When the wheelchairs were past, they followed the crowd toward the finish line so they could catch the end of the race as well.
They met up with Mom halfway there, and Nate found himself comfortably walking between his parents for the first time in nearly a decade. He’d expected it to feel strange to be home again. But nothing felt more normal or more right.
They spent the next hour talking comfortably as they waited for the racers to reach them.
“Oh, Nate.” Dad dropped the comment casually during a lull in the conversation. “I almost forgot. Your friend sent in her lease renewal yesterday. She included a very nice letter thanking me.”
A wave of simultaneous relief and regret washed over Nate. He was glad Violet was going to be able to keep her store. He only wished things could have been different and he could be there with her.
“She sent a note for you, too.” Dad pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket. He gave Nate a look as he passed him the paper but didn’t say anything else.
Nate smoothed the paper on his leg, then tried to read it discreetly, painfully aware of both of his parents watching him.
Dear Nate,
I just wanted to say thank you for what you did to save the store. If it weren’t for you, I would have given up a long time ago. The thing is, I used to look at the store as a way to hold onto my past. But now I see it as a way to move into the future. And because of you, I’m ready for that future, whatever it brings.
One thing I didn’t get to tell you before you left was that I forgive you. I saw how deeply what happened scarred you and how sorry you were for it. So I want you to know that I don’t hold your past against you―and neither does Jesus, just in case you were wondering.
Nate closed his eyes and dropped his hand to his side. For her to say that, after everything. He didn’t know what to do with it except cherish it.
After a second, he lifted the letter again, greedy for every single word she had to say to him.
I noticed that your letter came from Wescott. I hope that means that you’ve gone home to your family and that you’ve found peace with them. If you ever decide to come back to Hope Springs, I’ll be here. And if you don’t, I wish you every blessing.
Love,
Violet
Nate reread the last two words. Love? As in love?
“Is this the same Violet you’ve been telling Kayla about?” Mom leaned her shoulder into him.
So much for secrets between siblings. But he laughed. “Yeah, it is.”
Mom looked like she was about to say something else, but the crowd sent up a roar, and cowbells clanged all around them. Nate’s heart leaped as his eyes searched the course. Kayla was still in the lead, but a guy with a green helmet was close to pulling ahead of her. He shoved to the front of the crowd, his parents right behind him. All three of them screamed for her. As she pulled even with them, she shot them the same triumphant smile she’d worn before she’d taken the state cross-country championship. Nate’s heart lifted. Despite all that had changed, despite the wheelchair, his little sister was the same Kayla. She had this.
Her wheelchair crossed the finish line a fraction of an inch ahead of the other guy’s.
Nate jumped up and down and pumped a fist into the air. He spun to hug Mom. After he let her go, he hesitated a second, then hugged Dad, too. Dad clapped him on the back.
The three of them hovered together as Kayla was presented her medal and gave a few interviews. Nate had been the center of attention once, the cameras and interviews directed at him.
But seeing his sister beam in the spotlight, he didn’t miss it at all. What he had now was so much more precious than that.
Finally, Kayla made her way over to them.
“Why don’t you guys go get the car?” Kayla told their parents. “Nate and I will wait here.” She led Nate to a picnic table in the park where the race had ended.
“So―” Kayla pulled up next to the table as Nate sat on top of it. “I see you got Violet’s letter.” She gestured to the piece of paper he’d pulled in and out of his pocket a dozen times since reading it.
“Good to know some things are private around here.” Nate ruffled her hair in the way she’d hated when they were kids.
But she ignored it. “And?”
“And nothing. That’s over now. I messed everything up pretty big.”
“Doesn’t sound over, judging by the letter. It sounds very much like she wants you to come back.”
Nate shook his head. That didn’t matter. Even if Violet thought she wanted him in her life, she was better off without him. And anyway, he’d already decided what he was going to do with his future.
“I’m going to stay here. With you.” Nate folded the letter and tucked it into his back pocket, as if he were putting thoughts of Violet away forever. As if that were possible.
“And do what? Babysit me? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty capable.” She held up her medal.
“I did notice. And congratulations.” Nate shoved her shoulder.
“Well, then don’t use me as an excuse to hide out here.”
“It wouldn’t be right.” Nate scanned the street for Mom and Dad’s van. He was ready for this conversation to be over.
“Wouldn’t be right how?” Now Kayla’s persistence was downright annoying.
“I’m not going to leave you here. Like this.” He gestured to her wheelchair. “While I go off and have a relationship. A life.”
The glare she shot him made him look away. “You don’t think I can have a life?”
“No, of course not. That’s not what I meant. But―”
“Because I’ll have you know I have a very full life. And a relationship, too.”
Nate spun toward her, suddenly finding himself in protective-big-brother mode. “What relationship? With that guy in the picture? Why haven’t I met him?”
Kayla played with her hands. “Well, had a relationship.”
Nate’s shoulders tightened. When he found the monster who had hurt his sister, he would rip his face off.
“Relax.” Kayla smirked at him. “I’m the one who broke it off. Garrett was a good guy, but I wanted to focus more on my racing and my ministry right now. Maybe someday I’ll be ready for a serious relationship but not yet.”
Nate exhaled.
“You have to stop defining me by my disability, Nate. I can have just as full and rich a life as anyone. I’m not dead. Now you need to stop living like you are.”
Nate stared at his little sister. When had she grown so wise?
“Go back to Violet.” Kayla gave his leg a double pat, then wheeled her chair away from the table. “Have a life with her. I promise I’ll be fine. I’ll even come to visit.”
Chapter 45
When the bus finally pulled into the Hope Springs station, relief filled Nate.
He was home.
Despite the assurances of Violet’s letter, a flurry of nerves worked through him. Did she really want to see him again? Or was that only something she’d written, knowing he was hundreds of miles away? And what about everyone else? Would they welcome him back now that they knew who he really was?
There was only one way to find out.
Nate squared his shoulders, grabbed the two suitcases he’d brought with him this time―his parents had promised to ship the rest of the stuff he’d spent the past two days packing―and set off through the dark to Hope Street.
The moment he walked into the building, all the memories from the past three months bubbled up, and he couldn’t wait another second to see her. He charged up the stairs and knocked on her door.
No answer. He tried not to be crushed by the disappointment. It was Saturday night. She was probably at Sophie’s or Dan’s or whoever had invited everyone over this weekend.
He dragged his suitcases into his own apartment, which looked the same as when he’d left―except the dog kennel was missing. A pang hit him at the realization of all he’d walked away from. He
paced the empty apartment for a few minutes, but if he stayed here all night, he’d go crazy.
Without pausing to consider where he’d go, he made his way down the hill toward the beach and the rocky outcrop that had become his favorite thinking spot.
His breath puffed in front of his face in the cool evening air as he crunched across the seashells. The moon was full tonight, casting a white glow on top of the water, and he watched the waves as he walked, letting their monotonous back and forth motion lull him.
He was almost to the rocks when he heard wild footsteps scrabbling over the shells, followed by happy barking.
Nate’s head swung toward the sound, and he squatted just in time for Tony to barrel into him. As the dog planted joyful kisses on his cheek, Nate searched the dark.
The moment his eyes fell on her, a tsunami of hope slammed into him. Violet followed Tony, her footsteps barely making a sound. The moonlight bounced off her dark hair and lit the soft smile on her lips. Nate caught his breath as his eyes met hers. There was a trace of uncertainty there but also hope.
He straightened as she reached him.
“Violet?” his voice was barely a whisper, lighter even than the breeze that played with the tendril of hair on her face.
But somehow she heard him. “Nate.”
They looked at each other a beat longer.
Then she stepped into his arms.
Without thinking, Nate pulled her tight against his chest. She felt right in his embrace. He never wanted to let go.
He moved his hands to her cheeks, which were red with the cold. “What are you doing out here?” He stepped back to pull off his sweatshirt and passed it to her.
She pressed her face into it for a second, then put it on. Nate’s heart almost burst at the familiar movement.
“I’ve been coming out here to think. And pray.” Violet hid her hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt.
He brushed a curl off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “It’s a good spot for that.”
He couldn’t take his eyes off her lips. He wanted more than anything to kiss her right now.
But first he had to say something.
He took a step back so he’d have a clear head. Or at least clearer.
The hope in her eyes dimmed a little, and he almost stepped forward to take her hands again. But he had to do this first. “There’s something I have to say. And I don’t want you to stop me. Okay?”
She bit her lip but nodded.
“First, I want to say again how sorry I am that I didn’t tell you everything sooner. Not telling you was as good as lying to you. And I don’t ever want to do that.” He swallowed. “Lie to you I mean.”
Violet opened her mouth as if she was going to answer, but he raised a hand, pressing on. “I know you already said you forgive me for that, and I believe you. And―” He took half a step closer. “Thank you. You don’t know what that means to me.”
He gazed out to the lake, where the waves continued to roll in. “And thank you for reminding me of God’s forgiveness. I tried to push it away for a long time. But you and Dan―and even my family―have helped me see that I don’t get to decide what God forgives. Jesus did that for me.”
Violet raised a hand to rub a finger gently under each eye.
Nate wanted to gather her to him, but he had more to say. “And I’m sorry that I ran away from you. I know you feel like so many people in your life have left you, either on purpose or because of circumstances they couldn’t control. I never wanted to be one of those people.”
She was crying openly now, and Nate moved closer but didn’t let himself touch her, no matter how badly he ached to wrap her in his arms. That had to be her choice.
“And I want you to know that I’ll never be one of those people again. I’m here to stay.” His eyes locked on hers. “If you want me to.”
With a choked cry, she stepped forward. And that’s all it took. His arms went around her, and he cupped his hand against the back of her head.
She nestled closer, and Nate sighed.
Somehow, through all the horrible things that had happened, through everything he’d been through and put others through, God had brought him to this point. To this perfect place with this perfect woman.
After a few minutes, she lifted her head, and her eyes landed on his.
He brought his head down slowly, watching every change in her expression. Surprise. Joy. Hope. Love.
He felt all of it echo in his own heart.
He let go of everything except this moment and pressed his lips to hers.
When they finally pulled apart, they whispered the words at the same time: “I love you.”
Epilogue
Nerves surged through Violet’s whole body as the lights in the sanctuary dimmed. Nate stepped to the front of the church with the rest of the worship band. Down the row, all their friends were applauding and cheering. To Violet’s left, Kayla was leaning forward in her wheelchair, an expression of sheer glee on her face. Violet knew the feeling. Nate had been playing with the church worship band for six months now, but this was their first concert. Violet was overcome with a mix of awe and joy and amazement at what God had done in Nate’s life. And in hers.
If anyone had told her when he moved in across the hall last summer that she’d soon find herself looking forward to every moment with him, she’d have called them crazy. Not only because he wasn’t the friendliest new neighbor of all time. But even more so because she hadn’t thought she could ever love another man the way she’d loved Cade.
But, then, she didn’t love Nate in exactly the same way she’d loved Cade.
Her love for Nate was just as strong, but her relationship with him was different than her relationship with Cade had been. Where she and Cade had grown up together and knew everything about each other, she was still learning new things about Nate every day. And where she and Cade had matching outgoing personalities, Nate was much quieter and more reserved. Where her love for Cade had been youthful and exuberant, her love for Nate was more mature―quieter but no less certain.
Nate’s eyes met hers as the opening chords of a praise song rang through the church. Violet kept her eyes on his as she broke into the chorus with the rest of the audience. She wondered if anyone else in the crowd sensed the energy that pulsed between them as they praised their God together―the God who had given them both a second chance.
Halfway through the concert, Kayla leaned over to give her a hug. Violet squeezed back. Nate’s little sister had only arrived for a visit the day before, but already Violet loved her.
“He’s always been good,” Kayla said into her ear. “But there’s something different about him now. It’s like he’s―” She gestured as if searching for the right word. “Real now, I guess.”
Violet nodded. She could feel it. In everything he did, Nate made it clear that he’d experienced God’s grace firsthand. And he wasn’t going to hide that from anyone.
When the concert came to a close, Violet was exhausted but in a good way, as if she’d poured everything she had into worshiping her Creator. The band waved to the cheering crowd and then exited the church.
All except Nate.
A lone spotlight picked him out on the piano bench.
The audience fell silent again as soft chords floated up from the Bosendorfer Nate’s father had purchased from her, then turned around and donated to the church.
Nate’s voice picked up the melody of a song she’d never heard.
I thought my life was over,
Thought that I was done
Planned to live out my days
Never knowing the warmth, the warmth of the Son.
But then you opened up my eyes
Told me I was blind but now could see
That you had more in store
That you had plans, that you had plans for me.
Violet closed her eyes, swallowing against the lump in her throat. She knew Nate had written the song based on his own experiences, b
ut it seemed he’d taken the words right from her soul. When Cade died, she’d thought her life was over. But God had used Nate to show her that he wasn’t done with her yet.
And so today I thank you
For the life you’ve given me
It’s a life I don’t deserve.
It’s a life that makes me, a life that makes me free.
Violet swiped at the tears on her cheeks, noticing that most of their friends were doing so as well.
A few minutes later, Nate was at her side, pulling her into a hug.
“Hey, it wasn’t that bad, was it?” He dropped a kiss on her forehead.
She shook her head. “That good, actually. These are good tears.”
He smiled as he wiped away a teardrop she’d missed. “They’re cute on you. I’ll have to try to make you cry some more of those sometime.”
As if that was some sort of cue, all their friends gathered up their coats and bags.
“Anyone want to grab a bite at the Hidden Cafe?” Sophie slipped her arm into her jacket.
“We’ll be there in a little bit.” Nate pressed another kiss to Violet’s head. “I just have to clean up first, or it’s going to be a mess for worship tomorrow morning.”
“We can give Kayla a ride over there.” Sophie rested a hand on the back of Kayla’s wheelchair. Kayla giggled, and Violet could have sworn the younger woman winked at Sophie.
Nate gave his sister a stern look, and she tried to straighten her lips for a second before they tipped into a smile again.
“Yeah, get out of here.” Nate shooed her away.
“Maybe I should go along.” Violet started to follow. She didn’t want Kayla to be uncomfortable sitting at the restaurant with a group of people she’d only met a couple of hours ago.
Nate grabbed her hand and tugged her toward him. “One thing about my little sister. She can handle things just fine on her own.”
He lifted Violet’s hand to his lips and brushed a light kiss onto her knuckles. “Anyway, I’ll get lonely here if you go without me.”
She laughed at him. “You’ll have the rest of the band.” Except the front of the church was empty. She swiveled to search the sanctuary, but that had cleared out, too. Even their friends had disappeared. “Where’d everyone go?”
Not Until You (Hope Springs Book 3) Page 27