I look to the tears in Gwen’s eyes, and the reality of what I have been doing finally hits me...I’m pushing Ati away, and if I don’t fix it, I’ll lose her for good.
Chapter Twenty-One
-Matilda-
My phone sounds, however, I can barely muster the effort to answer it, but robotically I do. Why does everything I do seem to hurt? I bring the phone to my ear but don’t say anything. Brock is on the other end, and he’s fully aware of the state I’m in.
“Ati, the car just arrived to take us to Curtis Aviation.”
I end the call just as Quinn rests his hands on my shoulders. “Was that Brock?”
I nod, and he takes me by the hand, leading me to the door. “I-I didn’t pack.” I let out finally able to remove myself from my thoughts.
Quinn looks to me with a slight smile. “It’s all taken care of. I packed you enough for three days, and Abe is already heading down with the luggage. We just need to get you down there now.”
I look up to Quinn, the tears once in my eyes are now leaving trails down my cheeks. “I never thought he would—” my words catch in my throat, unable to make their way out.
Quinn, somehow able to read my mind, takes my cheek into his hand and wipes away the tears. “Ati, sweetie, I know. I don’t get it either. I can’t take the pain away, I’m sorry. But I’m here for you. Abe, Brock and I are here for you, and for the next three days, your only concern is to work through all of this. But Ati, three days is all you get. After that, I need you back.”
I can see the concern in his eyes, but also the rationality. He’s worried that I won’t be able to get back to work, and he’s probably right, considering the state I’m in. I give him a nod of understanding, and once again, mechanically move through the steps of what I am required to do next. When we reach the car that is waiting downstairs, without prompting, I enter the back seat, and Quinn follows behind shutting the door. With Brock and Abe in the row of seats in front of us, I look to them, resting my head on Quinn’s shoulder. “How long of a flight is it?”
Brock turns a little more in his seat to see me better. “Just a little over an hour. But I just got a call from Thea, she said the plane is not quite ready, they still have to run through the last of the safety checks before we can head off. So, we may be slightly delayed at the hanger.”
“Did you tell her anything?”
Brock shakes his head. “No, I figured it wasn’t my place, and that you didn’t need your cell blowing up with calls from the women in the family. Take the next three days to work this out in your head and figure out what you want to do next.”
When I look into his eyes, my pain is reflected in them. He knows what I am feeling, how my heart is ripping apart piece by piece. He knows that I just want to run, run as long and as far as I can. And if he could take the pain away, he would. He’s been a great friend. Stood by my side when I needed the support and guided me through some major decisions when it came to the direction I wanted to take with my career. As I look around the car to Quinn and Abe, I am grateful to have the most amazing people in my life. I look back to Brock. “Thank you.”
He gives me a smile in understanding. “Remember, three days, after that, you will have to resort to wallowing on your off time.”
These three must have been conspiring; that’s exactly what Quinn said. I let out a half chuckle at the attempted humor, but really, he’s right, they’re right. Losing Ben like this is hard, gut-wrenchingly hard, but my life is different than it was the first time. I don’t have the luxury to just step out of my life for a while to mend a broken heart. Now I have people to answer to, and others who are counting on me to be there for them as a doctor and as a member of the team.
“It feels so different. I don’t know, it’s like this time, my heart knows it’s final.”
Abe looks to me. “Ati, are you sure of what you saw? Maybe there’s an explanation.”
“It was very clear. Alex was standing in the front window in a t-shirt and towel on her head. He came up behind her, offering her a mug. She spent the night. It couldn’t be any clearer, and that would be the reason he hasn’t been returning my calls, it was because he had moved on with the girl he had been dating before me.” I can feel my heart sink as the last of the words come out, and just like that, there is nothing but emptiness.
Abe nods his head, and Quinn’s arm tightens around me as he brings me closer to him. I rest my head against his shoulder once again and close my eyes. I need an escape if for just a moment. But with my eyes shut, the vision of the smile on Ben’s face as he stood there looking to her this morning haunts me. No matter how long or far I run, no matter how many tears I shed. I will never be able to escape or wash away the image of him standing happily in the company of another woman. The pain in knowing that he never loved me the way I had thought, the way I loved him...the way I still love him, I guess hurts more than the betrayal I feel. He says I lied to him when really, he had been the one lying the whole time.
“He lied.” My words are faint, but they all hear them, only acknowledging with light releases of breath, and Quinn with another squeeze to let me know that he’s got me.
***
It was an hour and a half drive to Curtis Aviation, and when we get there the guys working on prepping the aircraft for flight, inform us that it’s going to be another thirty minutes or so.
“No problem,” Brock responds to the gentleman.
The man walks away, and we take a seat in the waiting area.
“I’m actually surprised at how quickly they put this together,” Quinn lets out.
I look at him. “Thea and Bane always have a plane on standby. This plane is actually their personal one. They use it for a getaway here and there and lend it out to the family as well.”
“Nice,” Abe remarks, then he looks to Quinn. “Does your family have a plane?”
Quinn looks to him with a raised brow. “Yes, but would you love me less if they didn’t.”
“I guess you’ll never know,” Abe replies with a smirk.
I let out a chuckle at their playfulness, then once again, my heart sinks. They continue a conversation between themselves, and Brock moves to sit beside me.
“How are you holding up?”
I take in a deep breath. “I was hoping well enough that I could fool you into not worrying about me. I know how much you love the cabin and that you haven’t been able to get there as much as you would like. I want you to enjoy yourself and not worry about me.”
“Ati, I am always going to worry about you.”
I look to him, and he smiles then turns to Abe and Quinn as they call for his attention. Still looking in his direction, I think to myself that in another time, another life, maybe Brock would have been someone I would have been with, been able to love. But I’m in this time and in this life, and I fell in love with Ben, a man that has chosen to just give up on us and take the easier road. Who knows, maybe that’s just it. Perhaps he’s figured something out, that I am yet to learn. That love shouldn’t have to be this hard, and if we need to work at it as hard as we have, that maybe it’s just not meant to be. Hearing the realization of my words hurts, definitely not easing the pain of my broken heart, but perhaps they are the words I need to hear to be able to move forward.
***
I’m jolted awake by the shouting and panic of Brock, Abe, and Quinn. I look around, still in a haze, trying to get a grasp on what is going on around me. I look out the window, but all I can make out are blurs of greys and blues shooting past like a tunnel-vision painting. What’s happening?
The clipped but calm voice of the pilot sounds out. “Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. “This is VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA.”
“Struck by lightning. All control lost.”
“Ditching Aircraft.”
“Position: one mile east of Mount Rainier.”
“Altitude: two-thousand feet.”
“Airspeed: one hundred and twenty-five knots
“Heading:
Two hundred and seventy degrees.”
“Five persons on board.”
“VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA.”
The pilot tries to gain control, but his efforts are futile, as the plane is taken into a downward dive and starts spinning.
“Mayday, Mayday, Mayday.”
“This is VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA.”
“Struck by lightning. All control lost and monitoring equipment now lost. In tailspin.”
“Aircraft heading into the east side of the mountain.”
“Position: roughly half a mile east of Mount Rainier.”
“Altitude: approximately fifteen hundred feet.”
“Airspeed: unknown.”
“Heading: unknown,”
“Five persons on board.”
“VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA.” The pilot gets it all out one more time, and waits and then finally a reply.
“Mayday.”
“VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA”
“VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA”
“VICTOR VICTOR LIMA ECHO PAPA”
“This is:
“Avery Tower.”
“Avery Tower.”
“Avery Tower.”
“Recei—,” the message is cut off, and all transmission is lost when we hit the side of the mountain.
When I manage to look straight ahead, I realize we have lost the front part of the plane and the pilot, Abe, and Brock with it. When I look to my side, the horror in Quinn’s eyes is indescribable, and like a repeat of what was just before me, he is ripped from his seat, and then instantly, I feel a jolt—then nothing.
***
I can’t breathe. My chest is too heavy. I try to open my eyes, but the searing pain prevents me from doing so.
“Help.” My cry is faint if audible at all, but the tears, the tears are real, I’m choking on them, and the flood of them prevents me from calling out again.
I try to open my eyes again, but the slightest amount I do is only met with darkness. Of course it is, it’s night. I tilt my head slightly to find any source of light, but there is none.
It’s quiet. Eerily quiet. I call out again. “Help.”
At the release of my plea, a hand reaches for mine.
“Who is it?”
“Quinn.”
I grip his hand tightly, not wanting to lose contact. I try to move again, but still nothing.
Taking a deep breath, I tilt my head to where I think Quinn is.
“I can’t move. I’m pinned.” It’s all I manage to get out before becoming too winded to speak.
“It’s the seat,” Quinn says.
Hesitantly, I let go of Quinn’s hand to free mine to feel around me. From what I can tell, Quinn’s right, I seem to be somehow pinned by the seat.
“Can you see?” I ask.
“Only shadows,” he replies.
“Can you move?”
“No.” His reply is short but still disconcerting.
“Are you pinned too?”
“No. I think my legs are broken, maybe even my back.”
“Are you telling me you lost control of your legs?”
“Yes.”
“But you can move your arms. You reached for me, so you must be able to.” I pause a moment and think, then continue, “Do you have any burning or tingling or any kind of sensation at all?”
“No.”
“You might have a spinal cord injury.”
“Yeah, I think that may be it.”
“I’m sure I don't have to tell you this, but don't move your head. Try your best to keep your head, neck, and spine in a straight line.” I inhale deeply. “I can feel my legs. They’re pinned right now, but I can feel them. I’m going to try and get free. See if—,”
Quinn cuts in sharply, catching my attention. “No. Cliff.”
The words that leave his mouth have me freezing. I didn’t think of where we may have landed. I guess I was just presuming it would be flat land. But he’s right, we crashed into the side of a mountain.
“I don’t know what to do, Quinn. What should I do?”
“Wait until light.”
I let out a breath. “I’m scared, Quinn.”
He carefully reaches out for my hand again. “I know.”
“We need to stay awake, Quinn. We can’t fall asleep.” He gives my hand a light squeeze in understanding. But as much as we tried to stay awake, the cold night, low body temperatures, and loss of blood had us in and out of consciousness—I just pray we can hold off until day.
Chapter Twenty-Two
-Ben-
I’m sitting in the kitchen of the main house. It’s late, and with everyone having gone to bed, it’s quiet enough for my mind to start circling again.
I’ve really messed things up with Ati again this time. Maybe Kai was right in saying that I self-sabotage. I was the cause of us ending things before, and this time, I may have pushed her right under the nose of someone else. Maybe that’s the way it should be, then at least she won’t have to deal with my insecurities and the constant back and forth of me trying to decide what I want.
But that’s the thing. I know what I want—I want her. I rest my head in my hands, staring blankly at the table. How do I fix this?
Ahem.
Raising my head up, I see my brother standing in the kitchen doorway. “Hey, sorry. I thought everyone was asleep. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
Liam moves toward the island, pulling out the stool beside mine. “Nah. To be honest, I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“A lot on your mind, too?”
Liam looks up to me, and I don't miss the sincerity in his eyes before he starts to speak. “Ben, what happened earlier this evening with Gwen—”
“Liam, don’t worry about it. It’s already forgotten.”
He lets out a breath. “That’s just it. I can’t shake this feeling I’ve been having. Can I ask you something, and you answer me honestly?”
I nod. “Shoot.”
“Do you honestly feel like you’re not enough?”
I let out a breath. I was hoping that my moment of weakness was only caught by Gwen, having completely bypassed the ears of my brother. But it didn’t, and he wants honesty, so here it goes.
“Sometimes, yes. I mean, look around, Li. My oldest brother is the chief of police, married to a dynamic woman, and has six of the best kids in the world. My other brother had a woman, well above his class might I add, fall madly in love with him, and together they started a family of their own. But hold on, not before he was recruited by the U.S. Coast Guard as a rescue swimmer. Another honorable profession that Mom can brag about at her weekly women's meetings. Then there’s Ewan...well, let’s just say he’s a younger version of you—your doppelganger. And let’s not forget our dear little sister Thea. She took down the shadiest of business tycoon’s, managing to strip him of all he ever worked for and every asset he had ever acquired, with just a five-page essay. Then, there's me. The son that couldn’t be outside for too long with his brothers because his allergies would flare up. The brother who decided against a career in public service because he thought he could prove his worth better in the corporate world. But as we all know, I couldn’t hack it. I tried, but I didn’t have it in me to be aggressive enough, as my former boss said when he terminated my employment. Then with my tail between my legs, I was forced to approach our father and ask him for a job. So, to answer your question. Yes, Li, sometimes I feel like I can’t live up to the expectations of this family.”
A slow, quiet whistle emits from my brother’s lips. “Wow, is that really how you see things. Because if it is, I have been sadly mistaken in thinking that you were always the smarter one out of all of us...well, except for Thea. She just seems to be the exception to every rule.” He pauses a moment, just looking at me, then continues. “Ben, I have no idea where you got all this from, but it sure is funny as hell.”
I look to him, my brow raised in question. “Funny? How?”
“Because. While you’ve
been off over there having your own little pity party, we’ve all been over here thinking how great you have it.”
“What?”
Liam lets out a chuckle. “Don’t sound so surprised, little brother. You, all on your own, have made a great life for yourself. In case you’ve failed to notice, Kai and I don’t wear the pants in the family, our wives do. Do you actually think the salary of a government employee could pay for a house like this? Or for that matter, support all of Kai’s excursions. Well, let me be the first to fill you in—it doesn’t. This—all this; is compliments of that dynamic woman up there. But you, you made your own way. Sure, Dad gave you a job working under him, but it was you proving to him that you were ready and capable of taking it over when he retired, that made you the boss. Ben, you earned it.”
“I hear you, but I feel like every time I reach out to him for help or throw something at him because I question myself, he starts to rethink his decision.”
Liam sits back, a smile crossing his face. “Benny, if anything, he admires you a whole lot more for doing it. I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I don’t even think Mom and Dad are aware I know. I was about eight, so Kai was only about three, and you were just a baby. Ben, we were almost homeless. Dad made some bad investments, and some of the clients he had weren’t paying up. His pride had got the best of him, and he refused to talk to Mom about it, which almost landed us on the street.”
“What happened?”
“Mom. She noticed Dad’s mood had changed, and when she figured it all out, she jumped in and saved the day. And from then on, it’s been all her.”
I let out a chuckle. “Surely you're not implying that Mom wears the pants?”
“Pants, flannel shirt, and the damn suspenders. But she’s always been great with allowing Dad to keep his ego intact.” Liam leans in, looking me in the eye. “Ben, we’ve all had that moment of self-doubt, and we’ve also all been fortunate enough to have someone there to knock some sense into us. I had Dad, and Thea had Mom. Ewan and now you, both had me.”
Ben & Matilda- Infinite Promise Page 19