Normally driving up a mountain road in the nighttime wouldn’t be a big deal if you were staying on the paved roads. My cabin wasn’t anywhere close to the paved roads, though, and as soon as I turned onto the gravel, I was reminded why I never stayed out past dark. It was impossible to see where I was going even with the headlights from my truck shining on the road. As I turned down what I thought was the road to my house I quickly realized I’d turned right into a set of trees and stopped dead in my tracks. I wasn’t going anywhere that night. The roads were too steep and dangerous to be traveling in the dark, so I reluctantly grabbed my sleeping bag from behind the seat and put the truck into park.
I invested in a top-quality sleeping bag that would keep me warm even in zero-degree weather. It was just one of the many items I’d made sure to prepare myself with when I decided to come up to the mountains. For the first few months, I’d been living in a tent while I built the frame to my cabin. Then I lived in the sparsely closed-in building for another few months while I finished everything off. There was so much pride that came with building everything myself. I’d tried to explain that sense of accomplishment to Jeff, but he never seemed to understand it.
Most people would have panicked when they got lost in the mountains like I had just done, but I knew better. A little sleep, and I could wake up to the light of day and get to where I needed to go.
Before coming up to the mountains I could never have been as calm as I was at that moment. I was always going and never slowing down in my old life; it might have been part of why Kristen had found a different man to love. The old me was so wrapped up in the next big thing that I hardly stood still. I hardly took the time to appreciate the perfect life I had, and when I was finally forced to slow down and look at myself, the perfect life was gone.
Now I was living in the mountains, and I had no idea what a real perfect life was anymore. I had the money I needed, so there was no need for me to hurry off to a nine-to-five job every day. I needed to find a new passion. I had to find something else in my life that I could dedicate myself to and find my new perfect life.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep fast. My life in the mountains was simple. My stressors were limited, and my need to stay up past dark was practically non-existent. I didn’t care what Jeff or anyone else thought of my lifestyle; I liked it and wasn’t ready to give it up just yet.
***
The sun woke me up around six in the morning, and I saw just how close I had been to driving my truck right off the edge of a drop-off. The mountains were filled with steep drops like this one, and I was lucky to have decided to stop. The trees in front of me were all that was standing between me and my truck plummeting down fifty feet.
I slowly backed the truck up and maneuvered myself back down the mountain a bit to the last gravel road I was on. It was there that I realized I’d turned way too early and had at least a half a mile climb up the mountain before my turn. This was exactly why I didn’t go out at night and why I always had my emergency gear with me when I did leave my cabin.
As much as Jeff and all my friends thought I was some maniac living in the woods without concern for my well-being, I wasn’t that person at all. I was diligent about my safety and even made sure to help out the hikers that wandered off the main trail and ended up near my cabin. I wasn’t as antisocial as my brother thought, and I definitely wasn’t as stupid as he thought.
While turning down the narrow road toward my cabin I came across a group of hikers that had clearly lost the trail. Anytime they were close to my cabin I knew they had lost the trail because I was on the other side of the mountain. It was comical in the summer and spring months, but in the winter, it was dangerous. Even the mild winter we were having could end up killing someone if they weren’t prepared for the overnight weather.
“The trail is about a mile back that way,” I said as I rolled down my window.
“Really? I thought if we continued up this way we would run into it,” an older man said as the rest of his group looked on.
“No. You’re lost. You’ll run into my house, but you won’t run into the trail. It’s that way,” I said and pulled away.
“Wow, what an asshole,” a woman said before I rolled my window back up.
I wasn’t exactly sure why I was the asshole in this situation. I was trying to help them and make sure they didn’t waste their whole day hiking up the side of the mountain with hardly any daylight. The Pacific Crest Trail was frequented by hikers throughout the spring, summer, and fall, but I usually didn’t see many people in the winter months.
This year was different, though. We had temperatures in the thirties and hardly any snow. Many of the hikers who would have normally bowed out of their trek were pushing on toward finishing.
The Pacific Crest Trail went from Mexico all the way up to Canada, and many hikers took it on as a lifelong goal. People quit their jobs and spent six to eight months on the trail. I likened it to what I was doing with my cabin. A way of taking a break from the world and finding what was important to you. I admired the hikers and their willingness to take on such a big task. Unlike my brother and many of my friends, I saw the value in time in the wilderness.
I finally pulled up to my cabin and was relieved to be home. It wasn’t much, but it was mine. It was the house I’d built with my own two hands, and I really felt totally at ease in my cabin.
My solar panels gave me power, so I had all the necessities like a refrigerator and lights. I had even managed a rain catchment and built a system for a shower. I was still working on the warming mechanism, though, and hoped I had all the supplies I needed to make that happen. Cold showers in the middle of winter were no fun at all.
I unloaded my truck and threw some firewood into the wood stove so I could get the house warmed up while I worked on the new shed. I didn’t have a time frame. I didn’t have any place I needed to be. This was exactly what I loved about living on the mountain. I was in charge of everything and could take as long as I wanted to finish my tasks. If only life could be this simple back in the real world, maybe I’d go back. But for the time being, I was sticking to my cabin and the life I’d come to enjoy so much. Maybe I’d even head out on a hike in the next couple of days and see what all the hype was with this Pacific Crest Trail.
Chapter 3
Jordan
“I’m not excited for this team building weekend at all,” I moaned as Emma and I grabbed our morning coffees before work.
“Why not? It actually seems sort of fun. It’s at that fancy resort at the base of the mountain with a hot tub and gourmet meals. I’m excited.”
“Rob and I had planned to hike next week. I think I might still go. I went to REI and picked up some more gear last night.”
“You found someone to go with you?” Emma asked excitedly.
“No, so you should come with me.”
“No way, we talked about this.”
“I know, but I don’t think I should go alone. I don’t even know how to use most of this equipment. Plus, I’d probably get eaten by a bear.”
“Probably,” Emma said without even blinking at the idea.
I was just about to tell Emma who I ran into while shopping but then decided against it. My ex, Peter had been at REI. He was shopping for a bike, and as I walked past him, my heart sunk remembering how horrible things had been between us. I turned to leave as fast as I could, but it was too late. He had already seen me.
To my surprise, he called out to me and motioned for me to come over to him. He had a huge smile on his face and actually looked like he was doing really well. Our conversation was short, and he kept his distance, which made me feel more comfortable. He told me about getting out on parole and how he was in therapy for his depression and anger issues. It was such a relief to see and talk to him, not at all what I thought I would have felt when I ran into the man who had once threatened to kill me.
I’d tell Emma about it later after I’d finished processing the whole incident. A
t the moment, I was happy for Peter and the new life he had. He was talking about getting a mountain bike and looked genuinely excited. Nothing about the way he looked and talked to me was scary, and when I went to bed that night I got the first truly deep sleep in weeks. I’d known Peter wouldn’t be in jail for long, and I had been thinking that he was probably out, but never looked into it to see. Perhaps my thoughts that someone was following me were just my own anxiety about not knowing what Peter was doing. I was relieved to see him doing well and felt a fresh start for me finally on the horizon.
“Jordan … Earth to Jordan,” Emma said as she waved her hand in front of my face. “Where are you? Sort of spacing out this morning.”
“Sorry, I was just thinking about this hiking trip. You know a lot of people do that trail alone. I’m only going for a long weekend. Maybe I could do it?”
“I think you could. Do you still have your vacation days in for next week?”
“Yep.”
“Then come to the team builder this weekend and then go on your hike. It would do you good to be independent.”
Emma and I stood waiting for an elevator as I contemplated the unheard-of idea of actually going hiking alone. I would have to do a lot of research and test out my equipment if I was going to try this. There was so much anxiety already flowing through me, and I wasn’t sure I could do it at all, but I did like the idea of going for it. I liked the idea of taking life by the horns and doing what I wanted to do.
“Shit,” I said under my breath as I took a sip of my coffee and saw Rob and a young red-headed girl walking toward the elevator. “What happened to Courtney?”
“I think she dyed her hair,” Emma said.
“Hey girls, nice to see you,” Rob said with a huge smile. “This is Courtney, my girlfriend.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Emma said politely.
I refused to look at them or talk at all. Instead, I continued sipping my coffee and pulled out my phone to try and stay busy. Rob was flaunting Courtney like a prize horse. He was parading her around as if I actually cared who he was dating. Of course, I didn’t care. I was the one who broke up with him. He could date every girl in the neighborhood if he wanted, and it wouldn’t bother me.
Courtney looked really good with red hair, though, and I knew Rob had a thing for redheads. He had tried to talk me into dying my hair on a couple of occasions, and I even considered doing it for him. I never got around to it, though, and as we all walked into the elevator, my eyes fixated on her long red hair and how perfect she looked. I didn’t want to care about who Rob was dating. Obviously, if I didn’t want him, then he should go off and be happy with someone else, but there was a strange feeling in my gut. A feeling that it was really me who was messed up and not Rob at all. I couldn’t shake it.
Rob and Courtney walked with Emma and me as we made our way to the main conference room. The closer we got to the room, the more I started to wonder why Rob was bringing this girl with him to our team building meeting. It seemed rather odd.
Emma and I grabbed a couple of seats toward the back of the room as usual while Rob and his new girlfriend sat in front with Margaret and her husband. I looked around the room and saw a lot of unfamiliar faces.
Margaret stood and moved to the front of the room to address us. “Hello everyone, I’m so glad you could all make it this morning. This is just going to be a quick overview of the weekend ahead. I’m glad to see some of you have your significant others with you. In case you don’t know, this is my amazing husband, Michael.”
“Please don’t tell me people are bringing their spouses?” I whispered to Emma.
“Yeah, there was an email last week about it. Didn’t you read that?”
“No, I was busy trying to actually work. Rob is bringing that bimbo? This is crazy,” I scowled.
“She’s actually a really nice girl. I thought you wanted him off your hands,” Emma said a little confused by my sudden concern for who Rob was dating.
“I did. I mean, I do. But he’s just going to make the weekend horrible if she’s around all the time. I thought this was supposed to be a team builder for employees?”
“Jordan,” I heard Margaret say, and I looked up to see everyone staring at me. “Do you have a plus one that will be coming?” she asked as she held a clipboard in her hand ready to mark off my commitment to the event.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I won’t be able to come. My boyfriend and I are hiking a section of the Pacific Crest Trail. I did put in for vacation a few months ago before I knew about the retreat.” It was nearly impossible to keep a straight face as I saw the shock on Rob’s face. I also felt the undeniable jab of Emma’s elbow in my side as I tried to maintain my composure.
“Well, we will miss you at the event. Save time for the summer event, though, and I’d love to meet your new boyfriend,” Margaret said before moving onto the next name on the list. “Ronald?”
“Yes, my wife and I will be attending,” Ronald from accounting answered.
I couldn’t look at Emma and kept my eyes straight forward while Margaret confirmed everyone for the event and went over the details. There were a couple of other people that couldn’t attend either, so I didn’t feel so bad about that end of things. When Rob announced to the whole room that he was bringing his new girlfriend Courtney as his significant other, I nearly barfed in my mouth. They had literally only just started dating, and I knew he was only bringing her to get back at me, but he still relished in telling everyone in the room and confirming that he and I were no longer an item.
When the meeting was over, I hurried off to my cubicle before Emma could get hold of me. The last thing I wanted to do was discuss what had just happened in there, but I wasn’t fast enough, and as I sat down to work, Emma sat right on my desk with her arms crossed looking over at me.
“You and your boyfriend?”
“Sorry, it sounded better than saying I was going hiking alone. I don’t even know if I’ll go. I’ll probably just spend the week eating ice cream and watching scary movies in bed.”
“No. You are going hiking. That’s the end of it. You’ve wanted to do this for a long time, and now is your moment. Do you have all the supplies you need? Do you want me to go to REI with you? I’ll do it. I’ll go to that weird camping store with you if you need me to.”
“Actually, I was there yesterday and …” I trailed off as I tried to decide if I wanted to let the proverbial cat out of the bag.
“And what?”
“I saw Peter looking at mountain bikes.”
“The Peter? The Peter who tried to strangle you when you two broke up? The same guy who got arrested and is in jail? I thought he got like five years or something like that. Why are you so calm about this? Is he following you? How did he know you were there?”
“Calm down. He isn’t following me; he was already at the store when I got there. And he looked good. Like mentally well, you know what I mean?” I said trying to put her mind at ease.
Emma was the only one at work that I’d confided in about everything that had happened with Peter. She knew how afraid I’d been and how even after he went to jail I still worried he would come after me. She also knew that I kept getting a creepy feeling that someone was following me. “No, I don’t know. Explain.”
“He looked happy and like he was taking care of himself. He said he’s in counseling and working, and he told me he was really sorry, but he didn’t want to reach out to me and tell me because he wanted to respect my privacy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I think I was so worried about him that I was giving myself paranoia about someone following me. After seeing him, I felt such a sense of relief. He wasn’t mad at me at all. He was sorry, and I think he is genuinely trying to move on with his life. So I think I should too.”
“Wow Jordan, this is really good. I mean he was really young when everything happened. I guess the best you could hope for was that he would figure things out and get some therapy.”
&
nbsp; “I slept so good last night. Better than I have in years. I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders,” I said.
“Are you sure it’s real? I mean because of what happened between the two of you he ended up in jail. He is a felon now, and his whole life will be different. I find it hard to believe that he’s not angry with you about it all.”
“Emma, you should have seen him. He had on this hipster outfit with long hair, and he looked really happy. I don’t think he could have pretended like that. Plus, he had no way of knowing I would be there. It was me who ran into him. He wasn’t even planning on searching me out.”
I could see her skepticism on her face. She didn’t want to believe that this horrible man I’d talked about over the last few years was a decent human being after all. I understood where she was coming from. I wouldn’t have believed it either if I hadn’t seen Peter for myself. Statistically, Peter had beaten the odds. He had gone from an abusing boyfriend who wanted me dead instead of letting me go to a man who was now on a new path. I wanted what was best for him, and if I was willing to forgive, I really hoped Emma could move past this as well.
“Okay, fine, let’s move on. So you’re going to make me go to the retreat alone like a loser. Thanks a lot.” She laughed and rolled her eyes at me.
“Maybe you’ll meet someone.” I laughed with her.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure nothing could go wrong if I started dating Miguel from sales, or Tom in IT. Come on, you know I’m going to be the odd man out. Why did you have to say you were going this weekend instead of on Monday?”
“I definitely didn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day looking at Rob and his bimbo new girlfriend.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day this weekend? I totally forgot!”
“You could always ditch and go hiking with me,” I offered.
“I think I’d rather be tortured by the love fest going on with all the couples on the retreat. No offense.”
“None taken. Do you really think it’s a good idea for me to go hiking alone?”
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