by Sophia Gray
“No,” I said sharply. Nausea came over me in such a strong wave that I had to lean over and retch. Nothing came up but I didn’t feel better when I straightened myself. “No, she wouldn’t really care about that, Alexa.”
Alexa was quiet again. “I have to go,” she said suddenly, her voice sounded hurried and panicked. “Bye.”
I rolled my eyes as the dial tone buzzed in my ear. “Fuck her,” I mumbled, throwing my phone across the room and taking a perverse pleasure in the sound of it cracking against the wall.
Isaac stared at me. “So Val was behind this whole thing.”
I bit my lip and nodded. “I feel like such a fucking moron for listening to her.” I moaned, putting my head in my hands and resting my forehead on my knees. “I can’t believe she was lying the whole goddamn time!”
Isaac moved closer. For a second, I thought he was going to put his hand on my back as a gesture of comfort. Judging from the confused expression on his face, he was probably thinking the same thing. “It sucks,” Isaac said sharply. “What was the revenge plan?”
A sinking feeling came over me just as nausea came roaring back. Before I could leap to the side, a rush of bile came up my throat. It was hot, sour, and thick and I choked on the taste as I struggled to swallow it. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I flopped back down on the bed and stared at the grimy ceiling. "You're going to hate me," I mumbled, covering my eyes with my hands. There was still a glass of beer on the bedside table and I reached for it, drinking almost the whole thing in one gulp. It went down warm and carbonated but at least it washed the taste of vomit out of my mouth.
“I already kind of hate you,” Isaac said. There was no trace of mirth or laughter in his voice. “You lied to me for years,” he added slowly. “Just in case you forgot.”
“I feel sick,” I whined. Forcing myself to take a deep breath, I sat up and stared straight at Isaac. “Things are bad, Isaac. This is really bad.”
Isaac licked his full, sensual lips. “What happened?”
“After the attack, Val was the one who roused up the whole club about getting revenge,” I said slowly. “I wanted to steal your arms dealer from you and take over the city, but she was convinced that wasn’t enough. She wants to drag the cops into this, Isaac. The fucking police!”
Isaac gaped at me. “That’s so wrong,” he said, twisting his face into a disgusted expression. “She’s a fucking monster if she wants to snitch on an MC like that.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I remember what happened to Hell’s Handmaidens.” Isaac gave me a blank look. “They were wiped off the map because one of their girls was raped and they snitched on another MC running the same drugs they were,” I said. “They all went to jail and they were all killed in prison for being fucking snitches. Val didn’t listen, though. She was fucking hell-bent on dragging the cops into this for some reason.”
“So what’s the plan?” Isaac’s voice was heavy and painful to hear. “She’s just going to call the cops on us, then?” His voice rose louder and louder. “She’s going to fucking ruin my MC because of a lie?” He stood up and balled his hands into fists, shoving them into his pockets.
“She’s going to have the cops show up when you meet the Russians,” I said miserably, feeling sicker than I had before. “She…she seduced them, and now she knows when you’re doing the big meeting on Saturday.”
Isaac shook his head. "That fucking bitch," he said, frowning and kicking at a clod of dirt on the floor. "Wait," Isaac said, staring up at me. "She's a lesbian, right? How did she seduce those guys?"
“Work is work,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t fucking know.” Isaac stared at me and I felt a hot flush come over my cheeks. “What?”
“I don’t believe you,” Isaac said. He shook his head and sat down heavily, glancing around the room. “I think you know exactly how she did it.”
I bit my lip. “She gave them head,” I mumbled. “She met them outside, in the desert, near where the gun deal is supposed to go down on Saturday. And they promised her the date and time were set in stone.”
Isaac shook his head again. “This is so fucked up,” he breathed slowly. “I have no fucking idea what to say to you right now, Stephanie.”
I winced again at his use of my new name. “I know,” I said meekly. “I’m sorry. But I didn’t want to go to the cops! I kept telling everyone that it was a bad idea! And Val got all the other girls on board and they fucking railroaded me until I agreed!”
Isaac looked at me and narrowed his eyes. The disgust on his face was obvious. “You’re not a fucking leader,” he spat. “You barely know how to lead yourself! You aren’t fucking fit to lead an MC right now, letting your girls run all over you like that! You’re supposed to be their goddamned president!”
All I could do was hang my head. I knew everything that Isaac was accusing me of was true, and yet I didn’t want to cop to owning any of it. I knew that this was my fault, that I should have dug my heels in and really argued when Val brought up bringing the cops around. I knew that it was my fault. But still, even though Isaac and I had come clean to each other, I couldn’t make myself apologize.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you, Isaac,” I said in a shaky voice. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“You have to stop Val,” Isaac said in a warning tone. “You have to fucking warn her against showing up or calling the cops, Stephanie. You can’t ruin our lives like this. My guys aren’t rapists. Kyle’s a selfish asshole, but he wouldn’t rape anyone.”
“Then who did?” I asked in a small voice. “Who fucking did it?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Isaac
When Stephanie—Candace—looked at me like that, I wanted to vomit. Her expression was so weak and pathetic, so fucking stupid after all of the pain she’d put me through! I couldn’t believe that she’d dare to cry in my presence, much less try to weasel her way out of owning up to her own goddamn crimes. I felt sick when I looked at her. How could she expect me to defend what she’d done? How could she? When she'd first owned up to being Candace, I'd felt shocked. But now, anger was coursing through my veins like molten lava. I didn't care what happened to Stephanie, but I never wanted to see her again. I didn't care that I'd loved this woman, pined for her for years. I forgot about all of the sleepless nights I spent researching Candace online, looking for her without finding a clue. And I forgot about all of the hot tears that I’d shed when I realized that the love of my life was really gone. Stephanie hadn’t just disappeared, she’d vanished. When she’d left, I hadn’t been able to find a single trace of what had happened to her.
"What?" Stephanie was staring at me uneasily. She was fully dressed now and I thanked God that I couldn't see the dangerous curves of her sweet body. I had to turn away; if I kept staring at her, I was going to feel like spitting on her.
“I can’t talk to you anymore,” I said, standing up and crossing my arms over my chest. Stephanie stared at me.
“What?” She frowned. “Why, Isaac? We just came so close to solving this!”
I shook my head. “I don’t care about what happens,” I said flatly. “Call the cops if you want. Don’t if you don’t. I don’t give a shit, Stephanie. I’m done caring. Can’t you fucking tell?”
“Why?” She stepped closer and I saw a note of panic in her lovely blue eyes. “What’s going on? Isaac, please,” she added, her voice taking on a husky note that I recognized. “Please talk to me.” She reached out for my arm with both of her small hands and I twisted away before she could touch me.
“Don’t touch me,” I snapped. “Don’t fucking touch me.” I’ll die if you touch me, I thought grimly.
Stephanie stared as though I’d punched her. “Isaac, you can’t be serious,” she said. “After all this time, this is our chance! We can fix things! We can fix both MCs!” She was pleading and her eyes were filling with tears. I was afraid to look in fear that I'd find something about her too compelling to look away. After all, this was the struggle tha
t I was all too familiar with. Stephanie had always had an energy floating around her head, something about her that sucked me in.
“We can’t fix anything,” I said in a heavy voice. “And I don’t care about what happens on Saturday,” I added in a moody voice. “I don’t give a shit, Stephanie. You want to ruin me, go ahead and ruin me, then. But I don’t care about you,” I said cruelly.
Stephanie's lip twitched. I half expected her to start crying but instead, she narrowed her eyes and flared her nostrils in anger. "I hate you so fucking much," she spat. "You have no idea what it was like for me! You have no idea how much it hurt to be away from you for years and years!"
“God, spare me the drama,” I snapped, rolling my eyes. “How about this, bitch: you don’t have any idea of what it’s like to be goddamn heartbroken when your fiancée disappears! You have no idea what it’s like to think she’s dead, for years!” I could feel my anger getting out of control but I did nothing to curtail the way I felt. “You have no fucking idea!” I yelled, picking up one of the empty glasses from the bedside table and hurling it at the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces but Stephanie didn’t even blink. She stared at me, her lower lip stuck out like a toddler’s, quaking.
“So you just want me to go?” Her voice was sharp and pointed, like a dagger with poison on the tip. “You don’t even care, you just want me to leave? Just like that? And not say anything to my club?”
I shrugged. “I don’t care anymore,” I said melodramatically. “I don’t give a shit what you do. Just leave me and my club out of it,” I snarled. “If you wanna call the cops, fine. But don’t expect to grab our dealer and make a living for yourself. If you call the cops, that’s it. Everything’s done. We don’t need to see each other again. If you call the cops, I’m sure they’ll arrest Kyle anyway. Isn’t that what you and your precious Succubi want? To see some guy—any guy—no matter if he did it or not, go to prison?”
Stephanie blinked. “We want justice,” she said. “But not like that. I don’t care about a scapegoat. I want to find the real asshole who did it,” she said, raising her voice to almost match my own. “I want to know who’s trying to ruin my life!”
“Who cares?” I exploded loudly. I could feel my face was red with blood and anger. “Who gives a shit about your precious fucking Succubi! They’re all a bunch of corrupt fucks! That bitch, Val, is trying to ruin my life and you couldn’t even stop her from doing that! She ran all over you! Some fucking president you are!”
Stephanie stared. She put her hand to her face and wiped her cheek. A single tear had dripped down from her eye. She shook her head and stared at me in disgust. “Isaac, I’m sorry I lied to you,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was trying to protect you, and I decided that your life was more important than our relationship.”
There was a knot in my throat and no matter how hard I swallowed, it wouldn’t disappear. “That’s bullshit,” I scoffed quietly. “You don’t care. You wanted an easy way out, and you got one, sister.” Pain flashed through my mind, blinding me for a second. I remembered all of the times where I’d cradled Candace and rocked her to sleep, kissed her hair, tried to soothe and stroke away all of her worries. I remembered a time—the memory came on so sharp that it took my breath away—when Candace’s family dog had died. She’d cried all night in my arms and I’d just held her without speaking. That was how much I’d loved her. I just wanted to be there for her and comfort her in every way that I knew how.
"It wasn't like that," Stephanie insisted. She stepped closer to me and I stepped backward. "It wasn't like that, Isaac.”
I winced at the sound of her voice saying my name. In the past, it was what I’d lived for. And now it just filled me with pain, anger, and regret.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re right; it wasn’t like that. You wanna know what it was like, Stephanie? You really wanna fucking know?”
Stephanie bit her lip. “Isaac, please don’t say anything you’ll regret,” she said softly.
But I was past the point of caring. “I don’t give a shit!” I roared. “I loved you so fucking much that I spent years agonizing over you! And you didn’t even care! You weren’t thinking of me—you couldn’t even send me a goddamned note in the mail to let me know that you were alive!” I shook my head, feeling the anger lick and curl around me like flames. “I hate you,” I spat. “You wanna know what you could have done differently? You could have fucking broken up with me, Candace!” I spat her name like a curse word. “You could have told me that you didn’t love me! At least that way I would have known the truth instead of wasting years wishing for you to come back!”
Stephanie looked at me in horror. “Isaac, that’s not true—” she started to say.
I held up a hand to cut her off. “I don’t care,” I said flatly. “I don’t give a shit what’s true and what’s not. Just leave me the fuck alone, Stephanie. Get the fuck out of my way and don’t call me again.”
Stephanie’s face colored and she crossed her arms under her luscious, round tits. “Go to hell,” Stephanie spat. She leaned close and glared at me, fire blazing in her blue eyes. “Go to hell, Isaac. I don’t care if I never see you again!”
I pointed at the door. “Just go,” I said in a wooden tone. “Leave. I can’t look at you anymore. I can’t even be around you without feeling like you ripped my goddamn chest open. Leave!” I repeated when Stephanie didn’t move. I roared the last word; it came out of me like an enraged lion had suddenly possessed me. Stephanie’s eyes widened; for a moment, she looked almost scared. Then she reached down to pick up her phone and tucked it in her pocket before striding towards the door.
“Isaac, I—” Stephanie began to say when she reached the door. But I shook my head, closing my eyes. “Fine,” she snapped. “I’m gone.”
She slammed the door behind her and I winced, listening to her light footsteps fade away. The lump in my throat got bigger and I closed my eyes, wiping my sweaty brow with the back of my hand. A tangy, musky scent came over me and I realized it was the scent of Candace’s pussy, still clinging to my fingers where I’d shoved them inside of her.
I felt disgusted with myself. How was this possible? How had I not known the truth for so goddamn long? Was I stupid? Did everyone know but me? Humiliation bubbled up to the surface and swirled around with the hot rage in my body, making me feel like the world’s biggest jackass. Candace had played a fuck of a trick on me, and it had taken me years to find out. I shook my head in disgust as I remembered how pathetic I’d been after she disappeared. I’d put missing flyers on lampposts for fuck’s sake!
“Goddammit,” I muttered, kicking the wall with the toe of my boot. Pain ricocheted through my body and I shuddered, falling back down on the bed and staring at the ceiling. The plaster was cracked and starting to mold in one corner; I made a mental note to get my guys to help me fix up the clubhouse this weekend.
I hated Candace/Stephanie/whatever the fuck she was calling herself nowadays. Maybe if she felt guilty enough, she wouldn’t call the cops, but I wasn’t going to waste another fucking second of my time worrying about her. Nope. That was all done, and now I had an MC to run.
Balling my right hand into a fist, I punched the palm of my left hand until the pain was traveling up my arm. In a way, it felt good. It felt good not to be thinking about Candace, even if that meant my mind was focused on the pain. Closing my eyes, I punched myself over and over again.
“I’m still alive,” I whispered towards the ceiling. “I’m still here.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I was painting the inside of the bar and Jungle’s Thorns clubhouse when Nick and TJ walked in.
“Hey, guys.” I craned my neck and looked to the side. Nick was carrying a case full of beer and he set it down with a grin.
“Need some help?”
I rolled my eyes. I’d called the others hours ago and told them that we needed to do some serious renovating. We’d had this clubhouse for
a few years, and while I didn’t think it was the greatest place on earth, it did have the potential to look much better. After spending time with Stephanie and seeing where the Succubi hung out, I felt pretty goddamned ashamed of our sorry-looking shack.
“Assholes,” I muttered under my breath. Nick set the crate down and ripped off the top, handing me a bottle of beer. As I leaned down, the ladder shifted precariously and I grabbed onto the top with both hands, howling.
Nick and TJ threw their heads back in laughter. “You’re fucking ridiculous,” TJ said with a smirk on his face. “And you say you need help?”
I rolled my eyes again, climbing down and wiping my sweaty forehead off with my arm. I hadn’t been sleeping well since Stephanie had admitted her real identity to me. Sure, I was an idiot for not recognizing my old girlfriend. But I didn’t think that blame lay entirely with me. After all, she was the one who’d lied about who she was for years. And all this time, she’d been right under my nose.
TJ grabbed a bucket of paint, a brush, and climbed up the ladder. Within seconds, his masterful brush strokes covered the wall and ceiling in a big swath of white. I had to admire him; he was much better with his hands than I was, and a damn good mechanic, too.