I close my eyes for just a moment, allowing myself to lock this memory in. I so desperately need this moment. When I finally open my eyes, the room beyond the window is now dark. She’s gone. Just like all the other times, I’ve imagined her and then had to open my eyes.
I turn back toward the path leading to the apartment. It’s time for bed. Maybe…hopefully, she’ll return to me in my dreams again tonight.
***
It was only four hours, but it was the best four hours of sleep I have gotten in a while. I give my body a stretch, before hopping out of bed to hit the showers to start yet another busy day. Though, today, something feels different. Like I have a renewed energy filling me. Not that I am going to complain. I feel like I have been dragging my heels for a while now, so this is a much-welcomed change.
Once I’m done getting ready, I head out the door. As I hit the bottoms step, the light in the kitchen is on. A jolt of excitement shoots through me as the memory of last night’s vision comes back. Mm, a glance of her right now would make my day.
My body leads me toward the window without my brain's direction as to what to do. Or maybe it is…who knows. When I peer into the window, I see Gwen floating about with little Isaac in her arms. I let out a soft chuckle at the absurdity of how I’m acting. Of course, it wouldn’t be Ati. I give my head a shake and decide to head inside. I haven’t seen Gwen or any of my nephews in a while, and I’m really starting to miss everyone.
When I enter the kitchen, Gwen has Isaac, the two-year-old in his highchair, while she’s at the counter starting up the coffee.
“Good morning.”
Gwen turns quickly with a broad smile on her face. “Ben, hey. It’s so nice to see you. Jeez, you live across the yard, but you may as well live on another continent—it feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
I give her a smile. “It could be months…I lost count.” I walk over to her, giving her a quick hug, then turn to my youngest nephew, lifting him to my arms for a little snuggle. “Hey, little man.” Isaac lets out a giggle. “He’s getting so big.” The little guy is the spitting image of his father. Dark hair, olive skin, and blue eyes. Actually, all five of the boys are. Not one of them really looks like Gwen. A little similarity, but all in all, these most definitely are Adair boys.
“Yeah, my baby’s growing so fast. They all are. A couple more months, and soon this one will be joining the brood,” she comments, rubbing her very pregnant belly.
I quietly laugh. “So, are you ready for six to be running around the house?”
Gwen waves me off. “After the fourth, adding a couple more didn’t really make a difference.”
“Does that mean you’ll have more.”
Her eyes open wide. “Are you insane. After this little one is born, that’s it. This baby oven is done. I really wanted to have a little girl, but I was meant to be blessed with six little boys instead, all of which I love dearly. But I think this family is complete now.”
I smile at the thought of the other four of my nephews. I miss them. “I really need to take a day off and spend some time with these boys, Kai and Ewan’s boys too. I’ve been so busy lately. I miss spending time with them.”
“They would love that. I know Cal misses having you around.”
I smile at the mention of my four-year-old nephew. “How is my little buddy? God, he almost finished his first year of school. It feels like it was just the other day I gave him a high-five to wish him good luck on his first day.”
Gwen lets out a sigh. “Don’t I know it. That was ten months ago. You should see his report card from the teacher and all the comments. He’s such a bright boy. I mean, all of my kids are smart, but Cal just seems to thrive in the school setting.”
“That’s because he takes after his Uncle Ben,” I utter with a chuckle.
Gwen places a mug of coffee in front of me, then takes a seat on the other stool. “Actually, your mother said the same thing. She mentioned that when you were Cal’s age, you had already shown signs of wanting to build things and always wanting to make plans for new ideas you had.”
I give her a nod. “Yep. I think I was around Cal’s age when I started going to summer camp. It was a day camp for future entrepreneurs and scientists. I think they even still run it every year. You should check into it for Cal.”
“Hmm, I don’t know. I still think he’s too small,” Gwen replies.
“Yeah, but he spent the day at school, and he was fine. And I think the younger ones only go for half a day. You should check it out. I remember I had a blast at that camp. Made a lot of good friends, and learned tons.”
“Yeah, maybe I will.”
I take a sip of my coffee. “Mm, this is perfect. Been a while since I’ve had fresh coffee. It’s been mass quantities from the site office or the food truck that comes by three times a day. This, I have to say, is like a little piece of heaven.”
Gwen chuckles. “Well, I don’t know about heaven, but I would like to think it’s a little better than the coffee the gut-trucks are offering.”
“It is.”
Gwen pauses a moment. “Say, will you be at the welcome home party for Thea and Bane’s baby?”
I nod. “Oh yeah. I wouldn’t miss it for anything. Not that I could anyway. I’m pretty sure Thea would hunt down whoever didn’t show.”
“Speaking of which, I should probably mention that At—”
Gwen is cut off by the sound of my phone going off. “Sorry, Gwenie, I need to take this. We were having some issues last night at the site.” Gwen nods, and I quickly take the call, then turn back to Gwen. “Yep, I hate to cut this short, but it looks like I have to head out. It was nice chatting with you, and thanks for the coffee.” I place Isaac back in his highchair, giving him a quick kiss, then Gwen a hug. “We’ll finish catching up soon. I promise.” She offers me a smile,
Once I get into the car and on the road, I can’t help but start to feel overwhelmed again. My father always made this look so easy, seemed to have time for everything and everyone…us, my mom, work, and even helping out in the community. I can barely find time to eat. I really need some sort of balance in my life before I lose my mind. My life is utter chaos, and I’m starting to miss out on so much.
***
It’s early afternoon when my father pulls onto the Jobsite. He’s been officially retired just over a year now. But every so often, he still likes to come out and check on things. I don’t mind. As capable and confident as I am, I always like to have his input on things that I am working on.
He parks his truck just out front of the office trailer and makes his way in.
“Son, how are things today?” He asks, stepping inside.
“Hey, Dad. Would you like a coffee?” I go to stand from the drafting board I’ve been at for the past couple of hours, but he waves me off.
“Sit, I can grab it.”
I give him a nod. “So, what brings you by today?”
He finishes pouring himself a coffee, then takes a seat in one of the available chairs off to the side. “Well, your mother wanted me to do a little spying, but you know me, I’m not one to pussy-foot around. Gwen called Mom; she’s worried about you.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure about that? Son, there’s no shame in feeling overwhelmed. It’s a big task you’ve taken, on top of the house you’re building. It’s a lot of work.”
I sit back further in my chair, letting out a breath. “How did you do it all and still manage to make it look so easy?”
My father lets out a laugh. “You only saw it after seven years of a lot of sleepless nights, missed family dinners, and hair-pulling. If it weren’t for your mother being so patient, she probably would have divorced me before our first anniversary. I was unbearable at times. But that woman’s a saint, so I was a fortunate man. She helped to keep me balanced. I didn’t have anyone else. It was her and me. We were a team. It worked.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t have a Maia Adair.
All the women remotely like her are already married to my brothers. I don’t think Liam, Kai, or Ewan would take kindly to me using their wives for moral support.”
He lets out another laugh. “You’re probably right. Especially Liam, he never liked to share. What about that girl you were seeing? Vanessa—Victoria—”
“Veronica. We weren’t really seeing each other. It was more of … a mutual understanding of sorts. Well, at least it was for a while. But that’s over, she wanted more, and I don’t have more to give—there’s just no time.”
“Ah, well, all that means is she wasn’t the right woman. You will always find time for the right woman,” my father adds.
I nod. “Maybe so, but I don’t think I’m meant to find her.”
My father's gaze locks on mine. “Or, you have, and now all the others pale in comparison.”
I know who he’s talking about. The same person he brings up every time a discussion of my love life, or lack thereof, comes up. “Dad, that’s not what I’m doing.”
“Are you sure about that? There wasn’t really anything going on with you two, yet, she was the only one that ever kept your attention for longer than a quick fling. That says something, whether you want to concede to it or not.”
I need to change this topic of conversation. It’s bad enough she invades my dreams, I really don’t need her in my thoughts throughout the day...I’ll never get anything done. “Anyway, if there is any advice you can offer to help me out, it would be greatly appreciated.”
“Well, Ben, I have one better. I am offering you my services.”
“Dad, I can’t ask you to help me. You’re supposed to be retired, not spending your free time helping dig your son out from under the pile of shit he’s buried himself in.”
He lets out a laugh. “That’s what fathers do. Trust me, if I had a father who gave a shit back then, I would have been begging for his help. Ben, let me help you. I can take over what’s left at the house. Take that off your hands. You’ve taken care of all the big decisions, let me oversee the final details. Trust me, you would be doing me a favor. It’s either help you or tackle the ‘honey-do list’ your mother has made for me.”
“Okay, deal. But if Mom says anything about me monopolizing your time, I’m telling her it was your idea.”
“Pfft, she won’t say a thing; you’re her favorite. But if you mention that to your brothers or sister, I’ll deny it, and so will she. No need for hurt feelings and all.”
I laugh. “Oh, no. I’m so going to relish in that moment. Especially, knowing the reaction, I will get from Kai.” We both get a chuckle out of that, knowing Kai will definitely have something to say about it.
My father stands from his seat and places a hand on my shoulder. “Send me a list of what is left to finish up at the house, along with the contractor names and contact numbers. I’ll take care of everything.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime, son. All you need to do is ask.”
Giving me a final pat on the shoulder, he heads out of the trailer toward his truck. I’m not picky with decor, but I couldn’t seem to make up my mind. Maybe leaving the final decisions to my dad will get it all underway, and I can possibly move into my house within the next couple of months. Maybe even start to make a life for me instead of living in rentals or over someone’s garage while living out of my suitcase.
***
Even with my dad taking overseeing the house today, I still had a late night with trying to play catch up. But I’m done, and it feels good. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As per usual, when I pull up to the house, all the lights are off except for the one over the garage. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and head to the back. Remembering last night, and gladly willing to welcome another replay of the vision, I look over to the kitchen window. But when I glance in the direction, there’s nothing but darkness. My shoulders slump. It’s silly, I know. But if mere illusions of my angel can bring me a hint of happiness, even for a moment, I welcome them.
I start to turn, then remember Gwen had sent a text earlier that she had left me a plate from dinner. Having worked straight thru today, I didn’t eat, so I turn back to the house and head in through the kitchen doors. I don’t bother turning on any lights, just head right to the microwave. I enter a time and press start, then face out the window waiting for it to finish. I get lost in my thoughts going over things from the day, and what I have scheduled for tomorrow when there’s a shriek from behind me followed by a succession of blows to the back of my shoulders.
“What the hell!”
I quickly turn around, bringing up my arms to cover my head, then move to get out of the way, but the beating continues.
“Get the hell out. The police are on their way, and the chief of police is upstairs loading his gun. Lia—”
I quickly cover the assailant’s mouth with my hand as she starts to yell out for my brother. “Shh, you’re going to wake up the whole house.” She mumbles something from behind my hand, then bites me. “Ow, what the hell?”
The beatings from what feels like a thin plastic tube continue. Not painful, more annoying than anything. “Get out! Get out! Liam!”
What the hell!
When I catch a glimpse of the object coming toward me, I grab hold of it and wrench it out of my assailants' hands, spinning enough to move out of the way. But then the woman proceeds to jump on my back, wrapping her legs around my waist, and hammering her fist into the top of my head.
“Ouch! Ow! Are you freaking kidding me right now! Ouch! What the hell, stop for a minute.”
There’s a flick of a switch and the lights come on.
“What’s going on here?” My brother’s voice calls out from the doorway to the kitchen.
“Liam, quick. Help! He’s trying to rob us.”
My brother breaks into a fit of laughter, walking over and easily peeling the attacker off my back.
“No, Liam, he’ll run.”
I spin toward my brother and the woman he has a hold of by the waist, and I freeze. Just as she’s about to rip out of my brother’s grasp, she freezes too as she catches sight of me.
“Ben?” Her eyes are wide with recognition, then quickly turn apologetic. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I thought you were a burglar.”
I rub the top of my head. “And what, you thought, beating me with a—” I look to the object in my hands and let out a chuckle. “Plastic hollow toy bat would subdue me?”
Ati straightens her shoulders, pointing her chin in the air. “I was buying time until Liam got down here.” She turns to my brother, “Your response time sucks by the way.”
Liam rolls his eyes. “Seeing as there is no crisis, I’m going back to bed.” He walks out, leaving Ati and I standing there in front of one another.
Taking a moment to register that she’s actually here standing in front of me, I rub my head one last time. “You have really bony knuckles.”
She lets out a snicker. “Sorry, I was in the living room when I heard a noise. I thought we were being robbed.”
I raise a brow. “Word to the wise, Ati. Next time, just go and get my brother.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t really thinking?”
I give her a nod, then we just stand there for a moment, not really looking at each other or saying anything.
Beep! Beep!
The microwave sounds letting me know my food is done. Saved by the bell, so to speak,
I move around her, and head over, taking my plate out and place it on the counter, then turn back to her. “So, wow. I didn’t know you were here.”
She offers a smile as she leans against the island. “Yeah, I came in the other night.”
“How long are you here for?”
“Actually, I’m back for good. Finished school, and I was offered a residency at Gary Hospital. I’m just staying here until I can find an apartment. Didn’t Gwen mention anything?”
I shake my head. “No, but in her defens
e, I’m not around much.”
“Yeah, she mentioned you’re really busy with work and building a new house. That must be exciting,” she says.
I move the plate to the island across from Ati and take a seat. “It is, but I think I may have bitten off a little too much at once. I should have waited to build when things slowed down at work a little.”
She moves to take a seat as well. “Well, if anyone can do it, I’m sure you can.”
“Thanks.” I don’t bother mentioning that if it weren’t for my father jumping in to save the day, I still might have been working right now. “So, how was California?” I’m grasping for anything to talk about at this point. I don’t want her to leave.
“It was great, but it was a long four years, and I missed home, I missed the family.”
“Yeah, I know everyone around here really missed you too.” Including me.
There are so many other questions I want to ask. Are you seeing anyone? Did you ever think about me? Do you still love me? Shit, I want to know the answers, but I would sound pathetic. What am I expecting—her to be still hung up on me? Of course, she isn't. Look at her. She’s a goddess. I mean, she was always beautiful. But now…now as I take her in, I can see how she’s made the transition from a beautiful teenager to this breathtaking woman before me. She’s stunning.
We sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment, then Ati clears her throat. “Yeah, well, I should get to bed.”
Ben & Matilda- Infinite Promise Page 2