I had decided early on that I wasn’t going to marry. This was frowned on in the family, because you were supposed to perpetuate the line. But I was getting older and hadn’t really met anyone I could marry and introduce to the assassin business.
Or maybe it was that the women I met were so…what’s the word? Vapid? They were all giggles and grins, with nothing inside their heads. It could just be that I knew they’d have no problem as long as I left them alone to embroider unicorns. I didn’t want a wife who was just… there.
It didn’t really matter anyway. Mother was upset, but she finally stopped fixing me up with every Aelfgyth, Beornfled, and Hrothweru. How many times can you take a woman to a Fleece Fair for fun?
We arrived at our destination several hours later. Riding into Northumbria was…anticlimactic. The muddy roads, twisted and charred buildings and the smell! Why would this place even have a magic dragon? We rode up to the Broken Man Inn, and while Jude took care of the horses, I checked in.
“So.” The fat innkeeper scratched one of his many chins thoughtfully. “It’s Bavaria du Bombay, right?”
I sighed and shook my head. “No, it’s just Bavaria Bombay. I’m not ‘of’ Bombay.”
“Why is it ‘du Bombay’ then?” He seemed confused.
“It isn’t,” I said through clenched teeth. “You made that up. There is no place called Bombay. It’s just my name.”
His eyes grew wide with understanding. “Ah, so it’s descriptive then! Like Beald means ‘The Bald,’ right? What does Bombay mean?” For a moment I toyed with telling him that Bombay means “kills nosy innkeepers.”
“It’s not descriptive, and it’s not a place. I just have two names. It’s a weird, family thing. That’s all. Can I see my room now?”
The innkeeper didn’t look like he thought it was okay, but wisely decided against arguing with me. Being a Bombay has never been easy. We’re an assassins guild, but it includes only family. We are ruled by the Council—a gathering of our family elders who hand down the assignments to kill someone—or in this case, something. It’s lucrative, and we have our own money so that we don’t owe allegiance to anyone.
“Utta will show you to your room.” the innkeeper said. “If she stays, well that’s extra.” He winked and nodded knowingly. Utta grunted. She looked like a six-foot-tall pig. No, I didn’t need company. And I certainly never had to pay for it in Northumbria of all places. Besides, this wasn’t the time. I had a job to do.
Jude sullenly joined me in the main room for a late repast. As we tore off chunks of bread to dip into our trenchers of stew, I took in the room. A whole lot of nothing. A few cutthroats and thieves, and I wasn’t sure if that thing in the corner was a dwarf or a dog wearing a dress. I needed information and wasn’t going to find it here. I toyed with asking Jude to get chummy with the stable boys, but that would be like asking a stack of hay to melt.
“I’m going to bed,” I announced to my squire. He nodded. Jude would sleep with the horses. A Bombay never lost sight of his exit strategy. As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered what kind of assassin Jude would make. In this family, you had no choice but to be good. Even my mother killed people back in the day. Her specialty was poison. She was quite good. I didn’t want to cross her. When I was a kid and had done something naughty, she’d always give me blood pudding, with a little wink that said, Eat this, and next time you’ll think twice about setting fire to my favorite unicorn pillow. And then I’d spend two days on the chamber pot.
The next morning I made my way through town. My thoughts were obsessed with the idea of finding and killing this magic dragon. First things first—I needed information. Always know what you are killing, and how to kill it. Our heralds had that put on a coat of arms once, but The Council had not been fond of it. They thought it was too obvious.
I decided it would be best to work the market. People talk if they think you’re going to spend money. I dropped a few coins on a table bearing greasy, dead chickens. The squat, filthy old woman took a break from wringing more poultry necks to talk to me.
“Oh, aye then. They’ve got a dragon up at the castle, they do.” She focused her one, cloudy blue eye on me. “That’s how they keep us all honest.” I noticed that she stuffed the coins inside one of the (what I hoped were dead) chickens, making sure her husband didn’t notice. Yeah. Honest.
A blacksmith farther down had a little more to offer. “The dragon’s magical. He can blow fire out his arse and control you with his mind.”
“Why would the Duke keep such a creature?” I asked, throwing down a few more coins.
The smith rubbed his nose, leaving a charred, black smear. “Well, he’d do it to make sure no one messed with his wife and daughter.”
This caught my attention. “Wife and daughter? He has a dragon to defend them?” Did whoever paid our Council for this job just want to kill the Duke, marry his wife and take over his lands? That didn’t sound like something we’d agree to. If we did that, there’d be new dukes every week, and we’d eventually kill most of them that hired us.
“That’s just what I heard,” the man said, looking left and right. “And because there’s gold up there.”
I shook my head as I walked away. That didn’t seem right. Bombays didn’t get involved in territorial spats. Was there more to this than I was led to believe? It was not like I could do anything about it. Once you unfurled a tapestry, you as good as accepted the assignment.
My mind was foggy, and I wasn’t paying any attention, which is how I ended up running into a woman.
“I beg your pardon!” I went down on one knee to apologize. “Please accept my regrets.” And then I looked up and swallowed hard.
“It’s no bother,” the dazzlingly beautiful brunette replied hastily. She looked angry. “I must be on my way, sir.”
“Shall I escort you?” I stood and walked with her. “To make sure you don’t encounter another misfortune?” This woman looked to be about my age, with icy blue eyes that speared me through the heart. Her hair fell in silken, wavy curtains around her shoulders. I’d never seen anything like her.
“No, really.” She pushed me away. “I’ll be fine.” Before I could stop her, she disappeared into the crowd.
Who was she? I had to know. But how? How could I even describe a beauty such as hers? And intelligence! She was brilliant—I just knew it! The only problem was her haste to get away from me. That might make getting to know her a bit difficult.
Jude appeared at my side. “That’s the Duchess.” It was the only thing he’d said to me all day. And where had he come from?
“She’s the Duchess?” No wonder the Duke had a dragon! I would too. Along with a cast iron chastity belt. And a couple of armed eunuchs.
My squire nodded and then lapsed into his usual quiet nature. I wasn’t a big believer in love at first sight. And the idea of courtly love always made me snicker. But something about seeing this woman seemed to change all that.
“Am I to kill the Duke too?” I mused. Jude shook his head. Oh, right. I had my assignment. Bombays didn’t do anything other than that. If you did, Uncle Essex had a lovely and very pointy iron maiden he kept in the basement.
“Fine.” I made my way through the throngs of somber folk, until I came to the door of the castle. It was time to get this over with. I didn’t mess with married women—it was a Bombay rule.
Jude sighed heavily and rapped at the door. A very old man answered. He looked…pinched somehow. Jude announced me as the Duke of Sicily (a ruse the family used a lot because who here was ever going to go to Sicily?) and demanded an invitation to dinner later that evening.
If I wasn’t going to get the girl, then I might as well just do the job tonight and head back immediately after. No point in lingering. That’s another Bombay saying.
That evening, as Jude dressed me, I asked him, “How did you know that was the Duchess?”
“The maid buying bread told me.” Jude said this without any emotion or affectation.
“You we
re gathering information?” This surprised me. But then again, Jude was a Bombay and in training to take over after my generation was either on the Council or dead.
“The Duchess never comes to the market, so the maid was surprised to see her,” Jude continued. “And no one’s seen the Duke in years. He stays up in the castle all the time.”
I graciously ignored the fact that my squire had garnered more information than I and from only one source. Women were known to gossip after all.
We rode our horses to the castle, dismounting as we came to the door. The very old man had been replaced with a very old woman, who looked even more pinched than he had. The woman seemed very surprised to see us and a bit hesitant to let us in. After Jude told her my credentials in a very bored tone, she relented, sending him to the stables before leading me inside.
I was wearing my best armor and clothing. My sword glittered at my side. I’d spent more time cleaning up than was usual and made sure my hair was combed. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t because of the lovely Duchess, but because I’m a professional. Still, my heart skipped a beat when the hostess joined me.
“Oh,” she said when she saw me. Her perfectly formed lips turned into a frown. “It’s you. Again.”
“Your Grace.” I bowed deeply and kissed her hand. “What a delightful pleasure to see you again! And thank you for inviting me for dinner, I…”
She dropped my hand as if it were on fire. I discreetly looked to see if maybe it was. Women usually liked me.
“I must apologize for this mistake. My servants had no business inviting you to dinner. My husband…” She faltered for a moment, glancing toward the huge, stone staircase. “My husband is not well, I’m afraid.” Then she turned and walked away.
I stood there with my mouth hanging open. She walked away from me. Just like that. And how rude to withdraw the invitation she didn’t make to dinner! What just happened here?
“Sorry about Mummy,” a small voice said behind me. I turned to see a rather cute little girl standing behind me. She had long, dark hair like her mother and was missing her two front teeth. She gave me a crooked smile. It gave me an idea.
I knelt beside her. “It’s all right, my little lady,” I said gently. The child reached out her hand and I kissed the back of it. Unfortunately, she giggled and ran off. What was with the women of this household?
The ride back to the inn had me quieter than Jude. I was so close to the Duchess, and she brushed me off completely. Something seemed wrong. Why not just have the servants explain? It was a tremendous breach of etiquette but still could’ve been handled by her staff. And where was the Duke? She said he’d been sick. And no one had seen him in a while. Perhaps he had the pox? I shuddered. Even Bombays couldn’t fight the pox.
It was time to get this job over with and move on. A castle with disease was just as dangerous as a castle with a dragon, magic or not. I’d have to make my way in covertly—which meant I’d have to go later that night.
Jude helped me remove the armor and change into all-black clothing. I preferred stealth in this sort of situation. I no longer cared about the Duchess or who would want to kill the Duke’s dragon and not the Duke. This was none of my concern. I needed to take care of this and go home.
Sheathing my sword on my back, I climbed to the roof and made my way across town by hopping from roof to roof. At the edge of town, I climbed down and kept to the shadows as I made my way around the perimeter of the castle. There was always another way in, used primarily by servants. I might be able to slide inside unnoticed.
My answer came moments later as the cook opened a door and left with a huge bowl. I slipped inside and worked my way slowly through the maze of corridors. There were very few servants about. That was odd. A manor like this should have been packed with staff. Perhaps the illness had taken most of them. On the other hand, this was the Duke’s domain. Why weren’t the halls filled with servants? Of course, then I realized that it was to my benefit that the castle was largely unattended, and I stopped thinking about it.
The castle was built in the round. I wound around the outer perimeter before I found the entrance to the sub levels. The dungeons. I’d have to start there. That’s where I’d keep a dragon.
A dragon. I was supposed to kill a bloody, magic dragon. Unbelievable. Had the Council lost its collective mind? I was the first Bombay with an assignment like this. Why me? I stopped in my tracks. This line of thinking was useless. Just kill the damned dragon and get the hell out of Northumbria. For a moment I grinned. I’d have to have Mother embroider that on a pillow for me.
It was quiet and dark. Water seeped in, dripping noisily and making the walls cold and drafty. A damp and drafty castle…how original. I pulled a torch from the wall and waved it before me as I made my way down a flight of stone steps. My body moved into a mode of operation I was used to when stalking my prey. All of my senses were heightened to a sharpness that would allow me to carry out my mission. It didn’t matter anymore if it was a magic dragon, a giant goat or a three-headed cow with a hernia. A job was a job.
At long last, I came upon a huge chamber with two hallways—the one I came in through and another directly opposite. There was light in that hall. Clearly someone was down here and had lit torches to find their way. The chamber had a dirt floor and stone walls. There were two large wooden chairs in the middle of the room, with a small table between them.
A sound came from the hall and I ducked behind one of the chairs. Shadows played on the wall at the end of the hallway. It didn’t look human. By God! They really did have a dragon!
The shadow filled the corridor, long like a snake. It had legs in front, with long claws. A ridge of pointed spines ran down its back and as its great mouth opened, a long tongue snaked out. The beast was huge! It moved via its shadow as it grew closer. It didn’t look like the dragons I’d seen in books, sitting back on oversized haunches. Instead it had four legs and a long body in between. The tail alone had to be twenty feet long, I estimated as I stared at the shadow.
I drew my sword and stepped in front of the chairs. This was it. The beast was making its way toward me. My senses heightened as I slid easily into kill mode. My plan was to stab it through one of its eyes, driving the blade deep into the brain. I should be able to slay the beast and be back to the inn within the hour. Jude was there, with the horses, waiting.
“What are you doing here?” The little girl from earlier came from behind me and stood at my side. She smiled at me crookedly.
“Get back!” I shouted as I tried to push her away. Didn’t she see the shadows? Didn’t she know what was coming? The creature was so large it would swallow her in one gulp.
The child looked at my sword, then toward the hallway, and before I could stop her, she ran toward the animal!
“NO!” I called out, “This way! Back to me!”
But she ignored me and disappeared around the corner. I chased her immediately. I was supposed to kill the dragon, not watch it eat a child.
I rounded the corridor and stopped, dead in my tracks. The little girl was holding some sort of lizard in her arms. It was maybe two feet in length and it licked her arm as she giggled.
“You scared Eadgar!” she scolded. “Poor baby!” She stroked the lizard’s head gently. Eadgar made a small groaning sound.
“Eadgar?” I asked. Clearly the dragon had young! It must be the kind that mated with itself, like Jude said! And if the little girl was holding the baby, an angry mama could be right behind. “Stand back, behind me!” I shoved the girl and stood in front of her with my sword, ready to strike. We stood there like that for several minutes. Nothing came. Huh.
“But where’s the dragon?” I said, mostly to myself.
The girl laughed loudly. “This is him! He’s the dragon!”
I continued to hold onto my sword, wondering for a moment whether Eadgar’s giant mother would suddenly appear and eat us both. Nothing happened.
“What are you doing here?” The Duchess appe
ared on my right, and she looked really angry.
“I…” I tried to explain, but found that the words wouldn’t come. I was just here to kill your little lizard, but seeing he’s not a dragon nor magical, I’ll be on my way, just didn’t sound right. To be honest, this was a bit embarrassing.
“What exactly is going on here?” I asked instead.
The Duchess looked for a moment like she was going to kill me. Then she did something unexpected. She buried her face in her hands. After a moment, she looked back up at me.
“My name is Godgifu and this is my daughter Ebba. I’m the lady of this castle. Come with me, and I can explain.”
I followed her back to the room with the two chairs. And then I sat when she pointed to one chair. She looked like she didn’t want to tell me, and that she did want to tell me, all at the same time.
“Who sent you?” Godgifu asked. “Was it Alfred of Wessex? One of the other dukes?”
I shook my head. There was no way I could tell her, even if I knew.
The woman nodded, then took a deep breath. She’d decided to tell me something.
“My husband is dead. He has been dead for three years,” she said. “My daughter and I live here alone with a few, trusted servants.” She motioned to the lizard. “And the dragon.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Your husband is dead? Why the subterfuge? You could be married again and living in a house full of servants, not buried in this castle.” It didn’t make sense.
She shook her head. “I have no desire to be wed to whomever the king deems acceptable. I don’t want to be…anybody.”
“What does that mean, exactly?” I wasn’t sure. All a woman had was her means and her title. Why didn’t she care about that? Her life was comfortable and would be even better once she got out of this tomb.
“I hate running a household. I despise ordering servants around, and I loathe politics.” Godgifu said it in one long breath. “My husband was a good man, but he died. I know I won’t get another chance at that again. My next husband is likely to be fat, abusive and who knows what. This might seem like a prison, but Ebba and I have real freedom here.”
Snuff the Magic Dragon (and other Bombay Family Bedtime Stories) (Greatest Hits Mysteries) Page 5