by Sarah Kleck
Sally and I were worried about you. Where are you now?
Before I got a chance to write, the cell phone vibrated again. Sally was calling.
“Hi, Evelyn, Felix says you’ve got a headache and that’s why you didn’t come to Social Psych?” The strange tone of her voice told me she hadn’t believed my excuse and was curious what I’d really been up to.
“Is Felix with you?” I asked.
“No, I’m in the restroom. He’s waiting outside,” Sally said in a quiet voice.
“I was in the library trying to find out something about Jared.”
“And?”
“I had moderate success. But I’m pretty sure of one thing: the whole business that he and Colin are involved in is much bigger than I thought.”
“Hmm,” Sally said. “I’ve found out nothing new from Colin. He says he’ll get into big trouble if he talks about it. What did you find out?”
“Do we really have to talk about this on the phone while you’re in the restroom?”
“You’re right. Should we meet tomorrow during the lunch break? We’ll get rid of Felix.”
“If only it were so simple,” I said with a sigh. “Very well, till tomorrow,” I said and hung up.
I was more than eager to hear Sally’s thoughts on my discoveries. But just as I had feared, it wasn’t easy to give Felix the slip during lunch the following day. He was still very concerned about my health and bombarded me with questions all morning: Do you have a headache? Are you feeling dizzy? Are you tired?
In the meantime, I really regretted taking advantage of his opening to use my injury as an excuse. It appeared he didn’t intend on letting me out of his sight for even a second.
Sally rolled her eyes behind Felix’s back when the hundredth attempt to distract him failed.
I could barely keep him from skipping his own afternoon lecture to accompany me. I loudly said, “Felix, please! I’m fine—I don’t need a babysitter following me around!”
“As you wish,” he said, miffed, only to apologize ten minutes later in a text. I took a deep breath of relief when the last lecture was over and I would be able to hide in my room—peace and quiet for a few hours. Since Sally wouldn’t have time this evening because she had promised her mother to help her paint the apartment, we agreed she would pick me up at the dorm the following day for the study group at Felix’s place. But this time a little earlier than usual so we could talk beforehand undisturbed.
During lunch in the dining hall on Thursday, Felix was particularly attentive and helpful. Even toward Sally, which puzzled me.
“Just stay seated, you two,” he said. “I’ll get us some coffee.” Sally and I looked at each other with surprise.
“What’s with him?” she asked when he’d walked away. “Does he feel guilty about something?”
“No idea,” I said and shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter . . . So, what did you find out at the library?” Sally whispered and leaned over the table.
“I didn’t find out anything specific . . . But I did discover something.”
“What is it?”
“Did you know that the Calmburrys have their own family crest?”
She shook her head.
“Well, they do. I found it on the Internet when I googled Jared’s name. And I discovered this crest on a book in the library a few weeks ago. It was very old and had the crest embossed right into the leather binding.”
“And what was the book about?”
“It was a sort of chronicle of the family history of the Calmburrys—at least, that’s what I suspect. It goes back to the early Middle Ages.”
“And?” She didn’t seem to get what I was driving at. I hesitated for a moment before continuing.
“The crest keeps popping up in other places, too—”
“Shhh. Talk later,” Sally said and nodded in the direction Felix was coming from with three cups of coffee in his hands.
“You’re welcome,” he said and laughed as he distributed the cups.
Sally looked at Felix suspiciously. “Thank you.”
“Thank you, Felix,” I said and sipped from my cup.
“Yuck, it’s so bitter!” Sally said as soon as she’d taken the first sip, contorting her face in disgust. I sipped my coffee again. It tasted normal.
“Then you’ll have to have a chocolate milk next time if you think coffee tastes too bitter,” Felix said and held out two sugar packets. “Here’s some sugar for you!”
“What’s with you?” Sally asked and gave Felix a skeptical look while pouring the sugar into her coffee and stirring.
“Still tastes weird,” she said after taking another sip.
“Whatever,” Felix said. “Should we meet at six at my place? We can go to the party afterward. There’s one on my floor this time. But don’t worry, they don’t start until eight. We’ll have enough time to study in peace,” he said in my direction.
“Okay, sure,” I said and looked at Sally. “You’ll pick me up again, won’t you?”
“As agreed.” She winked at me.
“Great, then we’ll see each other later,” I said as Sally got up and sipped from her cup one more time, causing her to shake her head.
“Till then, you two,” she said, and then I was off to my lecture.
Once at home I immediately jumped into the shower and got ready for the party. When I stepped out and wondered about what to put on, a thought sprang into my head: What if Jared was there, too? My hands went moist. Would he talk to me? Ignore me? Or just leave as he’d done so many times before? Whichever it would be, I wanted to be prepared. So, after a long back and forth, I decided to put on my favorite outfit, a pair of stonewashed jeans and my black blouse.
When I was done, I put the papers I needed for studying in my bag and looked at the time. It was already shortly after five. Sally and I had agreed she’d pick me up at five on the dot. I began to worry at twenty past five and called her. After several rings, she finally picked up and moaned into the receiver.
“Evelyn, I can’t make it. I’m sick.” She sounded awful.
“What’s wrong?”
“No idea. But I’ve been miserable since lunch today. I’m sure it was that damned coffee! I knew something was wrong with it. Are you feeling sick, too?”
“No, I’m fine,” I said. “Can I do anything for you? Should I come over?”
“No, no. Go study. My mom will look after me. She’s making chicken broth for me.”
“Isn’t there anything I can do for you?”
“That’s really nice of you, but I’ll sleep a bit and hopefully we’ll see each other tomorrow.”
“Okay. Get well and have a good night!”
“Till then,” she said, clearly feeling terrible.
I hoped it was nothing serious and she got on her feet soon. Since I was already late, I grabbed my bag and headed to Felix’s.
“Hi,” he said as I was about to climb the stairs at the entrance of his dorm.
“Hi, Felix,” I said and squeezed by two guys who were lugging the speaker of a huge sound system into the building.
“Did Sally call?” I asked and followed Felix up the stairs to his room. It was odd that he didn’t ask about her.
“No,” he said. “Where is she? Isn’t she coming?”
“No, she’s sick. Something really must have been wrong with her coffee at lunch.”
“Maybe some detergent residue was left behind when they cleaned the machine,” he said without showing genuine interest in Sally being sick.
“But then why was everything okay with our coffees?” I couldn’t figure it out. I was also a bit confused by Felix’s strange behavior.
“Oh, she’ll come around. Sally’s tougher than she looks,” he said. “Let’s get started before they crank up the music.” He nodded
toward the two boys, who had just climbed the last step and, breathing heavily, were now setting the speaker down.
“Okay,” I said, still feeling a bit skeptical.
“Stats?” Felix asked as we sat down at the small table in his room.
“Stats!” I said with determination and dropped my folder on the table.
“Anything in particular?”
“Maybe you can explain the difference between descriptive and inferential statistics one more time?”
“Hmm, hang on for a moment. I have to read up on that myself.” He frowned and moved his chair closer to mine so he could leaf through my folder. “Oh yes. Right.” Apparently, he had found what he was looking for. “So, descriptive means telling it as it is.” I nodded. “In descriptive statistics, data is presented in an orderly form using key figures, tables, and graphs and making them comparable with each other. The data collected—for whatever purpose—is structured and described.” He looked at me. His face was really close to mine. “Clear so far?”
“Yes . . .” I said hesitantly since I found his physical closeness a little disturbing. Especially since Sally wasn’t around and Felix and I were alone.
He continued, smiling. “By contrast, inferential statistics deals with the question of whether the collected data is also valid and meaningful beyond this point.” Again he moved his chair closer. “If, for example, it’s found during data collection”—he took the pen out of my hand, brushing my fingers more than necessary—“that a pen—” BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. I was startled as the giant sound system in the hallway, right in front of Felix’s door, began to pound away at a deafening volume. The bass caused the furniture to vibrate. I looked at the wall clock. It was just before 6:30. The party, Felix had assured me, would not start before eight. I looked at him, concerned.
“Sound check,” he said with his eyes closed. “Just ignore it!”
“Ignore it?” He couldn’t be serious. It would probably have been easier to ignore a jet engine than that pounding, nearly eardrum-busting bass.
Then the music broke off as abruptly as it had started and Felix continued as if nothing had happened. “That a pen, when I let go, drops to the grou—” BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. My pulse, which hadn’t quite recovered from the first time, must have shot up to two hundred. Suddenly, there was silence on the floor. “When I let go of the pen, it drops to the ground. It’s the purpose of inferential statistics to determine whether this is also true for other objects. Whether this statement can be generalized.” Felix’s calmness suggested to me that sound checks of this kind were part of his daily routine. But I had serious problems focusing. In addition, more and more people were gathering outside the room, distracting me even further. Girls clicked up the stairs in high heels and traipsed along the hallway. Guys followed them, stomping and making the wooden floor creak under their steps. People talked, laughed, and clowned around. A few minutes later, the monster sound system was cranked up again—and this time it stayed on, clearly no longer a sound check. A look at the clock showed me it was only a little after seven. The party was in full swing an hour earlier than scheduled. The attempt to cram stats had become pointless. I raised my eyebrows and looked at Felix with reproach. But instead of apologizing for the noise or saying anything, he just looked deep into my eyes. He must have been watching me for a while without me noticing. Then, with a flash of determination in his eyes, he leaned forward, took stray strands of my hair, and wrapped them around his index finger as he looked at them.
“You’re really special.” He looked into my eyes again. “Do you know that?” He gently brushed my hair and stroked my cheek with the back of his finger. I held my breath. What was this?
“You’re marvelous,” he whispered into my ear. Suddenly, I had the urge to shrink back. I liked Felix. I really did like him, but I knew I didn’t like him that way. Would never like him that way. I had to make it clear to him I only wanted to be friends. Just friends. Nothing more. I pulled back a little. Felix froze and looked at me earnestly.
“Felix . . . I . . . I like you . . . ,” I said.
“And I like you,” he said. “A lot.” A smile spread across his face and he leaned forward.
“Felix, please let me finish.”
“I felt it the first time I saw you,” he said in a gentle voice and ran his fingers through my hair. “You and I, we’re made for each other.”
“Felix, please listen to me. You must have misunderstood something.”
“What is there to misunderstand?” he said, again with a gentle voice, and leaned forward with closed eyes, one hand still on my cheek.
I pulled back again just before our lips touched. If I didn’t make myself very clear right now, I didn’t know what this situation might lead to.
“Felix, I am not in love with you,” I finally said with a firm voice. “I like you—but only as a friend.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, irritated.
“That means we are friends, and I feel the same way about you as I do about Sally. I’m not in love. Sorry if it looked that way to you.”
Something in Felix’s look changed, became hard. “What do you mean by that? Am I not good enough for you? Do I not have enough cash in my bank account? Is that it?”
Deep inside, I shuddered. I moved my chair back and created more space between us. “Felix, please—”
The expression on his face frightened me tremendously. “No please,” he said. “You’ve been waving your ass in front of me for months, and now you want to tell me you’re not into me?” He snorted with contempt. “You don’t even believe that yourself!”
I got up and slowly moved toward the door. The booming bass from a hip-hop song roared from the hallway.
“Damn it, Evelyn, don’t fight it!” Now he was on his feet. “We belong together! I felt it from the first moment. And you did, too—so let your heart decide. You know you want me!”
I began to tremble. How could he believe I was in love with him? Had I been giving out such confusing signals without knowing it? I needed to take control of the situation. “Felix, listen to me—”
“It’s because of that asshole Calmburry, isn’t it?” he shouted, full of rage. “Don’t you think I haven’t noticed how you look at him?” He grabbed me roughly by the shoulders.
“Let go of me, Felix. You’re hurting me,” I said, frightened, and attempted to free myself from his grip. But instead of releasing me, he took my face roughly in his hands and kissed me forcefully. He pried apart my lips and shoved his tongue into my mouth. “Let me go now!” I screamed hysterically. The penetrating bass in the hallway drowned out my voice. With all my strength I tried to push him, but he grabbed me by the arms.
Panic rose inside me. “What’s come over you?” I shouted. “You’re hurting me, damn it! Let go of me!” I screamed again. But as I screamed, he tried to kiss me again, so I attempted to pull away again. Then he stared into my eyes. Something in his look told me he wouldn’t let me go. He grabbed me harshly and pushed me down on the bed. A second later, he was over me, pressing his mouth against my lips, which were now throbbing with pain. His hands slid over my blouse and, a moment later, he was working on the buttons, then he gave up and ripped the fabric.
I kicked at him with all my strength and dug my fingernails as deeply as I could into his skin. He grabbed my wrists, gripping them so hard the circulation was cut off and, at the same time, he used his full weight to push my body onto the mattress. Then he let my right hand go, so he could grab both my wrists with his left hand. The other brutally slid down my body, ripped open the buttons of my jeans, and pulled them down to my knees with a firm tug. I was twisting underneath him and screamed with all my might for help. As if to mock me, the music boomed even louder than before. Again, his mouth hit against mine mercilessly. Tears of desperation rolled down my cheeks.
No, please no!
He hast
ily started to work on his own jeans, impatiently tore open his fly, and pulled them a bit lower. Then he pulled on my panties.
Oh God, please don’t! It was going to happen. He would take what he wanted and no one would help me.
Dear God, please help me!
As firmly as I could, I pulled up my knees and rammed them into his stomach, causing him to let go of my hands and cough painfully. This was my chance! I grabbed the lamp on the nightstand and hit him over the head. He let go of me with a scream while the lamp splintered into a thousand pieces. I got up as fast as I could, but Felix recovered, grabbed what remained of my blouse, and pulled me back onto the bed.
“Stop this bullshit!” he hissed through clenched teeth, pinned me to the mattress with all his weight, and spread my legs with his knees. I felt his erection against my thigh. I was paralyzed with fear and horror. I couldn’t even send a last prayer to Heaven. The anguished cry inside me did not pass my lips as I began to see Felix’s eyes glow. He brought himself into position. I closed my eyes and attempted to separate my mind from my body, but I’d never seemed as closely connected to it as I was right now.
Dear God, please help me!
Let me die!
Just let me die!
Suddenly, someone was rattling the door. Nothing happened. It was locked. Of course.
Then the walls began to shake and blur before my eyes. An earthquake? Before I could consider and answer, the door flew open with a deafening crash. The room shook. The light flickered intensely. An invisible force grabbed Felix, pulled him from me, and flung him into the far corner of the room. I was suddenly hurled off the bed in the opposite direction and hit my head on the floor. I glanced around for an explanation as to what had just happened.
Then I saw him.
Jared was standing in the middle of the room walking toward Felix as if in slow motion. Step by step. What was that unusual golden glow surrounding him? A reflection of the light in the hallway? And what was that expression on his face? Focus? Control? He looked as if he was trying to . . . restrain himself? Felix had pulled himself up and was now standing opposite Jared, who sized him up for a moment, then brutally punched him in the face. Felix stumbled and reached out to hit back. But Jared effortlessly evaded him, grabbed Felix’s head, and headbutted him with such force that I heard an awful cracking sound; he had broken Felix’s nose.