by Holly Rayner
His eyes had an angry sheen and I clasped his hand.
“It was brave of you, coming back to the States.”
He shrugged.
“I knew I had to come back. I needed to prove it to myself, I think. That I was different. That I wasn’t the awkward little boy who couldn’t fit in anymore.”
I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it.
“Well, clearly you’ve succeeded in that.”
He nodded, although he wasn’t looking at me, wasn’t smiling either.
“Yes, I suppose in the way I wanted to, I did. I don’t find it hard to talk to people, not anymore. It’s just…”
“What?”
Now his gaze met mine.
“I still feel alone. More alone than ever before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, being here, seeing your country like this…I can’t go back home now; I’ve adapted to the L.A. lifestyle too much. I feel like the worst kind of hybrid, one who still holds the value of his home, but has seen too much of a different world to go back and be happy there.”
Smiling absently, he clasped my hand with both of his.
“Because your country’s way of life Lucy, your equality—how plumber and business mogul alike can toast drinks at the bar—your skyscrapers and your gardens, your malls and innovation…there’s nothing like it in my home country.”
When he met my eye again, his face fell once more.
“And yet, as with everything, with good comes the bad. From what I’ve seen, many people here take their families for granted, live in the future, don’t enjoy what they have. It’s ironic—the people who have the most, being the unhappiest in the world.”
As he nodded, I found myself doing the same.
“It’s hard, living in such a fast-paced environment, where the name of the game is striving for success, no matter the consequences. I think it’s easy to forget what’s important, and who is important,” I said.
Khabib squeezed my hands once more and his face lit up. It was as if he’d said the words himself.
Just then, our waiter came up. Khabib turned to him.
“Please, could we have some cake to go? We have somewhere to be.”
The waiter nodded and, a minute or so later, reappeared with a brown bag filled with presumably cake, and the bill. Khabib paid, took the brown bag in one hand, and my fingers in his other. And then, we were off.
Outside, Khabib paused and turned to me.
“Did I mention that you look stunning tonight?”
I giggled, feeling my cheeks burn infuriatingly.
“You look pretty handsome yourself; though I’m sure you get that all the time.”
Khabib’s smile turned into a confused look.
“What do you mean?”
“I…all I meant was that I know about your reputation regarding women, Khabib.”
He dropped my hand.
“So, what—you don’t take this seriously, then? Us?”
I gaped at him.
“Well?”
Slowly, I shook my head.
“I really like you, Khabib. I just…”
“You just what?”
“You’re my boss, and I—”
The truth was swirling in me, threatening to boil over. You’re my boss, and I’m spying on you.
Khabib grabbed my hand again, his face looking intense.
“I was going to do this after a nice walk in the park, but clearly it can’t wait.”
He got out his phone.
“Hi, Howard. Yes—could you come a bit earlier? Yep, Griffith Field. Yeah, ten minutes would be perfect. See ya.”
As Khabib led me by the hand on a brisk walk, I searched his still-tense face for any indication of what that had been about, or where we were going.
“I thought you said…”
“You’ll see.”
And ten minutes later, in the middle of Griffith Field, I did see. No sooner had we set foot on the green than the helicopter started touching down.
“Khabib!”
At my awed expression, Khabib smiled, in spite of himself.
“Yeah, it’s really something, isn’t it?”
Inside, the helicopter was even more impressive. With red leather seats and black satin walls, it felt like I was in some James Bond getaway vehicle instead of Khabib’s personal helicopter.
“I didn’t take you in here just to brag,” Khabib explained with a smile. “We have a city to see.”
He leaned forward.
“Howard, you good to go?”
“Sure am, boss!”
And then the helicopter’s blades were whirring and we were rising. Higher and higher we went, at some point Khabib’s hand finding mine, both of us strapped in our seats, sneaking glances at each other when we thought the other wasn’t looking.
It was only once we were high, high up, once Los Angeles had been reduced to a collection of lovely lights, that Khabib spoke.
“I’m sorry for getting upset with you earlier.”
I could feel his gaze on me, yet couldn’t quite return it; not yet.
“It’s okay. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I just…I really care about you, Lucy. More than I could have ever expected and hoped, and it scares me that you might not feel the same.”
I turned around to see his eyes on mine—intense, deep chocolate pools.
“Khabib, I—”
“I don’t know what’s happened to me. But ever since you moved into that office next to mine, I can hardly concentrate. Every other minute I have to see what you’re doing, what expression is on your face. My life has brightened in an undefinable way. I can’t say whether it’s your laugh, the way you blush when you’re embarrassed, the graceful way your body moves, or just the way you look at me when you think I can’t see. But I can, Lucy. I can see you—the real you—in all your splendor. The kind-hearted, fun-loving woman who every day challenges me to be half as good of a man as she sees me to be.”
His words were wonderful, horrible, snaking around my neck, choking me with how much I didn’t deserve them, or him. Now, his other hand was squeezing mine.
“What I’m trying to say, Lucy, is that I’ve never met anyone like you, and I won’t ever again. I want to try to be something with you—I don’t care that we work together, I don’t care what my parents will think. All I care about is making you as happy as you make me.”
My eyes were streaming, and I couldn’t stop looking at this man, this wonderful, surprising man who’d said all the words I’d been feeling for weeks, but hadn’t dared express myself.
“Lucy, what I’m trying to say, what I want to ask…is, will you be my girlfriend?”
The question was a slap in the face, a wakeup call. This was Khabib, my boss—my boss who I was spying on—who was asking me this question. My boss who I adored, and yet, could not accept, not yet. Khabib could see it written all over my face, too.
“I’m sorry, I… Was that too much, too soon?”
I shook my head and squeezed his hand back.
“Khabib, I can’t tell you how much I care for you. How much, from the start, you’ve surprised me with how caring and considerate you are. Every time I see you, it pains me to leave, and all I can think about every week is seeing you. But…this is a big step. With your parents and work, my mom and my job, everything…I need time. A few weeks, maybe, to figure everything out. Not whether I care for you, of course—I knew that the night of the launch. But of how we’re going to do this, how we’re going to make this work. Because, Khabib, I really want to make this work.”
The Sheikh was smiling blissfully, as dopily as I was probably smiling too.
“Of course—take all the time you need.” He pursed his lips. “All the time you need…up to a month.”
We laughed, our lips finding each other. As we kissed, I was enveloped with a whole new round of delighted giddiness. Khabib bin Samara cared about me, of all people! I was the one who he wanted
to be his girlfriend, Khabib, the very womanizer who hadn’t settled down for a second since he got to LA. The first man who I could laugh with and be my true self around, the first man who I could see myself really loving and having a future with.
And yet, as we broke away, I was reminded of the real reason I couldn’t agree to his request. I was spying on him, for the very family he was willing to defy to be with me, no less.
“Lucy, is something the matter? You’ve been quiet all night. Was it something I said?”
I avoided his gaze, keeping mine on our intertwined hands.
Now was my chance. I had to tell him, to get this off my chest. I had to be truthful with him, let him decide what to do with me—the real me, not the flawless one he’d made up in his head.
And yet, when I looked at Khabib, at his handsome, understanding face, I couldn’t do it. No, I could see it now, how that same happy face would crumple with hatred once I told him the truth. Those warm eyes would never be able to look at me the same again, never again be able to trust me. I couldn’t ruin this perfect moment, no. I couldn’t tell him now.
“It’s nothing, just all the planning for your party, it’s a bit more than I expected. And then there’s Mom—she hasn’t been following the doctor’s orders or taking her prescription how she’s supposed to. Just a lot going on.”
“Oh, Lucy, I’m so sorry. I hope she’s okay.”
I waved my hand, relieved at the quick save, which wasn’t completely a lie.
“It’s fine. I’ll manage.” I kissed him again and took his face in my hands. “Thank you, Khabib. For tonight, for these past few weeks, for everything. You’ve been more than I could’ve ever hoped for.”
The Sheikh kissed my forehead, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
“As have you, my darling, as have you.”
My heart was fluttering, but when I turned to look out the window, it toppled to the floor. Now that I knew what I had to do next, I felt even worse. It wasn’t going to be easy.
Chapter Thirteen
Khabib
After going so high up in the air, it only made sense to return to sea level. The sequel to the helicopter ride was a gondola ride. When we arrived by the water’s edge and the little mustached man paddled the long pointy boat up to us, Lucy turned to gape at me.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“Oh, sorry…that boat’s not for us. Awkward.”
As her face fell, I took her in my arms.
“I thought you wanted me to kid you.”
In exasperation, she threw her head back.
“Khabib!”
I let her go and kissed her cheek.
“Okay, okay, I’m taking you on a gondola ride, Lucy Morrison. For real.”
“And if I refuse?”
I tapped her nose and took her hand.
“Aw, you’re cute when you think you have a choice.”
Lucy stuck out her tongue at me and I swept her up in my arms again, depositing her in the gondola. Then, I got in myself.
Our boatman, Jules, was an expert navigator, not to mention pretty well stocked, too. Only a few minutes into our trip, he offered us wine and chocolate. So, as Lucy and I munched little bars of dark chocolate and sipped on red wine, we looked out at the skyline of Los Angeles.
Instead of the sight of all the lights filling me with loneliness, as it so often did, I found myself in awe of the beauty of the city. Lucy too, was taking it in with a quiet expression I couldn’t quite place.
“What are you thinking about?”
She shrugged, nestled herself into me further.
“I don’t know, lots of things, I guess. You?”
“I’m thinking that I want to introduce you to my family. My parents, really.”
Lucy stiffened and sat up.
“What’s the matter?”
She shook her head, looking away.
“Khabib, I thought you said that you were going to give me some time.”
“I know, I know, but Lucy, I don’t know how much longer I can keep how I feel about you a secret. It’s too hard. You touch everything in my life, everything. I can’t think of one thing that hasn’t brightened since you came into my life.”
Still, she wasn’t looking at me.
“It’s the same for me, but Khabib, you promised. It isn’t just about us, remember—there are other people involved.”
“I know, I just…I’m sorry, it just slipped out. How about I break the news to them slowly, starting now, while you get your end in order?”
She shook her head and jumped back so rapidly that the whole gondola rocked back and forth with the motion.
“No—Khabib, I mean it. You cannot tell your parents. Do you understand me? Not yet. I have to do something first.”
Lucy’s whole face was red, her eyes wild. I’d never seen her like this.
When I gingerly gave her a pat on the back, she only shook her head again.
“I mean it, Khabib. Promise me. Promise me you’ll do as you’ve said.”
Under her insistent gaze, I nodded wordlessly. Nodding herself, she took a deep breath before releasing the tension in her body, sinking back into me.
For my part, however, I couldn’t relax. No, I stared into the lit-up night so hard I started to get a headache. Lucy’s words had stung, while her reaction was perplexing at best.
Why should I have to wait, when we’d waited so long already? Was Lucy still unsure of me? Was there something she wasn’t telling me? What was going on?
Chapter Fourteen
Lucy
I was walking to my car when it happened. Ironically, I was in the middle of reflecting on the past few weeks, and how nice they had been. How wonderful Khabib was, how lucky I was. And then I put my hand on the door handle, and she put her hand on my back.
“Lucy Morrison?”
I turned around to see a pretty brunette, a bit taller than me and more than a bit intimidating with her bugged-out blue eyes.
I nodded and her face grew even more frenzied.
“I know you’re with him, okay? Khabib. So don’t try to deny it. I’m not here to pick a fight with you— I’m here to warn you.”
As I gaped at her, she continued.
“I just don’t want anyone else to go through what I did. Because Khabib’s a real charmer—at first. Give him a few weeks, however, and he shows his true colors.”
“I’m not sure what you…”
But it was as if the woman hadn’t heard me.
“Khabib and I, we dated for a few months. At the beginning, it was all glitz and glamour. You know, fancy restaurants, expensive gifts, all the right words. He has a way of making you feel like you and he share a special connection, like you’re the only woman in the world.”
She closed her eyes, paused, then opened them.
“I fell for him hard, but a month later I found out that I was only one of many. I found out that he’d been doing the same thing—dinners, gifts, nights back at his place—with several other girls. When I confronted him about it, he at first denied it, then laughed it off. Finally, he called me crazy and wouldn’t have anything to do with me at all.”
While she spoke, the woman’s eyes bulged more and more, until they looked like they were going to pop out of her head entirely. When she was finished, she blinked once, then turned away.
“I just wanted you to know. I know I sure would have appreciated a warning.”
Rooted to the spot, I watched her walk off. It was only in my car, halfway home, that the questions occurred to me: How had she known who I was, or that I was dating Khabib? Was what she had said true, or was she just as off-the-handle as she had looked? Was I in danger of being hurt by Khabib, too?
Back at home, I fed Oscar, then sat in the dark, staring at a blank TV screen. Was that all this was to Khabib, all I was to him—another conquest?
I closed my eyes, but all I could see was his back turning the last time. Dad. The outline of his back diminishing
as he walked away, forever. Mom’s tears had dried, but not really. They were still there now in the lines on her face, in the tired way she looked at me sometimes. She’d only told me the truth a few months ago, under the influence of the drugs the hospital had given her before she’d transitioned into the wheelchair. Dad had cheated and then, when found out, left. He had never tried to contact either of us since. No, he was, as my mother had termed him, a “heartless charmer”—a fact which she had found out far too late.
And me, was I destined for the same path?
I checked my phone. The Sheikh had sent a message: What are you up to? I miss you already.
And yet, who else had he sent that message to—how many other women? On the nights I hadn’t seen him, was he still gallivanting around with L.A. starlets, taking them on boat and helicopter rides, too? Had this always been temporary for Khabib, a passing amusement? Had I been kidding myself about our “special connection” this entire time?
I didn’t answer Khabib. I turned my phone off. I didn’t go to the gym; I didn’t leave my house. I sulked in bed, going through our conversations, looks, smiles. And yet, every one cycled back to my former impression— that Khabib really cared about me. Otherwise, why would he have asked me to be his girlfriend? And yet, the woman’s insistency and that look in her eyes…who knew what Khabib had said to her, too?
When I finally did turn off the light in my room, I closed my eyes with one final resolution. Tomorrow, even if I still had no idea what I was going to do or who to believe, one thing was certain: I needed time to clear my head.
Chapter Fifteen
Khabib
The next day, Lucy took a while to respond to my text. The whole day, in fact. Finally, I called her, but was sent straight to voicemail. I left one message: “Hey Lucy, did you forget your phone at home? Just wondered if you wanted to go to a movie tonight.” Nothing.
So, I went for a run with Bruno, and went to the gym. When I got back, there was still nothing. Celeste had messaged me half a dozen times, but I ignored her and went to bed. Maybe Lucy’s phone had died; it must’ve been a fluke. Tomorrow, she’d answer, surely.