Kate pulled a fistful of her hair. “You’re gonna have to be more patient,” she whispered as her tongue glided up her neck.
“Don’t stop,” Jordan breathed in her ear. She fumbled with the zipper on Kate’s pants as Kate pulled Jordan’s tank top off over head.
“Turn off the light. Please,” Kate said.
After she sent Kate’s shirt sailing across the room, she reached over to the chain hanging off the lamp on the nightstand. With one yank, the room went dark, save the shimmer of a voyeuristic moon peering in through the window.
“By the way,” Kate whispered. “I like your rendition of dinner with a friend.”
* * *
As the sun imposed its way in and across Kate’s eyelids, she awoke with a start. Jordan’s arm extended across her stomach, and her head was nestled firmly into her neck. How was she supposed to extricate herself and slip out of bed without waking her, according to the plan she’d devised before falling asleep sometime after one a.m.? She was sure her left arm was somewhere in the vicinity, but it was numb from the shoulder down, sleeping more soundly than Jordan. What a night. A slide show of passion and pleasure flashed through her brain as she delicately lifted Jordan’s arm off her. Now to somehow dislodge Jordan’s face from the crook of her neck and shoulder while simultaneously sliding out from under her.
Last night had been incredible, sensual and cathartic in more ways than Kate could attempt to delineate at that moment. This morning, life pulsated through her, all her senses reawakened. Only one thought existed in the entire universe that could send her rocketing toward earth, crashing and burning on impact. What had she done? Yep, there it was, that old familiar cocktail of worry and dread laced with uncertainty, the one that stole the joy out of any guilty pleasure in which a morally principled woman might dare indulge. She’d been determined to keep it simple, but now that they’d done the deed, she’d unequivocally involved herself with Jordan. Maybe sneaking out and calling her later would clearly convey that while last night was special, it didn’t signal a plunge into something more intense than either was prepared for.
Tiptoeing down the hall, shoes in hand, Kate was confident she was in the clear; not even a creak of the hallway floor could deter her from reaching the refuge of the apartment door. There you are, you beautiful creature. The metal, dead-bolted gateway to her salvation was only a few tips of her toes away.
“Good morning.” A perky male voice sang out from the dining-room table, a bowl of cold cereal and the latest issue of Backstage arranged in front of him.
Her shoes clunked to the floor.
“Good morning,” she whispered as she stooped to pick them up. “I’m sorry. Have we met?”
“No, but I’m William, Jordan’s bestie from New York. And if you’re not Kate, I’ll be awfully chagrined.”
“I am,” she again whispered, hoping he’d take her cue and tone it down.
“Care to join me in a bowl of Cocoa Puffs?”
“No, thanks. I’m watching my carbs.” Her wired eyes darted down the hall.
“But you have to try Jordan’s cinnamon-raisin French toast. It’s U.F.B.”
“What’s U.F.B.?”
“Un-Fricking-Believable. Say, you’re a lawyer, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you do entertainment law? Once my career picks up, I’m going to need competent legal representation to handle all that unpleasant contractual stuff.”
“Actually, my area of expertise is family law, human rights, that sort of thing. But I’d be happy to recommend someone. Listen, I have to get—”
“That would be terrific. Jordan’s still asleep?” The tenor of his inquiry seemed to accuse her of something.
“Uh-huh.” Think fast, Kate. She was about to fold like paper in an origami class. “Well, I have an appointment this morning, and since she was sleeping so soundly, I decided to leave her a note.”
“A note?” His voice dropped several octaves as he narrowed his eyes.
“Yes. A note.”
He shrugged. “Usually you’d never catch me up at this ghastly hour, but I came in from the City early for an audition this morning.” He held up two sets of crossed fingers.
“I won’t keep you then.”
“It’s a speaking part in a union production at the Long Wharf Theater.”
“Fantastic. Good luck. I mean, break a leg. I, uh, good-bye.”
She stretched her hand for the doorknob; freedom was only inches away…
“You’re leaving,” Jordan asked sleepily from the hall.
Kate rolled her eyes before turning around. That friggin’ kid and his Cocoa Puffs.
“Good morning, Jordan. Yes, I have to get to the office early, and I didn’t want to wake you,” she explained with a pleasant smile.
“She left a note,” William offered from the table.
“I wouldn’t have minded,” Jordan said softly. Her bare feet padded toward Kate. “I had a wonderful time last night,” she whispered in her ear.
“So did I.” Kate smiled self-consciously in William’s direction after Jordan gave her a peck on the lips. “I’ll call you.”
“I hope so.” Jordan kissed her again.
Once Kate closed the door behind her, she collapsed against it for a moment and sighed. Crisis narrowly averted. Next item on the agenda: getting home, showered, and back to the office in ninety minutes for her ten o’clock appointment. And she thought sneaking out on Jordan after a night of mind-scrambling ecstasy would be the day’s greatest challenge.
* * *
Kate rapidly flicked a ballpoint pen as she walked out of her office with the ten o’clock appointment she’d kept waiting, a lesbian couple and their five-year-old son. Donna and Willa Ulman-Gravino were in the process of finalizing Willa’s adoption of their son born to Donna.
“Everything will be ready for your signatures on Friday.” Kate rubbed Willa’s back as they stopped at the door.
“Thank you, Attorney Randall,” Willa said. She shook Kate’s hand profusely. “I feel so much better now that I’m legally able to look out for Ethan’s welfare.”
“I’m thrilled to help. Nothing brings me greater pleasure than validating a non-biological parent’s right to Cub Scouts, car pools, and brawls with Little League umpires.”
“Maybe he’ll play violin instead,” Willa said.
“With all that energy?” Donna said with a grin.
“I’m betting on baseball,” Kate said. “Good luck, ladies, and good-bye, Ethan.” She patted the little boy’s head.
“Thank you again.” Donna smiled as she led her family out of the office.
Kate closed the door after seeing them off and turned to Didi who was printing documents at her desk and cooed. “Isn’t he cute? With that towhead, he looks just like a mini Anderson Cooper.”
“Where were you this morning?” Didi was all manner of business, entirely unmoved by the little tike. “You never stroll in late.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kate poured a cup of coffee from the coffeemaker on the credenza next to Didi’s desk and gulped it black.
“You slept over at Jordan’s.” Didi leapt to her feet with the accusation.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“You slept with her. Yes,” she exclaimed with a fist pump. “Next happy hour’s on you, moneybags.”
“I really screwed up.”
“How? Did you forget how to do it?”
“Don’t be an idiot. I slept with her on the second date,” she said. “Technically, the first, since lunch wasn’t really a date date. It was just like a preliminary ‘getting to know you’ thing, a ‘you’re not a psycho so we can have dinner’ thing.” With a sudden attack of nerves, she paced the reception area like a nervous shelter dog.
“Ooh, you dirty little whore,” she teased with a fake Brooklyn accent. “You ah two steps away from the gutta, missy.”
Kate ignored the vignette, lost in contemplation. �
��I can’t believe I did that. Where was my sense of decorum? I must’ve been temporarily out of my mind.”
Didi laughed as she sat on the arm of the sofa. “Kate, if you were able to resist her, then I’d question your sanity. You’re such a prude.”
“It’s so easy for you to be blasé about this, isn’t it? You didn’t sleep with a girl that’s seventeen years younger than you.”
“You bitch. Nobody likes a bragger.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Once again you fail to grasp the gravity of the situation.”
“Kate, I’m trying to be a friend here,” she said sincerely. “For the past week and a half, I’ve tried to be sympathetic to your dilemma, but frankly, I’m having trouble figuring out the dilemma.”
“You’re not sympathizing. You’re mocking me.” Kate stopped pacing long enough to knock back another swig of coffee.
“Kate, I swear I’m not,” Didi said, raising her hand to God. “You’re looking for things to stress about. So what if she’s younger? You’re not shopping for someone to marry and have kids with.”
“I’m not shopping for anything,” Kate shouted. “Dammit, I was so adamant about taking this slow, and in one moment of weakness, I kicked the whole thing into warp speed.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t want it to.”
“But I didn’t want it to.” She paused for a moment to see if Didi was going to buy that. No dice. “All right. I did want it to. I just shouldn’t have let it.”
Didi sighed. “There’s no reasoning with you when you’re like this. But try to look at it this way: maybe you weren’t any good, and she won’t ever want to have sex with you again.”
“You’re a regular Sister of Mercy,” Kate said. She retreated to the other arm of the sofa. “I suppose I’m being presumptuous about all this, aren’t I? It’s quite possible that’s all she was out for, and now that she got it, she won’t want to see me again.”
“Kate, I was kidding. I’m sure you two had outrageously hot sex, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to expect something serious. Maybe this could be a wild and wonderful summer fling that’ll make you the target of every single lesbian’s unadulterated scorn.”
Kate grimaced at the suggestion. “I don’t do flings. You know that.”
“How do you ever enjoy yourself being so absolute about everything? A steamy summer love affair could be the most therapeutic thing you’ve ever done for yourself.”
“Or the biggest disaster.”
“I could just bask in the warmth of your optimism all day long.”
“Come on. You can’t possibly believe there’s even a remote chance this could work.”
“I’m not saying this will work. All I’m saying is if I had an afterglow like you have right now, you bet your ass I’d give it a try.”
Kate loosened her shoulders and let out a sigh that blew up her wispy bangs into the air. “I do tend to get a little ramped up over things sometimes, don’t I?”
“Maybe just a smidge.”
“Which is a funny thing because I’m usually so rational.”
Didi made no attempt to hide her eye roll.
“I had a glorious evening with Jordan,” Kate said. “No need to read anything else into it.”
“Now you’re finally starting to make sense.” Didi slid down on the sofa and patted the cushion for Kate to join her. “Now you just sit right down here and tell Auntie Didi every filthy detail of your naughty night of lust.”
Kate smacked her on the back of the head and went into her office.
“All right. Have it your way. Let’s talk about me then.” She jumped up and stalked Kate into the office.
“Now there’s a subject that never comes up.”
“Don’t you want to know why I can’t go with you to the AIDS benefit Friday night?”
“I don’t know. Do I?”
“Rhea Marquez asked me to go with her to this jazz bar in Harlem. How awesome is that?”
“Very. I guess sometimes they do buy the cow after getting the milk for free.”
“That’s unnecessarily cruel. I told you I’m planning on joining CrossFit.”
“I didn’t mean you’re a cow. It’s a…never mind.”
“Funny how your sense of humor always returns once you’re no longer the topic of discussion. Joke if you must, but you were all wrong about online dating. She’s fantastic.”
“Unlike someone I know, I can admit when I’m wrong. When do I get to meet this dreamboat?”
“Next Saturday night. We’re going to Sheila and Amy’s for margaritas, the six of us.”
“What six of us?”
“You’re bringing Jordan.”
“The hell I am.”
“The hell you’re not.” Didi’s face lit up. “Oh, we’re going to have such fun, Kate. This is the first time in the whole three long years we’ve known Sheila and Amy that we’re all going to be paired off. Finally, you won’t have to sit there like a pathetic third wheel while they finish each other’s sentences. It’s annoying after a while, isn’t it?”
The more Kate considered the idea, the sweatier her palms became. “I’ll have to see if Jordan’s free that night. She’s very busy on the weekends. I’ll bet she has a show.”
“Kate, this is the litmus test, the night when our friends meet the significant others. It’s judgment day, a make-or-break proposition. It lays the foundation for the future of our relationships.”
“I don’t have a significant other, nor do I have a relationship. I’m not certain what I have, but I can tell you it’s neither of those. Does Viv want to come with us?”
“She’s meeting with potential sperm donors.”
“She’s really going through with this?”
“It seems that way. She’s been hanging around outside the Ford modeling agency for a week.”
“I’ll think about asking Jordan, but I’m not making any promises. This is already moving faster than I’m comfortable with.”
“Whatever, Kate.” Didi got up and strutted to the door. “Live in your vacuum of loneliness forever if you want, but if you blow this opportunity with Jordan, I refuse to listen to you complain about being single anymore.”
“When have I complained about that, to you or anyone else?”
“I’m just making a point.”
Kate lowered her reading glasses and studied Didi for a moment. “You know, normal people use facts when making a point.”
Didi gave her the talk-to-the-hand gesture. “I’ll be trying to get some work done if you need me.”
Kate smiled and slid her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. She loved Didi to death, but she definitely lacked foresight when it came to relationships. If she was comfortable diving headfirst into something with a cyberdate, well enough, but Kate preferred to use reason when making decisions of the heart. Well, not counting last night.
After a deep breath, she attempted to refocus her attention on work—although it wasn’t easy with visions of Jordan and their night of passion igniting in her mind like a fireworks display.
Chapter Eight
Reality Check
Kate checked her appearance in the rearview mirror as she waited at a traffic light down the street from the posh St. Regis Hotel. Although her eyes twinkled like a girl’s in the streetlights, her lids looked heavy, and the closeness of her reflection made her feel her age. If she had taken Didi’s advice and invited Jordan, she wouldn’t be alone in the car contemplating the rings in her trunk like an ancient redwood or how much her life had changed in the month since Didi had dragged to her Moxy’s. But inviting Jordan would’ve meant a move to the next level. An introduction to professional associates Kate had known for years would mean she and Jordan were actual girlfriends, significant others, or, more frightening, in a full-on, legit relationship.
She thought about Jordan again and felt a twinge in her stomach. Lately, every time she thought of her she’d experienced a twinge somewhere. Jordan was amazing
in so many ways, namely in her power to keep Kate grounded in the moment. When they were together, the simple pleasure and richness of the present prevailed. Jordan’s eyes, brimming with candor and possibility, chased away any temptation to agonize over the past or an uncertain future. Life was what it should be, and when Jordan left, something in Kate left with her.
Suddenly, Jordan’s cell number popped up on her car’s navigation screen. She touched the Bluetooth icon to answer.
“Hey.” Jordan’s sultry voice thundered throughout the car.
“Hey, yourself. What’s going on?”
“Working at home, but I’ll be done in a couple of hours. Can I see you tonight?”
The question jarred her as though she’d nailed a raised manhole cover in the road. Now she was going to have to explain. “I’m heading over to the St. Regis for the evening.”
“Oh.”
“It’s the Bar Association AIDS fund-raiser. Didn’t I mention that yesterday?” Kate asked casually, knowing she hadn’t.
“No. I don’t think so.” Disappointment hung in the air like drugstore cologne.
“Well, these things are terrible yawners. Be grateful I forgot.” Kate faked a laugh, then cringed at her lameness.
“That’s fine. No big deal.”
Apparently, it was a big deal. Hurt resonated in Jordan’s voice.
“Actually, I bought the ticket back in April, and I don’t think I could’ve…” The lie was starting to lump in her throat.
“Kate, it’s okay, really. You had these plans before we even met.”
“You’re a sport.”
“Do you think it will run late?”
“I usually sneak out by eleven, if not sooner.”
“Okay. Whatever I do tonight, I won’t be home late. Call me if you want,” Jordan said, pausing. “I kind of miss you.”
“Aww, that’s nice,” Kate said. “I kind of miss you, too. And wherever you go tonight, beware of middle-aged women playing wingman for their single friends.”
Jordan giggled. “It didn’t turn out too badly the first time it happened.”
“No, it didn’t,” Kate said warmly. “We’re still on for tomorrow night?”
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