by Kelly Oram
His face fell as my news started to sink in. His eyes raked me over again, focusing on my lap, but of course there was nothing to see. Yet. “You said you were hurt, but you never mentioned…” His voice trailed off as he was overcome with emotion.
I figured my condition would upset him, but I hadn’t expected the amount of devastation he displayed right then. He didn’t even know the worst of it yet. “Brian…” I gulped, hating to see his sadness. “If you can’t deal with that, then there’s no way you can handle the rest.”
His head snapped up. “The rest?” he asked, horrified. “There’s more?”
Despite my best efforts, tears finally pooled in my eyes. “There’s so much more.”
I closed my eyes again because I couldn’t stand the look on Cinder’s face, and I felt a thumb wipe a tear from my cheek. The gentle action, so sincere and caring, only made more tears fall.
“What else is there?” Cinder asked in a voice as soft as his touch.
I shook my head, refusing to open my eyes. “I don’t want to tell you.”
Cinder wrapped me up in the safety of his arms. Hugging me tightly, he rested his head on top of mine. “Whatever it is, Ella, it won’t make a difference to me. I won’t think any less of you.”
His promise hurt my heart. I knew he meant it, but he had no idea what he was facing. “Yes, you will.”
Unable to stand it any longer, I carefully pulled the long white glove off my burnt arm. “Looks are important to you,” I said as I worked the material off my fingers. “You always date the most beautiful girls in the world.”
With one final tug, the glove slipped off and I held out my exposed hand for him to see. Brian tried to hold in his gasp, but his sharp intake of breath was unmistakable.
“I’m not beautiful,” I said, pulling away, preempting his rejection. “Maybe I was once, but I’m not anymore.”
“Ella,” he choked out in a strangled attempt to speak.
Gently, he took my damaged fingers and caressed the scarred skin. I stiffened when he picked up my hand, but I didn’t pull away. He was the first person other than my doctors I’d ever let touch my scars. I didn’t know how to feel about it. The moment was torture—both good and bad. The sensation was amazing, but my heart ached.
He kept my hand loosely in one of his while his other hand drifted up my arm, realizing that the scars kept going. When he finally spoke, his voice trembled. “What happened to you?”
“The car caught fire. Over seventy percent of my body was burned.”
“Seventy percent…”
Our eyes met and suddenly I was desperate to do something I’d never done before. I wanted to show Cinder my scars—as much as I could, anyway. Now that I knew his true identity, I wanted him to know everything about me, too. I didn’t want any more secrets between us.
We were tucked in the booth in the back of the restaurant, and since he’d scooted in beside me he was blocking me from the rest of the room. I was pretty sheltered and no one was paying us any attention, so I reached for the tie at the base of my throat that kept my cloak in place. With shaking hands and my eyes glued to my lap, I pulled the cloak off my bare shoulders and let it fall to the seat behind me.
Cinder said nothing. I wondered what he was thinking, but I refused to look at his face. He was a very dramatic guy, and everything he couldn’t say would be written in his expression. I wasn’t ready to see that. I was too raw.
I lifted my hair and turned so that he could see my back, knowing the low cut of my dress would allow him to get an idea of the kind of damage I’d suffered. “It goes all the way down my right side and covers everything from the waist down. My feet are so burned that my toes are deformed.”
“Ella.” His voice did more than tremble now. I knew that if I looked, I’d see him crying.
I turned back around, but still, I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t face him. “I’ve never shown anybody this besides my doctors and Vivian,” I mumbled. “I always keep my scars covered. People are cruel to me. They stare, laugh, and say awful things. I’m bullied at school, and those kids have never even seen anything but my hand and the way I walk. And what’s worse…?”
I took a breath and turned my arms over, exposing my wrists and the different set of scars there. Cinder choked on another gasp and took my wrists into his shaking hands.
“Are you—” He swallowed. “Are you okay?”
There was no point in being dishonest. He knew the answer already. Still, I reassured him as best I could. “I’m not suicidal anymore. I promised you that, and I meant it. I’m not in danger of hurting myself, but I’m not always okay, either.”
I finally looked up and was unraveled by the pain I saw in Cinder’s face. Tears streamed unabashedly down his cheeks. My own eyes welled up to match his. “I can’t hide this. Your fans—and all those people in charge of your career—they would find out, and they would never accept this. They would never accept me. Even if they did, I’m not sure I could handle all of the attention. I couldn’t deal with the entire world knowing everything I’ve been through—everything I’ve done.”
Brian shut his eyes and lightly squeezed my wrists as he took a deep breath. “No one could blame you for this. You went through something horrific. You lost everything dear to you, including your own body.” He brushed his thumbs slowly over my scars. “This is nothing to be ashamed of. What matters is that you survived and got better. Look how far you’ve come.”
I pulled my hands out of his, unable to take any more of his touch—it was all too overwhelming. Brian watched me closely as I used my napkin to wipe away the tears that had escaped down my face. There was something different about him now, something in the way he looked at me. His innocence was gone. He knew the truth, and now saw me the way everyone else did—as if he expected me to break any moment. He finally saw me as a damaged, frail creature that he would have to handle with caution.
I’d just changed everything. I knew from the look in his eyes that things would never be the same between us again.
Cinder pushed his plate away, his appetite gone. We’d been eating in silence for a good ten minutes, but neither of us managed to take more than a couple of bites. He looked at me, trying to figure out something to say. His pity ripped my soul to pieces. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“I can’t help it. How am I supposed to react to this? I can’t believe you’ve never explained all this to me. Didn’t you trust me? Didn’t you think I’d want to help you though this? You’d rather have done it alone?”
The hurt in his voice made me feel ashamed. My panic rose with my need to make him feel better. “Of course I trust you. You’ve helped me more than anyone else.”
“That’s not the same.” Anger clouded his voice as he struggled to keep hold of his spiraling emotions. I knew exactly how he felt.
“Please understand,” I begged him. “I didn’t want you to treat me differently. I know you know what that’s like.” Brian frowned down at his plate. “I didn’t have anyone, Brian—no family, no friends. All I had was a man who’d abandoned me ten years earlier, and his family who resented me because I was his deep, dark secret. The only thing that’s kept me going these past few months was you. You didn’t treat me like I was crazy or fragile. You weren’t afraid to joke with me and make me laugh. I couldn’t lose that.”
I looked into his eyes again and completely lost it. His horror and pity made me angry. “I knew if I told you the truth it would change everything! I knew you’d look at me exactly the way you are now!”
“It’s a lot to take in, Ella! You have to give me time to process it. My heart is breaking right now.”
My eyes started to burn again. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Cinder placed his hands on my shoulders. His grip was featherlight though he looked as if he wanted to shake me. “No, Ella, it’s breaking for you. I knew losing your mom had to be hard, but this…I can’t even imagine…”
“Please don�
�t.” I turned my face away from him. “I don’t want your pity.”
Cinder released my shoulders and placed a hand under my chin. He turned my face back to his, and I was startled by how close he suddenly was. “It’s not pity,” he promised with all the fierceness of the powerful druid prince he played in the movie.
He brushed my hair back and wiped away my tears again. “I don’t know how I feel right now,” he said. “I’m overwhelmed.”
He took my hands and lifted them up between us. So slowly it felt as if time had crept to a standstill, he brushed his lips over the back of my good hand and then my bad.
I gasped at the feel of his lips on my scars. The touch was more intimate than anything I’d ever experienced. My eyes fluttered shut, causing my tears to get tangled in my lashes.
“I wish there were some way I could take all of this away for you.”
He pressed his lips firmly against each of my knuckles, one at a time, as if he were attempting to kiss them better. A violent sob racked my chest and escaped me in the form of a whimper.
“Ella.” As Cinder whispered my name with a new kind of desperation, his hands came up to my face. I knew he was going to kiss me, and even though I was in emotional agony, I wasn’t about to stop him. This was Cinder—my best friend in the whole world, the guy I’d been in love with for years. I wanted this kiss more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.
His lips came down on mine gently, as if he were savoring every second of this moment, taking in every sensation and filing it away in his brain for safekeeping. His mouth brushed back and forth over mine—exploring and seeking permission. I gave it, opening up to him with a soft sigh that robbed him of all restraint.
Passion overwhelmed him and he crashed our mouths together in a kiss worthy of the silver screen. His fingers dug into my hair as his tongue became intimate with my own in a heated dance. My hands, resting lightly on his chest, rose up and down with his wild breathing. His heart pounded beneath my palms, and mine beat just as hard.
The moment was magical. A fairy tale. And just like a fairy tale, it ended too soon. The clock on our bliss struck twelve as a bright flash went off in our faces. It was followed by an endless succession of flashes and shrieks.
Brian and I pulled apart to find our booth surrounded by several men with cameras. Behind them a crowd of fans gathered, creating an impenetrable wall of bodies. The restaurant was in mayhem. Girls shrieked, and people filmed us with their cell phones. The men blocking our booth, filming us and snapping endless photos, were shouting all kinds of questions at Cinder.
No. Not Cinder. Brian Oliver.
It was in that moment that “Cinder” vanished and I finally saw the guy I’d been kissing as Hollywood heartthrob Brian Oliver. The heat that had so fully enveloped me only moments before turned to ice. I broke out into a cold sweat as I took in our audience.
Brian must have been used to this kind of thing because he didn’t freak out until he read the panic on my face. Then he finally glanced up at the chaos. His eyes flickered back and forth several times from my frightened expression to the crowd of people, and the blood drained from his face. “Ella, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you here… I wasn’t thinking.”
With another look out at the crowd, he cursed under his breath and pulled out his phone. “Scott,” he said urgently into the phone, “are you still hanging out around here? Good. Can you get convention center security over to The Dragon’s Roost? Ella and I are going to need an escort. Yes. And hurry, it’s going to get ugly. Thanks, man.”
I couldn’t breathe and started to shake. I knew I was beginning to hyperventilate as anxiety took over, but I didn’t realize just how panicked I was until Brian grabbed me by the shoulders and bore his eyes into mine. “Everything’s going to be okay, Ella,” he cooed in that that low, soothing vibrato he usually reserved for our reading sessions.
My eyes drifted back to the crowd and he took my chin in his hand, forcing my gaze back to him. “Hey, look at me. Right here. Right into my eyes.”
I tried to do as he said. I tried to concentrate on nothing but those beautiful, dark eyes, but I couldn’t push the sounds out of my ears.
“Who’s the girl, Brian?”
“What about Kaylee?”
“Have you been cheating?”
“Tell us her name!”
“Are you in love?”
“How do you know her?”
“Brian!”
“Brian!”
Brian ignored them all. His attention was for me alone. “You’re okay, Ella. This is normal. I’ve been through it a hundred times. We’re going to be fine, all right?”
His hands slid from my shoulders down the length of my arms and he took my hands in his again.
“You, girl! Where’d you get those scars?”
“What happened to you?”
“Brian, what’s wrong with your new girlfriend?”
At the mention of my scars, a new horror surfaced in my mind. I wasn’t wearing my cloak or my gloves. I yanked my cloak back up over my shoulders, but it did nothing to make me feel better. It was far too late. Right this minute, images of me were being recorded and would be all over the news before I even got home. My worst nightmare had come true.
Brian had to tie my cloak for me because my hands were shaking too badly. After that, he pulled me into his arms as if shielding me from the vultures currently ripping apart my soul.
I buried my face in his chest and sobbed until I heard the angry shouts of people trying to push the crowd back. I started to lift my head, but Brian held me to him and stroked my hair. “Hang on, Ella. It’s almost over. It’s going to be okay in just a minute.”
I knew what he meant, but his words sounded like a lie to my ears. This was not going to be okay in a minute. I wasn’t sure it would ever be okay again.
I tried to make myself stop crying as I listened to the commotion. Most of the uproar was now coming from the restaurant manager who’d helped me when I first arrived, but I could hear several other deep voices shouting for people to vacate the premises.
“Brian!”
“Scott!” Brian blew out a breath. “Thanks for getting them here so fast. Would you stick around and speak to the manager? Clear up the bill and tell them I’ll call later to make sure everything’s been taken care of.”
“You got it. I’ll even give them your apologies.”
“How did I ever live without you?”
“Very disorganized.”
Brian laughed, and then a deep voice said, “Mr. Oliver? We’ll take you to the security office, but I’m afraid it’s all the way across the main hall.”
Brian sighed and pulled my face out of his chest. “You ready to make a run for it?”
I was definitely not ready, but I nodded anyway.
“We’ll be fine, Ella.”
Brian climbed to his feet and held out a hand to me. I slowly pulled myself up. Reaching for my staff, I took one step in the direction the towering giant of a security guard was ushering me and froze. The convention center security had forced all dinner patrons back to their tables and managed to clear the restaurant of everyone else, but a large crowd was gathered outside, waiting for us.
“Brian,” I whispered in horror, “I can’t do that. What if just you leave? I could wait here and call Juliette after the chaos dies down.”
“Not a chance.”
“But—”
“I am not leaving you to deal with this alone.” Brian glared at me, but his anger really had nothing to do with me. He glanced out at the cameras that were still flashing and shook his head bitterly. “It wouldn’t work, anyway. I’m supposedly an engaged man. You and I just created one of the biggest scandals Hollywood has seen in a while.”
He tried to smile for me, but it fell flat. “At a convention with this many celebrities, every paparazzi in LA is here. Those photographers want to know who you are. If I leave, some of them will follow me, but the rest would wait for you. They
’d wait as long as it takes, and then they’d follow you. They’d follow you to your car, and then they’d follow you all the way home and camp out on your front lawn.”
My eyes grew wide as the reality of what was happening hit me. Whether I liked it or not, my life would never be the same again.
“Welcome to fame, Ella,” Brian mumbled, regret heavy in his voice. “I’m sorry it happened like this, but we’ll get through it together, okay?”
He held out his hand to me, but I couldn’t take it. I looked out at the crowd that seemed to have doubled since I stood up.
“Mr. Oliver,” the security guard interrupted, “the longer we wait the larger the crowd will gather. There are thousands of people in this convention center today.”
Brian held out his hand to me again.
I shook my head, trying not to panic. “I can’t.”
“Ella, I really am sorry, but you don’t have a choice. We’ve got to go.”
“You don’t understand!” I snapped. “I mean I physically can’t. I can barely walk. I’ll never be able to push my way through that crowd.”
Brian blinked as if he were only now remembering there was anything wrong with me. He looked at the way I was holding my weight on my staff and his face paled. That pain-filled, heartbroken expression reappeared. I couldn’t stand to see it, so I turned away from him and realized that I’d gained the attention of everyone in the restaurant. My outburst had them all frozen with their dinner forks halfway to their faces.
Glancing around, I saw a hundred different pairs of eyes all focused on me, already judging. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry again, but my tears returned anyway. “I can’t fully extend my arm, either,” I muttered, face flaming with embarrassment. “If I fall or someone grabs me, I could tear my skin grafts. It happened recently. I’m scheduled for another surgery in January because of it.”