“Please go with him.”
I shook my head. My eyes filled with tears as Louie came over and caught me before I fell. He took me home himself. There was nothing he could say that would comfort me. He barely uttered a goodbye before I was out of the car. For a moment he stayed and watched me go and finally I heard him drive off.
I entered the house to find my brother watching TV. He rolled his eyes to meet me - to see how horrible and tearstained I was. He flew from the couch and grabbed me, starting to look me over.
“Where on earth were you? What happened to you Chenille? Who did this to you?”
“Zaire, Zaire.” I started to sob.
“What happened?” he repeated softly, more concerned.
“Zaire, Pete is dead…he’s dead.”
“What? How?”
My eyes flew down to meet the loose buttons on his jacket. “He was angry. He met Monty and me on the balcony.”
He stopped me. “What were you doing on the balcony? Why weren’t you at the party?”
“Monty wanted to show me the view,” I said innocently. Zaire made an unconvinced face. “Pete found us there. He was angry at me and accused me that I told his father about his eyesight – that he’s partially blind.” I explained. Zaire looked at me quietly, trying to understand. He never knew about Pete’s eyesight so this was all new to him. “He was so angry that he broke my necklace.” I pulled the necklace from the palm of my hand and held it up to show him. “And he threw it over the balcony. I launched for it, but Monty caught me. He pulled me back so quickly that when Pete went for me, it was too late. The force sent him over the balcony.”
“Did you see it happen?”
“No, I fainted. That’s why I was there all night.”
“I’m so sorry. I know what he meant to you.” He embraced me lovingly until my sobbing stopped. “Mom and Dad are coming home. Go get yourself cleaned up. I’ll tell them what happened.”
I nodded once he released me. “Thanks Zaire.”
I headed to my room where I tore off my beautiful wrinkled dress. I held my broken necklace in my hands, clutching it harshly. Angrily, I went to my worn dresser and found my old music box. I didn’t use it anymore. It was broken and forgotten, served no purpose, just like the charm. I stuffed it into the box that I hid beneath the pile of clothes in one of the drawers. It would be forgotten - at least, I hoped it would.
I then dressed myself and waited for my parents to come home. Zaire told them everything. They were devastated for me. I stayed home for the remainder of the day, playing the scene over in my head. The grief wouldn’t be over anytime soon. Staring at my open closet, I caught sight of my one black dress. It caused tears to fill my eyes again. I still had a funeral to attend.
I would be faced with his family members. I would be the one accused of everything that happened. This was my fault, they would say. I only wished it was. I wished that was the case, that it was the truth.
What would come of Monty and Louie? Would they still be my friends? I knew right now it didn’t matter if they were. I was so upset, I didn’t care. My mind flew back to the charm. It represented friendship. I wished I could laugh at the irony. I started to think about the dream, playing it over and frowned at it.
The dream must’ve been telling me something. I swallowed hard, daring to think about the horrifying ending. I only hoped that would not come of me. I wouldn’t allow it to.
Chapter 29 - Remorse
I never saw so much black and tears in one room in my entire life. It was horrible. The Silver family was scattered around the dim-lit room. There were beautiful flowers that wilted, I imagined because of the sadness. And at the back of the room was the casket.
I was alone, thoughtful, pondering when I should go and see him. And then Monty approached me. He wore a magnificent suit. He tried to speak to me several times and in defeat simply hugged me.
“Do you want to come with me?” He looked at the casket. I nodded my head.
When I approached it, I saw him. He was so peaceful as though he was in an eternal sleep.
“He was so young,” someone behind me said.
Another person mourned, crying so loud that I was sure it was his mother.
“How could something like this happen?”
“I don’t know.”
“That poor boy, have mercy.”
“Why me? Why my boy?”
The voices of the family members, especially his parents, all filled my head. It was all too surreal and I couldn’t take it.
“Chenille.” I heard Louie call after me, for I cried out and ran from the horrid sight as fast as I’d come. It was too much for me to handle.
I stumbled into my car, half-blind from tears and drove home. I knew no one was home. Everyone was working. They would all go to the funeral later, which made me feel better. At least I wouldn’t have to face them all and explain why I was back so early.
I walked inside, still sobbing, unsure if I should just sit down and cry. I stared at the blank television in front of me for what seemed like hours, but only a few minutes had passed.
I heard a knock at the door and mumbled for whoever it was to come in. I was sure it was one of them- Monty or Louie.
“Oh Chenille.”
I didn’t bother to look up but I heard the fast footsteps on the tile approach me. I was embraced and then met gray-blue eyes.
“I’m sorry I ran out like that…it was too much.”
“It’s ok. I understand.”
“You shouldn’t have come after me. You should be with Monty and your family.”
“No, I knew I had to come. I do care about you, you know.” He paused. “And there’s something I wanted to tell you.”
It was quiet and he gathered his thoughts. There was discomfort in his face. I could see there was something wrong. There was something eating him up inside. There was guilt.
“What?” I asked quietly.
He sighed, breathed in deeply and swallowed. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, failed, and tried again.
“I’m sorry. It’s not easy to say. I keep choking.”
I sat quietly, still waiting for him to say what he needed to say. Finally his blue eyes gazed up now with a glint. I felt his hand against my face. He tilted his head and calmly spoke. He uttered the words so clearly, so precisely, that I couldn’t help but stare at him.
“I love you,” he said.
I blinked, confused, when my thoughts and murmuring was suppressed. He kissed me.
What’s he doing? My thoughts immediately became verbal. I pushed him back.
“What’s gotten into you? Why are you doing this? You said you care…no,” I shook my head. “I know exactly what this is. Pete gave me a charm that symbolized friendship. He said he loved me. I foolishly said nothing in return. Yes, I regret not saying anything since he will never hear me say it now. As for you, I just know you’re happy that he’s gone. Your constant fighting has finally come to an end, shamelessly by death. And now you think you have me all to yourself, don’t you? I may be upset but I don’t need you to save me.” I couldn’t look at him. “I thought you would be different from your cousin’s death, but you are just the same…as I feared. You only wanted me and Pete’s death was more of a convenience than you could’ve wished for. I know the truth about you.”
“You think I’m happy that he’s dead? You don’t know me. We may have had our quarrels or disagreements, but he was still my family, regardless if you knew him or not.”
“Then who was it that told his father about his eyesight?”
“What does it matter who told him? Why was it that Pete accused you? He said he loved you and yet you were the first one he accused of telling his father. Look at him for a second. He was burning with rage at something that was so…unimportant. If you saw his father you could tell that he wasn’t that upset. But now, to see what it’s escalated to, would you have a thought that his father is angry at him? To think that caused his own son’s dea
th…he’s devastated. He’s not guilty. If he was angry at Pete - damn right he’d be beating himself up right now.”
“I know he’s not. You are.”
“You think I told his father?”
“I know you did. I know that you acted strange last night. You were guilty, you couldn’t even think about the consequence – if Pete was dead. But I knew you were pondering it. I heard you weep last night.”
I met his face now, showing my disappointment. I could see he wasn’t certain on how to react. I wasn’t sure if he would leave in shame or deny it and try to kiss me again.
“So what if I did?”
He said it so harshly, not the way I’d expect him to sound and I became angry in Pete’s defense. He said it so nonchalantly and rebutted as though he was just stealing a cookie from a cookie jar.
“How could you?”
“I didn’t think it would go out of control the way it did.”
“You don’t think. You must have no reason to.” My hands angrily flew to his jacket. He looked at me astonished.
“No one thought it would play out that way, especially me. I just wanted to get him mad. I didn’t think he’d accuse you.”
“You must’ve known. You knew there was a consequence. Your plan was to have me for yourself at the end of the day, wasn’t it?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie to me. You knew something would happen. You knew there were lives at stake that night because when you saw your plan turn on me, when you saw me jump, I could see the fright in your eyes.”
“I didn’t want anyone to die.”
“But someone was killed. Someone did die because of your plan, mistake or not.”
“You can’t honestly believe that,” he said helplessly.
“You are a murderer,” I said angrily. My grip became tighter at his collar and he gave me a nervous smile.
“What are you going to do to me then? You want to kill me?”
I released my grip and pushed him away from me. I reached for anything – an old book on the coffee table and raised it up. He sat defenseless, only shielding his face with the back of his hand. He breathed shakily, wanting to accept the punishment I would give him. But I stared at my hands, and I saw how they clutched the book with anger and violence. I realized I was not in a dream. I could hurt Louie, accident or not; he was not invincible. My morals were greater than that and I knew it.
This was not a dream I would wake from. If I’d killed Louie, he would not come back. He would not be reincarnated because of strange, supernatural powers. He would not return with some plot for revenge or return as a different person. And I would not be sitting around waiting for him to be reincarnated as though he was in the room over sound asleep. He would just be dead.
I dropped the book, stared at my shaking hands and slowly looked at him. “I’m sorry Louie. I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He dropped his hand, turning his face to me. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. I couldn’t tell how he felt toward me now.
“Do you want me to leave,” he offered, “because I will.” He could see my pain now and that I hated myself for even considering such a decision.
“Louie!” I was startled by the shout and sank back into the couch afraid. Monty had found us. “Louie what are you doing here? We’ve been looking for you. You left without saying anything.” He looked at me. “Are you ok?”
“I was really upset and Louie came to make sure I was ok.”
He noticed us, realized that Louie was sitting on the floor and that I cowered away from him.
“What went on here? What went on between the two of you?”
“Nothing,” I said.
He looked at Louie. “Then you tell me.”
“I told Chenille the truth and I will tell you the truth too. I was the one that told our uncle about Pete’s sight. I didn’t think it would play out the way it did. I just wanted to get Pete mad. I was insane and I wanted Chenille for myself.”
“What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t.”
“And you,” he looked at me, “you’re ok with this?”
“No she’s not. I know she’s not. She hates me now.” Louie said.
“Is there anything else I should know? Is there anything else you would like to tell me?”
“No,” I said, even though I knew he was talking to Louie.
Louie looked up at his brother and a shy smile crossed his face. “I told Chenille that I love her.”
Monty looked down at his brother, probably questioned why he had brought up such a thing during a time of mourning. Then he looked at me, equally disappointed. His gaze flicked back and forth between the two of us. He was disgusted. I couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking about us.
“Then I wish the best for the two of you,” he said stiffly. On that note, he turned and left us alone.
Louie came over to me and rested his hand on mine. “Lou, please go talk to him.”
There was hurt in his eyes. I could see he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to make things right and put any doubts out of my head, I was sure. I finally looked away from him, feeling his hand leave mine and he went after his brother.
Though he tried to speak to him, tried to convince him, Monty did not trust him. He was closer to Pete than anyone else I knew and when I thought of it, I realized that Pete was more of a brother to him than Louie was.
When Zaire and my parents returned home, they didn’t question why I didn’t attend the funeral. I assumed they already knew everything that went down. Surely enough, Zaire came into my room that night. He had that look – that look of former knowledge as he sat on the edge of my bed.
“Louie told me what happened.”
“Did he speak to Monty?”
“Yes, he tried to. Monty wouldn’t hear it though. He stayed for the funeral and then left. We all went back to the Silvers’ house. Louie thought Monty was home or just went for a drive or something. And then he went to his room. There were clothes all over the place. There were empty drawers and his valuable possessions were gone. He packed up and left. No one knows where he is. And no one can call him because he left his cell phone home. We don’t know where he went, but we all know he has enough money to go wherever he wants and live comfortably.”
My hands flew to my face in disbelief. “Are the Silvers ok? What about Louie?”
“Everyone is upset, especially Louie. He’s home though. He hasn’t left yet and no one expects him to, especially now since he has a reason to stay.” He was smiling but I looked away. I pushed my thoughts away, attempting to clear my head.
“It’s not what you think.”
“I’m not having any second thoughts now, even since he told me himself.”
“I don’t care,” I mumbled.
“Sure you do.”
“How can I forgive him for what he did?”
“Chenille it was an accident. Louie couldn’t have planned such a thing and you know it. He’s not that good – even when it comes to getting you from Pete. It was an accident, you must understand that. I mean, if Louie went up to him and physically pushed him or threw him over the banister I would think different. But taking the fact that he stood there and watched in disbelief, knowing he only wanted to tick Pete off…you know he wouldn’t have wished for his death. You know that.”
“It doesn’t hide all that went down.”
“No, of course not. It’s not supposed to. Louie was innocent, trust me.”
“You weren’t there.”
“And you fainted. Monty saw what happened. If he truly believes that Louie was the cause of his cousin’s death, he will be the one to honestly live by that. Also keep in mind that Monty did care about you too, but I guess he believes removing himself is best. Maybe it is. Maybe he feels the same thing would happen between him and Louie if they fought for you. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to put anyone through that, especially him…especially you. Call him selfish but he has a good reason to be and no o
ne will penalize him for that.”
I sat back thoughtfully. “What do I do about Louie?”
“Well either you choose to believe that he was the reason for Pete’s death or not. But I’ll tell you this. I do wish you were there to see him tonight. If only you saw how upset he was.” He shook his head. “I know you probably would’ve forgiven him right then and there.”
I saw the sincerity in my brother’s face and I didn’t doubt him. He always told the truth.
“Thanks for telling me.”
“I thought it would be better if you heard it from me first. And I hate seeing you so miserable. The last thing I’d want is to find out that you’re holding a grudge against Louie.”
“No,” I said quietly, considering everything he just told me.
“Then I hope you will be in better spirits tomorrow.”
“I’ll try. Recouping doesn’t happen overnight.”
“I know that. Just give yourself some time.” And with those final words he hugged me goodnight and went to bed.
I turned off the light, rested my head against my pillow and struggled to sleep.
Chapter 30 - Respondent and Incandescent
Icouldn’t sleep at all. The lightning and pouring rain didn’t help either. I stared at my alarm clock by my bedside. It was one thirty-eight in the morning. I wanted to sleep, my muscles were tired, but my mind was wide-awake.
I turned on my lamp beside my clock and sat up in bed. For a minute I listened to the rain hitting my window. I was sure I was the only one up and I remained quiet, not wanting to wake anyone. Slowly, I moved over to the edge of my bed, shifting my weight to the floorboards. I felt like I had to cross a vast sea just to get to my dresser. I calmly opened one of the drawers and eagerly dug in the clothes, searching for my box of treasure. Then I found it. I imagined my old music box was a decrepit old chest and within it was gold. But no, there was no gold in this old chest, there was more. I opened up the music box and there my treasure was untouched, not even tainted by dust. I saved it, imagined that the dragon charm had been punished and locked away, and here I was, holding it in my hands. I redeemed it for myself again. I left the broken chain in the music box and put it away, now destined to find a new one.
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