ALEX MANEVITZ: I didn’t sew anything, okay? I don’t sew!
Editor’s Note: He was lying. If Hutch said Alex sewed the tablecloth, then Alex sewed the tablecloth. Also I turned down a hallway at school once and saw him sewing ruffles on a dress the week before Hello, Dolly! opened. So that boy for sure sews.
AVERY: If Hutch had done all of this … for the prom … for me, maybe … then I had to ask. And maybe there were reasons that necessitated breaking a “no-boys ban.” Like when someone gives you a room full of stars. That seemed like a pretty good reason to me. Because I was realizing that maybe what mattered wasn’t whether you were in a relationship or not. What mattered was that you could still be yourself in that relationship. And I knew I could always be myself with Hutch, because Hutch knew who I really was. I could feel hope inflating in my chest like the beautiful midnight-blue balloons I would have ordered if I hadn’t put Tamsin Brewer in charge of decorations.
HUTCH: She had been standing next to me the whole time, looking up at the stars. All of a sudden, I felt her hand reaching for mine. I took it, and our hands fit together perfectly, like we should have been holding hands for the past four years.
AVERY: Hutch has really nice hands. I’ve often admired them while he was dissecting a fetal pig or igniting the flame on the Bunsen burner. But he’s even better at holding hands than he is at dissecting fetal pigs.
HUTCH: “Hey, Hutch?” she said.
AVERY: He said, “Yes, Avery?” Avery. Not AD.
HUTCH: She said, “Do you think you might go to prom?”
AVERY: And he said, “You know what? I think I just might.”
HUTCH: Why did I change my mind? Because I wanted to go with Avery. I wanted to spend the last big night of high school with the person who was part of so many of my best memories of high school. Now that San Anselmo Prep was almost in my rearview mirror, I was surprised to find that I wanted one last big night to celebrate it and all the people who had made it what it was. Besides, only an idiot would turn down an opportunity to spend time at a planetarium after hours.
AVERY: The prom looked perfect. But I knew it could only be perfect if Hutch was there. And all of his friends. And even Cressida Schrobenhauser-Clonan and Bizzy Stanhope, God help us all. Because they were all part of our senior class, and they all should be part of our prom. Because I knew prom was going to be an experience, and I wanted it to be an experience I fell in love with—and I knew that would only be possible if Hutch was there. And now he was going, and I was pretty sure I could trick him into dancing. And yes, I had given up guys, but Hutch wasn’t just a guy. He was Hutch. And that meant something.
Editor’s Note: So I kissed him. ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺
HUTCH: I really, really didn’t understand why we had to interview Luke Murphy.
AVERY: I told Hutch it was for continuity! And closure! And … and consequences!
Editor’s Note: Hutch said, “What consequences are you anticipating?!” He seemed to think I’d do something to Luke Murphy involving a chair that would get me expelled the week before we graduated. As if! I could have a rational conversation with the miscreant who dumped me the week before prom.
COCO: Oh, I got it. I totally got it. You still want to know why someone dumped you, even if there’s not a snowball’s chance in San Anselmo of you getting back together with that person. Besides, Luke was Tripp’s best friend, and it would be great if things weren’t awkward at the prom. It was time to get some closure up in this piece.
Editor’s Note: “Up in this piece”?! She had been spending way too much time with Tripp.
LUKE MURPHY, ex-boyfriend, San Anselmo Prep’s golden boy: When Avery said she wanted to talk to me, I braced for impact. But she was incredibly polite when she stopped me by my locker and asked why I’d broken up with her. You know who wasn’t polite? Hutch, of all people. He was standing behind her with his arms crossed, glaring at me like I’d just broken his beakers. I have no idea why. Hutch and I have always gotten along pretty well.
HUTCH: No, no, I don’t have a problem with Luke Murphy. I don’t know why you would say that. I have been perfectly polite during every interaction I’ve ever had with him.
Editor’s Note: Hutch honestly looked like he was going to murder Luke. Probably because he couldn’t fly over to Italy and murder Fabrizio.
LUKE: Listen—I know the timing was bad, and I’m sorry. Avery was a good girlfriend—no, a great girlfriend. She’s smart, funny, fun to be with, all that stuff. But it didn’t really seem like she was that into me. Honestly? I kind of felt like there was maybe someone else she was into. And I didn’t really want to go to prom with someone who just wasn’t feeling it.
TRIPP GOMEZ-PARKER: Luke’s a freak, man. Don’t get me wrong. I love that kid, but who spends this much mental energy on feelings? Who cares who’s feeling what or not feeling what? I’ll never understand why he dumped Avery. At least now he was free to snap up all the saddos who couldn’t get dates to prom, but I knew he wouldn’t do that—because he’s Luke Murphy. This whole thing was a Catch-32, man.
LUKE: Who was Avery into? No idea. I just knew she wasn’t into me.
Editor’s Note: Well, at least I feel less dumb for not realizing that I liked Hutch sooner. Apparently, nobody knew!
COCO: Avery had grown so much. Not only over our lifetime of friendship, but over the past couple weeks, too. She didn’t yell at Luke or anything! And it struck me that Avery had broken up with all her boyfriends for the exact same reason Luke broke up with her. She just wasn’t feeling it. They were just looking for the right person, and they weren’t each other’s right person. Do I think Hutch is Avery’s right person? Maybe. They might seem really different on the surface … but the more I think about it, the more I think there’s something about them that just fits.
HUTCH: We’d done it. AD had interviewed all of her ex-boyfriends. This was probably the largest mountain of data I’d sifted through in my career as a scientist.
AVERY: Had I learned more about myself ? Absolutely. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Coach Kelly said, about how tennis is different every time because you and your opponent are constantly changing. Some of my relationships had been great. Some of them had been pretty much the worst. But did I regret any of them? Not for a minute. They’d all changed me and made me who I am today. I’d learned something from each one of my ex-boyfriends, and I was pretty sure they’d learned something from me, too.
HUTCH: I thought back to Roman Holiday, and Avery’s idea that you can be in love with an experience. Each one of her relationships had been an experience, and although she’d never been in love with any of those guys, I think she’d been in love with those experiences. And that was the important thing—it was those experiences that made Avery who she is. She wasn’t defined by her past relationships, but she’d learned something from each one, and that made them important.
AVERY: I was still thinking about why all my relationships had ended. It would have been easy to say, “All my relationships ended because none of them had been with Hutch!” But although that was flattering to Hutch, I knew he would never accept such a simplistic conclusion. And besides, we’d only been dating for like forty-eight hours. That seemed a little presumptuous.
HUTCH: I remember the first experiments I’d done, back in elementary school, where everything had a clear-cut answer. You make a tornado in a bottle. You make rock candy. Boom. Done. But in real science, as in real life, there are no easy answers. AD’s relationships had ended because she just wasn’t that into them. Because she was searching for a better boyfriend. Because no one could date someone whose mom cuts his meat for him. There was no one answer, because her relationships had been as complex and varied as AD herself. In the end, though, I don’t think it necessarily mattered why her relationships ended. What mattered was that AD knew that all of these relationships had been worthwhile—that she’d learned something from them, or they’d changed her in some way. Mor
e importantly, I think AD had learned that she didn’t need a boyfriend—but she just might want one. How’s that for a conclusion, AD? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a tux.
Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, Ms. Segerson—I’m sure you’re dying to hear about prom, too! I wouldn’t leave you hanging. I can’t believe you didn’t chaperone this year! I’ll try to get over your betrayal, but it’ll be tough. Did Emma Rajpur actually show up? Did Coco escape Tripp Gomez-Parker’s clutches? Did I convince Hutch to actually dance and not just sit in the corner? Read on to find out!
LIAM PADALECKI: I showed up at Michael’s house stoked for Ultimate Game Night. I know Michael’s mom had been to Costco and gotten a ton of stuff, but I also arrived armed with three party-size bags of Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs, because I have very specific snack preferences.
Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, I power-washed his mouth with Listerine before Emma Rajpur showed up.
ALEX MANEVITZ: Of course I wasn’t happy that Ultimate Game Night was being postponed! The entire point of Ultimate Game Night was that we weren’t going to prom, and now, here we were: going to prom!
MICHAEL FEELEY: Alex was complaining nonstop about going to the prom, but I knew, deep down, somewhere in his tiny heart, he was happy that Liam got to meet Emma Rajpur. Besides, Coco and Avery showed up at our house with four tuxes and free prom tickets, so it’s not like he had anything to complain about.
Editor’s Note: Okay, so this actually was a misappropriation of prom funds. Don’t rat me out, Ms. Segerson! Bizzy Stanhope never has to know!
COCO: I know Michael, Alex, Liam, and Hutch aren’t exactly thought of as the studliest guys in our grade, but if you simply consider the base materials, free from any social prejudices, none of them are actually bad-looking. I was able to accomplish wonders with a hairbrush and some texturizing paste. And Michael even let Avery do his eyebrows! It was a vast improvement.
Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, I didn’t let Coco go near any of them with scissors.
LIAM: It was kind of weird when Coco and Avery showed up with prom tickets and tuxes, but I guess it made sense. Now that Hutch and Avery were together, or whatever it means when you kiss someone on pretty much the last day of school, it seemed only natural that she would want Hutch and the rest of our social group to go to prom.
HUTCH: It was kind of amazing, the way she talked all of the guys into going to prom. By the end of the conversation, I think they were convinced that it was their idea, and that they’d wanted to go to prom all along. This is exactly why AD would be an extremely effective but terrifying politician. I can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but I think Principal Patel did the right thing when he instituted that Student Council term limit.
Editor’s Note: BETRAYAL! BETRAYAL OF THE HIGHEST ORDER! HOW DARE YOU, HUTCH?!
MICHAEL: Did I ever think I would see a day when Coco Kim and Avery Dennis were in my house? In my bedroom?! No, no, I did not. I suppose it was like in medieval times, when the Lord of Misrule upended the social order for the English elite during Yuletide. Avery Dennis was like the Lady of Misrule for the prom.
ALEX: They stormed in like they were on some kind of nerd makeover show. It was insulting! I can’t believe Michael let Avery Dennis pluck his eyebrows. I lost whatever modicum of respect I had for him.
Editor’s Note: Joke’s on Alex, because Michael looked hot.
LIAM: Hutch told me he and Avery kissed like sixty seconds after it happened. Was I surprised? No. Hutch has been pretty much obsessed with Avery for as long as I’ve known him. “Blah blah blah, Avery writes the best lab reports, blah blah blah, Avery can dissect a frog better than you, blah blah blah, Avery can find so many protozoa when she looks through a microscope,” and on and on and on. He never came right out and said, “I am secretly and desperately in love with my lab partner,” but it was obvious to anyone with ears. Well, if anything, I was maybe surprised that Avery turned out to be secretly obsessed with Hutch, too, but I guess no one is that thorough in their lab reports unless they have a really good reason. I think Hutch was worried that I was going to be weird about it, given my dating history, but I am totally cool. Seventh grade was practically the Mesozoic Era. The wounds had healed. As long as Hutch always remembered that I dated Avery first, he could date her as long as he wanted. I hoped one day I could give the best-man speech at their wedding, so my very last line could be “And let’s never forget—I dated her first. Cheers to the bride and groom!”
Editor’s Note: Wedding?! Liam was getting a leeettle ahead of himself.
COCO: We were so busy getting the boys ready, we almost forgot to get ready, too! I had never imagined that I’d spend senior prom getting ready at Michael Feeley’s house, but I was getting ready with Avery, and that’s all that really mattered.
AVERY: Coco can get kind of mushy at important lifetime events.
COCO: I’d known Avery since we were babies, and now here we were, getting ready for prom together! I’m sorry, just … give me a minute.
Editor’s Note: What a mush. She had to dig her Wonder Woman Kleenex out of her purse.
ALEX: Coco and Avery kicked us all out of Michael’s room so they could get ready. Of course, Mrs. Feeley forced us into a horrible photo shoot. It was mortifying. If Mrs. Feeley hadn’t put out that spread of pigs in a blanket, the entire night would have been a complete waste.
HUTCH: When AD walked down the stairs, I didn’t … I couldn’t … There were no words. You know what’s crazy? Prom literally just happened. And I can’t remember her dress. Not at all. Not the color, the style, nothing. All I can remember is how beautiful she looked, how her whole face just glowed, and I couldn’t believe that someone so incredible wanted to spend her prom with me.
Editor’s Note: It was strapless, black and white, and as similar to Audrey Hepburn’s dress in Sabrina as was physically possible. But more importantly, Hutch looked so incredibly handsome in his tux I almost didn’t recognize him. I mean, not that he’s not always handsome, he’s just not always … well … He looked good in the tux. Let’s just leave it at that.
MICHAEL: Avery looked very pretty, but Coco in that slinky silver dress … She looked like a Bond girl! I wished I’d given stupid Tripp Gomez-Parker the wrong directions to my house so I would have had to take her instead.
Editor’s Note: That actually would have been completely adorable! Also, I kind of can’t believe Coco’s mom let her get that dress. On a scale of one to Bizzy Stanhope, it was definitely conservative, but pretty risqué for Coco! She obviously completely rocked it.
TRIPP GOMEZ-PARKER: Yeah, I thought it was weird that I was picking Coco up for the prom at Michael Feeley’s house. Michael Feeley? Seriously?! Didn’t ask, though. Assumed it was some weird Avery thing, and decided I’d rather not know. I’d borrowed my cousin’s sweet red Mustang convertible to pick her up in. I knew all those nerds’ eyes were gonna pop out of their heads when I picked her up.
COCO: Tripp is lucky I decided to blow my hair out and wear it straight. Otherwise I would have murdered him for driving a convertible to prom. As it is, I look a little more windswept in our prom photos than I would have preferred.
TRIPP: And then when I finally got to Feeley’s house, Coco wouldn’t let me leave! I was trapped there! As I pulled up, I honked, but she didn’t come out, so I honked again. Still no Coco! After four or five honks, I gave up and went to the door.
COCO: Oh, as if I was going to run to the door when Tripp honked! Like I was a … a … delivery pizza or something! No. If he wanted me to get in the car, he could come to the door like a gentleman.
TRIPP: Feeley let me in, and he looked like he wanted to murder me, for whatever reason. Grumpy little dude. There was something different about his face, too, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was freaking me out, man! It was so lame to be trapped in a room with those weirdos, but at least there were pigs in a blanket. And Coco looked hot, as I knew she would.
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Editor’s Note: No one is overselling Mrs. Feeley’s pigs in a blanket. They were beyond delicious.
COCO: Of course I wasn’t going to leave before Emma Rajpur got there! Are you kidding?! I was dying to see the big moment!
LIAM: Avery was acting nuts. She said she’d booked a limo and it hadn’t come yet. She was pacing around the room, looking through the blinds every minute, and growling things like “Come on, come on, where are you?!”
AVERY: I was panicking. Where was she?! Emma Rajpur was five minutes late, and I was convinced she’d decided not to come at all. Maybe bottled water was back on-brand again! Who knows with these flaky Hollywood types!
LIAM: The limo pulled up, and Avery shot out of the door.
AVERY: I had to get the perfect angle! I wanted to capture the whole thing on my cell phone so I could record it for posterity. And maybe remix it and make Liam Padalecki a YouTube star.
TRIPP: Coco bounced out of the house. I stuffed a couple of pigs in a blanket in my pockets and followed her.
Editor’s Note: Later on in the evening, all of the pigs in a blanket were smushed in the wake of a particularly enthusiastic worm. Tripp ate them anyway.
HUTCH: The entire motley crew was assembled on the front lawn to watch Emma Rajpur’s limo pull into the driveway. Me, Avery, Michael, Liam, Alex, Coco, Tripp Gomez-Parker, and Michael’s mom. It was a group I would have previously thought could only come together in a very strange dream.
LIAM: I had no idea why everyone was freaking out. I think we’d all seen limos before.
AVERY: I watched through the screen on my phone as the limo pulled up. The driver got out and opened the door. One long, tan leg emerged, followed by the rest of Emma Rajpur in a slit-to-there black dress. Couldn’t wait to see her try to get that one past Principal Patel.
It's Not Me, It's You Page 17