by Kelly Oram
Cinder458: Do what?
EllaTheRealHero: Make me love you even when I’m so mad at you!!!!!
Cinder458: I love you too, Ella. More than anyone in the whole world. I’m sorry you’re mad at me.
EllaTheRealHero: I’m sure I’ll get over it. Eventually.
Cinder458: I know. That’s why I’m not worried. Go have your girly freak-out and call me when you love me again.
EllaTheRealHero: I hate you.
Cinder458: No, you don’t. Goodnight, Ella.
EllaTheRealHero: Goodnight, Cinder.
. . . . .
I was devastated that Cinder didn’t want to meet, but in a way I was also relieved after our talk. For one thing, I no longer had to stress about the What Ifs. It was nice to understand what he was thinking, why he’d never asked to meet.
His reasoning was stupid, but at least he wasn’t rejecting me. Not really. He was afraid of losing me. Which, if you thought about it, was really sweet. It also happened to be exactly why I was scared of meeting him all this time. For me to not understand his hesitation would make me the biggest hypocrite in the world.
The other thing my conversation with Cinder did was free me from that small hope I’d had that someday we would have a happily ever after. I told myself all the time that Cinder and I would never be anything more than friends. I reminded myself every time I spoke to him that he dated other girls all the time. But of course, like any normal girl in my position would do, I hoped that he secretly loved me and held my breath waiting for the day he would finally admit it. Now I could stop waiting and start trying to get over him. At least, that’s what I told myself I would do when I finally met Rob Loxley after school the next day.
Vivian had come home with me because she’d never had a friend who’d lived up in the hills before, and she wanted to see the house. She flipped when I showed her the remote control windows.
“Ridiculous, right? The view is pretty amazing, though.”
“Whoa!” Vivian barged out onto my patio and spun around. “Is this for real?”
I laughed at her reaction. I couldn’t blame her. My private balcony was big and had a view all the way to the ocean. It wasn’t as large as the deck off the family room where the fire pit and the hot tub sat on the side of the cliff, but there was room for a round patio table with four chairs and a hammock.
“This is awesome! I’d live out here all the time.”
“I don’t go out there much,” I admitted, laughing. “With my luck, we’d have an earthquake and I’d plummet down the cliff and live through it.”
Vivian frowned at me as she plopped her bag down on the small patio table. “Criminal.”
She lifted her face to the sun and sucked in a deep breath. The sight made me smile. If there was one thing I loved about Southern California, it was the weather. It may have been November, but it was still seventy degrees outside. It would be strange to have Christmas without snow, but I had no doubt I’d get used to it quickly and without complaint.
“Get your butt out here, Ella.”
I sat down in the seat across from her, but I left the French doors hanging wide open so that I could dive for safety at the first sign of any trembling. We’d just pulled our homework out when Juliette barged into my room and threw herself down onto the hammock. “What’s up?” she snapped, glaring with all her might into the house toward my open bedroom door.
Vivian and I followed her gaze. We couldn’t see anything, but we could hear the laughs of several different people in the kitchen. As was quite common, a handful of the twins’ groupies had followed them home today. Anastasia’s grating voice stood out above the others. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but the anger in her tone was unmistakable.
“Did you just get us involved in some kind of sibling war that will no doubt eat us alive as collateral damage?” Vivian asked Juliette.
Juliette huffed. “I don’t care. I am not hanging out with her while she’s being such a jerk. She’s pissed at me because she got chewed out after what happened at dinner last night. As if any of that was my fault!”
“Well,” I said, turning back to my trig homework, “you are welcome to stay, so long as we don’t have to listen to any of the drama.”
Juliette glanced at me, surprised, and I managed a smile. “Vivian and I were just discussing the possibility of a Brian Oliver marathon this Friday night at her place. That new comedy came out on DVD last week, and the V is for Virgin movie is on Netflix now. I haven’t seen it, but it’s supposed to be fun.”
“I’m in,” Juliette said without hesitation just as Dylan Traxler, Juliette’s latest fling, became our next surprise visitor.
Dylan was gorgeous and popular, but he didn’t bat a single eyelash at whom Juliette had chosen to hang out with. He saw the empty space on the hammock next to her and landed like a fly on sticky paper. “What are we in for?” he asked as he laid back and pulled Juliette with him.
“Movie night at Vivian’s this Friday.” She glanced at Vivian for approval. “Or is this a girls-only thing?”
“Co-ed is fine,” Vivian answered, doing a decent job of masking her shock. “But small. My place is tiny.”
“Cool,” Dylan said. I took that to mean he was “in” too.
Other than a shared glance, Vivian and I managed to act as if we had chill parties involving popular people all the time. Before either of us had to figure out what to say next, Dylan’s friend Luke moseyed into my room.
“Switchin’ it up, huh, Jules?” he asked, joining us on the patio. “Personally I was hoping for a Coleman twins catfight, but I’ll settle for a little love from the elusive stepsister.”
He pulled out the chair to my right and straddled it. Grinning, he nodded at me in an extremely bro-dog kind of way. “Sup, Ella? Word on the street is you’re secretly a pretty cool chick. What’s up with the loner status?”
I decided to forget the fact that Luke used to tease me about my limp when I first got to school. “Well, you know, having a fan club is kind of a hassle so…”
Luke laughed, and then his eyes caught sight of something in the house behind me and he lifted his hand. “Yo, Rob! Party’s out here today, bro.”
I had just enough time to share another look with Vivian, who seemed every bit as bewildered by our hijacked study time as I was, before Rob Loxley walked out onto my patio, one hand in his pocket and the other holding an energy drink.
I didn’t quite know what to make of Rob. He was no earth-shattering hottie like the guys Juliette and Anastasia dated, but he was decent-looking. He was a little short for a guy, only a couple inches taller than my five six. But since I’d never wear high heels again, I didn’t see his height as a problem. He had really short brown hair, green eyes, and a clear complexion. He was still in his school uniform, but he’d loosened his tie and untucked his shirt. It looked good. He wore casual as if he’d invented the concept.
I’d heard him described as both quiet and nice, but there was something about him that suggested those two things didn’t equate to shy. Maybe it was the nose that sat a little crooked on his face as if he’d broken it once, or the arms so lean his veins stuck out. The guy was little, but I bet he was ripped beneath his shirt. Scrappy seemed an accurate description. He also had an air of confidence that couldn’t be faked. He was comfortable with himself. Quiet and nice, he might be, but he was very intimidating at the same time.
Rob sat down next to me and then went to work sipping on his energy drink. He let his eyes drift over the balcony railing to the city below us, clearly enjoying the view. He didn’t speak, and it left me flustered. I had no idea what to do or say. When I looked to Vivian for help, Luke laughed. “My homeboy Rob is a man of few words, but the dude is seriously awesome. He’s a superstar soccer player. Captain of our school’s team, and he’s being recruited by a ton of colleges.”
Rob rolled his eyes at Luke’s bragging, but the corners of his lips twitched as he fought back a smile. He was modest but sti
ll loved the attention. I liked that.
“So, what’s up, Ella?” Luke continued when neither Rob nor I said anything. “Are you dating anyone? Jules said she thought there might be a guy.”
I couldn’t be sure, because I was too busy blushing, but I think Rob kicked Luke under the table.
“There’s no guy.” I didn’t know if I was more embarrassed by the question, the answer to it, or the fact that my face was on fire and everyone could see it.
“What about Cinder?” Juliette asked suddenly.
I hadn’t thought she was paying any attention to our conversation, but her eyes were on me now, along with everyone else’s. Thank you so much, Juliette. If it had been Ana that asked, I’d have known she brought Cinder up to torture me, but Juliette looked honestly confused.
“Cinder’s just a friend,” I mumbled. “We’ve never even met in person. He’s just someone who knows me from my blog.”
Vivian, like an awesome friend, tried to get the attention off of me. “We’re having a movie night at my place Friday night, Luke.” I met her sympathetic smile with a grateful look. She winked at me and then smiled at Luke. “Nothing special, just a handful of people, some snacks, and the latest Brian Oliver movie. But if you and Rob want to come…?”
Now it was my turn to kick my friend under the table. I tried to take back my grateful look by glaring at her, and she winked again. I risked a glance at Rob, horrified that he might have seen her wink and think I’d asked her to say something. He met my gaze and slid me a wry grin. “Is it just me, or are we being set up?”
I wasn’t sure if he’d asked to be set up, or if his friends had just picked up on his interest, but either way he was waiting for me to answer him. “It would seem so,” I mumbled, feeling my face reach new levels of red.
Rob’s eyes never left my face as he took another sip of his drink. After a moment, he said, “I’m okay with that.”
Again, I had no idea how to respond…unless my eyes doubling in size counted as a response.
“Is it cool if I come to your party on Friday?”
I blushed again. “It’s not really a party. Just a couple of us hanging out and watching movies.”
“Those are my favorite kind of parties.”
He wasn’t going to let me off the hook. I took a deep breath, willing myself to keep it together. I tried to appear a lot more relaxed than I felt as I shrugged. “Then I guess you’d better come.”
He smiled and it lit up his face, making me realize that he was cuter than I’d given him credit for. “Good. It’s a date.”
I hadn’t expected Juliette and her popular boy fan club to suddenly become my best friends—and they didn’t, of course—but Dylan and Luke both nodded and said hello when they passed me in the halls, and Rob even started sitting by me in the one class we shared and sometimes joined Vivian and me at lunch.
I was still mostly an outcast, but the animosity toward me seemed to be gone, with the exception of Anastasia and her most loyal friends. It made life at school a little more comfortable. Unfortunately, the tension at home got worse. Anastasia hated that Juliette and I were becoming friendlier with one another. The angrier she got, the less Juliette wanted to be around her, and suddenly Ana was the one hiding in her room all the time instead of me.
It was nice having Vivian and Juliette and even Rob to talk to, but I missed Cinder. By Friday night I still hadn’t spoken to him. It had only been three days since our fight, but it felt like forever. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t contacted him yet. Being stubborn, mostly. I wanted him to be the first to break. Even though he said he cared about me, him not wanting to meet me hurt.
I knew I needed to get over him, so I tried to forget about him and enjoy myself at Vivian’s house. Our movie night was a success. Everyone was relaxed and in a good mood. We stuck to our plan to rent a Brian Oliver flick. Since it was a teen comedy, the guys all liked it, too. There was a lot of laughter and popcorn throwing.
Everything was perfect, except for the fact that I couldn’t make myself like Rob. He was a really nice guy. He was cute, interesting, smart—and I could tell that he really liked me—but there was nothing there for me. I liked him, and would love to have him as a friend, but there were no butterflies when I looked at him. He sat next to me during the movie with his hand resting on his thigh as if he was waiting for me to pick it up or give him any indication that I wanted him to take mine. I cradled the popcorn bowl and pretended to be oblivious.
I managed to hide my misery well enough, because even though I didn’t flirt with Rob he seemed in good spirits when he left Vivian’s house, and Juliette talked about how excited she was for me all the way home.
The following Friday I turned nineteen. I hadn’t said a word to anyone about it, hoping the day would come and go with no one being the wiser. I was dreading it for several reasons. The first—and most obvious—was that it marked the anniversary of my mother’s death. The morning of my eighteenth birthday Mama woke me up with an off-key serenade to the tune of “Happy Birthday,” and announced that she was pulling me out of school for the last two days that week. She was taking me on a weekend ski trip to Vermont. She promised me an expensive dinner and a candle to blow out in the dessert of my choosing once we got to the resort, but I never got to make a wish.
Then, of course, I was also dreading the day this year because of the fact that my father had either forgotten or just ignored my birthdays for the last four or five years. The first time he forgot my birthday, I was eleven. The last time he remembered it I was fourteen. No matter how hard I tried, I never stopped being disappointed each year he forgot, so Mama became determined to help me forget about my father by making the day the most special one of the year for me—no matter what it took.
For years now my birthday had been a big deal. This year would be different. This year there was no one to make sure it was special. I wasn’t even sure if my father knew when it was anymore, and I wasn’t about to ask him. Things were awkward enough between us.
I told myself I could get through the day. I was determined to treat it like any other, but by the time I came out of my room dressed for school I was already so weighed down I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. When I came out into the kitchen and found a bouquet of yellow roses so big it had its own center of gravity sitting on the counter with my name on it, I nearly burst into tears. As I stared at the flowers, a heavy arm fell around my shoulders. “How are you doing this morning?” my dad asked solemnly.
I couldn’t have spoken even if I knew how to express myself. I shrugged beneath the weight of his arm.
My father suddenly crushed me to his chest in a hug that was as much for his sake as it was for mine. For a moment I stood frozen in shock, but I quickly melted against him and squeezed back with everything I had in me.
“Happy birthday, kiddo,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
“I didn’t think you’d remember.”
“I’ve missed enough of your birthdays.”
My dad squeezed me even tighter, and I let him. The seconds began to pass. Neither of us spoke, and neither of us let go. The feel of his arms around me, his concern for me, and the warmth and love in his embrace completely did me in. I buried my face in his chest and let him hold me as I cried.
After a few minutes of ruining my dad’s shirt, I finally pulled back enough to look up at him. His eyes shone with unshed tears as he forced a heartbreaking smile down at me. “I didn’t think you’d want a lot of attention today, so we didn’t plan a party. No surprises, I promise, but I hope you’ll let us take you to a birthday dinner somewhere, at least. You could bring your friend Vivian along too, if you’d like.”
“Can I get back to you on that? I’m not even sure I can make it through the day right now.”
My dad swallowed back a lump in his throat and then nodded when he couldn’t speak.
“Would you like to stay home from school today?”
I jumped at Jennifer’s voice and pulle
d back from my father as if I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. Pain flicked across my dad’s face, but he buried it quickly. He looked at Jennifer and then back at me. “She’s right. If you aren’t up for classes today, you don’t have to go.”
I met my dad’s eyes, then glanced around the kitchen. Jennifer and Juliette were both standing there with small, supportive smiles. I guess the secret was out. They clearly knew this wasn’t just my birthday. Even Anastasia sat at the bar with a subdued expression. Wiping my cheeks dry, I shook my head in answer to my dad and Jennifer’s suggestion. “I think moping around here alone will make it worse.”
“I’m sorry we can’t go visit your mom’s grave. Maybe we could take a trip back to Boston over Thanksgiving break next week, if you’d like that. For now, I could take the day off from work and we could go do something, just the two of us.”
“You don’t have to do that. I think it’ll help if I stay busy. School will be a good distraction.”
My dad looked disappointed again, so I added, “It would be nice to go visit Mama and Abuela and Granpapa sometime, though. It doesn’t have to be Thanksgiving, but whenever there’s a good weekend.”
“I’d like to come with you,” Juliette said.
I looked at her, surprised and touched. She smiled back tentatively. “You could show me around Boston, maybe visit a few of your old friends.” Her smile morphed into a mischievous grin. “I could get them to tell me their best stories about you. A sister needs blackmail material, you know. Even a step one.”
That did it. I laughed. Juliette surprised me even more by giving me a light hug. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks.” I said, and shyly retuned the hug. “A trip to Boston sounds fun. If we wait until the summer, we can go to Nantucket and I can show you how East Coasters do the beach. And I’ll take you to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park.”
Juliette grinned. “I’ll be sure to wear my Dodgers jersey.”
Dad’s misty eyes bounced back and forth between Juliette and me. “I’ll book a hotel today. We’ll make a whole vacation out of it.”