by Sophia Gray
He thought about it a moment, looking again at me. “Mommy?”
I kept my smile bright, despite my shot nerves. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll see you Monday. I just thought you’d like to spend some time with Jessie. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
He shrugged, then yawned, clearly still sleepy. But he nodded his head despite himself. “Uh-huh.”
“Good. Now give me a kiss.”
He leaned over and planted one on my cheek. I returned the favor. I scooped him up then and handed him over to Jessie. As soon as his head hit her shoulder, he was asleep all over again. I stroked back his hair, telling myself I was doing the right thing. “I love you, baby.”
“He’ll be okay, Diana. I promise.”
I nodded, then watched as they left. This is only temporary. Cody’s only going to be there until it’s safe again.
But even as I thought that, I wondered if it was ever going to be safe again.
Chapter 13
If I thought now that Cody was safely tucked away at Jessie’s I would be able to sleep, I was dead wrong. I spent twenty minutes just staring at the ceiling after they left. Sheep counting wasn’t working and I seemed to jump at every little sound I heard.
Giving up, I finally threw back the covers and headed out towards the kitchen. As I walked down the hall in my large gray shirt, I wondered how in the hell my life had gotten so convoluted.
I mean, I knew how. Ethan had complicated everything and put me in a really bad spot, made worse by my own growing sense that maybe there was something tangible and real between us. But if I traced back the whole thing—Ethan coming into my shop and making his offer, me turning him down—maybe it wasn’t Ethan who had caused all of these problems. Maybe my good girl nature was partly to blame. If I hadn’t been so spotless and squeaky clean, Ethan never would have even glanced my way.
I’d spent my life trying to do things by the book and, with the exception of Cody, my happy little accident, I led a pretty normal, law-abiding life. And how had that helped me? It hadn’t. Instead, it had drawn the attention of dangerous and handsome Ethan, which in turn led me down the road to trading sex for protection and getting involved in a drug racket.
And the worst part of the whole thing was that storing drugs and sleeping with Ethan had done more for me than being a good little girl ever had.
I sighed and shook my head as I walked into the kitchen. Grabbing the kettle from the stove, I filled it up and then put it on the stove again, lighting the burner. While the water boiled, I grabbed a chamomile tea bag and dropped it into a mug. Then I waited.
Leaning against the counter, I watched the kettle with my chin rested in the palm of my hand. My mind wandered as I zoned out. How long could Cody really stay with Jessie? A weekend was one thing, but come Monday he’d come home. And what if I hadn’t figured out a solution yet? That man could come back and he could find me. Worse, he could find Cody. Then what? Would Ethan save Cody?
I laughed bitterly at that thought.
Ethan was a cocky bastard who took what he wanted and left the rest. I couldn’t imagine that he would give a damn about my son. He sure as hell didn’t seem to give a damn about me.
The kettle began to whistle and I moved from the counter to go to it, taking it off the heat. I turned off the burner, then began to pour the boiling water into my mug. I was reaching for the honey when I heard the loud banging on my door.
I jumped, the sudden noise in my otherwise quiet little place causing my heart to skip and my nerves to fray further. I let go of my mug and it crashed to the floor. Hot water and shards of glass spread out over the tiles.
I cursed. “Damnit!”
Carefully stepping over the shards, trying to keep glass out of my bare feet, I grabbed a towel and threw it over the mess. The knocking came again.
I thought about calling out that I’d be there in just a minute, but stopped before the words could leave my mouth. I didn’t know who it was. It could be some maniac with a gun for all I knew. Maybe I was just being paranoid, but there really were dangerous people out there and some of them were pretty okay with hurting me to get what they wanted.
So I cautiously stepped over the towel-covered mess and headed to the door. Moving as quietly as I could, I came to the door and looked through the peephole. I was floored when I saw who was standing on the other side.
Ethan.
I stared at him through the little hole for a while until he knocked again, making me jump in surprise once more. I debated telling him to just leave. It was the smart thing to do, yet I found myself reaching for the doorknob instead. I opened the door to reveal him in all his glory.
Tall, dark, handsome. Hair thick and dark, almost black in the dark outside. His jaw strong, his muscles cut from granite and displayed beneath the plain t-shirt he was wearing today. His pants were dark denim and hung just so off his trim hips. His eyes were dark as they looked at me, drawing me in even when I knew it was stupid.
Clearing my throat to bring myself back to the here and now—and to remind myself that he was a creep who wanted to use me as bait—I folded my arms across my chest. Instantly, I remembered that I was only wearing my large gray nightshirt, no bra, with panties underneath. “What do you want?” I managed to get out, keeping my tone cool and calm.
He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut with a click of his teeth. He stood there silently, for once at a loss for words. I might have enjoyed the moment if I weren’t so angry with him still. And so hurt.
“Well?” I prompted.
“Can I come in?” he finally asked.
I raised my eyebrows at the question. He never asked for permission and it weirded me out a little that he was doing so now. Who the hell is this guy and what has he done with Ethan? I blamed my shock for leaving the door open for him to come in.
“What do you want, Ethan?” I asked him again, closing the door automatically once he was inside. I should have left it open, I thought, glancing at it. But I thought it would look too fearful if I opened it back up now, so I left it as it was.
He turned to face me, stuffing his hands into his front pockets. “I’ve asked a lot of you.”
Propping up one hip and folding my arms over my chest again, I raised an eyebrow at him. “Asked?”
He gave me a rueful smile. “Okay, demanded.”
“Forced,” I spit out.
If I expected him to flinch at the word, he didn’t. He just shrugged. “You would have come around either way. I was just expediting the process.”
I barked out a laugh. “Come around? To what, being your mistress? Your personal whore?”
His full mouth pulled down into a frown, his brow furrowing over his dark eyes. “Is that what you think?” he asked calmly. “That you’re my whore?”
“Aren’t I?”
He stepped closer to me and I had the urge to step back, to keep some distance between us, because I still remembered that he was dangerous. And he was dangerous for a lot of reasons, most of them having to do with the hurt I was experiencing in my chest.
“No,” he told me flatly. “You’re not. Diana…A whore will sleep with anyone for money. You did it because I left you no choice, but I like to think that wasn’t the only reason.”
I swallowed heavily and looked away, because his expression was making me feel vulnerable. It looked earnest, genuine. And I wanted to believe that it was. “What other reason could there be?”
When he took another step towards me, it put him right next to my body. His hand reached out to slide down my shoulder and for a blissful second, I let it. Because he still felt good, even as I tried to deny it. Then I jerked out of his grip.
“Damnit, Diana, we’re good together,” he said, his tone annoyed. Like he’d expected me to just melt from his words just because he said I wasn’t a whore.
Still an asshole, I thought. “Good together? How do you figure that?”
“Tell me you’ve come like you have with me for any other man.”
>
Pursing my lips, I was silent for a long moment because of course I hadn’t. But I didn’t tell him that. Instead, I said, “Good sex doesn’t mean anything.”
“Of course it does.”
“Not to me.”
He narrowed his eyes at me and this time when he grabbed hold of my upper arm, he held tightly. I couldn’t shake him off. “Don’t give me that crap. The sex is good because what’s between us is good.”
“Between us? And what is between us?” I demanded. “A payment plan? Drugs? What?”
He paused, whatever he wanted to say lingering on the tip of his tongue. Then finally, it slipped out. “Love.”
Chapter 14
I blinked at him. “What?”
“Love is between us. Or affection or whatever the hell you want to call it. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it, because I know you do. This connection. I didn’t expect it, sure as hell didn’t want it, but it’s here.” He tapped on his chest above where his heart was. “We’re good together, Diana, and I think it’s pretty clear that this isn’t about payments or deals or anything like that anymore.”
Love. He…he thought he was in love with me. It was ridiculous. Utterly and completely. How could he be in love with me?
I told myself he was an asshole. That he was just standing there trying to manipulate me again, just like he always did. Play on my fears with Cody and going to prison. Play to my desires with my need to be wanted by a man.
But even as I reminded myself of all of this, I couldn’t ignore the pressure in my chest. The hope and the need there. Because I did care about Ethan. I wasn’t sure if it was love—I didn’t think he was sure either—but it was real.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked him finally, my tone soft and quiet.
His other hand moved to slide over my other arm, though his grip had softened. His fingers warmed along my bare skin and a little shiver ran through me. It wasn’t disgust anymore, not even a little bit. It was desire and comfort.
“Because it’s what I should have told you when I took you to dinner that night,” he answered. His voice had dropped lower, volume matching my own. “I’m not doing all of this just for my business. I’m doing this because I want you in my life, and I’m okay putting in a little extra effort if that’s what I get for it.”
He leaned forward and when he pressed his lips against mine, I let him. My eyes fluttered closed and I realized how seldom he kissed me. His lips were soft, his mouth equal parts insistent and coaxing. When his tongue trailed over the seam of my mouth, I opened for him, letting him inside.
He tasted of mint and something heavier, richer. His tongue explored, touching and coaxing my own until we were dueling. The kiss intensified, becoming deep and needy, full of passion where it had begun with sweetness.
My arms moved on their own until they were wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to me. I wanted him closer. His hands were at the small of my back, holding me against him, and I didn’t care that my shirt was riding up to my hips. I wanted him. Not because I had to or because the alternative was terrifying, but because he was here and he was kissing me. Because what sparked between us was real.
When he broke the kiss and pulled away slightly, I leaned towards him automatically. I wanted more. My chest heaved as I pulled in oxygen like I was drowning. I felt the thumping of his heart in his hard chest.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel that,” he murmured huskily.
I swallowed and nodded. “I did. I shouldn’t, but I want you Ethan. I want whatever this is.”
His mouth returned and we kissed again. I clutched at his body, his shoulders, his neck. Then my hands roamed up, fingers sliding through his dark hair. I tugged on his thick strands, then felt him grin against my mouth.
His hands were at my hips, moving up beneath my nightshirt to find the pale flesh beneath. He caressed my navel and slid along the curves of my waist, then up higher. My breath hitched when I felt his large hands moving against my ribcage to find the undercurves of my breasts.
I waited for him to cup them, to weigh them in his palms, and finally to fondle them just as he always did. But tonight, he didn’t. His hands and mouth pulled away at the same time, though he continued to hold me close.
I arched towards him, trying to kiss him again, but he resisted. “Don’t you want me?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes. As a business partner and as my partner.”
I tried to kiss him again, but he dodged me. Letting out a frustrated noise, I demanded, “Then what the hell?”
He laughed, the sound genuine and sexy. “I didn’t come here for sex. I don’t want you to think that every time I call you, it’s for sex.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, my mouth twitching towards a smile. “Um, but it is. That’s what your phone calls mean, remember?”
Rolling his eyes, he admitted it. “Okay, yes. But that’s only because I was trying to keep my name away from yours. Now that that’s no longer an option, there’s no point in staying apart.”
I considered that. “So you’re saying this was to protect the business—and me—and that’s why it’s only been about the sex?”
His hand came up to my face, gently brushing away a strand of blonde hair as he looked down at me. “Yes. At least…that’s what it’s become.”
I nodded. That last addition, that’s what it’s become, made all the difference because it rang true. Feelings had grown, unbidden, and now we were in a hell of a mess. Sighing, I let my head fall to his shoulder in a strangely intimate moment. “Okay,” I said.
“Okay?”
“Okay, I’ll be your bait.”
There was a long pause. I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t tell what expressions were flickering across it. Finally, he spoke. “No.”
Pulling away, I looked him in the eyes. His expression was determined and maybe a little grim. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re not going to be my bait.”
“But the plan—”
“It’s changed. We’ll move the stash tonight. I’ve got Louis on call. Tomorrow, we’ll work out another way to lure in Tommy. I’ll take care of him.”
My heart leapt in my chest. Was he serious? Was this a gesture that told me he really meant what he said, and I was important to him as more than just a sex toy or a drug storage place?
“But—”
“I’ll handle it.”
He kissed me then, silencing any further protests. It was short and sweet. When he pulled away, I left my mouth parted, but the kiss did the trick. I had absolutely nothing to say. Through a haze of powerful lust, I saw his eyes dart down to my lips. He seemed to be considering me, debating something in his head. A second later, he leaned forward again and kissed me again.
This one wasn’t sweet or short.
His hands found my hips again, jerking me to him. My chest pressed into his. The kiss became insistent, needy. His hands moved up beneath my shirt, but this time instead of traveling to my breasts, his fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties. I broke the kiss, taking in quick breaths as I struggled to speak.
“I thought you weren’t here for sex.”
He made a low, groaning sound in his throat that was closer to a growl than anything else. “I wasn’t. But since I’m here and you’ve got so little on anyway…” He trailed off so that he could kiss along the column of my neck. Then he paused. “Unless you don’t want to.”
I let out a laugh that was supposed to be mocking, but came out more breathless. “Is this an optional payment?”
He nipped at my skin with his teeth, causing me to gasp. Then he said in a low, deep voice, “No. Payments aren’t optional. But this is only what you want it to be.”
I swallowed. It was the first time I’d really been given an out. If I didn’t want to sleep with him, I didn’t have to. I could walk away and be done. But I didn’t need the out this time. I wasn’t resisting the way my body reacted to him anymore. Instead, I wanted to embrace i
t.
“Then take me, Ethan,” I told him, clinging to his hard body.
That was the only encouragement he needed. He ripped my panties from me, throwing them to land somewhere nearby and out of sight. I groaned, my mind flashing to that first dream I’d had of him. He’d tied me up then, dominated me and that had been the first in a series of orgasms that rocked my world.
But this was the real him and it was so much better than any dream I’d had.
His large hands slid up my thighs, his thumbs skimming along the inside of them. I ran my hands through his hair, my breaths coming out short and fast as I waited for what seemed like forever. “Please, just touch me,” I begged him when his thumbs lingered just out of reach of my slick opening.