“Jenn?” I heard from inside the bedroom, and I couldn’t hold in my smile. In his stressed state, he hadn’t realized that I’d left the room.
“I’m out here, James,” I called and giggled when he came running toward me with wide eyes and hair standing in every direction.
“Fuck, Jenn, don’t scare me like that!” he said, and I was amazed by the fact that he was so panicked while I felt rather calm now that it didn’t hurt as much. I’d thought it would be the other way around.
“Calm down, will you,” I said to reassure him and placed both of my hands on his cheeks. “Sue’s told me these things can take hours, especially with the first child, and my water hasn’t broken yet.”
He nodded shakily and then placed his hands on my waist. “Are you in pain?” he asked.
I smiled. “The contractions hurt, but they’re bearable.” He nodded again, and I handed him the car keys. “Go out and start the car, and I’ll call Sue, okay?”
Once again, he nodded, and then he went out the front door. I dug through my purse for my phone and made that call to Sue.
“Yes, Jenn?” she answered.
“Sue, my contractions have started,” I said. There was a short silence on the other end and then Sue went into midwife mode.
“How far apart are they?”
“Maybe eight to ten minutes, but I’m not sure.”
“Did your water break?”
“No, not yet.”
“Have you had your bloody show?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t checked.”
“Okay, well, you’re in luck. I’m already at the hospital, so just get here as fast as you can.”
“I will. James’s getting the car right now.”
“Good! I’ll make sure someone’s waiting at the entrance with a wheelchair.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” I dropped the phone back into my purse and started for the door. However, in the hallway, another contraction hit me, and this one was the worst yet. I had to bend over slightly and really breathe through it.
James found me like that, and he almost flew up to me in order to support. “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding very panicky.
“Fuck, that one hurt,” I said, mostly to myself, and then turned to him. “Yeah, let’s get to the hospital. Sue’s already there.”
James helped me gingerly into his car and then hurried to the driver’s side. It was at least a twenty minute drive to the hospital, so I could only hope that the contractions didn’t get any worse before we got there.
We pulled out from the driveway and James immediately pressed down on the gas. Since I was feeling okay now, I couldn’t help but to laugh at his stressed out state.
“Why are you laughing?” he asked and I heard how shallow his breathing was. I looked over at him and saw how wide his eyes were. It looked quite comical.
“I’m laughing at you. Seriously, you look like you would have more use for that Lamaze course than I have,” I said through my laughter.
“How can you be so calm about this? You’re about to push a human out of your body! Aren’t you nervous?” James’s head whipped back and forth between my face and the road and it only added to his cartoon-look.
“Not right now. Maybe when it gets closer, but my contractions are too far between. Besides, you’re more than enough nervous for the both of us.”
“Sorry about that, but I wasn’t exactly prepared for this today,” he said sarcastically and tried to regulate his breathing.
I continued to smile and shook my head. I could have told him that I wasn’t prepared for this myself, but I wasn’t acting like a stumbling idiot because of it, however, I kept it to myself because I knew that in the state he was in right now, he would take it as an insult.
We had been driving for a while when the next contraction came over me. I breathed through it, just as I did with the last one, but the feeling lingered longer afterwards and so I had to really focus on my breathing for the rest of the ride.
Everything became kind of blurry for me once we’d arrived at the hospital. James jumped out of the car and suddenly I was placed in a wheelchair with a nurse asking me all kinds of questions, which I answered mechanically. I was going to wait with the detailed information until I had Sue in front of me. This nurse didn’t know my medical records or anything about my pregnancy, and so I did not trust her.
It was probably stupid of me to think like that, but I was about to give birth so I had the right to be slightly irrational.
I was wheeled into a room and given a gown to put on, and during all of this, James stood only a few feet away with his arms crossed and shoulders tensed. His nervousness was practically palpable.
I sighed once I’d settled in the bed and looked his way. “Please, James, don’t just stand there. You’re grating on my nerves.”
“Then what do you want me to do? Jenn, I’m quite out of it here. I have absolutely no clue on anything right now.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Go get me some ice chips or something.”
“Ice chips?”
“Yeah, or whatever.”
“If the ice chips could wait for just a few minutes, I would like to talk with you both,” Sue said with a smile when she entered the room.
I felt instant relief when I saw her and reached out my hand for James’s. We were both tense and had to be supportive of each other, and I knew James was panicking on the inside more so than I was.
He took my hand and began rubbing my knuckles soothingly, and then we both turned to Sue who was now looking through my chart and checking the heart monitor.
“So, Jenn, we’ve had this discussion before, and I know you want an all-natural birth. Baby’s heartrate is looking good for the moment, but I want to monitor it closely, just in case. You’re only four centimeters dilated, so it will be a while. We’ll have to see how everything plays out, okay?”
We both nodded, and Sue smiled at us before she walked up to me and tenderly placed a stray hair behind my ear. “Everything’s going to be fine. If you have any questions, just call for a nurse and they will page me. I will be here as soon as I can.”
Sue left the room and James immediately opened his mouth. “You’re not getting an epidural?”
“No, I don’t want to drug my baby.”
“Are you sure about that? I mean, I’ve only seen childbirth on TV, but it looks quite painful. I don’t want you to suffer unnecessarily.”
I shook my head at him. “No. Sue and I talked about this, and it’s what I want.”
Suddenly, James’s phone started to ring, and I watched with fascination as his entire demeanor changed when he looked at the display. He looked up at me with an apologetic face.
“I have to take this. It’s my boss.”
I felt an irrational fear of being left alone, but I nodded anyway. James must have seen my worry, though.
“I’ll be right outside in the hall. Just call for me if you need me.”
I nodded again, and James placed the phone by his ear and walked out.
My lower back was hurting like hell, and I did everything I could to find a more comfortable position to lie in, but it was difficult, because the monitors on my stomach kept moving whenever I did, and the IV didn’t make the task any easier.
Just as I was about to turn over on my side, James came back inside. His eyes were hard and he was frowning, but as soon as he saw my struggle, his forehead smoothed out and he came to my aid.
“What is it? Are you in pain? Can I do anything?” he asked, but I couldn’t focus on it.
“It’s just my back. I’m trying to get over on my side. How was the call? You looked rather angry when you came in here.”
“Let me help you,” he said and ignored my question.
When I was on my side with my back to him, he sat down in a chair next to the bed and began digging his fingers into my lower back.
I moaned out at the wonderful feeling, but I did not let myself get too distracted. �
�James, come on! Haven’t we moved past being all mysterious with each other? What did your boss want?”
“Just relax, baby,” he continued to ignore.
“You don’t have to go back to Chicago, do you?”
“No, I don’t have to go back to Chicago,” he said, finally acknowledging my worry.
“Then what was it? Another mission?”
“Jenn, please, let’s not talk about it right now, okay? I promise we’ll talk about it when we go back home, but right now, I just want to focus on you and Baby.”
I looked at him over my shoulder. He was completely focused on the task of massaging my spine and I decided that he was right. We would talk about it when we were home.
A loud fast beeping rang through the room, then. It wasn’t a particularly pleasurable sound and I realized with rising panic that it came from the heart monitor.
Only a few seconds later, a nurse came in, quickly followed by Sue. Both of them looked at the monitor.
“What’s going on?” James asked and stood up from his chair.
“Baby’s heart rate is slowing,” Sue said lowly and then turned to me. “Jenn, I need you to get onto your back immediately, okay.”
I did as I was told and Sue instantly propped up my legs while a nurse fastened an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. I grabbed James’s hand and held on tight. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening but it scared me shitless.
Sue opened my legs up and placed her hand against me. “You will feel a push now, Jenn, but I have to turn Baby, okay? I have to take the pressure off the chord.”
“Okay,” I replied with a pathetic whimper as said push radiated through my entire abdomen. The feeling intensified and James tightened his hold on my hand. “Ow…shit…,” I mumbled under my breath and closed my eyes. The feeling was more than uncomfortable.
The monitor slowed down and Sue exhaled with relief. “We’re good. The heart rate is coming back up, but we need to get things going a lot faster. I want to give you some medicine and break the sack myself.”
I started to shake my head. “No, no. I don’t want the drugs. Sue, you told me I could do this without the drugs.”
“Yes, I did, but things change. There’s no time to discuss it, Jenn. It’s for Baby’s safety. Once the sack is broken, I don’t want there to be an infection.”
I swallowed hard and looked between James and Sue. I knew James would support me in whatever I chose so he was of no help, but I also knew that what Sue told me was my only real choice. I didn’t want any harm to come to my child, so I had to listen to her.
“Fine,” I said and leaned back against my pillows. I suddenly felt completely exhausted.
“Thank you, Jenn,” Sue said and left the room with the nurse.
CHAPTER 36
THE BIRTH AND TRUTHS
”Will you ever tell me who you work for?” I asked once James and I were alone again. I knew we said we would talk about it later, but I couldn’t let it go—not this time. My child was about to enter this world, and by that time, I didn’t want there to be any secrets between me and James.
“Jenn, I told you—”
“I know, I know, it’s confidential. At least, just tell me one thing.”
“What?” He scooted his chair closer to my bed.
“This time around, are you the good guy or the bad guy?”
James blinked, and then let his eyes fall toward the floor. He shook his head back and forth and stayed in that position when he opened his mouth again.
“What brought this on? You know I’ve changed.” He raised his head. “Is this a true concern for you, or is it just something fueled from all this stress?”
I hated that he always replied with a question of his own, but I humored him. “It’s a real concern for me, and not just for me, personally, but you know I’m a cop now. If you are a criminal, I would have to report you.”
James smiled and leaned forward to give me the sweetest kiss I’d ever received. “How lucky for the both of us that I am one of the very good guys then.”
I grabbed his face and forced him to look into my eyes. His eyes had never been able to truly lie to me, so when I saw nothing but the sincerest truth in there, I was filled with warmth. I pulled him to me for another kiss and then settled back into my bed.
The door opened, and Becca came in with Solomon on her heels.
“Hi, babe! How are you? Your dad called me and said you’d gone into labor. We got here as fast as we could.” She aggressively pushed past James to get to me, and he awkwardly got up from his chair and stood in the corner.
Solomon, who was of a gentler nature than my Sissy, remained by the foot of my bed, but he was smiling just as big as his wife.
“I’m good now, so don’t worry. It’s been a couple of stressful hours, but Sue’s here, so I’m calm.”
She nodded. “Yeah! We should be glad this isn’t a movie because then Sue would have been out of town for some weird reason and you’d be stuck with some other strange doctor. Could movies about pregnancy be more repetitive in that department?”
I laughed out loud at my Sissy’s Chandler Bing imitation, but my laughter died out when she turned to James.
“Thank you so much for getting her here. Really! That was very kind of you. I’ll just take over from here,” she said with a smile that was rather derogatory.
“Becca!” I exclaimed, but neither she nor James listened to me.
“Can I talk with you outside in the hall for a minute?” He disguised the demand as a question, but all of us knew that he wasn’t exactly giving her a choice.
The two of them left the room, and Solomon helped me breathe through another contraction before he gave me a hug and a few supportive words. He said that he would remain in the waiting room and left as well.
I wasn’t alone for long, though. James soon came back inside, without Becca, but he was smiling at me, so I didn’t question him about what he’d told her out there.
It did not matter how much I loved my Sissy. In this case, I wanted James in here with me more than I wanted her.
“Uggh! Huuuh, aaah!” There were no words that could describe the pain I was going through at the moment, but it did not stop me from trying.
“Shit! Oh, shit, this really hurts,” I got out once the contraction was over.
James stood next to me with one of his hands on my back to support me as the nurse prepped me. Sweat was running down my face and in my neck, causing my hair and gown to go damp, and my tears would not stop coming.
Sue finally came into the room and I practically screamed at her to give me the drugs.
“I want the epidural! Please, give me the epidural, now!”
“Hold on, Jenn, I have to check your status first,” Sue said and placed herself on a stool between my legs.
“Give it to her, Sue. She’s in too much pain. Give it to her now,” James said and wiped my forehead and removed the strands of hair that were stuck to my sweaty skin.
Sue met my eyes from her position. “Jenn, I’m afraid you’ve passed the point for an epidural. Your cervix is fully dilated.”
I shook my head. “No, seriously, I want the epidural! I know there is time!”
“I can’t give you one,” Sue insisted.
“I’ll make sure it doesn’t come out! I won’t push, just please…!” The urge to push was the strongest I’d ever felt, but if it meant that I could get my drugs then I would fight it for as long as was needed.
“We have time. Just do it, please,” James continued to fight for me, but Sue was determined.
“I’m sorry. We have no time. It will have to be the all-natural way, Jenn. The way you first wanted to do it. Are you ready?”
I was nowhere near ready, but I nodded anyway.
“You’re doing great, honey. When the next contraction comes, I want you to push, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I said through my teeth and braced myself. “Aaaaaaaarrrgh!” Screaming energized me as I pushed with all
of my might, and it felt as if I was being torn in half. “Fuuuuuck! I feel everything!!”
“Good! You’re doing so great, honey! Wait for the next contraction.”
“Shit, this is really happening,” I heard James whisper next to me.
“Get ready, Jenn. One, two, three…push!”
It felt like an eternity later when Sue finally said that we were passed the shoulders. “Just one more push, Jenn. One more!”
“Uuugghh, aaaarrghh!”
That last push was everything. I felt Baby come out of my body, and then a few seconds after, I heard the wail of my child’s first cry.
“Oh god, I did it! Ugh, I did it.”
“You did it, baby. It’s done. You did it,” James said and kissed my forehead, all the while, a smile as big as Australia grazed his face.
The nurse spread a blanket over me before Sue placed my baby in my arms. “Congratulations, Jenn. Your son is finally here,” she said, and I saw the tears in her eyes as she helped me bundle him up.
My son. I had a son, and he was finally out here with me.
Everything else just blurred out as I looked at his beautiful, scrunched up little face. He was just perfect. Absolutely perfect.
He was, and would always be, the only one I used that word for, ever, because that’s what he was to me.
“Do you want to hold him?”
“I’m afraid I’ll drop him.”
“You won’t.”
James awkwardly held out his arms in a cradle position, and I gingerly placed my son there. When he felt confident that he wouldn’t drop him, he held him closer to his body and instinctively began rocking him.
“See, you’re a natural,” I told him and smiled.
James smiled back at me and then directed his eyes back down toward my baby boy. “Have you decided if you’re going to use those names you told me?” he asked after a few seconds of silence.
I nodded. “Yeah, I have. And he does kind of look like an Alec, don’t you think?”
“He sure does,” James agreed, and we went back into silence.
The Perfect Guy: A Romance Novel Page 26