by Holly Rayner
And, once again, that beautiful, intense flashing of her eyes, and I couldn’t hold it in another second. I pressed my lips to hers. They moved together as easily as if we’d been doing this for years. Every movement of hers was matched easily with mine.
Her lips, over my top then bottom lip. Her tongue, responding to mine, dancing with it, playing with it. Her hands, letting mine explore where they would, sliding over my face, through my hair, over my shoulders. Her sides were soft and her skin even softer, so soft I felt I could never stop feeling her, that I could spend all night, us locked together like this.
Feeling the urge to give in to my passion for her, I jerked away. My back to her, I sucked in deep breaths and willed myself not to move, not yet.
“I’m sorry.”
Her response came back reassuring, breathless, too. “It’s okay.”
“I just…got carried away.” I craned my neck so I could look at her—my sweet-tasting, amazing beauty. “I care about you so much, and I am so attracted to you, I…”
Now, she was the one putting a finger to my lips. “Shh…”
She laid back down and patted the space beside her. I wrapped my arm around her and allowed myself nothing more. At first, it took every particle of my determination not to return my lips to hers, to rip my gaze away from her beautiful face, those blue, shining eyes, that soft smile.
But, when I did, when I allowed my gaze to settle on the night above us, it was spectacular. It was like before and yet it wasn’t; it was even better. The sky was alive with stars, more than I’d ever seen in my life. It was as the heavens themselves were celebrating with us, as if this was the universe’s wedding gift for us.
And, as I held her closer, my Lacie, it occurred to me that I was truly, blissfully, overwhelmingly happy, for the first time in my life.
Chapter Nineteen
Lacie
That night, we finally made it to the hotel. The next morning, I awoke in a bed of my own, and after Rashid and I enjoyed a relaxing, delicious breakfast together, the rush began.
The next few days passed as one blur of activity: dress fittings and dance lessons, talks with his mother and our wedding planner. So much happened that I barely had time to see Rashid, let alone address my feelings for him.
Meanwhile, every day, my voicemail got fuller until, two days before the wedding, it got filled up entirely. That night, I finally checked it. The first few messages were as expected: my manager freaking out that I had been serious when I’d told her I was taking two weeks off and would not return indefinitely, my mom and dad sending their love and worries, and then, finally, Nadia.
“Hey there, stranger.” Her snarky voice came through the speaker as I played the message, and I felt myself cringing. “So, you’ve officially disappeared and aren’t returning any of my messages. You better call me, now. I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you.”
It took me a few minutes on my bed, breathing deeply, before I could bring myself to call her back.
“Lacie! Where the hell have you been?”
At the sound of her voice, I paused. For a second, I considered just hanging up, blocking her, and never speaking to her again. But then, her irritated sigh came over the line, and I knew. I had to do this.
“I’m in Zayed-Kharan.”
“The Middle East? No way! What happened? Did you get fired? And why didn’t you call me?”
“No, I didn’t get fired. Although I’m not sure I’ll have my job when I get back home.”
“Well, why are you there, then?”
I took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy.
“I met a man. He’s a prince and he’s invited me here to marry him.”
For a few moments, there was no response. Then, came the short, high-pitched bursts of laughter.
“Hahaha! Oh Lacie, you crack me up.”
When I said nothing, gradually, the penny dropped.
“Lacie, you aren’t serious…you don’t mean…”
“Yes, I am. I don’t know when I’ll be back, to be honest.”
At this, Nadia flared back up.
“Oh, really? And I don’t suppose you thought of my wedding in a few months, now did you? No, you were just so desperate to find a man that would have you that you jumped at the first one who said “hello” to you. God, Lace, I knew you were lonely, but this…”
I waited until she was finished, until her insistent angry voice had dimmed.
“You want to know what I think?”
And, as she was about to tell me, suddenly, the words flowed out of me.
“No, Nadia, I don’t. I don’t want to know what you think. I’ve spent half my childhood and way too much of my adult life hearing your thoughts about every single one of my choices from my other friends to the socks I wear. And you want to know what I think? I think you’re a stuck-up, hateful woman who never has anything nice to say to anyone, and one who I’ve let rule me for far too long. And so, yes, Nadia, I guess you could say that I won’t be making it to your wedding.”
There was a shocked pause, then her voice came over the line once more.
“Lacie, I swear to God—”
“Goodbye, Nadia.”
And then, I ended the call.
For a second, I was in shock. Then, as the reality of what I’d just done sunk in, I leapt up and skipped around the room. Every time I passed the ornate mirror, I paused to say the words to my face, to look at my reflection as I said them.
“I did it, I did it, I did it!”
And I was so happy, so jubilant, and felt so powerful, that I made a terrible mistake. I called them. My parents.
Someone I didn’t recognize picked up on the first ring.
“Lacie.”
“Mom, is that you?”
The hoarse, half-whisper hadn’t sounded like her at all.
“Yes, I… You haven’t gone through with it yet, have you?”
“No, I’m going to, but it’s tomorrow.”
“Oh. And our messages?”
“I’m sorry, I…I just didn’t know what to say.”
“It’s okay, my sweet girl.”
Her voice was so understanding, so heartbreakingly resigned, that I could have cried right then. I didn’t, though. No, the tears came a minute or so later, when Dad came on the line.
“Your mother won’t say it to you, Lacie, but I will. What you’re about to do is wrong, hands-down, wrong. It’s wrong for you, and it’s most certainly wrong for your mother and me. She’s gotten worse, you know.”
His words twisted a knife in my gut, but still, I couldn’t believe it.
“No. No, Dad, no, she…”
“She’s gotten worse, Lacie. She’d rather die than see you unhappy because of us. So, please, if you love us, don’t marry that man if you don’t love him. Come home.”
Now, the tears had come. They were streaming down my face, onto the receiver.
“Whatever you decide, we understand, honey. I just wanted you to know what was really happening over here.”
Dad’s voice was gentle, understanding, just as Mom’s had been, in a way that made my tears pour down more.
Just as I was about to respond, to gasp out how sorry I was, he gently said, “Goodbye, Lacie.”
And then, he had hung up and I was heaving with the words I still didn’t know, still couldn’t voice. Because I didn’t know—if this was the worst decision I’d ever made, or the first right one I’d chosen in a while. If I was dooming myself to a strange life of lonely regret or choosing one of exciting happiness and limitless potential.
Hanging on the door was my wedding dress, the beautiful lace, sequined gown I’d found after trying on what had seemed like hundreds of dresses with Rashid’s mother. Now, staring at it, remembering how the kind woman had gently asked me questions, then reassured me of my future with Rashid, I felt guilty.
Who was I to marry anyone, when I wasn’t even sure it was the right thing to do? It was worse than wrong—it was cr
uel to marry someone when I wasn’t sure of my heart.
The longer I stared at it, the more the dress called to me, as if in its intricate design was the answer to my dilemma.
Finally, I had no choice. I unzipped the delicate dress, careful to move the stubborn zipper slowly and not let it catch on any of the swirling tufts of fabric. Stepping into it was easy enough; it was zipping it back up that was difficult. I held my breath and yanked the zipper up. It hit the top with a jolt, sending me stumbling to the mirror.
There, still breathing deeply from the effort, I gazed at my reflection.
The woman in the mirror was beautiful. Her red-rimmed eyes were still streaming tears, but in a strange way, the tears matched the clear, sparkly jewels on the dress. The gown fit as if she’d been born in it, with every curve and line following those of her own body. And, this woman, this beautiful woman, was me. As I stared at her, she and I realized the same thing, simultaneously: I wasn’t ready for this.
A great trembling overtook my whole body and I raced out of there, my legs taking me to a destination even I didn’t know. The house was dark and I tripped, but didn’t fall. Only when my hand connected with the door at the end of the hallway did I know where I had been headed.
Chapter Twenty
Rashid
“Lacie.”
She was there, at my door, in her wedding dress. And yet, somehow I wasn’t surprised.
I let her in without a word and closed the door behind her. She took one look at me and the words spilled out.
“I’m sorry, but I had to come here and tell you. I can’t go through with tomorrow. My parents not only don’t approve, but the stress might actually be making my mom’s condition worse. Even if it weren’t for that, this doesn’t feel right. I like you, but I don’t love you. Not yet. I think I could, but there hasn’t been enough time—this has all gone so fast.”
I couldn’t form the words to reply yet, and stood there in stunned silence.
“I’m sorry,” she said miserably, although that didn’t make any difference.
And yet, I didn’t feel how I would’ve expected I’d feel. After these words, the words that meant the end of me, of my family, of everything that I’d worked so hard for my whole life, I felt relieved. I felt like I wanted to kiss her.
Instead, I tore my gaze away from her face, took her hand in mine, and squeezed it.
“Don’t be sorry. You’re right. This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with these past few days, too. Lacie, I like you, I really do—you’re everything I’d want in a partner; there just hasn’t been enough time. I don’t regret a second we’ve spent together. Not when they’ve been some of the happiest of my life.”
My hands were in hers, my gaze tracing the outlines of her face. When it settled on her lips, I closed my eyes.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I just didn’t—”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Not a thing in the world.”
We sat down on my bed, she and I, almost-bride and almost-groom.
“It’s strange to think that, other than my parents, you know me—the real me—better than anyone else. We’ve been through so much together,” she whispered.
I nodded. “We have. I feel like I’ve known you for months, years.”
“But you haven’t,” she gently reminded me.
I nodded once more. “If, after this, somehow, we could be something together, what would you want to do? What would you want to know about me?”
During our intense conversation, she had settled into me, fitting perfectly against my body. It felt comfortable, so right, both of us here. She didn’t notice, but I did. A wistful half-smile rose on her lips.
“God, what a question. I don’t know, maybe get a dog together? I want a dog someday.”
I sighed dramatically. “I’m a cat person. If you want a dog, I can’t be with you.”
As her face fell in horror, I couldn’t help cracking up.
“You brute!”
I kissed her cheek. “Yes, I am a dog, aren’t I?”
She couldn’t help but laugh as well.
“And…I don’t know, I’d like to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do. Already, you’ve made my life more like a dream, more exciting and wonderful than I ever thought it could be. So, I guess the rest would just be the icing on top. I’d want to go swimming with you, go to plays and movies, grow a garden, take cooking classes, travel the world. I’d want to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do, just with you.”
Now, her whole face was alive with her words, her dreams, as if they were happening as she spoke. Her happy eyes met mine.
“And you?”
I pressed her tighter to me in the circle of my arms.
“I’d just want to be with you. Every day, every night—just like this. Whatever we’d do, wherever we were, I’d want it to be just like this. Just us, being us. Not having to pretend or lie or do anything but exactly what we wanted to. And that would be okay too, you see—any hardship or tough time or decision would be bearable, because I’d be with you.
“As long as we didn’t have to take things faster or slower than we wanted to because of some outdated law, as long as I could love you as fully and honestly as I could, then, that, that my dear Lacie, would be enough.”
And then, all the words had been said, so all that was left to do was to prove how much I meant them. We fell back into the rhythm, and there was nothing to do but continue. My hands were clasping hers how they had that night a few days ago, picking up where they’d left off, while hers were clutching at my face as if trying to preserve this moment forever.
Her lips were smooth and soft, every connection of our skin sending bursts of hot fire pulsing through my every nerve. I slowly helped her out of her dress, and then we fell onto the bed and into each other’s arms, gently, slowly making love.
Chapter Twenty-One
Lacie
I awoke feeling warm, cozy, and content, strong arms wrapped around me. Turning around brought me face to face with Rashid. His eyes were closed, his face blissful. He looked as purely happy as I felt about what had happened. What exactly had happened?
As soon as my hand touched my bare thigh, I remembered—us, entwined in the blankets here, our bodies telling each other just how much we cared.
And it had been great. Better than great, it had been terrifying and sweet and powerful and the best night of my life except…I sat upright in the bed with a jolt.
The ceremony! The promise! What were we going to do now?
Now, Rashid’s face looked perturbed too, although he didn’t stir. No, his whole body was still set in a pose of blissful ignorance. When I got out of bed and padded onto the floor, however, he sat up.
“Lacie?”
“Good morning.”
“Where are you going?”
The answer came to me as easily as if it had always been there, though I hadn’t really known where I was headed when he’d asked.
“Just the bathroom.”
“Okay, but when you come back, I have a morning kiss for you.”
As I washed my hands, I paused. The girl in the mirror looked different from last night—almost the complete opposite, really. Happy, not upset. Relieved, not worried. As if she’d made the right choice, and she knew it.
Back in bed, Rashid wrapped me in his arms and covered me in kisses while I giggled. As soon as I stopped, though, reality set in.
“What is it?” Rashid asked, seeing my nervous face.
“The ceremony. The promise.”
Rashid’s expression darkened. “Ah, yes, of course.”
“Well…what are we going to do?”
He shrugged. “We’ll do all we can do—lie.”
“But, Rashid, do you really think that’s for the best?”
He wrapped me tighter in his arms, sighing.
“All I know is that, now, I’m more certain than ever that I want you as my wife, one d
ay, and I’m determined that nothing will get in the way of that—certainly not some ridiculous archaic law that shouldn’t even exist in the first place. Besides, what difference does a day make, anyway?”
Despite his heartwarming words, I couldn’t help but shiver a little.
Rashid kissed my forehead, then my nose. “You hear that? I’ll going to marry you, no matter what—might as well do it now, rather than later.”
And, before I could answer, before my fear could express itself, Rashid was kissing me once again, kissing the fear away.
The rest of the day was surreal. Before, every day with Rashid had been easy, fun, yet stressful with the undercurrent of uncertainty to it. Now that our feelings were clear, however, now that I had no doubt in my mind that I did care deeply for this man, all that was left was the happiness.
We shared a beautiful, lazy boat ride around the bay, with one of Rashid’s attendants at the helm and the two of us curled up in the stern. Every few minutes, Rashid would check that I was okay, not too anxious to be on the water. And I was—doing the things I feared felt easy with him by my side.
By the time night fell and we returned home, the whole house was buzzing with tomorrow’s event. Our wedding planner, Abiah, looked like her head was about to explode.
“You two! The day before your wedding! Take off! And don’t tell anyone?”
She directed her terse, barked-out statements at me, but it was Rashid who responded.
“We needed a break from all this craziness. Everything will be fine, Abiah.”
Giving me a kiss and her a pat on the shoulder, he started up the elaborate staircase.
“See you both tomorrow. Big day!”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rashid
Wrong. That’s how I felt as soon as I woke up. The other half of the bed was empty. Lacie and I had to be careful, since we were now under scrutiny. Scrutiny to keep up a lie for a law that was wrong. As soon as my feet hit the floor, someone knocked on the door.