As she switched the mixer on, she heard the steady whir of the food processor. He’d done it―taken his first steps into the world of cooking.
A second later, a gritty dust of graham spattered Violet’s arms and rained down onto her head.
She spun, lifting the beater out of the bowl as she did.
Cheesecake filling joined the graham crumbs cavorting in the air. A glob splattered her cheek, and another landed smack in the middle of Nate’s chest.
Violet gasped and quickly switched the mixer off. But graham pieces were still dancing in the sunlight.
“Turn it off,” she shouted to Nate over the sound of the food processor.
“How?” Nate looked like a panicked deer.
Violet reached past him and flipped the switch to off.
In the sudden silence, they stood staring at each other.
A dusting of grahams covered Nate’s shirt, which had a blob of filling right over the heart. Another, smaller dollop of filling perched on his shoulder like a flat parrot.
Violet could feel the sticky cream cheese slipping down her own cheek. She lifted a hand to wipe it away.
Nate started laughing first, but it was only half a second before Violet gave in, too. Soon, they were both letting out deep belly laughs, holding the counter for support. Every time Violet slowed down, she took another look at Nate and was attacked by another fit of giggles.
Finally, her sides hurt too much to laugh anymore.
She wiped her eyes as Nate’s laughter slowed, too.
“How’d I do?” he asked innocently.
“Perfect. That’s exactly what was supposed to happen.” Violet raised a hand to her hair, shaking out pieces of graham, then grabbed the towel off her shoulder to wipe the rest of the cheesecake away. She passed it to Nate so he could wipe up his shirt as she grabbed the broom.
“How have you survived this long on your own?” Violet teased as she worked. Her face hurt from all the smiling, but it was worth it.
“No one’s ever tried to kill me with exploding graham crackers before.”
“Yeah, usually we put the cover on the food processor before we turn it on. I haven’t seen your technique before.”
Violet set the broom aside and surveyed the room. The counter was covered with crumbs, but that would be easy enough to clean up. The bigger problem was that she had no more grahams to make a crust. “Guess we’ll have cheesecake filling for dessert. We’ll call it a cheesecake mousse.”
“Sounds fancy.”
“Oh, yeah, totally five-star.” Violet returned his grin as her eyes fell on the blob of cheesecake still sitting on his shoulder. She grabbed the towel from his hand and instinctively wiped at the spot.
Only when his shoulder jumped under her touch did Violet realize what she was doing.
But she didn’t stop.
She didn’t want to.
Under her hand, his shoulder was firm. Solid. Strong.
“Violet.” His voice was low, slightly strangled.
She raised her eyes to his.
They were burning with something she couldn’t name.
Something she could only feel.
Her hand stilled on his shoulder, but she didn’t drop it.
“You have a little . . .” He raised a hand to her cheek. The feel of his fingers against her skin made her forget everything else.
His hand lingered, his thumb trailing back and forth slowly over her skin.
Violet closed her eyes and lifted her chin, leaning toward him.
The air between them grew thick.
Violet’s hand tensed on his shoulder.
His thumb stopped moving as he pressed his palm into her cheek, drawing her closer.
Violet sighed as his breath brushed her lips.
Her heart had run away with her, and she didn’t care.
She wanted to feel his lips on hers.
Her whole body tingled as time slowed down.
She could feel him millimeters away.
And then there was a knock on the door.
Chapter 31
Nate jumped back, dropping the hand that had been pressed to Violet’s smooth cheek.
Violet looked flustered, and she smoothed her shirt as she strode toward the door.
Moving deliberately in an effort to get his still-hurtling heart under control, Nate grabbed a rag and brushed the graham cracker crumbs from the counter into his hand.
He heard voices at the door, and then Sophie was greeting him with a hug. “Violet’s been bragging about your excellent cooking skills. Can’t wait to try your graham cracker floor pie.”
Nate grinned. He loved how this group could make him feel instantly at ease. “Yes, and did she tell you about her course of cheesecake filling a la shirt?” Nate winked, and Sophie burst out laughing.
Violet joined in, too, the joy in it stirring Nate’s heart. Her laugh had become one of his favorite sounds.
“All right, fine, you got me. We make quite a team.” She smiled at him, and Nate’s heart fumbled. They did make a good team.
“At least dinner itself isn’t a bust.” Violet pulled a pan of lasagna from the oven. “I didn’t let Nate help with that.”
As everyone filled their plates, Nate just watched. If anyone had asked him two months ago if he planned to make friends and become part of the community here, he’d have slammed the door on them. But this group had welcomed him in, no questions asked, and they made him feel like he was one of them. Like he belonged.
The apartment was too small for the number of people in it, but it didn’t feel cramped. It felt warm and inviting. The small kitchen table was full, and people sat on the couch and the lone chair in the living room. Nate waited until Violet was settled, then moved to sit next to her on the floor in front of the coffee table.
He folded his hands as the others prepared to say grace. To his surprise, he looked forward to it.
Violet’s inviting voice lifted over them. “Dear Lord, thank you for bringing us together tonight for good food and even better friendships. Thank you for giving us one another, that we may celebrate our joys and share our burdens and that we may serve as reminders to one another of the perfect love you have for us. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
“Amen,” Nate murmured. Her prayer had made him unexpectedly emotional, and he had to keep his eyes closed for an extra second.
“You okay?” Violet leaned close enough that her shoulder brushed against his. “You seem like you’re―” She gestured in that cute way she always did when she was looking for a word. “Somewhere else, I guess.”
The smile he gave her was genuine. As hard as he’d tried to keep a lock on his heart, she’d broken right into it. “I’m here.” He bit into his lasagna. “And this is delicious.”
When he looked up, Sophie caught his eye. She shot him a conspiratorial wink, and his face warmed.
After dinner, the friends ate cheesecake “mousse” by the bowlful before Violet suggested a game of charades. Nate groaned. He didn’t understand the appeal of a game in which you had to make a fool of yourself in front of others.
But he ended up having a great time, acting out the game-winning charade of Snow White by pretending to be every one of the seven dwarfs. Violet made the winning guess, sealing the victory for their team, and he scooped her into a hug without thinking. She squeezed back, burying her face in his neck for a moment. He could have stayed like that all night, but he made himself let her go. When she pulled away, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes sparkled. He almost moved in for a kiss right then and there. But the room full of their friends stopped him.
After a while, Sophie started to yawn. Spencer wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. “Time to get my wife home to bed. Thanks for everything, Violet.”
An attack of longing hit Nate as he watched the newlyweds. He wanted to have that closeness with a woman. To know that she trusted him completely. And that he would never do anything to break that trust.
The rest
of the group followed shortly after Spencer and Sophie.
Nate knew he should go, too.
He wasn’t sure he could trust himself not to do something stupid if he was alone with Violet. Like act on his growing desire to kiss her.
But his eyes fell on the small mountain of dirty dishes in the kitchen. He couldn’t leave her to clean everything up alone.
“Do you prefer to wash or dry?” he asked, leading the way to the kitchen.
“Oh, you don’t have to―”
“I helped make the mess, didn’t I? With my gourmet cooking skills?” He grabbed a dish rag and a towel, holding both up so Violet could choose which she’d rather use.
She weighed the options for a minute before grabbing the dish rag. “This way I get done first and get to watch you slave away while I relax,” she explained, drawing an unexpected laugh from him. He loved how she could do that.
They worked side-by-side in silence for a while, the only sound the clanking dishes.
Just as the sounds were starting to lull him toward drowsiness, Violet spoke abruptly. “Nate, are you a Christian?”
Nate studied the plate he’d been drying, then set it on the stack next to him, cringing as it clattered more loudly than he’d intended. He hadn’t expected the question, and he wasn’t sure how to answer it.
He set the towel down and leaned against the counter.
Violet dropped her rag into the water and turned to face him.
“I used to be,” Nate said slowly. “I mean, I grew up Christian, went to a Christian college, was in a Christian band.”
He glanced at Violet, then let his gaze flit away at her earnest expression.
“But that was a long time ago,” he continued. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Violet. He knew how important her faith was to her and that she’d likely be disappointed―maybe even angry―that he didn’t feel that way anymore.
“And now?” Violet’s voice was low but not judgmental. She simply sounded as if she wanted to know him better.
“If you had asked me a month ago, I would have told you in no uncertain terms that I had no use for God,” Nate said. “But in the last few weeks, I’ve felt this―” He didn’t know how to put it into words. “I don’t know―this pull.”
Like maybe God was trying to call him back―but he wasn’t sure how to say that without sounding crazy. “I guess I would say I’m open to the possibility of God again.”
Violet nodded, seemingly satisfied. “I don’t know what I would have done without my faith after I lost my mom and Cade and everyone important to me,” she said softly.
Abandoning the few remaining dishes, she led him to the living room, and they settled on the couch. She angled her body toward him but looked lost in her own thoughts.
He lifted an arm and slid it behind her shoulders. He wanted to pull her close and make everything she’d gone through all better, but he knew only too well that wasn’t the way it worked. “Do you mind if I ask what happened? With your family, I mean? You said you don’t have one anymore.”
Violet tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “I don’t mind.” Her voice was soft. “My dad left when I was a little girl. I barely even remember him, really, and I never knew his parents. I remember my mom’s parents. They were great. They lived down South, but whenever they came to visit, they’d take me to the Chocolate Chicken for ice cream.” A slight smile played over her lips. “But they both died when I was in middle school. First my grandma, and then my grandpa a couple months later. And my mom―” She blew out a quick breath. “She died when I was in college―”
“I’m so sorry.” Nate rubbed her shoulder. “That must have been awful.” He could barely handle not having seen his mom in years, but at least he knew she was still alive.
Violet tilted her head to the side so that it almost rested on his arm. “It was hard. I was the older sister, and I tried to take care of Jade, but I was pretty wrapped up in Cade and our plans for the future at the time. I should have done more. Maybe she would have stayed.”
“Where’d she go?” He ached to pull her in closer but resisted. He needed to let her talk about this.
“She decided she wanted to be an actor. Never mind that she’d never been in so much as a school play in her life. I tried to talk her out of it, but she thought I was trying to hold her back. She took off for L.A. the day after her high school graduation.” Violet directed her eyes to her lap. “I haven’t talked to her since.” Her voice was small and nearly broken.
“You’ve tried. I’ve seen you.” She had to realize that none of this was her fault.
“I know. I just feel like there must have been something more I could have done. But then I got married and we got busy with the antique store and everything was a rush. Until―”
She broke off, and her throat bobbed as she swallowed.
“Until Cade died,” he finished for her.
She nodded, blinking rapidly as moisture collected on her lashes. “Sometimes I feel like everyone I’ve ever cared about has left me. I’ve spent days―years, really―praying that God would help me understand why he’s taken all these people from me.”
“And did he answer you?” Nate leaned closer, finding he needed to know the answer more than he wanted to admit.
She managed a wavery smile. “He showed me that he was in control even in all of these losses. That he’s bigger than I am and stronger and that he has a plan for me even in this.”
“How can you believe that?” Nate wanted to understand. Wanted to believe she was right about God. But how could he place his faith in a God who would allow this amazing, generous woman to suffer like this? “How do you know it’s not that he doesn’t care about you and what happens to you? About what happened to your mom and Cade and everyone else you love?”
Instead of giving him the flippant answer he expected, Violet considered his words. When she spoke, her voice was firm. “Only the Holy Spirit can give me that kind of faith.” She touched her heart. “It’s something I know here, in my inmost soul. And some days I have to fight to remember it, but he always brings me back to the truth that his love for me is even greater than my mom’s was, than Cade’s was, greater than anyone’s ever could be. And if he says that he’s working for my good in all things, I trust that.”
“Easy as that? You just trust?” If that was the case, Nate was doomed. He’d never be able to trust that easily.
Violet blew out a breath that rustled her hair. “It’s not easy, believe me. My sinful nature keeps trying to heap the doubt back on me. That’s why I spend so much time in prayer and in his word. It’s the only way I get through the day.”
Nate had felt that way once, a long time ago. He’d felt like Jesus was his best friend, like he could tell him anything. But those days were long past. Much as he might wish for that kind of closeness again.
“Would you like to pray together?” Violet’s voice was tentative, like she wasn’t sure if he’d explode at the question.
A few months ago, he would have.
But tonight, he felt a crack in the armor he’d built up to protect himself from ever getting hurt by God again. Tonight he could see that maybe it wasn’t God who had hurt him. Maybe he’d hurt himself.
He allowed himself to nod, not trusting his words to carry the depth of his feelings.
Violet wound her fingers through his. “Dear heavenly Father.” Her voice was strong and sure, even though Nate’s hands shook in hers. “You have promised us that you are all-powerful and all-loving. And yet sometimes it’s hard for us to reconcile these two things, especially when we face hurts that we can’t imagine a loving God would allow to happen. But you tell us that you work all things for our good. Help us to trust this, even when―especially when―we can’t see it through our own pain. Amen.”
Nate clutched her hands tighter as the prayer ended, his eyes still closed. He needed a moment to catch his breath.
It was as if Violet had smashed down all his walls and seen right into
his heart. Seen exactly what he needed to hear, exactly what had been weighing on his soul for the past seven years.
She knew him without his ever saying a word.
When he at last opened his eyes, she was watching him. “I’m glad you moved in next door,” she whispered.
“Me, too. I like being your neighbor.” He meant to keep the conversation playful, but she slid closer.
“Is that what we are? Neighbors?” She lifted a hand to his cheek.
It was only by sheer force of will that he didn’t close the rest of the space between them. “Well, we live next door to each other, and that’s kind of the defining characteristic of neighbors.”
She nodded, but her expression was serious as she moved even closer, until they were only inches apart. His eyes went to her lips, and he felt the catch in his breath and in his heart.
Her eyes closed, and she tilted her head toward him. He let his eyes close, too.
He moved a fraction of a centimeter at a time, giving her a chance to stop this if it wasn’t what she wanted.
But she moved closer to him, and then their lips were pressed together.
Hers were soft and smooth and felt like they’d been made just for him. He slid his hand from hers and lifted his fingers to tangle in her hair, letting himself fall into whatever this was.
Whatever it could become.
Chapter 32
Violet felt as if she was on one of those rides that slowly hoisted you a hundred feet in the air and then let you hurtle to the ground. It was exhilarating and terrifying. All night, she’d relived that kiss with Nate. The sheer exhilaration of her lips on his, of his hands in her hair. And the terror of not knowing what it meant for her relationship with Nate―and, worse, what it meant about her love for Cade.
She’d waited as long as she could to call Sophie, but by six, she’d been unable to wait any longer.
A groggy Sophie had invited her to come over right away, even though they’d see each other at church in a few hours. But now Violet stood with her hand on her own apartment door, debating. What if she stepped into the hallway and saw Nate? Would things be awkward? Would he regret their kiss? Would he say it had been a mistake?
Not Until You (Hope Springs Book 3) Page 21