about the crazy night we’d just had. There were a few causalities—for our enemies.
“It’s been a month, and you haven’t slept with anyone. You don’t think that’s weird?”
“I’m going home. Night, Heath.” I entered the hallway and maneuvered to the parking garage where my truck was. Old and unremarkable, it allowed me to blend in with my surroundings. No one took the vehicle seriously, so I passed undetected through the city.
My brother emerged behind me. “Can I get a ride?”
“Can you just go away?”
He jogged until he reached my side, a grin on his face. “You know I mean well, right?”
“You don’t listen to what I say, so I doubt that.”
“I’m not supposed to listen to what you say. I’m your brother. It’s my job to tell you the truth—especially when you don’t want to hear it.” He approached the passenger door. “You want to stop for a drink?”
“We were just at the bar.”
“Yeah, but we’re surrounded by idiots. Let’s go somewhere quiet.”
“You mean somewhere with pussy.” I got behind the wheel and fastened my safety belt.
He shrugged. “You know me so well.”
We went to a bar blocks from my house. It was a Thursday night, so it was quiet. Only a few people lingered after midnight, drinking what they could before two a.m. approached. There were a few beautiful women there, but judging by their forwardness, they were prostitutes. Probably Miss Lightning’s girls.
Heath talked about football for a while, his eyes drifting to a brunette who was making eyes at him from the opposite end of the bar.
I didn’t care about football, but it was better than listening to him talk about Cassini.
I wondered what she was doing right now.
Was she sleeping alone?
It’d only been a month. Would she have moved on by now? I was pretty cold to her, so she didn’t owe me anything. A woman like her probably wouldn’t wait after an asshole broke her heart. She shouldn’t. But the idea of her being with someone else still drove me mad, made me want to drive to Case’s house just to make sure she was there—alone.
It was an asshole-ish thing to think.
I didn’t want her, so someone else should have her. I just wanted him to be a good man, someone who worshiped her the way I did, who would die for her the way I would. I feared I was the only man in the world who had the balls to do it. It would kill me if she ended up with another piece of shit like Evan.
But I knew she was too smart for that now.
The brunette sauntered over to us, and I didn’t realize she was there until she cleared her throat. I’d been thinking about Cassini so deeply, I hadn’t even noticed her. With a short black dress and heels, she had the body of a woman with a strict diet and an even stricter workout regimen. She wasn’t an average whore. She cost a fortune because she was worth every penny. She moved to Heath and ran her palm down his chest. “You have pretty eyes.”
“So do you.” He turned on the stool and left his drink behind, his mind completely in the gutter. “But everything else you have is also pretty.” His hand rested against her knee, his fingertips touching her lightly.
I turned the other way and ignored them.
“You want to get out of here?” she asked. “Or should I give you my quote first?”
Heath chuckled. “Sweetheart, I can afford any price. Let’s go.”
She pushed him back gently then turned to me. “What about your brother? He looks like he shouldn’t be alone tonight…”
I turned back to them. “I don’t do threesomes. At least not with men.”
She chuckled. “Not what I meant.” She turned in another direction then nodded to someone.
Another brunette emerged, another stunning beauty. With long brown hair and green eyes, she looked similar to Cassini in some ways, but those similarities also highlighted their differences. “You look lonely.”
I wasn’t lonely. I was just alone.
“How about the four of us get out of here?” the first brunette asked. “I’m sure we can arrange a discount.”
That was why I liked prostitutes. Everything was a transaction. There was no small talk. They didn’t even pretend to like you. They were blunt, talking about my favorite subject—money. Most people had no respect for whores, but I did. They were entrepreneurs, doing a job that required a strong level of emotional intelligence. They had to read their partners carefully to make sure they weren’t dangerous.
The second brunette came to me and stood between my knees. Her hands glided over my shoulders, and her perfume surrounded me. She had a tiny waist, big tits that were obviously fake, and sexy legs that extended for days. “You look like you need a pick-me-up.”
Yes, I was miserable. That much was obvious.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested. I wanted to go back to meaningless sex, when it was just about getting off without actually feeling anything. But the idea of being with another woman hurt too much. I felt like I was betraying Cassini even though we were over. Jerking off was much easier because I couldn’t feel guilty—because I thought of her. “Not interested.” I finished my drink and left the cash on the counter. “But I’m sure my brother would love two women for the night. He can afford it.” I walked away from her touch and headed out the door, regretting my decision but also feeling relieved by it.
I’d never loved a woman before, and I’d never known how painful it could be. I regretted loving her, regretted falling so hard for her. The bed was so uncomfortable without her. It was the same mattress, but it
felt like a bed of rocks. When I took her from Lucian, it was just a power play. I wanted to enjoy her and make my enemy suffer. But now I knew I’d loved her—even then.
I’d loved her for a long time.
I remembered the moment I fell in love with her. The moment was so vivid, it felt like it happened yesterday. I sat in the bar with a drink in my hand. My eyes fell on the most beautiful green eyes, vibrant and lively like the forest. Her tongue massaged the olives in her mouth, and she looked at me like she’d never seen a sexier man in her life. I knew she wasn’t a prostitute, although I couldn’t explain why. Somehow, I knew she was just a woman who wanted me, a woman I would have by the end of the night.
It was impossible for me to love her already in that moment, when we hadn’t spoken a word to each other. She had a wedding ring on her left hand, so she was unavailable. But when I retraced our time together, I always ended up at that moment.
When I fell in love with my woman.
19
Balto
I woke up with my face pressed against the kitchen table. A bottle of scotch was beside my hand, along with a tipped-over glass. I slowly sat up, feeling the muscles aching from sitting in a weird position for so long. My hands dragged down my face as my eyes slowly acclimated to the afternoon sunlight.
A headache burned behind my eyes.
I swiped the sleep from my eyes and stared at the half-empty bottle I’d devoured the night before. I found myself sleeping at the kitchen table most nights because I preferred it to the bed.
The bed where she used to sleep.
My floor was so quiet now that she was gone. All the junk food I never ate had been thrown away. Her toothbrush was left behind in my drawer, but I didn’t have the strength to discard it. Instead, I tortured myself when I looked at it every day.
Now my existence revolved completely around work, the only distraction powerful enough to stop me from thinking about Cassini. I opened the bottle and took a drink, remembering the dream I’d had last night.
The dream I’d had about her.
I always dreamed about her.
My phone rang in my pocket, and since it was one of my men guarding the compound, I answered. “What?”
“Sir, Cassini just entered the premises. She’s requested to enter the elevator and see you. Should I let her through?”
I stayed on the phone and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. His words came in perfectly clear and I understood every single one, but I still couldn’t move. The woman I’d just been thinking about was on my property—wanting to see me.
Did she still want me?
Was that why she was here?
Did she miss me as much as I missed her?
What would happen if she came up here? What would she say? What would I say? When I’d made my decision the day she left, I knew it was final. I could never change my mind because there was no future. If I turned weak now, we would end up in bed together, and I’d wind up exactly where I didn’t want to be.
I had to be cold. I had to be cruel.
I had to get rid of her for good.
“Yes. Send her up.” I hung up the phone and left it on the table. My heart slammed against my ribs as I walked to the elevator, my body aching with pain. The adrenaline was the same as the kind I felt right before a fight. I was livid she was there, livid she was torturing me like this.
I said it was over.
Over.
I couldn’t have her in my life if I was the Skull King. And I wouldn’t have much of a life if I wasn’t the Skull King. There was no possibility that made sense. There was no way we could have a future.
The elevator beeped before the doors opened.
Then she stepped out, wearing dark jeans and a loose-fitting black sweater. Just as beautiful as the last time I saw her, she stole my entire focus. Her full lips were painted with her favorite shade of lipstick. Her green eyes were highlighted by the sexy makeup she wore. The strands I used to fist dangled around her shoulders.
She stared at me with those stunning, unblinking eyes.
She was more beautiful than I remembered, more beautiful than the ghost that starred in my dreams. My hands turned into fists at my sides because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do first. Kiss her, hug her, or fuck her.
But I couldn’t do any of those things.
She came closer to me, moving slowly like staring at me affected her as much as it affected me. Her shoes tapped lightly against the hardwood floor, and she stopped close to me, significantly shorter than I was. Her eyes roamed over my body, seeing my chiseled abs and my hard chest. When her eyes met mine again, there was unmistakable longing in her gaze.
Fuck, I missed her.
Minutes passed, and we said nothing to each other, enjoying the break from our mutual misery. This visit would only hurt me once she was gone, but it was nice to enjoy her in that moment, to see her with my own two eyes.
She looked down for a second as she spoke. “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I just wanted to talk to you about something. I know you said there was no future for us and you’re devoted to your life as the Skull King. But—”
“I haven’t changed my mind, Cassini.” This visit would only hurt us both. I couldn’t let her have a false sense of hope. My hands wanted to drag her into the bedroom and enjoy her, but that would just make this harder on both of us. I enjoyed hurting men who deserved it, but I didn’t enjoy hurting her. “Coming here was a stupid idea. You’re just making it harder than it needs to be. I know where I belong, and you know where you belong. I’m not the kind of man that changes his mind. When I decide something, it’s final.”
“Balto, that’s not what this is—”
“Then if you’re here just for sex, I’m not interested in that either.” I hated myself for the way I spoke to her, but unless I was firm, even cruel, the relationship would never end. “That will just make it more difficult for both of us. We’re over, Cassini. I thought you were a stronger woman than this. I thought you were prouder than this. You shouldn’t be crawling back to a man who left you. That’s not the woman I used to know.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly, her rage coming through. “Maybe if you would just shut your mouth—”
“I. Don’t. Want. You.” I stepped closer to her, getting in her face with the expression I showed my enemies.
Her anger disappeared, quickly replaced by an expression of hurt.
Good. I’d finally hit a button. “We had what we had, but now it’s over. We knew it was going to end. I warned you of that. You’re stupid for ever thinking you would be enough to change my mind. My word is law. When I say something, I mean it. I’m the Skull King. I will always be the Skull King. I will never be what you want me to be. So, get out and don’t come back. Visit me again, and I won’t see you.” This woman had saved my life and she didn’t deserve to be disrespected like this, but I had to hurt her. If she hated me, it would make it easier for her. If she thought I was an asshole, she wouldn’t want me. She’d find someone else and move on. Our relationship really would be in the past.
She stared at me as her chest rose and fell deeply, her anger and frustration written all over her face. Her hand glided across her stomach absentmindedly, like my poisonous words gave her a stomachache. She shook her head slightly then released a sad sigh. “Fair enough.”
20
Cassini
I walked in the door, my body feeling heavy like it was weighted with lead. I was sick to my stomach and not because I was pregnant. My exact fears came to life when Balto ordered me away. He was even colder than the last time I saw him. His bachelor life had obviously been good to him.
He wanted nothing to do with me.
And he wouldn’t want anything to do with our baby either.
“How’d it go?” Case rose from the couch in the living room and came toward me. When he saw the sadness in my eyes, his mouth dropped into a frown.
I shook my head.
“I expected
more from him.”
“Why? He’s the Skull King. He only cares about money and power.” No wonder why he never told me he loved me. Maybe he never really loved me at all.
“So, you told him you were pregnant, and he said he didn’t care?”
If I told Case the truth, he would make me march back down there. After the way Balto had treated me, I didn’t even want him in my life anymore. I didn’t want him to be the father of my child. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I only wanted him here if he wanted to be here. Otherwise, he would just resent us. We were better off on our own. He would sacrifice everything to be a father, but his heart would be full of hatred. “Basically.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head slightly. “I expected more out of him.”
“He made it clear what he wanted from the beginning. I’m not surprised at all.”
“I could talk to him—”
“Don’t.” I flashed him an angry look. “Don’t mention it to him at all. We don’t need his pity.”
Case considered my request before he finally gave a nod. “I’m not looking forward to seeing him. He’ll be by to collect his taxes in a few weeks.”
“And I’ll make sure I’m not there when he does.” When I’d set eyes on that beautiful man, I was pulled into the past. I wanted to get in his bed naked and feel his body on top of mine. I wanted him to kiss my stomach and vow to protect both of us forever.
Instead, he kicked me out. I was trash that he didn’t want. It didn’t seem like he missed me at all. There wasn’t even a hint of his old affection. He used me, enjoyed me, but now he wanted to move on.
He’d probably been sleeping around this whole time.
I meant nothing to him.
If he got over me so fast, why couldn’t I get over him as quickly?
Now I would think of him every time I looked at our baby. The baby would have Balto’s features, and it would be impossible to deny.
I’d loved a man who didn’t deserve me, a man who betrayed me. And then I’d loved another man I could have sworn was the one. But he turned out to be an even bigger asshole.