Two Lovers

by Edie Bryant

  Rachelle”

  My heart immediately sank. At first, I thought maybe she had gotten the wrong person. There was no way that Sara would be cheating on me. It was just not fucking possible.

  But then I saw her name… she actually said Sara. This wasn’t spam, and she wasn’t mistaken.

  I clicked on those screenshots, and I felt like I was actually going to puke. Sure enough, it was Sara’s profile she was messaging. And the messages were…. graphic, to say the least.

  I mean, I’d never even heard Sara talk like this to me in bed! It was so sexually aggressive… stuff about wanting to “tear into that pussy” and how she wanted her screaming her name. I mean, Sara had held me down a time or two before, but she’d never actually verbalized anything like that.

  I was immediately disgusted, of course. But, the more I read, the more disturbed I became. Sara just wouldn’t let up, even when it was clear that this girl was starting to withdraw a bit from the conversation. She just went on and on…

  And then I saw a line I knew I’d never be able to forget.

  “I never get to do stuff like this with my girlfriend.”

  I felt like I was being torn in two.

  All that jealousy I’d had, all the controlling behavior I’d once exhibited against her, it all seemed to make sense. Maybe I’d never actually been comfortable with any of my other exes, not because I’d cared so much more about Sara, though I did, but because Sara was the only one who’d actually gave me something to worry about. What if Sara was just the only one who’d ever cheated on me?

  No, that couldn’t be true, I simply didn’t want to believe it. I thought I knew her. And everything we’d been through lately… it all felt so real. There was no way she could make up those feelings. She just couldn’t… could she?

  I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know anything. There didn’t seem to be another explanation. I had the proof, right in front of me. What else could I do?

  But, I mean, when would she have had the time to cheat?! I was with her literally twenty-four-seven.

  She was on her phone a lot of that time, though… and while she wasn’t very secretive about it in the beginning, I thought I’d noticed her hiding it lately. Actually, I definitely had, but I’d ignored it because I hadn't wanted to become that suspicious person again.

  Ha, what a joke! I’d been trying so hard to reign in my jealousy and be the absolute best girlfriend I could for her, and, all the while, she wasn’t paying me the same courtesy by any means. She was just doing whatever the hell she wanted, whatever suited her best… god, this was awful.

  It had me questioning everything. Had anything she’d said been real? Did she even love me? Was all this talk about fate and destiny really something she told all the women she dated? And I was just stupid enough to fall for it?

  I knew a few months wasn’t the longest of times, and it probably wasn’t a long enough amount of time to really get to know someone again. But I honestly felt like I did know her again, if not only because of the amount of time we spent together. For the past few months, I had all of her free time, all of her attention, and we’d talked about so much, we’d been so honest…

  At least, I thought we had been.

  I’d never felt more dejected in my life. And, still, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help thinking that I deserved this somehow. Like this was sweet karma coming back to bite me in the ass. Because, really, wasn’t this the same way I’d made Brandon feel? Wasn’t this the same heartache? I didn’t cheat, no, but I did leave him when he thought we’d get married. I did meet someone else ridiculously fast after we’d ended.

  Maybe this was what I deserved. But that didn’t make it any easier.

  I had no idea what to do. My heart was pounding in my chest, I was fiddling with the bottom of my shirt, and having the worst panic attack of my life… all while I was at work! I could feel myself getting out of control. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, I was actually dizzy, the world was spinning out around me.

  I definitely couldn’t get any work done. I couldn’t even focus on my computer screen. My vision felt blurry. So, I decided to do the one thing I probably shouldn’t have…

  I went down to Sara’s department.

  It was a stupid decision. What was I going to do? What was confronting her at work going to achieve? Nothing. As soon as I talked to her about this, I was going to get the deer in headlights look that convinced me she was guilty, and I was going to have a meltdown.

  But I didn’t know what else to do. I just felt like I had to talk to her. It was stupid, because I had the evidence. I knew how badly this conversation was going to go. I was only going to end up more hurt, but what else could I do? I needed some kind of closure.

  It was the longest elevator ride of my life, and I only had to go down one floor. But when your heart is pounding and you feel like you’re suffocating, even just a minute started to feel like an hour.

  When the elevator doors finally opened, I nearly ran down to her office to confront her.

  But, to my surprise, she wasn’t in there. I thought she might be in the bathroom, so for two minutes I waited there for her to come back, but two minutes was all I could hold out for. After that, I went to the bathrooms to look for her myself. When she wasn’t there, either, I was thoroughly confused.

  I pulled out my phone to text her. I didn’t want her to know I knew what she’d done. If she did, she’d have time to collect herself and come up with lies and excuses. I wanted to see the look on her face when I confronted her in person. That would tell me what I needed to know.

  So, I tried to sound as casual and normal as possible.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.

  This is something I would frequently text her when I was bored, so I knew this wouldn't register as weird to her.

  “Nothing much, just getting some work done. You?”

  “In your office?” I asked. “And not much, either.”

  “Of course in my office, dork. Where else would I be getting work done? From my bed?”

  My anxiety and sadness was slowly turning to rage. She was fucking lying to me! I mean, obviously she’d been lying to me for a while, but she was even lying to me about being at her fucking desk!? How dare she!

  I marched up to the receptionist, trying to hide my seething rage to the best of my ability.

  “Hey, where’s Sara at?” I asked her.

  “Oh, she’s coming in late today. She said she’d be in after lunch, she had a dentist appointment.”

  “Right… okay.” I did my best to hide my confusion. I didn’t want her to know that there was anything wrong.

  But there was. A million thoughts were running through my head. The biggest being, what was she trying to hide?

  I knew what she was trying to hide. There was no denying it now. She literally lied to me! About something so insignificant! Why on Earth would she tell me she was in her office when she was really at a dentist appointment? She wouldn’t. There was no reason not to tell me that she was at the dentist.

  So she lied to me, she lied to our work, and for what? So she could go sneak off and fuck someone else in the morning while I’d never know?

  God, that was so much more sinister than I’d even thought initially. Because it meant she was actually making time for these women, actually trying to fit them into her schedule without me knowing. That was such a conscious decision to hurt me, and I just couldn’t believe she’d do that.

  I was in shock. I felt completely numb. I flipped from furious to horribly depressed to just… nothing. Nothing made any sense anymore.

  It seemed like things had been going so well between us. I’d really thought I meant so much to her… how could she do this to me? How could she hurt me this way? What reason did she have?

  I tried to think through every option to find any possible motivation she’d have to do that. First, I thought maybe this was just a thing she does. Like, she just liked to get with as many women as pos
sible, and she didn’t give a fuck who she hurt in the process. Like, it was all one big game to her. And this was a thing she did with every girl she met.

  But, what if it was more than that? What if it all went deeper? What if she was doing this all specifically to hurt me? Like, maybe things had ended in an even worse way than I’d thought in college. And all of this getting back together with me was her way of getting revenge for how petty and controlling I’d been. It seemed like a serious overreaction, but, in a way, it made sense, right?

  It could be the true reason she’d tried to hide her identity from me at first. Like, once she’d realized who I was, she had already been planning some kind of revenge to get back at me and therefore hadn’t wanted me to have any idea who she actually was.

  Then, it was spoiled when I had realized who she was, and she’d gone a whole different direction with it. A more sinister direction, where I’d gotten way closer to her and trusted her way more. Oh… fuck.

  That sounded plausible. I hated how plausible that sounded to me right now! And, normally, I’d say it was complete and total paranoia, but with the email I’d gotten and the fact that she’d lied to me…

  Fuck, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t work today. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. There was no way I’d be able to focus on anything.

  I went back upstairs to collect my things and shot off an email to my boss that I was feeling suddenly sick and had to go home. It was probably the pussy thing to do, but I didn’t care. I was not the kind of person who could work for other people despite an intense amount of pain bubbling inside me.

  I still had no idea what to do about Sara, though. At the very best, she was cheating on me for fun. And at the very worst, she was cheating on me to hurt me.

  As I grabbed my things and headed to the elevator, I knew only one thing was for certain. I absolutely needed to confront her in person. I needed to see her face. I knew if I actually saw her when I said something to her, I’d know the truth.

  Even though I was pretty sure I already did.

  Nausea was bubbling up within my stomach as I walked across the parking lot to the car. I pulled out my phone and started texting Sara.

  “Hey, leaving work early, not feeling well.”

  I almost added that she’d have to find her own ride home today, since we usually carpooled, before I remembered she’d wanted to take her own car today. She’d claimed it was because she might have to run some errands during her lunch break, but, now, of course, I knew the truth.

  “Aw, baby, what’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Just very nauseous,” I responded.

  “Aw, well, I’ll swing by on my lunch break and bring you some soup. Do you want me to call out the rest of the day, too?”

  Ha! Like she hadn’t already called out for most of it. What a joke.

  “No, that’s fine,” I told her. I was sure the conversation we needed to have wouldn’t take longer than a lunch break. I didn’t like long drawn-out break-ups.

  “Okay, see you at lunch.”

  It took everything in me to simply text back ‘see you then’ instead of what I really wanted to say.

  Which was fuck off.

  12

  Sara

  As I was walking back to my car, I heard my phone vibrate. It was a text from Lauren.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” she asked.

  “Nothing much, just getting some work done. You?” I lied through my teeth. Or, in this case, through my fingers, I guess.

  “In your office? And not much, either,” she sent back.

  Odd that she was getting specific about the one time I was actually not in my office. But still, I wasn’t going to spoil this surprise, so I was keeping my mouth shut.

  “Of course in my office, dork. Where else would I be getting work done? From my bed?”

  I hated lying to her, even for a good reason. But she’d forgive me for it later when she discovered my reasons…

  I had this big gift for her. I mean, it’s not physically big, or anything. But it was big sentimentally.

  We had no real reason to give gifts right now, so I knew it wasn’t something she’d be expecting. Which made it even better. But, I was a little nervous to give it to her because of what came along with the gift.

  Even though it’d only been a few months, I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I know, I’d said I’d wanted to take things slowly, but I just didn’t care anymore.

  I’d become so confident in my relationship with Lauren that going slowly didn’t matter anymore. I was positive that, not only was I deeply in love with her, but that she was my soul mate. She was the one I was going to be with forever. I just knew it.

  And I was going to make things more serious with her. I wanted to move in together. It was a little awkward to ask, since, really, she should probably be the one asking to move in together. It’d be her house we’d be moving into, since I live in a studio apartment. Or possibly a new place, if she wanted to.

  But I didn’t think she’d ask anytime soon because of how big of a deal I’d made it when I’d said I wanted to take things slowly. I think that I needed to be the one to take the next step.

  And I was happy to do it. Nervous, but happy. It helped that I knew she was going to absolutely love the gift.

  I called in saying I had a dentist appointment this morning because I’d been spending literally all my free time with Lauren. If I went to get this present sorted out at literally any other time, she’d know and be suspicious. And I wanted it to be a complete surprise.

  Plus, okay, let’s be honest. This way, I got an extended lunch break, too. Not going to complain about that.

  And, as it turned out, it was going to come in handy. I had just received another text from Lauren.

  “Hey, leaving work early, not feeling well.”

  My heart immediately sunk because I had wanted to give her the present tonight and then pop the question about moving in with one another. Though, I was also pretty sad to hear she was sick, on a less selfish level.

  “Aw, baby, what’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Just very nauseous,” she sent back.

  Oh, no, hopefully we wouldn’t have a repeat of a few weeks ago! I felt awful when I had that stomach bug.

  “Aw, well I’ll swing by on my lunch break and bring you some soup. Do you want me to call out the rest of the day, too?”

  I was hoping she’d say yes, I was already out for half the day. I could easily say there was a scheduling issue, and my appointment had gotten pushed back. I knew I was new at this job, and I probably shouldn’t push it, but it was such an easy job. I didn’t have to do much most days, and I knew I wouldn’t be missed.

  “No, that’s fine,” she answered, to my disappointment.

  Ah, well, maybe she’d change her mind after lunch. Maybe I’d just surprise her with the gift anyway! I thought it’d make her feel better.

  “Okay, see you at lunch,” I told her.

  I decided I’d stop by my place first, so I could grab some soup to bring her. Though, to my surprise, I didn’t actually have any canned soups in my cabinet.

  I’d been spending so much damn time over at Lauren’s that I’d literally stopped grocery shopping for my own house! Ah, well, I would just have to drop by the grocery store on my way to Lauren’s. That was probably better, I could pick her up some Gatorade and ginger ale, too, so she had some options.

  Oh! And I could go to that expensive grocery store with the deli that had all the homemade soups every day. Yep, that’d be totally perfect.

  After seeing how sweet Lauren had been when I hadn’t feel good, I wasn’t sure I’d really be able to be a better caretaker than she was. But I damn well was going to try, regardless!

  After grabbing a few different soups and hydrating drinks, I went to check out and got a frown from the cashier.

  “Aw, not feeling good?” she asked. She was a petite young brunette girl, probably no older than twenty.

&nb
sp; “Actually, I’m feeling fine, but my girlfriend is a little under the weather,” I told her.

  “Oh! Well, aren’t you sweet!” she said, as she rang me up. “I need to find a person to give me this treatment when I’m sick!”

  We both chuckled, and I ran my card to pay.

  “Have a good day!” I said, as I grabbed my bags from her.

  “You, too! Keep taking good care of that girlfriend!” She grinned and waved.

  I should really use this grocery store more often. It was considerably more expensive, but the customer service was way better, and they had a much bigger selection. Plus, it was right down the street from Lauren’s place, which, hopefully, would soon be my new home.

  I got to Lauren’s only a minute later. I rushed up to the door with my grocery bags in hand.

  After I rang the doorbell, it took a while for Lauren to answer. For a second, I thought maybe she wasn’t even home yet, until I remembered her car was in the driveway.

  A full two minutes passed before she finally got the door, and, damn, she did not look happy when she did. She must’ve been feeling fucking awful.

  ‘Yes?” she said, pulling the door open.

  “Hey, babe,” I smiled as I reached over to kiss her cheek.

  She actually pulled away from me, which never happened. For a split second, my feelings were hurt, until I remembered how bad she was feeling. She probably just didn’t want me to get sick or wasn’t feeling well enough to be touched.

  “I brought soup!” I said, as I entered the living room.

  “Thanks,” she said dully as she went to sit on the couch.

  I got the vibe she was mad at me or something. But I doubted that was true. I was probably being paranoid. She wasn’t feeling well, after all. People were grumpy when they were sick, it probably had nothing to do with me.

  “So, I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I have chicken noodle, minestrone—”

  “I actually am not hungry at all,” she said coldly.

  “Oh… all right. Well, let me just put these in the fridge then—”