by Mells, J. C.
“My mom was understandably mad. It was nothing compared to Charity’s parents though. Charity loved them unconditionally, and despite her phase of rebelliousness, took her faith seriously. Abortion was not an option for her, or for me. What she never expected, however, was that her parents would disown her completely. She was tossed out of her home and shunned from her church. By this time, her parents had joined some sort of religious group that was so extreme, I can only refer to them as a cult. We had no alternative but to have her move in with my mother and me.
“I took a full-time job at nights, to help with the bills, and somehow we both managed to make it through high school. I’d like to say that we were happy that first year, but honestly things were tough. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, I can’t even say for sure we would have still been together, to be completely honest. At her insistence, I started art school and Charity became a stay-at-home mom. With a full-time job and college, I wasn’t home much and this was really hard on Charity – harder than she thought it was going to be.
“She began to resent the way her life had turned out, now eighteen with a two-year-old kid, a partner who was never home, and a ‘mother-in-law’ who was, by this point, not even bothering to hide her drinking problem. I should’ve seen the signs, but I was on autopilot and just trying to get through each day as best I could. I should’ve noticed sooner when my mother’s alcohol dependency turned into something other – and I damn sure should’ve noticed to what extent her influence was having on the mother of my son.”
I looked down at California and could see the glistening of held-back tears in her eyes. This story of my life was new to her. It wasn’t new to me though, and I had no more tears left in me to shed over what I was about to tell her next.
“Charity’s drug dependency began with prescribed anti-depressants. With my mother’s help, this escalated into more. I should’ve noticed how bad it got, but I think I refused to see what was right in front of me. I think a part of me was just relieved my mother and Charity were finally getting along. It hadn’t been easy when Charity had first moved in and, for the first couple of years, there was no love lost between the two of them. As it turns out, they found out they had a common interest after all. Heroin.
“They were both apparently smoking it. I knew my mother was a drinker and I suspected Charity was taking pills more often than she needed to, but the heroin thing was new. In another week, I would’ve caught on as to what was happening, but right at that moment I was too self-involved and clueless. There were no track marks to see, no paraphernalia left out on display, and their dazed attitudes could easily be attributed to alcohol on my mother’s part and pill popping on Charity’s. And, I still left Thaddeus in their care every day.”
I heard California’s breath catch in her throat and a large, single tear tracked down her cheek. “She was his mother, Thatch. Why would you even suspect he could come to harm in her care?”
I didn’t directly answer her question, but carried on with my tale.
“Of course, at the time, I had no idea why Charity started needing more and more money for ‘groceries’ and ‘child-related things.’ All I know is that my Saturday night shift at the restaurant turned into a regular Saturday double shift to make ends meet. It was on one of these Saturdays when I was out of the house for twelve to fourteen hours, that my mom and Charity decided to drive to Newark to score – and they took Thaddeus with them.”
“I’m so sorry, Thatch,” California whispered as her hand reached up to cover mine for a few moments before she took it back. The gentle, consoling, brief touch was all I needed to finish my story.
“Leading up to this particular Saturday, I had a slow week at work and they were both pretty desperate for a fix by the time the weekend came around. They couldn’t even wait until they got home to smoke up.” I could feel the anger rising in my voice and took a deep breath to rein it back in.
“Thaddeus’ memory is choppy on this next part, and my son still suffers from the trauma of what happened to this day. My mother and Charity, both completely high by this point, had an argument over directions, or drugs, or something. The end result was they were in a seedy and almost deserted part of Newark. There was an accident – the other car didn’t stop – and both my mom and Charity died.”
“Oh my God, Thatch,” California whispered again.
“My mother, who was in the passenger seat, was killed instantly. Charity bled out slowly, probably too high to move; I don’t know. She took several hours to die. Thaddeus was trapped in the car for over four hours with them before they were found.”
Cali
Thatch’s story was so gut-wrenchingly sad, I couldn’t stop the tears that now silently flowed down my cheeks. I tentatively reached out to touch him, and ended up laying my head down on his chest hesitantly. When he didn’t push me away, I pulled him in closer and inwardly rejoiced when I felt his arms surround me. We stayed like this for a few moments. It wasn’t sexual, or sensual, or anything else that you might expect when two people were that close – on a bed in what could only be referred to as a sex room thanks to the gaudy, X-rated décor. It was a touch of comfort and consolation.
“There’s a little more to the story if you want me to go on,” Thatch said quietly.
I nodded for him to continue.
“When Charity died, her parents, Josiah and Mary Jones appeared out of the woodwork. All of a sudden, they wanted full custody of Thaddeus – stating they could provide a more stable and healthy, drug-free home for their grandchild. The same grandchild they’d had no interest in up until now. They argued I was a drug-user and unfit father and the court case was probably the most terrifying ordeal I’ve ever been through.”
“It must’ve been awful, Thatch,” I whispered softly against his chest.
“It was worse than awful. I won the case due to the fact they couldn’t prove anything. I wasn’t a user, I had good grades in college, and I had professors that came in to testify to that. I also had my boss come in as a character witness to show I was reliably and gainfully employed. I worked in a diner that didn’t serve alcohol, for Christ’s sake. I was still only nineteen. The Jones’s were outraged when they lost the case. They started harassing me almost non-stop – phone calls at all hours, their beat-up old RV trailer that they used when travelling to find recruits for their cult was parked on my street watching the house, and I would see one or the other of them following me and Thaddeus almost every day. I had to take out a restraining order.
“In the meantime, while all this was going down, I lost the apartment. I couldn’t afford the rent on my own and I had to pay for a babysitter for Thaddeus while I was at work. I dropped out of college, too. We stayed on friend’s couches and moved around a lot. There were even a few nights we had to sleep in the car. That was no life for Thaddeus. Hell, it wasn’t even a good way to live even if I was on my own. I was desperate.”
“So you came to Las Vegas to live with your dad,” I said.
“Yeah. I didn’t even tell him we were coming. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in ten years. The last I knew was that he had sent me a letter the year before saying he was finally clean and sober going on a year – and that he wanted to meet his grandchild and make amends. At the time, I threw the letter out without answering it. My mother had been clean and sober for two years and she still went back to drinking – and then some. I didn’t want anything to do with my dad at the time he wrote me that letter. Living out of your car with a two -almost three- year-old gives you a whole new perspective on life. I sold all my stuff, quit my job, and headed to Nevada.”
“And Bellamy took you in,” I stated the obvious.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t. I was down to my last penny and Thaddeus was still so traumatized from the accident. He was sad and so quiet all the time, and he cried when he thought I wasn’t looking. It broke my fucking heart.”
“What about Charity’s crazy parents?” I asked.
“I haven’t heard from them ever since I moved to Vegas. They probably moved onto some other ‘project’ and got bored with harassing the ‘devil who seduced their daughter’ and his ‘demon spawn’.”
“They referred to their grandchild as ‘demon spawn’?”
“That’s the thing. I would’ve been delighted to allow visiting rights and have Thaddeus get to know his grandparents. When I said they were nut-jobs, I didn’t mean it was because they were religious extremists. I mean, that didn’t help any, but I would’ve considered allowing them to spend time with Thaddeus. That was until I realized how much they hated him and blamed him and me for Charity’s drug addiction and ensuing death. It terrifies me to think why exactly they wanted custody of him. I would’ve died before allowing them to get their hands on my son.”
“From what I’ve seen, you’re an amazing father, Thatch,” I said softly.
“Do you understand now where I’m coming from?” he asked, taking me by the shoulders and making me look up directly into his face. “I can’t trust anyone with my son – especially not addicts. It took a year before I allowed my father to be alone with Thaddeus. I won’t put my little boy in a situation where he could be physically hurt again. I also won’t put him in a situation where he could get hurt emotionally either. He has serious abandonment issues after watching his mother die. I won’t have him getting attached to people who aren’t going to be around for long.”
“You mean me.” It wasn’t a question, just a hard statement. If there was one thing I was sure of, the Internet didn’t exactly paint a pretty picture of California Huntington.
“You’ve been out of rehab for three months, California. My mother was clean for two years and still went back to her addictions. If it was just me, I wouldn’t hesitate to take a chance on you – on us. But I’ve sat through too many therapy sessions with my five-year-old and they completely gut me.”
“How long would it take?”
“How long would what take?” Thatch asked.
“How long would I have to be clean and sober for you to want to risk taking a chance on me?”
“It isn’t that simple, California. Because of who you are, it’s not just about the drugs. Can you imagine the media attention if they find out where you are? Can you imagine what that attention will do to Thaddeus’s calm and controlled home life? And this ‘being a regular person’ thing you’re doing right now – how long is that going to last? It’s all too new.”
Just as I was about to respond, my cell phone, which was next to the bed, started playing Bernie’s tune. I almost welcomed the interruption as I was momentarily incapable of formulating what I wanted to say to Thatch.
“Sorry,” I apologized to him as I picked up the phone. “This might be important. It’s my dad’s assistant and he only calls if it’s an emergency.”
Thatch nodded at me and leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes.
“Hey, Bernie. What’s up?” I said into the phone, turning my back to Thatch.
“I have some potentially bad news for you, my lovely. You’ll want to be sitting down for this one.”
“I am, Bernie. What’s wrong? Is my dad okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine. In fact, we’re on the way home right now. Just have a little layover in London for a few days for a press junket. What I’m calling to tell you is that I’m pretty sure Lake knows where you are. She checked into the MGM Grand about twenty minutes ago. Some guy posted on Twitter how he had lunch with California Huntington and that she’s hiding out in Las Vegas.”
Steve. I guess he finally put two and two together.
“Shit.”
“You can say that again. Wherever she goes, the media is sure to follow. She’ll make damn sure of it.”
“Thanks for the heads up, Bern.” I felt like I was going to throw up. Not in an ‘I’m going to make myself throw up’ kind of way, but more in a sincere nausea kind of way.
“What’s your plan, Cali?”
“I don’t know yet. But I’ll probably see you soon if you’re on the way home.”
“Okay. Looking forward to it. All right, I gotta go. I hear your father calling me. I’ll speak to you soon, lovely girl.”
“Bye, Bern.”
I pressed ‘end’ on my phone.
“Bad news?” Thatch asked from behind me.
“I think I need a second,” I said without turning around to face him.
I got up off the bed and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
If Lake knew where I was – and by that I meant Reston Tattoos – she would be bringing the full force of her toxic entourage to the shop tomorrow. The media would be hot on her trail and she’d lead them straight to me. I knew firsthand what that pit of flesh-eating scavengers would do to the lives of everyone connected to Thatch and his tattoo shop – not to mention how it would affect his son’s quiet life. It was everything Thatch had been afraid of and I’d been too self-absorbed in my own agenda to realize it would happen this soon. I mean, I knew it might happen eventually, but I imagined it differently and much, much further down the road.
Wiping the tears from my cheeks and taking some deep breaths to calm my panicked state, I knew exactly what it was I had to do. There really was no other alternative. I couldn’t let Thatch and his family fall prey to the exact thing I was running from.
Splashing cold water onto my face, I stared at myself in the mirror.
“Face it Cali,” I said softly to my reflection. “Some things are just not meant to be.”
I wiped my face with a hand towel and walked back into the bedroom.
Thatch was standing over by the window.
“I’ve thought about everything you’ve just told me, Thatch, and you’re right. I’m unstable. Right now I feel empowered and strong, but as you say, it’s only been a few months and anything could happen to make me fall back into old habits.”
“What was the phone call about, California?” He asked, turning from the window to face me.
“Nothing. My dad is on his way back home.” I looked at my hands, knowing I couldn’t keep up this act if I looked directly into his eyes. “I’m going to go home. I’m leaving Vegas. I’ll just slip away quietly so you and Thaddeus can get back to your normal, drama-free lives. I’ll leave the key to the gate with the neighbors and please bring Thaddeus to use the pool whenever he wants, okay?”
“Do you want me to fight for you, California? Is that what this is all about?”
“No. You just made an excellent argument as to why you can never trust me to ever be alone with your son. You also clearly illustrated how getting involved with me would completely overturn the life you’ve made for yourself and him here in Vegas. I’m the ‘Girl Who Cried Wolf’ after all, and I eventually wreck everything. I won’t be responsible for wrecking your life, too.”
“I thought you were all about new beginnings and putting your old life behind you, California? Isn’t that what this coming to Vegas thing was all about?” Thatch asked.
“If I’m completely honest, my transformation and desire to really confront my issues happened that night I met you,” I continued, dodging his questions and hurrying to get everything off my chest before I could chicken out and change my mind. “I don’t understand the how or the why, and I know we played it like a one-night-stand, which is all I really have ever had in my sexual past, but there was a connection between us that I couldn’t explain. I mean, from my end there was a connection I’d never had with anyone else before. Thinking of you and watching that damn video of you on that course in Dallas is what got me through rehab.
“I thought that comparing my progressive success at the Recovery Center to your achievements on Ultimate Ninja Athlete was a perfectly natural thing to do. Everyone has a little something that helps motivate them, and in my case I put it all onto you – someone who I didn’t even know at all, but yet had shared an intense experience with. You’ve asked me before why it is I came to Vegas, well here it is… with
in an hour of being released from the Center, I was facing some of my most powerful triggers: Lake and Talullah.
“I didn’t know what to do or where to go. In danger of relapsing back into the lifestyle I was desperate to get away from, I headed toward the thing that had provided me with the motivation I needed to make it through rehab – you. It was unfair of me to do this, but as you’ve pointed out before, I’m self-absorbed and wasn’t completely aware and didn’t really think anything through. Thaddeus is absolutely the most important thing in your life and you are absolutely one-hundred percent right to be wary of getting involved with me. You were let down and Thaddeus almost died because you trusted a user. You cannot and should not trust me. Fuck, I don’t even trust me. Now please, get out of my house so I can start packing.”
Thatch still didn’t move. He just stood there staring at me, trying to digest all of that I had just thrown at him.
“Look, Thatch,” I repeated for emphasis, “I assigned some sort of unhealthy parallel between your success in that competition and my success in rehab. I would’ve never made it through those last couple of months had I not used you as motivation. I see now that it wasn’t only unhealthy, but unfair to you. I should never have come to Vegas and upset your comfortable way of life with all my drama. If I’m to ever be successful in my life goals, I need to stop using you – and our mutual lust – as a crutch. Please just leave so we can both get back to our lives.”
I walked out of the room and headed straight for the front door and heard him following me. Opening it, I stood next to it, looking anywhere but in his direction. It was taking everything I had in me to not break down right there and then.
Thatch paused at the threshold, putting his T-shirt back on and looking as if he was about to say something.
“I’m giving you a way out, Thatch. Please take it,” I begged softly.
Shaking his head, he walked out of the door. I closed it and stood waiting until I heard the sound of his car door slam, then I sank to my knees and let the pent up tears flow freely down my face, my body convulsing as I sobbed violently.