The declaration only made it worse. A sob bubbled out of Merry and she pressed the back of a hand to her mouth. Arabella wrapped a soothing arm around her shoulders. Tears fell rapidly, plopping down onto her dark skirt. Merry sniffed and dabbed her nose, drawing in a ragged breath in an attempt to stop them.
“What is it?” asked Sophia softly. “Does your wrist hurt very badly?”
“Do not be silly, Sophia,” Bella snapped. “She would not cry like that from a sprained wrist.”
Merry swallowed and swiped a hand across her face. Her eyes felt red and raw and her throat tight still. Bella plopped herself down on the floor in front of Merry and Sophia followed suit. She swung her gaze between her friends’ expectant faces. After everything they’d done together, she supposed she owed them an explanation. The problem was, she hardly knew herself. It was so hard to form coherent thoughts these days. Ever since Harry had kissed her really...
“I...” She inhaled. “I suppose that this house...my determination to have it finished was to distract me.”
Sophia frowned. “Distract you?”
“From your father?” Bella said tentatively.
Merry nodded. “With being so busy with the house, I did not have to spare him a thought. I think...perhaps I have always been determined to do things alone to prove to myself that I never needed him. But it hurts, you know?” She stared at the handkerchief in her hand, tracing the letters with one finger. “I always wanted his love, even if I did not need it. I suppose a daughter always does.”
Arabella squeezed her hand. “Of course you wanted his love.”
“I just cannot help think...If he could not love me,” she said quietly, “how can I expect anyone to?”
Silence hung about the room. Merry’s heart pounded heavy in her chest as her own words echoed through her mind. Was that what it was? Was that really why she had pushed Harry away?
Arabella cleared her throat. “Is there perhaps someone in particular you wanted to love you?”
Biting down on her bottom lip, Merry looked between her friends. How could she admit to them how she felt about Harry? How could she betray them? But she could not lie to them.
“I have been getting quite close to Harry,” she admitted softly. Her friends fell silent again. Merry grimaced. “I am sorry. I did not mean to—”
Arabella patted the back of her hand. “It is just, we are not surprised. You have been spending a lot of time together and he seems to care about you a lot.”
“I understand if you are angry with me.” Merry hung her head.
Bella laughed. “Why should we be angry with you?”
Merry snapped her head up. “The vows! We took vows. We promised we would never marry.”
Bella shrugged. “Harcourt Easton is a good man and desperately in love with you. Anyone can see that.”
Sophia lifted a brow. “I didn’t realize he was in love with her.”
Bella made a dismissive noise. “Well you never were the most observant of people.”
Sophia opened her mouth then closed it. She looked to Arabella. “Did you realize he loved her?”
Arabella lifted a shoulder. “I knew he was fond of her.” She peered at Merry. “Does he love you?”
Merry exhaled slowly. “I think so. Well, he said he does. It’s so hard to tell with Harry.”
“If he has told you, why is it hard to tell?” Bella asked.
Merry paused. He had been upfront from the beginning. It had only been because of his history that she had doubted him. “I suppose I did not want to believe that he might truly love me.” She gestured to herself. “After all, I am a spinster in the making and he is the handsome Earl of Langley. Why should he want me?”
“For the same reason, we want to be friends with you, I am sure.” Arabella pushed a strand of hair from Merry’s face. “You have many excellent qualities. It was only a matter of time until a man saw that.”
“I am sorry for not sticking to our vows.” Merry twined her fingers together.
“Oh.” Bella grinned. “Did you kiss him? You did, did you not? Oh, Miss Merry, you really are the most scandalous.”
Sophia coughed. “Bella, you are really not helping right now.” She leaned in. “If you really love him, you know we would not stand in your way. The point of the Spinster Club was to protect each other from hurt, but it seems as though you are hurting now.”
Sophia’s sympathetic tone threatened to set Merry crying again. She had to draw in a breath and hold it before she could respond. “I think it is too late anyway. I have chased him away to Town. I am certain he shall forget me soon enough.” She pressed fingers to her forehead. “Who could blame him? All I did was push him away when he was simply trying to help.”
“Surely it is not too late?” Arabella asked.
“I think it is.” Merry lifted her chin. “Oh well, I guess I shall be a firm member of the Spinster’s Club after all.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Harcourt’s mother squeezed his arm and motioned to the crowds of people gathered in the garden of Lulworth Castle. Sunlight cracked through the clouds, warming the lawns where people conversed, ate, drank and played croquet. Aside from the clouds, he knew his mother would consider this garden party a success, with plenty of what she called ‘excellent people’ in attendance.
“You are being unusually unsociable, Harry,” she scolded gently.
“I am here, I am drinking, I am eating, I am conversing,” he told her.
“That is not socializing!”
“If that is not socializing, I do not know what is.”
She scowled at him. “You have been out of sorts ever since you vanished off to London with Lord Thornford for a week. Not even the return of Daniel has perked you up.”
The return of Merry’s brother had been the only reason he had returned. Or perhaps it was not. Fool that he was, he needed to see Merry again. Running away with his tail between his legs was not his style, and he hated himself for fleeing in a sulk like a damned child. But Merry had him at a loss. She loved him—he knew it. He’d seen it when she’d told him about the Spinster’s Club. That had not changed, but how long could one flog oneself in the name of love?
He grimaced to himself. A lifetime, he imagined. Merry had been eating into his soul for years and now there was no way of ridding himself of her. The only cure for this was to persuade her to marry him, once and for all. He just was not sure if he even had the willpower to go through another battle with her.
“I am perfectly well, Mother,” he assured her, leaning in to give her a kiss. “A man needs a break from the country every now and then.”
She tutted. “We are hardly living in the most rustic of areas. Anyone would think we live in some heathen, barren land, the way you speak of escape.”
“Do not forget you like to spend most of your time in Bath, Mother.”
His mother rolled her eyes. “That is entirely different. I am allowed to wish to escape for a while. I spent many years dedicating my time to your Father’s estates and the local people.”
“Forgive me, Mother. I am suitably chastened.” He gave a wry smile. “I know you deserve to do whatever you wish.”
“I have no wish to chasten you, Harry. I am just concerned that is all. Many a woman would be thrilled her son is no longer playing the rogue but the lurking in corners and avoiding people is certainly not like you.”
“All is well I promise, and do not fear, I have little intention of playing the rogue any longer. I think I am a little past that now.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “So long as you do not become too tiresome, my dear. A woman likes a little rogue in her man.” She eyed the crowds of people in the gardens. “Everyone is missing Lord Thornford. I had so hoped to find him a match before he went back to London.”
“He shall return I am sure. He has a new love for the country, I believe.” In fact, Harcourt fully suspected he would be back sooner rather than later. Griff still could not get over
the fact that Miss Bella Lockhart has refused him and had spent the entire journey to Town, plotting as to how he would get his revenge.
“Oh, there is that Sir Seton fellow.” His mother lifted a glass in the direction of the wiry man who was doing an even better job of avoiding conversation than Harcourt was. “He’s a little odd. Stammers a lot.”
Harcourt nodded. “He is not at ease with people it seems.”
“Merry says he is quite nice once you get to know him, but his ways take some getting used to.”
Gritting his teeth, Harcourt nodded. Since the arrival of Merry’s relation, all had gone back to normal. Merry had not been besieged by carts or men with knives or anyone threatening her life. Harcourt had been able to dismiss the private investigator after he had dug into Seton’s past. The man was who he said he was, and while he was a little strange, he was utterly harmless. Harcourt’s desire to protect Merry had all been for naught. If he were a different sort of man, he’d be utterly humiliated, but he did not think he need to apologize for wanting her safe. Merry likely still thought differently though.
Drawing in a breath, Harcourt snatched up a glass of punch from the table behind him. “I shall go and try to make him welcome. After all, he is a relation of Merry’s and we should be welcoming.”
“A fine idea.” His mother beamed with approval. “Rather you than me. I seem to utterly terrify him,” she added.
“You terrify everyone,” Harcourt teased, darting away before his mother could scold him.
He approached Seton who was also nursing a glass of punch and gripping an uneaten slice of cake. The line of sweat that seemed to perpetually sit on his upper lip glistened in the sunlight. Seton jumped when he noticed Harcourt.
“Ah, Lord Langley. H-how pleasant to see you. Quite a party.” His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“I am glad to see you again, Sir Seton. The last time I saw you, I am afraid you caught me in rather a bad mood.”
Seton gave a shaky smile. “Merry did explain that you were t-trying to help. I cannot be unhappy that a man like you was looking out for her while she was all a-a-alone.”
“You will forgive my rather brutish behavior?”
“Of course.”
Harcourt scanned the gardens. Merry’s friends were in attendance, along with many others but he had yet to see Merry. “Is Merry here, do you know?”
“Well, her brother is, but I have yet to see her. Perhaps she is at the-the house,” Seton suggested. “With her brother’s help, it looks to be ready very soon.” He smiled. “I can see the appeal in wanting to be alone.”
Damn it. Somehow, he felt that once Merry was in that house, it would be even harder to persuade her to leave her impending spinsterhood.
“Do you plan to stay in Dorset long?” Harcourt asked, continuing his study of the crowds.
“D-dorset is certainly different to Scotland b-but I would like to continue getting to know my relations. They have been quite welcoming, and Daniel and his wife are quite wonderful.” He nodded toward Harcourt’s mother. “Your mother is an excellent hostess. How lucky you are to have such a woman in your life to aide you, my lord.”
“She is something, that is to be certain.” Harcourt smiled to himself. “Why do you not come and tell her so yourself? I am sure she shall be pleased to hear as much.”
“Oh I do not—”
Harcourt ignored his protests and motioned for his mother to come over. She scowled but he knew she would not wish to appear rude. Seton’s cheeks blazed almost bright red.
“Sir Seton has been saying what a fine hostess you are.” Harcourt grinned at his mother’s discomfort. There, let him make up for all the times she had thrust him at strange women.
“I should go and speak with Daniel.” Harcourt motioned to the gardens. “Why do you not give Sir Seton a tour of the gardens, Mother?”
“Oh well, I—” She bit down on her lip and clasped her hands together, but not before shooting him a glare. “Of course. Sir Seton, will you follow me?”
Harcourt watched them stroll into the gardens and tried to suppress the smile twitching his lips. He meant his mother no ill will but perhaps she would now understand how it felt to be thrust at people he had no inclination to spend time with.
He eyed the crowds, his gaze falling on Merry’s friends. Still no sign of Merry. He frowned while he tracked Arabella’s movements. She put a hand to her head and moved away from everyone, toward the shaded area of the veranda. Her movements were shaky, and it did not take a fool to realize she was feeling unwell.
Striding over, he took her arm as she moved unsteadily toward one of the benches.
“Oh.” Her eyes widened.
“Let me help you.”
She inhaled audibly, the sound shaky. “Thank you.” The words were hardly a whisper.
“You’re feeling faint?” He eased her down onto the bench.
She nodded.
“Should I get you a cold drink?” Harcourt suggested. “Or one of the ladies to tend to you?”
Arabella shook her head. Though normally pale, against the yellow of her silk gown and her fair hair, she looked especially ashen. “I do not wish to make a fuss. Please, do not ignore your guests on my account.” She waved a hand toward the people scattered about the gardens.
Harcourt studied her and shook his head. “I think I would rather remain here.” He sank down onto the bench beside her.
“I am fine, really.”
He shook his head. “You nearly fainted, Arabella. Merry would have my head if I let you swoon and harm yourself.”
Arabella smiled softly at the mention of their mutual friend. “I’m not so sure about that.”
He wanted to ask what she meant by that but could not quite find it in himself to quiz a poorly woman. “Is it the heat?” he asked, though the day was hardly the warmest of the summer, but with all these stays ladies wore, who knew when one of them might go fainting on one?
“No. It’s...well, it was silly.”
“Nearly fainting is not silly.”
She glanced at him. “Many men would say fainting is very silly.”
“Faux fainting is silly indeed, especially when it is intended to garner the attention of a man. That was no fake swoon, however.”
Pressing her lips together, she fingered the ribbon trailing down her skirt. “I thought I saw someone. From my past. He should be returning soon, and I am horribly aware of that.” She gave a little trill of a laugh. “The poor man has no idea how he might affect me either. He is just here to tend to his mother.”
“He has not harmed you? Because if he has...”
She shook her head quickly. “No. It was not him. it was his brother. But I am fearful of his return. It will bring it all back you see.”
“I see.”
“I am sure this all sounds foolish indeed.”
“Not at all. If a man mistreated you—”
“He ruined me.” The words came out quickly, on a whisper. Harcourt managed to keep his expression neutral as her eyes widened. “Forgive me, I should not have said such a thing.”
“I hope you do not think I am an indiscrete man, Arabella.”
She peered up at him. “I have shocked you?”
He laughed. “Not at all. Being in the center of London society exposed me to enough gossip to last a lifetime. I am not so easily shocked.”
“He promised me marriage you see. And I thought for so long that he would come back and marry me. But I was a fool.”
Harcourt curled a fist. “He was a cad.”
“Yes. I know that now.” She gave a faint smile. “Please, you must not neglect your guests any longer on my behalf.”
“I would not leave you in such a state.”
“I just need a moment,” she insisted.
Harcourt stood. “Very well, but if you need anything...”
“Thank you, my lord. I can see why you and Merry are such firm friends.”
He did not mention that he was not even sure
if they were that, especially when his gaze caught on something. Or someone. Finally rid of the black and gray that did nothing for her, Merry moved through the crowds, a delicate splash of lilac that had his gut clenching at the sight of her. He watched her approach her brother. His heart ached.
He understood it now, why Merry had been so wary of him. He might not have ever abandoned a woman after taking her innocence, but the gossip columns did not care much about how honorable he was and paid far more attention to the quantity of ladies he had bedded. He likely did not seem much better than the rogue who had taken Arabella’s innocence and clearly left her still shaken. He still could not quite get past the annoyance that she had misjudged him so, however.
He turned on his heel and headed into the house. A cowardly act indeed, but if he was to face her, he needed a little something more than punch to steal him. Especially when she looked so damned beautiful.
Harcourt opted for the library. To the rear of the house, he would not be disturbed there and fool that he was, he wanted to recall the times Merry had become lost here as a little girl—before she was tainted with stories of ruination and heartache. Opening the drinks cabinet, he poured himself some generous fingers of Scotch and settled in the wingback chair by the window. He’d only taken the tiniest of sips before the door opened and he tensed.
“It’s not like you to hide in libraries.”
He dug his fingers into the arm of the chair. No doubt she had little idea how beautiful she was. The flowing lilac fabric flattered her long figure, cinching in under her bust and drawing his attention to Merry’s breasts. Her cheeks were a little rosy and her hair was coiled up with tiny strands touching her neck.
Damn, damn, damn.
He lifted his glass. “It is like me to want a stronger drink, however. My mother mixes the punch rather weak.”
Merry closed the door gently and moved toward him. Her steps were hesitant, and he noticed a slight tremor in her body. She glanced around, avoiding his gaze when she came to a stop a couple of feet from him. A few moments of silence stretched out before she cleared her throat.
“Arabella told me what you did for her.”
Gentlemen Prefer Spinsters (Spinsters Club Book 1) Page 17