by Kelly Oram
I pulled my hand out of his grip and grabbed another tissue.
I’d always wanted my dad to look at me like that, but now that he’d done it, it scared me. Of course part of me wanted to build a relationship with my father, but the heartbroken half wasn’t sure I was ready to trust him. I wasn’t sure I could forgive him for abandoning me.
“I wasn’t there for you when I should have been,” my dad said, “but I’d like to be there for you now. If you’ll let me.”
“Okay,” I croaked. I felt my cheeks heat up, so I quickly looked at Principal Johnson and then Dr. Parish. “I’ll try, okay?”
I didn’t have to go back to class that day, but Juliette and Anastasia still beat me home. I went to the police station to officially drop the charges against Jason, and then my dad took me over to the burn center to meet with my surgeon. By the time we got home, it was after four.
I’d had a horrible day, and I was exhausted. I headed straight for my room when we walked in the door, but apparently my dad intended to follow through with Dr. Parish’s orders to keep an eye on me at all times. “Honey, remember what Dr. Parish said today.” His voice was strained with awkwardness.
“I was just going to change and get my computer.”
Letting the lie slide, he glanced down into the main family room where the soft sounds of the TV were bouncing up the stairs. “Do you want me to ask Jennifer and the girls to come hang out up here?”
I shook my head. “I can make it down the stairs.”
I took my time exchanging my uniform for a soft pair of yoga pants and a loose long-sleeve T-shirt, but my dad was still waiting for me when I emerged from my room. If he was going to hover like that all the time now, I wasn’t going to last a week before I found myself in a center for suicidal teens. At least he made himself useful and carried my laptop and backpack down the stairs for me.
The twins were lounging on the long sectional sofa doing homework while watching Access Hollywood, and Jennifer was in the corner of the room killing herself on an elliptical. Red-faced and dripping with sweat in a sports bra and short shorts, she looked like a magazine ad for exercise equipment. Her face lit up as Dad entered the room. “So?” she asked hopefully. “Good news?”
Her voice gained the twins’ attention. Juliette glanced up briefly and then went back to her math book, but the look I got from Anastasia told me she’d already gotten a lecture. Judging by the severity of her glare, some serious punishment had been handed down.
“Good news is, the tear wasn’t that bad,” Dad said. “Bad news is, she’s still going to have to have surgery on her inner elbow. They said we could wait until after the holidays.”
Jennifer sent me a sympathetic look that I ignored as I sat down at the small desk in the far corner of the room.
“There’s room on the couch, Ella,” my dad said, setting the laptop down for me.
“I’m fine here.”
When Jennifer cleared her throat, I looked over, but her gaze was directed at Anastasia. Ana rolled her eyes and released a dramatic sigh as she glanced over her shoulder at me. “Sorry.”
Yeah, sure she was.
I wasn’t the only one unconvinced. “Ana,” Jennifer warned.
Another eye roll. Another sigh. “I’m sorry, Ella.”
Yeah, still not convincing, but Jennifer didn’t push it. Instead, she changed the subject. “Ella, would you like to go to the Halloween dance tonight? You can have Ana’s ticket since she will not be going this evening.”
Not that I didn’t relish the fact that Anastasia was grounded, but going to the dance sounded about as fun as spending another six months in rehab. “No, that’s okay. I wasn’t planning on going anyway. I’ve never really been a fan of dances.” Not exactly true—I used to love going to dances, but considering I couldn’t dance anymore, the appeal was sort of gone for me now.
“It’s not a problem,” Jennifer insisted. “We’ve still got a couple of hours to find you a costume, and I’m sure Juliette wouldn’t mind taking you.”
Well, if she wasn’t going to take the hint… “Look, I appreciate the gesture, Jennifer, but what would I do there? I couldn’t dance with anyone. Couldn’t be on my feet very long. I don’t have a date, or any friends to keep me company, and I wouldn’t want to ruin Juliette’s night by making her sit it out with me. I’m afraid dances are just not in my future anymore. It’s okay, though. I got to go to junior prom and senior homecoming before my accident. I was a royal court princess, even, so I’m not missing out.”
“You were a homecoming princess?” my dad asked. I’d have been more offended by his surprise if there wasn’t also a hint of pride in his voice.
Ana, Juliette, and Jennifer all looked just as stunned. Jerks. “Shocking, I know, but I did, in fact, used to be normal. I had friends, went out on dates, had a life… Some people actually liked me.”
I officially killed the conversation and we all fell into awkward silence. The only sound in the room was Billy Bush droning on about Brian Oliver and Kaylee Summers getting engaged at her birthday party last weekend. Of course they did.
I had a whole day’s worth of missed schoolwork on top of my homework, but I noticed that Cinder was signed into his messenger and couldn’t resist shooting him a quick message.
EllaTheRealHero: And fiction becomes reality…
Cinder458: Do I dare ask?
EllaTheRealHero: Brian Oliver and Kaylee Summers got engaged. Once again the prince falls for the warrior princess, only this is worse. At least Princess Ratana could fight. What’s Kaylee Summers good for?
Cinder458: Sex?
I snorted, but quickly stifled my smile when I earned the attention of everyone in the room.
“Something funny?” my dad asked curiously.
I looked at my IM and rolled my eyes. “More like tragic and typical.”
EllaTheRealHero: That’s probably all Brian Oliver dates her for. I take back what I said about him having depth. He’s obviously as much of a shallow moron as every other guy on the planet.
Cinder458: Not including me, right?
EllaTheRealHero: Are you kidding? You’re the worst of them all.
Cinder458: Ouch. Someone’s in a mood today.
I let out a sigh. He was right. I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on him. It wasn’t his fault he was powerless to Kaylee Summers’ perfect, swimsuit-model body any more than it was Brian Oliver’s. I mean, if I had the chance to make out with someone as hot as Brian Oliver, I doubt I’d turn it down.
EllaTheRealHero: I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve just had the worst day ever and now I’m grumpy. I got grounded from my room and am being forced to live amongst the step-people.
Cinder458: Don’t you mean you got grounded to your room?
EllaTheReal Hero: Nope. From. I’m not allowed to be alone right now, which means no hiding from the stepwitches in my room. The Powers That Be have conspired against me and are forcing me to “integrate” with my family OR ELSE.
Cinder458: What does that mean, exactly?
I sat there, staring at the cursor on my computer. For the first time ever, I felt like telling Cinder what was going on with me. I didn’t know why. I was never the type who needed to cry for attention, but my fingers were hovering over the keys, itching to unload my problems. The thing is, I was really upset, and I knew Cinder would listen.
All of a sudden, I just started typing.
EllaTheRealHero: If I can’t start getting along with my dad’s family and make friends at school, they’re going stick me in a mental institution.
It was the keyboard equivalent of randomly blurting something out.
Cinder458: What? That’s ridiculous! Why would they do that?
EllaTheRealHero: Long story.
Cinder458: I’m waiting…
I stifled a groan, already regretting my moment of weakness. Cinder was always subtly trying to get me to talk. Of course he was going to jump on this tiny nugget of information I’d just given him. It
had been just enough to give him the excuse to push me the way I knew he wanted to.
EllaTheRealHero: There was this guy hassling me at school today and it got a little out of hand.
Cinder458: What happened??? I’LL KILL HIM!!!!
EllaTheRealHero: Nothing. It was an accident. But my dad and the principal found out that I’ve been getting bullied and they called my therapist. Now they’re all worried that I’m going to try to kill myself again, but really, it was nothing I haven’t been dealing with since school started. The only difference is that now they know about it.
Cinder458: What do you mean try to kill yourself again????
I let out a curse and slapped my hand over my face. How had I let that slip?
I couldn’t believe I’d admitted all that to him. I’d just told the world’s most confident guy—who was beautiful and popular and had the perfect life—that I was a suicidal loser who got picked on at school. He was never going to talk to me again.
I made a lame attempt at damage control, but it was probably too late.
EllaTheRealHero: After my accident, things were really bad for a while. But I learned my lesson. It’s okay, really. I’m a lot better now. Everyone’s just paranoid, and they’re all overreacting.
Cinder458: Are they? You’re not really having those kinds of thoughts, are you?
EllaTheRealHero: No!!!
Cinder458: I’m serious. I know you never want to talk about all your family stuff, but promise me you’re not thinking about that. Swear it!
EllaTheRealHero: I promise, Cinder. I swear to you it’s not that bad anymore. My life’s no picnic, but how could I ever want to end it when I have you to talk to every day?
Cinder458: This isn’t a joke, Ella.
EllaTheRealHero: I’m not joking. You are seriously the best part of my day every day. I’m so glad I have you to talk to.
Cinder458: Then how about we actually talk for once? Call me? (310) 555-4992
I sucked in a breath. Call me. Those two little words practically stopped my heart. I read the ten-digit number over and over again. The sight of it terrified and exhilarated me at the same time. Before the accident I’d often fantasized about talking on the phone with him into all hours of the night, but I’d never had the guts to ask for his number, and he’d never asked for mine. Now here I was, staring at the key to finally hearing his voice.
Could I do it? Could I talk to Cinder on the phone?
Cinder458: Ella?
EllaTheRealHero: I don’t know…
Cinder458: We’ve known each other for almost three years. I think it’s safe to move to the phone call stage of our relationship.
A simple phone call didn’t seem like much, but it was actually huge. There was a certain level of intimacy that came with talking to someone on the phone—of hearing their voice. It would make Cinder so much more than just a faceless Internet friend.
EllaTheRealHero: It just seems different somehow. More intimate or something.
I knew he couldn’t see me, but I blushed as I typed that last sentence.
Cinder458: It is. That’s why you have to call me. I need to know that you’re really okay, or I’m going to go crazy. I need to hear your voice. Call me right now, woman. Please???
He seemed desperate. He needed to hear my voice? Could he really mean that?
“Ella?” Jennifer startled me so badly I let out a tiny squeak and jumped in my chair. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I was so caught up in my conversation that I forgot I was in the same room as everyone. They were all staring at me now. The twins clearly thought I was a freak, and Dad and Jennifer both watched me as if they were afraid I was going to make a run for the kitchen knives any second. “It’s nothing,” I muttered, blushing under their scrutiny.
Cinder458: Ella, my phone isn’t ringing. Why isn’t my phone ringing?
I looked back up at my father, who was watching me closely. He had that same sincerity about him that he’d had at the school this morning, as if he was truly concerned for me. I’d promised him I would try harder. I promised I’d make more effort to be social. I was pretty sure calling Cinder would qualify.
Deciding to be brave, I waited until my family stopped paying attention to me, then picked up my phone and dialed his number with shaking hands. He answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
His voice was deeper than I expected. Just that one word sent chills through me. But it sounded…confused. Why did he sound confused? He was literally waiting for my call.
“Cinder?” I wanted to kick myself for how small my voice sounded.
“Ellamara! That is you. My beautiful and wise mystic priestess of the Realm, we speak at last.”
“Holy crap, your voice is sexy!”
I slapped my hand over my mouth. I did not mean for that to come out of it. It’s just that he sounded like he could melt butter—or women’s hearts—simply by speaking. His voice was deep, rumbly and hypnotic. The guy didn’t talk, he purred.
“So I’ve been told,” he teased, laughing—a low, rich sound ten times more dangerous than his speaking voice.
To my utter mortification, I’d once again gained the attention of everyone in the room. They were all gaping at me, and who could blame them after what I’d just blurted? Each of their startled expressions was slightly different. My father looked horrified, while Jennifer had something akin to an excited gleam in her wide eyes. Juliette was smirking, and Anastasia was looking at me the way she always did—with barely concealed loathing and contempt.
I blushed and shut my laptop as I said, “Uh, hey, Cinder, can you hold on a sec?” I gave my dad a pleading look. “Can I take this in my room?”
Before my dad could answer, Juliette frowned at me. “What kind of a name is Cinder?”
“Oh my gosh, that’s that guy who always leaves comments on her blog!” Anastasia cried suddenly. “Ella has an Internet boyfriend! What a freak!”
She was so loud I was sure that Cinder heard her.
“Ana!” Dad growled.
“What? Online dating is so gross!” She turned to me and added, “I hope you know Internet creepers don’t count as real boyfriends, even if you talk to them on the phone.”
“Anastasia, that is enough!” my dad roared. “You’ve just added another week to your grounding! Go to your room! Now!”
“With pleasure!” she shouted back. “I was only down here because you were forcing me to babysit the suicidal freak, anyway!”
I wanted to die as I watched Anastasia stomp up the stairs. Cinder, no doubt, heard all of that. He couldn’t see it, but my face was so red it hurt. How could I possibly talk to him now? I was so nervous I was on the verge of throwing up.
“Ella?” Cinder asked when things got quiet. “Are you there?” He sounded hesitant.
“Welcome to my life,” I said with a sigh of defeat. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
It was definitely not okay. I was so humiliated. It was a miracle I wasn’t crying. I think that was only because I was still in so much shock. “Look, thanks for giving me your phone number, but maybe this is a bad time.”
My dad scrambled to his feet, waving his hands at me. “No! You don’t have to end your call. We’ll give you some privacy.” He glanced at both Jennifer and Juliette. “Won’t we, ladies?”
His blatant desperation for me to talk to someone—even a stranger from the Internet—was as embarrassing as Anastasia’s outburst. Even worse, Jennifer was just as bad. “Of course! You go ahead and talk to your boyfriend, Ella,” she squealed. “We can keep an eye on you from the kitchen. I have to get dinner started anyway.”
While I was busy dying from her use of the word boyfriend, she hopped off the elliptical. She hurried to catch up to my dad, seeming more than happy to finish her workout early. As they started up the steps, they both turned back to Juliette, who had sprawled out on the couch instead of getting up.
“I was here first,” Ju
liette said in response to their expectant looks. “There’s no way I’m going anywhere near the upstairs with Ana in the mood she’s in, and I really don’t care about Ella’s love life. Besides, she’s not supposed to be alone, anyway. What if she tries to throw herself off the balcony or something?”
Was there anyone in the world that didn’t feel the need to humiliate me? I glared at Juliette, and she just waved a pair of earbuds at me and shoved them in her ears. “I’ll turn the volume up.”
My dad and Jennifer both gave me such hopeful looks that I couldn’t argue anymore. I rolled my eyes and made my way over to the armchair my father had been lounging in.
Once Dad and Jennifer were gone, I glanced over at the couch. Juliette was already doing what she did best—ignoring me. She was bobbing her head along with her music as she read out of a textbook. I doubted she could hear me, but I spoke softly anyway, just in case.
“Cinder? Are you still there?”
“I didn’t realize upping our relationship to phone buddies would come with a boyfriend title. Does that mean if we ever meet in person, we’ll have to get married?”
Surprised, I burst into laughter. Juliette glanced at me with one raised eyebrow, but went back to her textbook without saying anything.
“Sorry, I don’t do polygamy, and I’m pretty sure you’re already married to your car.”
“Funny.”
The flat tone in his voice set me off giggling again, and then I sighed. “Man, it feels good to laugh. I really have had the worst day ever. Thank you for making me call you. I can’t believe we’re finally talking, though. I’ve always wondered what you sound like.”
“Me too. I even googled videos of people with Boston accents once.”
I laughed again. “Shut up. You did not.”
“I did, and you don’t disappoint. Say car for me again.”
“You’re such a dork,” I replied, but then I gave in and said, “car.”
It came out cah, and Cinder laughed. “I love it,” he said. “Speaking of Boston… You did not call me from there.”