by Leanne Davis
Will shuts his eyes, then blinks them open. His chest heaves as he asks, “What happened to him?”
“To my dad?”
“Yes. He was there? When I was in Mexico?”
“Yeah. He worked in the building there. And got caught in the fire. A cinder block fell on his leg, smashing it. He got out, but it never healed right. He described it as total chaos during and after the fire. He barely crawled away and never went back. He heard some talk of incriminating evidence.” I lean further forward.
“What do you want to do to me?” Will asks.
I shake my head and spread my hands wide. “I don’t know. I still don’t know. I just know he blamed that for ruining his life.”
“How did he figure out it was me?”
“I don’t know that either. He seemed to just know.”
Will is silent. Emily’s eyes are huge. Jessie is shell-shocked.
“It’s just after seeing this today… if I witnessed… I can’t stand how what I saw makes me feel. I—I’d do what you did, too.”
“You believe it happened then?”
“Yes, sir,” I say quietly, my face flaming, I can’t look at Jessie.
“Is there anyone else coming after me? Or my family?”
I glance up at him, shocked. I falter. “N—no. I’m sure there’s not. My dad never kept in contact with anyone. As far as I know, after the fire, he left. I later understood he was probably avoiding any investigations. He eventually crossed the border, and over the years, made his way north to Washington State.”
“Because of me?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say for sure why he came here. But there’s no one else he kept in contact with. He only ever had me and my mom. Then it was just me after she died. I can guarantee he had no contact with anyone outside of me during the last year.”
“Just you?”
“Just me.”
“Why are you telling me this? Why not come after me? There’re numerous ways you could strike at me and my family. Revealing yourself to me now seems a bit risky.” His cold stare travels through me.
“I know. I’m prepared for that. I can’t… do or be what my dad wanted. Plus—”
“Plus?”
“I wonder now, what exactly his part in it was. I never questioned his bitterness and anger because I believed you caused that. But now—”
Will stiffens. “You doubt him?”
“Yes,” I say softly.
“What do you want to do then? We’re kind of at a standoff. Turn me in? I’ll just deny it. Forever. I’ll fight you to the end.”
“Even if it’s the truth?”
He smiles. “You said it was the truth. Never me.”
I don’t smile. “Could you identify him?”
Will’s smile vanishes and his eyes widen, I’ve completely floored him. Emily and Jessie too. They both straighten up. Warmth fills my gut. I feel dizzy. What if he does recognize him? How will I deal with that kind of reality?
“I’ve looked at Natalie and wondered about the possibility that she and I are…” Jessie lets out an odd sound. Her eyes shut and she winces. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again.
Emily’s eyes stream with tears.
“Do you have a picture of him?” Will asks. His face is stoic.
I nod. I pull out my wallet and remove the small picture I have of my dad, taken years ago when I was a kid. We’re standing together in front of the apartment building where we lived. He doesn’t even put a hand on my shoulder for the photo. It was one of the few times he dressed up to go to church with Mom and me. Will leans forward and hesitates a moment, taking the picture between his index finger and thumb. Everything inside me shudders.
Will flips the picture up and stares at it long and hard. The ensuing quiet is palpable. He glances up at me. “I don’t recognize him, Ramiro.”
I wait for a long moment. My heart is frozen with fright. My insides liquefy with raw nerves. “Could you… forget? Or be mistaken? Not be sure?”
He hands the picture back to me. “I’m sure of every face I saw that day. There is no one I could forget. He wasn’t one of them, Ramiro.”
His tone is final, lethal. I know his wife is reliving her ordeal and she winces as he grips her hand. I also know Emily hates me, but I have to know the truth. I had to ask. I had to.
My breath whooshes out of my lungs and I start to cry. I don’t expect this. I have no idea. After I unleashed on Harrison when he was attacking Emily and now this. God, I think I expected Will to recognize my dad. I didn’t know how to accept that into my life. I shift forward, gripping my forehead with one hand. I sniff and keep my gaze glued to the ground.
“Thank you.” I say, shaking my head. “Thank you.”
“I’m guessing revenge isn’t exactly what you’re planning for me?” Will asks.
“My father would be ashamed of me. Crying in front of the enemy.” I sniff and rub both eyes with the heels of my hands, pressing hard, tacitly dealing with my mortification and pain.
“Your father would be wrong. I’m sorry, Ramiro, if he got hurt. I figured anyone there deserved whatever they got. Even if they didn’t do it, they knew. They fucking were well aware of what went on and turned a blind eye.”
I keep nodding and sniffle again. “He must have known then,” I agree, as though Will can figure out a dead’s man’s psyche because I can’t.
“If he were there, he had to know. Maybe not for what happened to my wife, but possibly another woman. She wasn’t the only one, I’m sure. But since he figured out my connection to it, I’m guessing he must have known Jessie was there, too. And I’m sorry, Ramiro, but I don’t care. If he was there and silently witnessed it, he’s just as guilty as the perpetrators.”
I nod. Closing my eyes, the pain rips through my temples again.
“Could you stand here while Harrison ripped off Emily’s clothes and—”
“I would never! Ever. No. I would have fucking killed him.” I’m shocked by how far he takes it. So is Emily, judging by her gasp. I get it though. It’s that clear for me.
“Then congratulations, Ramiro, you’re not a piece of shit.”
“But my father was.”
“Yes. If he were there in any capacity, that’s what I believe. Understand this too, I don’t regret what I did to them.”
I agree.
“But I don’t think you are like him at all.”
My blood warms and an odd, deep sense of relief fills me. I agree.
I lift my gaze to Emily, then look away quickly. She sits silently, almost in a trance. She’s staring down and her face is totally unreadable. I don’t know where she’s at anymore.
“Should I… should I just leave?” I ask. I’m speaking to Emily, but also to Will and Jessie. I mean, in reality, where can I go from here? Gee, after lying to your daughter and planning something nefarious for you, I’d like to date your daughter? Maybe come to dinner, after admitting my father was at the same location where her mother was raped? I climb onto my feet and my knees pop. I feel old and tired, depressed and deflated. I gained nothing from this feeble attempt to do wrong, because this was obviously wrong, and I know the difference between right and wrong. And choosing to pursue something that wasn’t even mine to pursue. Did I really believe this could end anywhere but right here, amidst a general feeling of blame and pain? Mostly my own. Where else could it end?
“I should just leave,” I say after I’m back on my feet.
I turn quickly and cross the room, my heart sinking fast.
My father was never a good influence in my life. Why did I allow him to haunt me after his death? Especially after doing so little for me in his life? But I refuse to blame him, since there is no one else to blame but me. I gently close the door behind me. It clicks shut and it’s louder to my ears than a roaring fighter jet screaming by. I close my eyes and release the doorknob. My eyes already sting from my salty tears. The only other time I’ve cried is when I buried my mom.
I head towards my old truck
. Just as I set foot inside it, I hear the front door click again. Only this time, it’s opening. I glance up and see Emily standing in the half open door. She steps out and closes it behind her. Her face is impassive as she stares at me for a long moment. I get out again, trying to gulp down the sudden lump that forms in my throat. Please let her forgive me. Please. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want that. As much as I want her. Oh, God, let her be a better person than I am.
I close my truck door and the sound of it echoes throughout the area.
My tongue feels thick and cuts off my ability to breathe or talk. I can’t find a word to say. My mind gropes helplessly. I have nothing.
“Why?”
“Why what? There’re lots of things I’ve done wrong here. Try to be more specific.”
“Why did you sleep with me?”
“I did that because I’m—I’m in love with you.”
Still nothing. Not even a crack of her lips or a twitch of her eye. Her cheek doesn’t even shift. “Why?”
“Because… because you’re kind and smart and persistent and you would have followed me to Mexico if I got deported. Because you thought I was worth more than a piece of paper, where so many others would have let me go, and you never once made me feel unwanted. You treated me as a worthy person when most people wouldn’t have.”
She shakes her head. “You could have done severe damage to my dad. From the start. You could have sabotaged his business. Or even me. You could have manipulated me a lot sooner.”
“I was too busy figuring out what to do.”
Her silence lasts a while before she puts her hands on her hips. “You’re terrible at it.”
“At what? Being a decent person?”
“No, an evil mastermind. A person bent on getting revenge. Jesus, I can think of a dozen different ways you could have used me to get to my father, and that happened on the first night.”
My heart stalls and then thumps painfully. Shit! She’s giving me another chance. I nod slowly. “Yes,” I whisper. “I really, really suck at it. My dad always said I was way too nice. He called me a pansy-assed wimp who would have been eaten up and spat out if I’d been born and raised where he was.”
She holds my gaze. “That’s a terrible thing to say to a son. Most parents want better for their children than they had. He was wrong, Ramiro.” She takes a step closer.
“I forgave him only because my mom asked me to, and she told me his upbringing was horrible. Maybe that’s why he was there. Working and being part of such a despicable place.”
She licks her lips. “You didn’t just silently watch or walk away.”
I jerk up straighter. “You mean at what Harrison was doing to you? Oh fuck! You can’t give me credit because I didn’t walk away from seeing a woman getting attacked in front of me. No. That’s just basic humanity.”
“Not for all guys.”
“It was harder to watch than I ever dreamed it would be.”
“Much harder than I ever dreamed it would feel,” she agrees softly.
“Emily…” I step closer.
“I’m not going to write about my mom.”
I stop dead and search her face. She shrugs. “It’s not my story to tell. Just like it isn’t your story. Your dad’s dying wish, I mean.”
I close my eyes. She gets it. Perhaps more than anyone. “You don’t see me as part of him?”
“If you’d been even remotely better at trying to cause me or mine harm, yes, I would have. But dear God, if you were really trying, you are your own worst enemy. You had no chance of succeeding.” She lets a small smile curl her lips. “No, Ramiro, I don’t see you as him.”
“What now?”
She holds my gaze. “I don’t know. I don’t know at all.”
I let out a deep breath. “I—I love you. I slept with you because I love you.”
Her gaze grows weary. I overshot my chance. Overstated my position. But I don’t care. I deserve her humiliation or a polar rebuff. I totally deserve it. Her arms cross over her chest.
“Ramiro?”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to answer. I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to realize that despite how I came into your life, I stayed. I stayed because you are everything I could ever want in a woman, and I probably don’t deserve you, but I would do anything to remain a part of your life. For real.”
“You might be right. But I need some more time to process all that’s happened this summer, starting with Harrison.” She stops and shrugs again, “I guess, it kind of ends with Harrison, too.”
I let out a breath. Okay…
“But I think I’d like to keep getting to know you. The real you, and this time, all of you.”
“You’ll forgive me then?”
“I’ll work on it. In the meantime, I think I’d like to go out with you this weekend.”
“On a date?”
Her smile is huge. “Yes. A date that isn’t based on anything from before. I’m willing to give it a chance this time to see if it can become… everything.”
I step towards her and grab her around the waist, bringing her closer before my lips can press onto hers. I suddenly stop dead. “Is this okay?”
She smiles. “Yes. It’s okay, Ramiro.”
“Can you still trust me?”
Her smile is quick and her eyes light up. “You’re actually a terrible liar. I can trust you.”
I cling to her as her mouth opens to my lips. I feel like drowning in the softness of her embrace. She pulls back. “So, I guess we’re done with work for today. Want to come inside and find a new way to make my father lose the urge to kill you?”
Her smile is smug and I deserve it. I nod. “I’m up for whatever works.”
“Don’t worry. I think he meant what he said. We aren’t them. And what you did today? That more than makes up for anything you tried to plan. If I haven’t said so yet, thank you. I could be dealing with a whole lot more than just being shaken to the core by my emotions, but physically, I’m fine. Thank you for keeping me from becoming another statistic. A victim.” She kisses my lips long and hard and I lean into her and slowly lift her off her feet, holding her tight. I am so glad that she is safe, and here, and not hating me.
It’s enough. For now.
She takes my hand and pulls me inside the same place I was just moments ago. I was sure I’d never be welcomed there again. But I am. Her mom and dad both smile at me when I re-enter. I might have a lot of work to do, but they are willing to let me inside their home again with their daughter and I take that as sign of hope. Acceptance. Eventual forgiveness.
It’s more of a chance than my own father ever gave me.
~Emily~
“I want you to teach me everything about your business.”
Dad whips around when I sneak up behind him. He’s out feeding the animals in the barn. No one else is around.
“You do?” His expression is incredulous.
“I do. I think I could kick ass at it. Break some glass ceilings of my own, in this small-minded, little town where I live.”
He shakes his head. “You wanted so much more than Ellensburg could offer. Look, I know you have goals and dreams, and they don’t include doing this. Just because my history prevents you from writing about your mom doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways.”
“I stopped my wedding because I didn’t love the groom. I want to stay here now. I want to work with you, because I like it. I love it, actually. I never had as much fun as I’ve had in the last few months hanging with you, learning from you, and assisting you. I want to run this business eventually and you owe me the chance to prove I can do it.”
“I have no doubt you can. Have you met yourself? It’s settling and compromising—”
I shake my head. “No, Dad, it was a compromise for you. It’s not to me.”
He looks puzzled. “But yeah, it was. I never thought it was something you kids would consider too important.”
“Your life’s work? The vehic
le you used to teach us tenacity, and the daily pride of hard work and earning an honest living? I think it’s more than enough and very important.”
“What about your dream of changing the world?”
“Maybe you already did that. Enough for all of us.” I smile softly. Shaking my head, I sigh and add, “I’m not done. I just think maybe I can do things here, locally. I started this YouTube channel talking about what happened with Harrison over the summer and it’s helped me. I don’t know. Maybe something more will come of it. Figure that’s a good place to start. I think I’m also going to talk about what happened to me.”
His expression is labored. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I could have—”
“Killed him? Yes, I think I saw that in your fierce expression. But you don’t have to do that anymore, Dad. I’m okay. Mom’s even okay. Everyone is okay.”
He takes in a breath and a strained smile fills his mouth. “Yeah. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe, but I think I finally do. You don’t hate me anymore? For what I did?”
“No. I just didn’t understand. I do now though. I love you, Dad.”
His shoulders dip down as if he’d been holding them tight.
I ask, “So, Ramiro and I…”
He nods. “Yes, I know, you’re dating.”
“Uh-huh.”
“He’s kind of pathetic as a villain,” my dad says.
“But his dad wasn’t, was he? You recognized his dad’s face, didn’t you?” I accuse him softly.
He keeps his face carefully neutral. “It doesn’t matter, Em. None of that matters anymore. He’s dead and Ramiro isn’t looking for anything but being with you. Everything that happened back then doesn’t have any more sway over what happens today or tomorrow. Do you understand? Only now on matters. And Ramiro matters to you and whatever happened between his father and us has nothing to do with you two. Okay? It’s gone. Dead. Forever in the past.”
“Thank you, Dad. You know, for not making him face that revelation.”
Dad shrugs with a little smile. “Don’t know what you mean. But as for you learning from me? I’d like nothing more. My daughter following in my footsteps. Didn’t see that coming.”
I grin and throw my arms around him. “Neither did I, Dad, neither the job, nor wanting to stay here. But I hope you know I love you for what you did for Mom, and later on what you did for Christina, Melissa, and me.”