by Nicky James
He spun me and I landed on my back across the bed. Grasping both my wrists, he pinned me down, hovering only inches away. His smile was genuine and so big it shone out his eyes. I was glad I hadn’t upset him.
“You drive me crazy.”
I laughed and squirmed more. “You like it.”
“I do. Very much.”
I was on fire. What he made me feel blurred all my lines and diminished my ability to think.
Unable to resist, I lifted my head and brought our lips together again. Twice in one day. Where had the sudden urge come from? I’d always squirmed at the idea of kissing the men I encountered. It was an intimacy I reserved for… later… another time, another life.
But, Remy was different. He wasn’t one of them and I knew it. He awoke a desire I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was exhilarating and I chased the feeling.
His lips softened against my own and unlike before our tongues found their rhythm almost immediately. He unclasped my wrists and I reached for him, holding him to me and deepening our connection. I was somewhat breathless already from my attempt to escape, but I didn’t care. Breathing was overrated in a time like that. It felt good and for once in my life, it was something I wanted.
Remy’s hand came to my face and he held me and stoked a thumb over my cheek. It was tender and intimate, overwhelming. I pulled off his mouth with the confusing twist of emotions running through me and just watched him, becoming lost in his eyes. My heart raced, but under all the good feelings, panic prickled in my core.
I didn’t know if I could do it. Who was I kidding? What did he see when he looked back at me? A slut? A whore? What did he possibly think I had to offer? I was just a stupid kid who was stuck in a dead-end job. Good for one thing and one thing only. And the idea of that thing suddenly made my stomach curdle.
“Caro, relax. I’m not allowing this to go any further.”
I refocused on Remy, his face no longer joyful, but concerned. His thumb stroked my cheek again before trailing down and smoothing across my bottom lip.
“I very much want to explore this with you, but not before you are ready and not before you are free of that place. You want out, correct?”
“Yes.” Tears prickled my eyes and I blinked them away. “I-I can’t do it anymore. Do you know what it’s like to never have sex on your own terms? To feel obligated?”
His forehead creased and he firmed his lips. “They have a word for that, but I think I shouldn’t express my opinion on the matter, because it burns me and I don’t like feeling so much anger. I’d rather work toward fixing it and getting you out.”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes and dropped my gaze to his chest, tracing fingers over his sweater. “It’s not that easy. Donny holds a lot of cards.”
“I know.” His fingers lifted my chin. “I have potential places lined up where you could interview if they sound reasonable to you. That’s why I asked you here tonight, so we could discuss it. If you can secure work elsewhere, you can get out of there, yes?”
The determination in his eyes was so pure and it broke me. If only. “But there’s a whole lot more you don’t know. It’s not as easy at it looks.”
He searched my face, trying to find answers. I didn’t know where to start. He sat up and pulled me to sit beside him, turning his body to face me. “Talk to me, Soren. I need to know what we are up against.”
We?
No one had ever put me on equal playing field as them before.
“Donny pays our living expenses, or most of them. Rent, electricity, water, that stuff. We pay for food and extras like cable and internet. If I walked away, I’d be homeless.”
Remy pursed his lips and nodded as a deep look of concentration passed over his face. “All right. Let’s go eat. The pizza should be nearly finished cooking. We can review a few options and see what you think.”
I felt a little bit like a project. He was determined to help, although, I couldn’t imagine why he’d want to be with me of all people, especially when his life was so ordered and mine… wasn’t. However, I couldn’t deny the overwhelming sense of relief at the idea that I may escape the hell where I’d wound up.
We stood from the bed and Remy took my face in his hands again, stopping me from leaving. He leaned down and captured my mouth, kissing me gently once before speaking. “I want you to understand something. I am completely taken by you. If you are interested, I want to explore what this could be between us. But, never will anything progress unless I know you are one hundred percent a willing participant. It will be a mutual decision between us. I will never ask you for anything you aren’t willing to give. So, promise me you will always be honest with me, mio tesoro.”
His hand reached up and brushed aside hair that had fallen in my face. The sincerity in his words and the emotion in his eyes made me want to crumble. No one had ever cared before.
“What does that mean?”
He smiled and dropped his gaze momentarily, looking nervous for the first time. “My treasure,” he whispered. “Come, let’s eat.”
It took a moment to process the sentiment behind what he’d just said. My insides warmed in a way I’d never felt before as he shifted away from me. However, instead of heading back into the kitchen immediately as I anticipated, he picked the duvet from the ground and began re-placing it on the bed.
I stilled his hands and pulled it from his grasp, tossing it into the middle of the bed and grinned. “Leave it. I promise you, nothing bad will happen.”
He watched me, struggle and indecision radiating in his eyes. When I thought he couldn’t do it, he nodded and blew out a shaky breath. “Okay.”
He allowed me to take his hand and lead him back into the kitchen, which surprised me. The inner battle he fought was real. His muscles were tight and I almost needed to drag him as his feet wanted to resist.
Wait until he notices my rearrangement in the living room. Poor guy.
Over dinner, Remy showed me the file he’d made with a handful of potential places willing to interview me. They were all somehow connected to friends or acquaintances he knew. Each of them seemed far beyond my skill set—which was non-existent—but he assured me they weren’t. Two were customer service jobs at local, high-end fashion stores and the third was working as an assistant for one of the photographers at Remy’s magazine. Organizing, filing, learning to process film, and working on set for certain shoots. It sounded complicated, but I agreed to call and set up interviews with all the locations.
None of it solved the problem of where’d I’d live if I left the club, and since that was new information I’d just shared with Remy, he didn’t have answers yet either.
After we ate and cleaned the kitchen—Remy-style—it was time for me to head home.
The drive was quiet. Part of me didn’t want our night to end, but knew it should. Remy pulled into the turn-around out front of my apartment and parked.
“We’ll sort this out. Let me ask around and see if I can find out where you might get a small place for cheap. I have some connections. If you get any of those jobs, you can probably still keep those shifts at the other bar, that should give you enough to get on your feet and make ends meet. If the transition is difficult, maybe…” He trailed off and I was glad. He’d not made any financial offers to help me so far, and I think he knew I’d refuse. As desperate as I was, I needed to do it on my own.
“I have some money saved up. It’s not much, but it will help.”
He nodded and silence found us, the tense conversation stiffened the air.
It was awkward for the first time all evening.
“Will you call me and let me know how you make out setting up interviews?” He peered over, hope laced with concern.
“Yeah, of course.” I pulled my phone out and went to the add contact screen. “I kinda lost your business card. Here.” I handed him my phone.
He added his information and handed it back with a smile. “I will be there Friday, but don’t make me wait until then
to hear.”
A huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Knowing he would be at the club gave me the biggest sense of relief. “I won’t.” It’d been over a month and a half since I’d needed to sell myself out to those rancid ticks at Donny’s, the idea of doing it again made my skin crawl worse than ever before.
Remy reached a hand up and adjusted my hair before leaning in and brushing his lips to mine. It was almost a kiss, but more of a request and I leaned into him accepting it and kissing him back. I couldn’t get over how invigorated he made me feel.
“I’ll be there. I promise you. And we’ll get you out.”
I nodded and leaned my forehead to his. “Thank you.”
When we parted, I said good night and reluctantly got out of his car. It was funny, but I looked forward to Friday and that was probably the first time I’d ever looked forward to a weekend in over a year.
Chapter Fourteen
SOREN
“Are you really gonna leave if you get one of those jobs?”
I checked my phone for the fifth time in the twenty minutes since I’d gotten up. Remy still hadn’t texted me back from when I’d sent him a message earlier. I was getting the feeling he wasn’t a big phone guy.
“That’s the plan. I told you, I’m done with Donny and that place.” I tossed my phone on the bed beside me and folded my arms behind my head as Ashton cook.
He squinted inside the dark oven before shutting the door again. “Almost done.” He turned and leaned on the counter. “Where will you live?”
“I don’t know yet. Remy is helping me sort something out.” I drummed my fingers on the surface of my phone and rolled my eyes when Ashton’s face turned harsh.
“Don’t do that.”
“Then stop looking at me like that.”
“Do you trust him, Sor?”
My gaze travelled to the ceiling as I considered. Remembering the intimate moments Remy and I had shared the other night and the passion and tenderness behind the two kisses, I nodded. “I do. I know you don’t believe me, but he’s genuine.”
“Okay.” Ashton’s voice softened and I glanced back. He’d turned his back to me and ran a finger along the counter’s edge.
“You okay?”
He shrugged and checked inside the oven again. “Yeah.” He pulled a mitt over his hand and grabbed the tray, transferring the pizza to the stove top before continuing, “I’m gonna stay at Ryan’s this weekend, so I’m not coming home with you tonight. He… he invited me.”
I knew he and Ryan were becoming closer. Even though I’d made it clear a million times that Ashton and I could never be more than friends, it stung. I was the person he confided in and came to when he needed someone to lean on, but lately things had become tense between us. Especially since I’d finally admitted something may be brewing between Remy and me.
At least Ryan was a decent guy and I knew he always looked out for Ash. “Oh. Okay.”
Nothing more was said on the subject. Ash cut us a few pieces of pizza and plated them before bringing them over to my bed. As we ate, he inquired about the interviews I’d set up for the following week. Even though I couldn’t imagine I had a chance in hell of getting them, I was hopeful and nervous.
When we finished, I brought our dishes to the sink as Ashton went to shower and get ready for work. Because I’d been making an effort, I grabbed a sponge and washed them instead of leaving them to sit for days like I’d have done before. As I dried the last dish and re-placed it in the cupboard, my phone rang.
I dropped the dish towel on the counter and shot across the room, jumping and landing on my bed with a bounce as I snagged my phone, assuming it was Remy finally getting back to me.
My excitement fizzled out when I saw it wasn’t Remy, but my brother, Abel. He rarely called, so a small niggle of concern wormed its way to the surface as I answered. He’d been through a lot of rough patches in his life, and even though I knew he was much better, I worried for him.
“Hey, Abe, wassup?” I rolled to my back and laid, staring at the ceiling.
“Not much, what’s up with you, pipsqueak? I caught you before work, right?”
“Yeah, I don’t leave for an hour yet. How are you? Is everything okay?”
Abel chuckled and I could hear clattering and a bang on the other end of the line. “Yeah, all’s good here. Just trying to get dinner made before Kieran gets home and I was hoping to catch you before you took off for the night.”
“You don’t cook.”
“Shut up, I do so… kinda.” There was another bang and he cursed. I laughed. “Seriously, shut your mouth.”
“Sorry. What did you need?”
He sighed and the background noise ceased. “I was talking to Ember a month or so ago and then she called me again last night. She wants us—”
“I know what she wants. I don’t want to go.”
“Soren, listen—”
“No, I’m not doing it.”
“You interrupt me again, I’m gonna kick your fucking ass, now shut up and listen.”
I stayed quiet, even though a million retorts streamed through my mind. I’d pushed all thoughts of visiting Ember and the new baby from my head. Anything that involved my parents was off the table.
“I know you don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. Believe me, the last thing that needs to happen is me being in a room anywhere near Dad. I told her that.” There was a pause and Abel let out a long drawn out breath. “Soren, she wants us there. She fucking cried at me. I told her we’d visit another time when Mom and Dad weren’t around, but it wasn’t good enough. This isn’t even about the baby. It’s the whole broken apart family thing. She hates it and I know she wants to fix it.”
“It will never happen, Abel. You and I both know that.”
“I know. And it will all go up in flames. But I think we need to make the effort for her.”
He went silent. Neither of us spoke. Anxiety tightened around my body and deep inside a trembling began that I couldn’t stop.
“I don’t want to, Abel,” I whispered.
“I know, me neither. We won’t go alone. I’m bringing Kieran, so at least there will be three of us and Em and Stephen. If Dad makes a scene, we kinda have back-up. Ember promised that Mom and Dad agreed to be cordial. We are better than them, Soren, we can do the same.”
I sighed heavily, knowing I wouldn’t win the argument. “Fine, but can we get a hotel room or something? I don’t want to stay at Em’s… in case we need to get away.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
Ashton exited the bathroom, still damp from his shower with only a towel around his hips. I opened my mouth to ask if Ash could come too, but then thought better of it. He was bitter toward me lately. There was probably no way he’d want to be involved with my family drama.
“When is it? Did she set a date?”
“Yeah.” Abel paused and a barely audible growl sounded from the back of his throat. “She’s due at the end of November, so she planned it for mid-December and is calling it a meet the baby slash family Christmas gathering.”
My body sunk deeper into the bed. “Wonderful.”
“I know. So, you’re coming with us, right?”
“You aren’t giving me a choice I thought.”
“Nope, I’m not. Kieran and I can pick you up on our way through. I’ll call you closer to the time and we can work out the details, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The clattering on the other end of the line returned and I knew Abel was working at his dinner again. “All right, go work that ass and make your money. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I nearly opened my mouth to tell him I had job interviews lined up for the following week, but thought better of it and clamped it shut again. What if I didn’t get those jobs? It would just give him something else to tease me about.
“Later.”
We hung up and I tossed my phone aside before covering my face with an arm. My heart knocked relentle
ssly against my ribcage. The thought of being in the same room as my parents again was just about the worse kind of nightmare I could imagine.
“Bathroom is all yours,” Ash said as he pulled some clothes on across from me.
I reluctantly dragged my ass into the bathroom for a shower.
Once we arrived at work, a text finally came through from Remy.
Sorry, I’m not accustomed to taking my phone everywhere I go. I left it at home all day. I’m very happy for you getting those interviews. You’ll do amazing, I know it.
I threw my backpack in my locker and typed out a quick response, smile plastered on my face. At least the guy hadn’t been blatantly ignoring me like I’d begun to assume.
I hope so. I’m nervis, but I’ll get over it. Get your ass in geer. Don’t u have someplac 2 b 2 nite?
I dropped my phone on the bench and undressed as I awaited a response. Ash had immediately gravitated to Ryan and a few other guys so I was alone on the other end of the changeroom. That was all right, considering my having a conversation with Remy would have just irritated him more.
My phone buzzed on the bench as I pulled on my silver shorts and sat to buckle my boots.
I opened the message.
I have over two hours. Relax. And bite your tongue, because I know you want to tease. Even with my issues, I can be there by eleven.
Just as I finished reading, a second message came through.
Looking forward to seeing you.
The smile plastered to my face grew along with a warmth over my insides. All week Remy had been on my mind, along with the kisses we’d shared and the things he’d said. Giddiness and excitement consumed me for the first time in a long time. Forgetting my boots for a moment, I typed out a quick response.
I’ll wait and teese u in persin. Can’t wait 2 c u 2.