Carmen blinked, not understanding.
“The possessive growl,” Oz explained. “All mates have it.”
“Mates?” She must have heard him wrong. “We’re not mates.”
Oz sent her a strange look. “Okay then.”
Turning his gaze to Zyen, Oz announced, “My scouts have reported back about Kerik and his men. It appears that they’ve left the area. Whether or not they returned to the States or remain in Cuba is anyone’s guess.”
Zyen stood. “Has King Klause been made aware?”
“He has. He feels that we should all return to Aukrabah, but I’m not so sure I agree.”
It was Carmen’s turn to send Oz the strange look. “You think we should stay here?”
“Not you.”
Carmen climbed from the bed to stand next to Zyen. “You’re sending me away?”
Oz nodded. “I think it’s best for you to go below for a while. Maria too. Once we’ve taken care of Kerik, we can reassess.”
“And me?” Zyen’s softly spoken question hung in the air for a moment before Oz answered.
“I think you should stay here for a time. Your help will definitely be needed if we get Kerik in our sites.”
For some reason, the thought of leaving Zyen behind brought back Carmen’s anxiety. Her pulse began to thump in her throat. “Excuse me.”
Carmen hurried past Oz and fled the room. She needed to be alone to calm her racing heart and think about what all had transpired. Oz wanted her to leave Cuba. Which meant leaving Zyen behind.
Since when had the blond giant become so important to her? Was it because he’d given her his blood? No, Carmen acknowledged, striding outside and turning toward her cabin. It was more than gratefulness that had opened her heart to Zyen, it was many things. Such as his ability to make her laugh, his gentleness where she was concerned, and the fact that she trusted him with her life.
She also trusted him with her body. Carmen knew that Zyen would never harm her or force her in anyway. He had more honor in his pinky finger than any man she’d ever known—aside from Oz.
And she’d almost kissed him. What would it have been like to feel his lips against hers? To freely touch him without fear?
A sudden sadness invaded her thoughts. She could never be what Zyen needed. He deserved a strong female like Syrina; one who could give him a home, a family. Not some emotionally fractured individual such as herself who could never completely surrender to him. Yeah, Carmen would go to Aukrabah and distance herself from Zyen. Once he moved past the bond they’d recently formed, he could get on with his life in the arms of someone worthy of him.
“You think yourself unworthy?”
Zyen’s soft voice coming from behind her, stopped Carmen in her tracks. She kept her back to him, her hand resting on the knob of her front door. “We both know the answer to that.”
He was suddenly there, standing directly behind her, the heat from his body, penetrating her back. “You are the worthiest female I have ever known.”
Tears sprang to Carmen’s eyes. She twisted the knob and pushed the door open. “Since I can feel your emotions, I know that you believe that. But I know the truth. I’m damaged, Zyen. And I don’t think I will ever be whole again.”
She stepped through and closed the door softly behind her. It took everything she had to walk away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Zyen stared at the place where Carmen had just stood. He could feel the pain radiating from her through the closed door. Of course, a simple door wouldn’t hamper their connection, he’d be able to feel her from across the Gulf.
Carmen had come to mean a lot to Zyen in a short amount of time. He’d only met her a few weeks before. And yet, it felt as if he’d known her all his life.
Though she’d shut him out of her home, she couldn’t shut him out of her mind. He dropped his forehead against the wooden surface above the door.
“Did you know that I have never been intimate with a female before?” Zyen sent through their mental connection. “Had you kissed me before Oz’s arrival, that would have been my first kiss.”
Long moments ticked by with Zyen standing on Carmen’s porch, mentally imploring her to feel him.
The door slowly opened. “Never?”
He backed up a step to gaze down into her upturned face. “Not even once.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Zyen swallowed. “Because, I am aware of your fear of intimacy. And I want you to understand that I am capable of showing restraint.”
Carmen’s gaze softened. “I know you are. But you shouldn’t have to. Not when there are plenty of women out there that can give you everything you desire.”
“I do not want other females.”
“Then what do you want, Zyen?”
“More of your spaghetti would be nice,” he teased, attempting to ease her tension.
The expected laugh erupted from Carmen. She backed up enough to allow him entry. “Now that I can do.”
Zyen ducked down and entered Carmen’s humble abode. “I do not wish for you to stand on your feet. You sit at the table and tell me how it is done.”
“That’s not necessary. I have leftovers in the fridge. You’ll just have to warm it in the microwave.”
Shooting her a questioning look, Zyen muttered, “The microwave?”
Carmen entered the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and reached inside. She tugged a large bowl free, removed the lid, opened the door to a contraption hanging above the stove, and tucked the bowl inside. “This is a microwave. It heats things up without damaging the container.”
Zyen watched her press some buttons on the microwave, his gaze straying to her softly rounded backside. The snug fitting pink shorts she wore, clung to her, leaving little to his imagination.
Shame instantly washed through him. How could he look upon her with lust after everything she’d been through?
“There, it’ll be ready in two minutes.” She turned to face him, forcing him to meet her innocent gaze.
Zyen glanced away before she noticed the look of self-loathing in his eyes.
“Is something wrong?” The uncertainty in Carmen’s voice wasn’t lost on him.
More shame slammed into him. He closed off his thoughts from her. “I am fine. You sit. I am capable of caring for myself.”
Carmen continued to watch him for several heartbeats before taking a seat at her small kitchen table.
A beep sounded, drawing Zyen’s attention back to the microwave.
“That sound means it’s ready,” Carmen remarked.
Zyen opened the microwave and retrieved the bowl of spaghetti. He brought it to the table and glanced around for their plates. “Are you not eating?”
Carmen stood and meandered over to a drawer. She returned with two forks. “I’m really not that hungry. Maybe I’ll just nibble on some of yours.”
His lips twitched. She hadn’t bothered with plates like humans were prone to do. She pulled her chair around next to his, waited for him to sit, and then used her fork to stir the steaming spaghetti around in the bowl.
“Dig in.” Her scent hit him full on in the face. She smelled far better than any spaghetti ever could.
Zyen cleared his throat, shifting his gaze back to the bowl in front of him. He had no idea how it had happened, or even when it had begun, but he was falling for the tiny, dark-haired beauty beside him. And falling hard.
* * * *
For someone who wasn’t hungry, Carmen ate like a Bracadyte. She’d steadily talked during their thirty-minute spaghetti fest, telling Zyen all about her love of animals and how she’d never been allowed to have one growing up.
Zyen made a mental note to obtain an animal for her at the earliest opportunity. “What sort of animal would you have liked?”
They’d moved to the living room, and now sat next to each other on the sofa.
“Oh, it wouldn’t have mattered,” Carmen softly admitted. “A dog, a cat, or even a bird woul
d have been nice.”
Zyen ached for her. What was it about this little slip of a female that affected him so? She’d reduced him to a lovestruck fool.
Love? he didn’t love her. Did he? Of course not, he silently berated, stretching his legs out in front of him. He liked her, he was drawn to her, and no doubt felt protective of her. But love?
Looking into her soft, brown eyes, Zyen had to admit he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Uncomfortable with the path his thoughts were taking, Zyen murmured, “I should probably go.”
“Wait.” Carmen appeared flustered by his statement. “Are you coming back?”
Zyen’s stomach clenched. “Do you want me to come back?”
“If it’s not an inconvenience. I feel safer when you’re here.”
She had no idea what she asked of him. It took great restraint on his part to keep from kissing her.
Her expression suddenly changed, and Zyen realized he’d not guarded his thoughts.
“You want to kiss me?” she whispered.
Though he could feel her adrenaline spike, she didn’t run screaming. “I do not want you to fear me. I cannot help my feelings when in your presence.”
“So, that’s a yes?” She fidgeted with her hands.
Zyen swallowed hard. “It is.”
Carmen blew out an unsteady breath and rose up on her knees. She slowly leaned in toward him, her gaze lowering to his mouth.
Zyen didn’t move, couldn’t move. He held completely still as she closed the distance between them.
A moan escaped with the first brush of her lips across his. Heat washed through his body and every nerve he possessed, came alive.
And then she applied pressure, her mouth closing over his.
If Zyen had doubted his growing feelings for Carmen before, he sure didn’t now. Sensations came to life inside him; his heart swelled with emotion and his body reacted to her touch in a way he couldn’t stop if he’d wanted to.
“Carmen…”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Carmen couldn’t believe she was actually kissing Zyen. In all her life, she’d never felt anything as incredible as his lips moving beneath her own. He tasted of wine and…Zyen.
She could feel his emotions through their connection, hear the moan of her name coming from his mind, and it brought a rush of sensations she’d never imagined existed. She didn’t fear him or feel disgusted by him; no, she felt only desire and a longing for him to wrap her in his arms. She wanted him to hold her until she felt whole once again. But his arms remained at his sides.
Carmen broke off the kiss, lifting her head enough to gaze into his eyes. “You’re afraid of me.” It wasn’t a question.
He only stared back at her without speaking, his mind closed off to her once more.
Embarrassed and more than a little hurt, Carmen backed away and got to her feet. “I think I’ll go lie down for a bit.” With that, she turned and walked away.
“Carmen?”
It wasn’t so much her name spilling from his lips that stopped her as much as the way he spoke it; soft and pleading. “Do not go.”
Carmen slowly turned to face him, her heart a flutter of erratic beats. “Why?”
“I do fear you. I fear my growing feelings for you. I fear hurting you when I touch you. But most of all, I fear what might never be.”
She took a step forward. “You have feelings for me?”
He held her gaze. “More than I wanted.”
Butterflies erupted inside her stomach, and she stumbled forward another step. “I’m scared, Zyen. Scared of never being good enough, of being unable to give myself to you in the way that you need.”
“If it is intimacy that you refer to,” Zyen rumbled, “I will take no more than you are willing to give.”
She inched forward another step, stopping before him. “You’re a male, Zyen. You’ll eventually want…things. I can’t promise that I’ll ever be able to give you those things.”
His face paled. “You think that I would force you?”
“No,” she softly replied, reaching out to grasp his hand. “I know you wouldn’t. I also wouldn’t want you to grow to resent me.”
“I cannot miss what I have never known.”
Carmen tugged on his hand, attempting to draw him down enough to hug him.
A knock sounded on the door, prompting Carmen to quickly step back.
“It’s Brant.”
Zyen growled low in his throat, telling Carmen without words that jealousy had cropped in unannounced.
She hurried to the door and pulled it open to find Brant and Syrina standing on her porch.
“Hi, Brant…Syrina. What are you doing here?” Carmen inwardly cringed at the impatient sound of her tone. But they’d interrupted her confession to Zyen.
Brant raised his eyebrows. “We were just informed that Oz was sending you and Maria to Aukrabah, and he wants us to take you.”
“No,” Zyen snarled from his position behind Carmen. She hadn’t heard him move.
The corner of Brant’s mouth lifted. “My, my, aren’t we testy.”
Zyen picked up Carmen and moved her to the side. “Carmen goes nowhere without me. Especially not with you.”
Syrina stepped forward. “I told Brant that you would react this way, but he did not want to listen. He can be very stubborn, this one.”
Brant exhaled a loud sigh. “And I told you to let me do the talking.”
Syrina glanced back at him over her shoulder. “You can go twist yourself!”
“I see that my sister is teaching you slang,” Brant ground out. “And it’s screw. You can go screw yourself.”
Carmen pushed her way back in front of Zyen’s stiff form. “I appreciate your willingness to help, Brant, but I won’t be going to Aukrabah.”
“But Oz—”
“Is not my father,” Carmen finished for him. “I’ll be staying here with Zyen.”
Carmen could feel Zyen’s emotion seep into her psyche; his disbelief at her words mixed with warmth and pride.
Syrina grinned. “It is as I thought. Mates.” She spun around and pushed past Brant.
Brant ran a hand down his face. “I don’t know what’s worse, having to go tell Oz the news or having to look at Syrina’s smug expression the rest of the day.” He turned and jumped from the porch, sauntering off in the direction of Oz’s place.
Carmen closed the door, and bumped into an immovable Zyen.
He leaned down, lifted her up to his level once more, and stared deeply into her eyes. “You are staying behind for me?”
“Yes.”
He pulled her forward, gently enclosing her in his massive embrace. “You are not safe here, little one. Perhaps it is best if you go to Aukrabah. Once Kerik has been found, I will come to you.”
She leaned in and covered his mouth with hers, effectively silencing his nonsense.
Carmen found that she loved kissing Zyen. She could stay in her current position, kissing his lips, forever.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Zyen had been surprised by Carmen’s abrupt kiss, but nothing had prepared him for the feel of her small tongue slipping into his mouth.
His eyes slid shut with the feel of her legs coming around his body. He was grateful she wasn’t far down enough to feel his throbbing erection.
He backed up a few feet and lowered himself to the couch, never breaking the suction Carmen had on his tongue.
And then she slid inside his mind. “I’ve never felt anything close to the way you make me feel.”
His sex swelled to the point of pain. He’d never wanted anything the way he wanted to be inside Carmen’s body in that moment.
She abruptly stilled, pulling back enough to see his face. Tears sparkled in her luminous brown eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Zyen wanted to kick himself a thousand times. Damn his body for betraying him, and damn him for betraying Carmen. “Please, Carmen, do not apologize for my body’s reaction to you. It does not mea
n that I am unable to control myself. You have nothing to fear from me.”
Carmen climbed from his lap and got to her feet. Tears of sorrow seeped from the corners of her eyes. “I don’t fear you, Zyen. I fear me. My mind isn’t whole. It hasn’t been for a long time. And I want you, too. I just don’t know if that will ever be a reality, or a dream I have but can never live.” She fled the room.
Zyen quickly stood, but Carmen had already closed her bedroom door behind her and mentally shut him out.
He lifted a hand toward her door before letting it fall limply at his side. He would give her some time to calm down and then try to convince her that he didn’t need her body in order to love her. He only needed her mind.
Turning to go, he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch.
“Oz wishes to speak with you,” Syrina informed him as she rounded the hedges.
Zyen nodded, descending the steps.
Syrina stopped in front of him, her head tilted to the side. “Something troubles you.”
He glanced back at Carmen’s cabin before returning his attention to Syrina. Zyen wasn’t sure what prompted him to open up to the Arkadian female, but the words came out before he could stop them.
Syrina listened without interrupting as Zyen told her of Carmen’s plight. Ending with, “She does not feel whole. And I do not fault her for it. But I would never force her to do anything she is not comfortable with. I only wish that she could find it in herself to trust me.”
“If she did not trust you, Zyen, she would not have kissed you, or been alone with you in her cabin. I do not think it is a trust issue with her, I believe it is a matter of control.”
It was Zyen’s turn to tilt his head. “Explain.”
“What those vile men did to her,” Syrina began. A shudder passed through her. “They took Carmen’s control, made her feel helpless, demeaned her in every way imaginable. Nothing she did or said could change what happened to her.”
Zyen felt sick in that moment. He’d been in there pawing at Carmen, wielding an erection, after everything she’d been through.
“No,” Syrina gently scolded. “You cannot think that way. Carmen needs you.”
Zyen: Science Fiction Romance (Enigma Series Book 10) Page 10