by Timothy Cox
‘You took your time.’ Ant said. He scanned his body up and down and got up a little confused. ‘Hey…where’s the drink?’
‘The store was closed.’
He scratched his cheek, and glanced at the bench. ‘What do you mean the store was closed?’ He bit his lower lip. ‘It’s never closed.’
‘Well it was when I got there.’ Jacob said. He saw his friend get extremely agitated, and thought he better tell him. ‘Don’t worry. I have something else.’
Ant looked, not knowing what facial expression to pull. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well…I bought these.’ He got out the pills. ‘Apparently they’re crazy. They make feel really good and–’
‘And what Jacob?’ Ant asked while crossing his arms. ‘Give me my money back.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘I said I wanted alcohol, not some fucking pills. I want to be warm–’
‘But these–’
‘Give my money.’
‘I don’t have your–’
‘Oh yes you do you dirty liar.’ He gawked at his pockets. ‘I heard the coins.’
‘You heard wrong.’
Without warning, Ant lunged at his friend, knocking him to the ground. They screamed at each other, and scratched at each other. Ant stood up victories, holding a hand full of coins.
‘Piss off.’ Jacob said. ‘Go on, get.’
‘You dirty dirty liar.’ Ant scanned the ground for the pills so that he could step on them.
Jacob saw the pills before he did and grabbed them. He stood up and pushed Ant. ‘Get away I said.’
‘You stole my money.’
‘Our money, and I did get us something.’
‘Well enjoy it.’ Ant said. He turned his back and walked.
‘Where the hell you going?’
‘Away from you.’
Jacob watched him walk away, and didn’t say anything else. If he wanted to be like that, then let him be. More pills for him. He sat down on the bench and covered himself with the blanket. He felt angry that Ant was like that, after all he did for him. He peered into the distance and tried finding the owl, but it too, was gone. He didn’t want to take the pills just yet, one thing he learned over the years is that to never take anything when you’re in a bad mood. He also promised himself that this was only going to be a one night thing, and not a regular habit.
The night was silent and cold. His arms shivered, reminding him of the way Ant behaved. He had enough of waiting around, he was getting tired. He rummaged his pocket trying to get the two pills out. When he did, he held them at eye level.
He threw both down his throat, and swallowed. He expected instant results, but was miserably let down. He sat staring at the night sky, waiting for something to happen, anything…just something. Then he felt his head itch. He took off his beanie and scratched it, thinking that it was the start of some good trip. It wasn’t. It was just normal itchy skin.
He got up from the bench, and stood still, trying to see if he felt dizzy. He sighed and walked to the grass. He realized that what he did was a mistake. He not only took random drugs from a random person, but argued with his friend over stupid things. It was his fault and he knew it, he was the one that lied, and he was the one that tried keeping the coins all to himself. He could feel his socks getting wet from grass. His legs shivered.
‘I’m so stupid.’ Jacob said. He rubbed his runny nose and walked around. He felt hungry, and thought about his plans the next day. He was going to go to the food bank in the morning, the Christian Aid one. They always had nice food there, and it was free, nothing beats free. He thought about the woman serving the food, how she always wore that nice tight dress. How she tried covering her legs with stockings – oh – how he would rip them off right now and lick her thighs.
He looked up at the moon, and felt angry that what he got was nothing more than empty pills. He got onto his knees and howled like a wolf. He stuck his tongue out and ran around on all fours. He licked his lips, thinking about that woman. He felt like killing her and then fucking her. While running around like a dog, he felt like going all the way back to that off license shop and telling the man his shit doesn’t work. At least he didn’t pay for it.
He tried finding the owl in the woods, he was sure the damn critter was there somewhere. He felt annoyed that a little bat-thing could evade him. It wasn’t fair, not when he felt like teaching the thing a lesson. He stopped next to a tree and pulled his pants off. It felt good peeing against a tree like a dog.
The forest was dark; trees blocking any moonlight from entering. But Jacob didn’t mind, because for the first time in his life he could see in the dark. It felt weird, but so normal. He stopped somewhere, he didn’t know where, he needed to catch his breath. He felt his stomach ache. While holding his chest, he thought of Ant. He felt disappointed for letting him walk away when he was right – the pills were fake. Just some things that didn’t do anything. He shook his head left to right and ran to the nearest tree. He felt like banging his head against it, so that his body could learn from stupid mistakes. But he puked instead.
He felt his skin stretch, he hated it, so painful. He rubbed his hand across his arm and felt hot skin. He looked around him, but everything was turning like a whirlpool. He needed to rest, he was getting a cold or something. Or no, he needed to quench his hunger. Preferably hot. Skin hot.
While standing still – his ears picked up on something; he didn’t know how, but he could hear blood flowing through veins – a heart pump: Doof. Ka doof. Ka doof. He knew exactly where to look, and when he did, he saw something vile look at him. It had two little eyes, fur, it kept jumping.
‘Stupid little rabbit.’ Jacob said. He lunched forward, unsure how to run, he tried running on all fours. The rabbit ran fast, but not fast enough. He grabbed it by its little feet and held it up. He liked the way it screamed, the way it kept wiggling its tiny body. ‘Don’t you ever run away from me.’ Jacob said. He held the rabbit up and put the head in his mouth. He chewed. It tasted so nice, especially with the thing screaming in his mouth.
(7)
‘Good morning Ant,’ she said smiling. ‘How are you today?’
He coughed. ‘Ok…I don’t really feel that good.’
She picked up a bag filled with food. ‘Oh deary me. Well why don’t you take this, fill your tummy up,’ she glanced around and pointed down the hall. ‘And go take a hot shower.’
‘Yes ma’am.’ He said, not offering much eye contact. He took the bag and walked to the nearest seat.
‘Oh and Ant. Don’t forget to go and pray. We have Father Rick in today.’
‘Ok. I will. Have you seen Jacob?’
She touched her lips and frowned. ‘Now that you ask, no, I haven’t. That’s odd, he’s usually in before you.’
‘Whatever’ Ant mumbled and walked to the seat where others were sitting.
‘Oh speak of the devil.’ She said, giggling like it was a joke. ‘Here he is now.’
The doors opened and in came Jacob. His clothes were ripped apart, he stank of filth, but his skin looked young, fresh, like he had grown younger, more youthful. He smiled at Elizabeth, even gave her a little wave. He saw Ant, but chose to ignore him.
‘You look very chirpy.’ Elizabeth said. ‘We were just talking–’
‘About me. I know.’ Jacob said. ‘I could hear you guys from all the way outside.’
She giggled. ‘Oh you.’ She gave a bag. ‘Now as I said to Ant, eat up, go have a shower, and go talk to Father Rick.’
Jacob’s head twitched.
‘You ok?’ She asked.
‘I’m fine.’ He said, giving her a smile. ‘Where’s Father Ri–’ His head twitched again. ‘Father Rick.’
‘Just in the hall, praying. You sure you are–’
‘Never been better. Thank you.’ He lifted his bag and walked away.
Nobody asked – or even gave a second look at his dirty clothing. He blended well with all the homeless. The only
person staring at him was Ant, and he didn’t look happy.
‘Hey.’ Jacob said. ‘Can I sit next to you?’
He nodded, and took a bite of his sandwich.
‘I want to say that I’m sorry about–’ He stopped mid-sentence, his brain was telling him that the strong doesn’t apologize. The strong only–
‘Yes go on.’ Ant said, not looking at him.
‘I just wanted to say that I’m…sorry that’s all.’ He smiled, and some part of him did feel sorry. Ant was his only homeless friend, and when you don’t have a home, or nothing for that matter, another human to talk to is always nice.
‘It’s fine. Just don’t do it again.’ He ripped the brown bag open. The tear sounded loud to Jacob, and made his head hurt. ‘How was it anyway?’
He looked around in his bag. ‘How was what?’
‘The pills.’
He looked at Ant, a little confused, not knowing what he was talking about. But then he remembered. ‘Oh that…’ He shook his head. ‘I took both, waste of time, didn’t even work.’
Ant laughed. ‘I knew it. Pills never work.’
‘Yup, you were right.’
A blind man approached. He tapped his cane around and bumped into a wall, his food packet fell. Elizabeth came over and helped him to his seat – next to Jacob.
The man put his cane next to his chair and rummaged his bag. ‘Anyone next to me?’ He asked, chuckling.
‘Yup.’ Jacob said, and chuckled with him. ‘You look rough, long night?’
‘Ain’t easy being blind, old, and homeless son, I tell ya.’ He felt for his cane to make sure it was still next to him, and tore his pack; piece by piece.
Jacob’s smile faded with each tear. He didn’t like it. It made him, feel, restless. He looked away and focused on his own food – but the man kept tearing the fucking bag. Jacob tried to calm himself down by smiling at the man – but the man didn’t even look back – blind as bat shit. ‘Stop that.’
The man didn’t respond, he kept tearing.
Jacob swiped his arm – slapping his cane away. It went flying across the floor.
He stopped tearing, he looked up confused. ‘That ain’ my cane isit?’
Jacob felt like telling him to shut his mouth. ‘I think so. It fell on the floor. Want me to go and get it for–’
‘No thanks son, I’ll get it.’ He had a hard time getting up, his knees were failing him. When he walked, Jacob stuck his leg out, tripping him. He fell to the floor, hitting his head.
The old man screamed, saying that his head hurts. But Jacob didn’t care.
‘Christ you ok man?’ Jacob asked.
Elizabeth came running over, she helped him up. Jacob liked the way she crouched; revealing skin on her legs that she tried covering up. Stupid little Christian whore is what she was, Jacob thought.
Blood trickled from the man’s head. ‘Can you please help me?’ Elizabeth asked.
Jacob got up from his chair, and stood on the other side of the man, taking his left shoulder while she took his right. ‘You fell pretty hard old man. You ok?’ Jacob asked.
‘I have no idea what happened.’ He said. ‘This old body is failing me.’
‘You’re not that old, you still have some energy left in you.’ Jacob said, smiling at Elizabeth.
‘That’s such a nice thing to say.’ Elizabeth said. ‘Now let’s sit him over there in the corner.’
(8)
Green flowery curtains blocked each shower cubicle, so not only could the homeless have a nice hot shower, but they had the added privacy which made this homeless shelter a local favorite.
Ant and Jacob walked in, too embarrassed – just like all the others – to take off their clothes, so they always did it in the shower. They walked past a few homeless people that they recognized, but didn’t say much, just a simple nod and head down.
‘Which shower you using?’ Ant asked, and looked at a few ones open.
‘Not that one.’ He looked at the one in the corner. Even though people were homeless and used to sleeping rough, they still tried to keep themselves clean in any way they could, and generally avoided places that only made them more filthy; like the Corner Shower, as people came to know it. The showers didn’t have their own drain hole, so all the brown water, all the sweaty dirt; which contained mostly piss and little blood from the drug users, travelled all the way down to the Corner Shower, where the hole was.
A few people went into the showers, only two remained, a lucky shower and the Corner Shower. Ant rushed into the lucky one and chuckled.
‘You gotta be kidding me.’ Jacob said, and looked at the shower curtains wide open – waiting.
‘Have fun my friend.’ Ant said, throwing his shirt on top of the railing.
Jacob closed the curtains and turned around. Everyone’s nocturnal activities, pent-up bladders, sooty skin, and saliva, washed down the slit of the shower in a murky brown water. He approached it slow, making sure he kept his feet away from it. He could hear someone moan next to his shower; releasing fantasies. He turned on his shower, making sure it was nice and hot. As steam rose up into the air, he took off his clothes, and hung it over the railing.
The shower room was full. Steamy. And full of snot spitting homeless, enjoying the hot water between their legs. While water washed down Jacob’s skin, he thought about his day ahead, and felt like taking it easy, maybe go to the streets where people say they are making a lot of money; where people are very generous. Apparently one guy made sixty dollars in a few hours, standing with a fake board that said he was trying to feed his children. Jacob worked out that if he did that for a few days, maybe he could go book himself a nice hotel room, and even get something nice to eat. He splashed some water around his body and looked up at the shower head, with eyes open he looked at the water streaming out, how dozens of little streams spilled out from the head, splashing against his eyes blurring all vision. This is what he enjoyed, staring up, forgetting about problems, letting the hot water wash all his–
He winced away – the water went from hot to boiling. He opened his eyes and saw steam roll around him, he wiped water from his eyes and gazed at the ceiling confused. He stuck his hand back in to test the temperature, and realized it was getting hotter. He was about to ask someone if something was wrong, when he noticed strange moaning all around him. The moans progressed to cries. The cries faded into screams of agony.
‘Hey–what–what’s wrong?’ Jacob asked. He stuck his head out from the curtains to see why people were screaming. All he saw was steam, and closed curtains. He grabbed a towel and stepped out from the shower, and went to the one next to him. ‘Hey are you alright in there?’
‘DON’T YOU FUCKING OPEN THIS.’ The demonic voice said behind the curtains.
Jacob was so startled, that he tripped backwards and fell into someone’s cubicle. He slipped and fell against something wet and slimy. He looked next to him and saw two empty eyes staring back; a face that had its skin peeled off, and a drain hole beneath it to suck up all the blood. Jacob’s body convulsed into fight or flight. He screamed and cried – trying to get up – slapping the face in front of him, feeling its slimy red ooze. Never in his entire life has he been this scared, so frightful. He channeled every ounce of energy in his legs and jumped up – making sure not to slip. When he was up he didn’t look at it, because if he did, he was going to puke. So he opted to get the hell out, and brushed the shower curtain aside – only to find a group of people staring at him.
‘My friend calm down.’ A man said holding his hands up in a stopping gesture.
‘Jacob just chill everything is fine.’ Ant said, with a lot of horrified faces around him.
Jacob had his mouth open, horrified himself. He looked behind and saw a man shivering in the shower. The place he just stumbled out from.
‘Jacob take it easy my friend.’
‘I’m…I’m fine.’ Jacob said. ‘Really.’ He felt his head hurt, and looked down, and saw all his private parts nake
d.
(9)
‘Here you go.’ Elizabeth said. She gave him a glass of water and sat next to him. There was an awkward silence between them that lasted for a few minutes. She broke the silence and sighed at him. ‘Jacob…’
He took a sip of water and glanced at her.
‘Have I ever told you the story about my brother Callum?’ She waited for an answer.
‘No…I don’t think so.’
‘My brother died three years ago.’ She looked at her lap, and rubbed her wrist. ‘They said it was a car accident, that it was some freak accident. That wet weather didn’t go well with an old car.’ She felt like crying but held tears inside. She looked at Jacob and touched her neck. ‘But I know what is was and it was no accident. Do you want to know what killed my brother?’
He took another sip, not knowing what to say.
‘Drugs. Drugs killed my brother.’
He took more sips, he knew where this was going and felt like saying something to let her know–
‘Jacob did you take any drugs?’
He wanted to take another sip, but realized there was nothing left in it. ‘No I didn’t.’
She shook her head, not impressed. ‘After what I just told you, and you still lie to me?’
‘But–’
‘I’ve known you for almost seven years now.’ She kept shaking her head. ‘You come in here, we give you food, a place to have a hot shower, and an abode to let your guard down, and this is what you give me in return?’
He knew she was right, and pressed his lips together; which made his cheeks a little softer. ‘You are right. I am sorry.’
‘So did you take any?’
‘Yes but. I swear it was just two pills, nothing more.’
Her mouth smiled but her eyes did not. ‘A drug, is a drug. They are the toys of the devil. They rip the soul into oblivion and,’ she grabbed his hand. ‘And they destroy the lives of good hearted people like yourself.’