“But why didn’t you get on the bike and go far, far away?”
“And leave the estate?” I ask, horrified.
Cal looks at me with equal horror. “Is that what this is about? You wouldn’t leave the estate because I told you not to?”
I don’t want to say it because I know he’ll be mad. But I have to, because Cal asked me a question. “I always follow directions. I’m a Vestal.”
“No,” Cal says, his voice going deep. “No. I was wrong. I was wrong to have bought you.”
I shake my head, but Cal keeps going.
“This whole thing was wrong!”
“No, it wasn’t!” I protest. But Cal’s not listening.
“I don’t want you to follow my directions anymore,” he says. “I want you to think for yourself, and I want you to make good choices for your own welfare.”
“Stop. Just stop. You know I can’t do that. You know that’s not how this works. You’re my purchaser. You need to tell me what to do.”
“No.” Cal shakes his head. “No more directions. You’ve got good instincts, and you can think for yourself. That’s my new request for you, for now and evermore.”
“No, I can’t. I’m sorry, Cal, but I can’t.” I say it again and again. I can’t stop saying it, even when Cal pulls me to my feet and tells me to go to bed.
“Get some sleep now, and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”
But I can’t move.
Cal considers me and my tears. “Look,” he says. “I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to do with you now. But I don’t want people to hurt you. I want you to have a real life. So we’ll figure this all out in the morning, okay?”
I nod, like I agree. Then I suck back the tears like I’ve been taught. Cry on cue. Stop crying. Tears are a tool.
I wander up to my cloister in a daze, forgetting to bolt the door.
But I can’t sleep. I’m a total wreck. It’s like a switch has gone off inside me and I can’t turn it back.
I’m sobbing. I’m raging. My old tricks don’t work anymore.
When Seth comes into my room the next morning, his face bandaged and swollen, I’m still a mess. He kisses my wet cheeks and whispers in my ear. “Blanca, what’s wrong? I’m okay. You’re okay. They were only some pictures.”
Seth thinks this is about the photographers. But it’s not about pictures. It’s about more than that. How the hell could Cal do this to me? How the freaking hell could he do this to me?
Vestals don’t make decisions on our own. We always follow orders.
I need Cal to tell me what to do. That’s the deal, and he knows it.
Cloistered with a Virus. I try not to think about what Headmaster Russell would say. Seth has his arms wrapped around me, even though his ribs must be killing him, as we lie together on the bed. The steady beat of his heart calls to my own racing pulse and challenges me to calm down.
“You’re safe now,” Seth says to me on repeat. “It’s okay.”
But it’s not okay. It’ll never be okay again. Not unless I can make Cal listen to reason.
“Shit, Blanca. You’re still covered in blood. Didn’t you shower last night? Maybe if you clean up you’ll feel better.”
I don’t bother to answer.
Seth tries again. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you better. We have a deal. Remember? What you and I have together is private. It should never have been exposed.”
“Is it all over the Web?” My words croak out of vocal chords raw from crying.
“Yeah. Everywhere but Veritas Rex.” Seth shows me his bandaged hands. “I need new finger-chips. They got busted up in the fight.”
“Maybe you don’t need to get new finger-chips.” I feel a brief surge of energy. A tiny glimmer of hope.
“No finger-chips? And what, be like my dad? With an antique on my wrist?”
“Why not?” I jerk away, and the absence of Seth’s body leaves an emptiness I don’t like. “You don’t need to go back to Veritas Rex. I mean, do you want to be a Virus? Do you want to be like them?”
“I’m nothing like them!”
“Of course you are. You’re just not as vicious.”
“How can you say that?”
Anger invades me. “You took my picture. You destroyed my life.”
“Destroyed your life?” Seth grabs his ribs and cringes.
I reach out to comfort him on instinct, but then pull my hands away. How could Cal leave me with Seth and tell me to think for myself? Being with a Virus is so awful it has its own page of tirades in the Vestal Code of Ethics.
“Well?” Seth glares at me.
We’re interrupted by a knock at the door. I swing my legs over the bed and scoot away from Seth. “Come in,” I say.
Cal enters the room and sweeps his eyes over the situation. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” I answer.
“Yes,” Seth growls. He gets up and walks over to the bouquet. Then he rips apart a rose petal by petal.
“Which is it?” Cal asks.
“Blanca thinks I’ve destroyed her life.” Seth grunts.
“No,” Cal says. “She doesn’t.”
Seth looks at his dad. “What do you know?”
“More than you think.” Cal walks over to Seth and whispers something in his ear.
If I weren’t so messed up, I’d think, Shoot! I did it! These two are talking again! It’s hard to care about Cal and his stupid problems now, when he’s trying to ruin my entire existence. So I sit on the bed and stare at my cuff, hating myself and my supposed free will.
“Blanca,” Cal says at last, “you have visitors coming.”
I barely look up. “Who?”
“Headmaster Russell and Ms. Lydia.”
Now I’m really screwed.
“Did you call them?” I ask.
“No,” Cal says. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Then they must have seen the pictures!”
“Probably.” Cal sits on the bed. His face is gray, like he didn’t get any sleep last night.
Good. I hope he suffers.
“Are you up for visitors?” Cal asks me. “They just passed the front gate, but I’ll send them away if you want me to.”
“If I want you to?” The tears rush out again, and I can’t stop them. I’m my own faucet of sorrow.
“What the hell’s going on?” Seth asks.
Cal appears torn, helpless. And I of course, don’t say anything. So Cal has to admit the truth himself. “I’m done with it,” he says. “I ordered her to think for herself.”
Seth laughs, like he thinks this is funny. “What are you talking about?” When we don’t respond, he stops snorting. “You can’t think for yourself?” he asks me.
“Not unless I tell her to,” Cal says. “At least that’s how they explained all this to me, that first day after the Harvest.”
“But, Blanca, you—” Seth pauses. “You and me—” Seth takes a deep breath. Then he grabs his ribcage like that breath cost him.
And I know he’s thinking about all of it. Me there at the precinct, where I supposedly released him according to my own initiative. Or that first night under the tree when we kissed beneath the stars. Or our morning together alone in his room. Or yesterday, eating oranges in the sunshine.
Seth whips around and points his finger right at Cal. “Did you tell her to do all of it? Did you make her pretend to like me?”
“I told her to release you from jail.”
“Is that all?” Seth’s voice is deadly.
“Almost,” Cal answers. “I told Blanca to be friendly, to encourage you to come back home. That’s it, Seth. I swear. I want Blanca to make her own decisions.”
“Does she or doesn’t she, Dad? Does Blanca make her own decisions or not?”
“No,” Cal admits. “Not usually.”
“It’s better that way.” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second. I can’t stand
having them look at me like I’m a freak show. I need to make them understand. “People make crappy decisions all the time. Then they plaster them over the Internet! Vestals are free from all that. We completely abstain.”
“Abstain from technology, yeah, I get that. It’s messed up, but I get it.” Seth shakes his head. “But abstain from decision making?”
“I make lots of decisions,” I protest. “Cal tells me what to do, and I decide how to do it.”
“That’s ridiculous,” says Seth. He turns his derision on Cal. “I can’t believe you’d go along with this.”
“But it’s not your dad’s fault! It simply is how it is, and it’s for the best. Please, Cal. Please don’t make me see Headmaster Russell and Ms. Lydia without directions. They’ll know!”
“You don’t need directions,” says Cal. “Be yourself, and you’ll be fine.”
I don’t bother considering this. “Myself? I am loyal. I am discrete. I follow the rules. How can I be any of that if you don’t tell me what to do?” I grab Cal’s hands in mine and beg. “Please help me!” When that doesn’t work, I get down on my knees and beg him again. “Please. Give me some directions.”
Seth’s gaze bounces back and forth between us. His attitude oozes revulsion. “You’re both sick,” he says. “I hope you know that.”
Cal’s expression is twisted in pain, but he comes through for me after all, like deep down I always hoped he would. I knew he’d be a good purchaser ever since that first night he told me his plans.
“Get up off the floor, Blanca.” Cal squeezes my hands. “Take a quick shower and get ready. You’ll follow my lead, okay? We’ll tell your teachers everything is fine and then figure the rest out.”
My tears start all over again. I knew I could count on Cal.
“Will you stay for this?” Cal asks Seth. “So Blanca doesn’t have to face these people alone?”
I don’t know what Seth is going to say. I don’t think Cal knows either. Maybe Seth has to think about it, because he doesn’t answer for a while. Then he says one simple word that proves once and for all he’s loyal.
“Yes.”
That bastard. That tech-addicted, ink-polluted bastard.
He just made me like him for real.
I’m showered, my face is scrubbed, I’m wearing a white dress, and I’m sitting between both of the McNeals. I’m pulling it together all right, exactly like Cal told me to.
And it’s not like Headmaster Russell can do anything to me anyway, not with Ms. Lydia here. She appears graceful as always in a simple white dress. She’s deceptively elegant, her power of persona cloaked in cotton.
Headmaster Russell is in full Vestal regalia, right down to his white leather boots. It’s warm in McNeal Manor, and sweat beads his forehead.
“Does that Virus have to be here for this?” Headmaster Russell asks.
Seth opens his mouth, but Cal stops him. “This man has a very distinguished career.”
“A career?” Headmaster Russell scoffs. “A scumbag like him?”
“Who are you calling a scumbag, asshole?” Seth retorts.
“He’s not a scumbag, he’s a viral blogger, and he also happens to be my son,” Cal says. “I’m proud of what he’s accomplished. Veritas Rex has broken ten top news stories in the past year alone. It has more followers than the president.”
Headmaster Russell is about to pop.
Ms. Lydia stands up just in time. “You have a lovely home here, Mr. McNeal.” Her heart-shaped face is the perfect type of tranquil. She’s a reminder to me of all the ways I’ve screwed up.
“Thank you. My late wife oversaw the decorating.”
Ms. Lydia doesn’t balk, but Headmaster Russell does. He must know about the redhead.
“Let’s get straight to the point, shall we?” says Ms. Lydia. “Blanca, we’d like to ask you some questions.”
My eyes flicker over to Cal, and he nods yes. Ms. Lydia notices and smiles.
Score one for me.
“Please go ahead,” I say.
“Have you been following the Vestal Code of Ethics?” she asks me.
“Yes, Ms. Lydia. Of course, Ms. Lydia.”
“Have you been safe-guarding your privacy?” Headmaster Russell asks next.
I don’t know what to say. They know about yesterday. Why are they testing me?
“Frankly, Russell, I don’t see how Blanca’s privacy is any of your concern,” Cal says, coming to my rescue.
Headmaster Russell blusters. “Not my concern? Vestal privacy is always my concern!”
“At Tabula Rasa, yes, but I’ve paid thirty-two million dollars to harvest Blanca’s privacy. Her privacy is now my concern, not yours.” Cal leans back in the sofa and takes a sip of tea.
Headmaster Russell isn’t nearly so relaxed. “But certainly you don’t want—”
“What I do or do not want is my private business. Yesterday was regrettable, but I’m beefing up my security team as we speak. For you to come here asking questions is intrusive.” Cal sets down his teacup. “Honestly, I don’t see what you are doing here at all.”
Ms. Lydia smiles like this is social visit, although the room feels lethal. “We’re here to assess the situation. We heard you were adopting Blanca as your daughter?”
“Yes,” Cal answers, a little too quickly.
“Excellent.” Ms. Lydia folds her French-tipped hands. “Unexpected but excellent. In that case, I’d like to ask if Blanca will be able to attend the Vestal corporate banquet next month.”
“What banquet?” asks Seth.
Ms. Lydia’s face freezes, like she can’t believe she actually has to talk to a Virus. But once she says what she has to say, I can tell she relishes the effect it has on Seth. “Every three months we have a mixer to meet and mingle,” she says. “Vestals only date other Vestals unless they’re instructed to do otherwise by their purchaser.”
Seth looks at his father, and Cal’s face goes grim.
And I know, I just know. I’m never going to have another moment with Seth again. It’s official. Even if Cal tells me to, Seth won’t want to be with me anymore now that he knows his dad is pulling the strings. Now that Seth knows the truth.
Cal clears his throat. “Blanca’s free to choose whomever she wishes.”
I hate him for it.
Ms. Lydia glances in my direction and sees the hate. “Wonderful,” she says. “It’s so much easier this way. Lucky for Blanca, I’ve arranged the perfect Vestal match.”
“Thank you, Ms. Lydia,” I say, on automatic. “That’s very kind of you, Ms. Lydia.” But what I’m really thinking about is my perfect opposite. Seth’s body stretched out next to me, completely trashed by chips and ink. Seth attacking those Viruses on my behalf, trying to protect me. Seth and his hundred white roses. Seth saying yes to helping me right now even though he has every reason to hate me … but I have to stop thinking. I have to keep my face serene, like they want me to.
“I’m so happy you’re happy,” Ms. Lydia says to me. “The young man I’ve picked out for you has got a face that can sell soap, exactly like you. He’s the perfect boy next door. You’ll love him.”
“Perfect,” says Seth. “That sounds fucking perfect for Blanca.”
“Seth!” says Cal sharply.
But I’m not rattled. I’m completely still, like Ms. Corina taught us back in charm class. And I don’t say anything because I can’t say anything. I can’t say anything at all.
“We’ll see Blanca next month then.” Headmaster Russell stands up to go.
“Yes, Headmaster Russell. Of course, Headmaster Russell.”
“Wonderful,” says Ms. Lydia. “It’s all settled. How about a blessing?”
She and Headmaster Russell lift up their cuffs. When my cuff hits my heart, it burns with cold.
“Blanca, Cal, and Seth, you’ve had a hard road. In so many ways it’s difficult being you,” Ms. Lydia begins, continuing the blessing to i
ts conclusion. I notice that Cal looks discreetly away. But Seth? He stares at us like we’re a freak show. Like he’s ready to tear us apart.
As soon as our visitors leave, Seth turns on us. “What the hell is going on?” he demands. “What type of tricks are you pulling on me?”
“Seth,” says Cal. “I—”
“No!” Seth shouts. “I’m tired of being jerked around by both of you. I can’t believe you had Blanca do that! What type of monster are you?”
“I—” Cal tries again.
“Don’t bother.” Seth starts to stalk off.
“Wait!” I reach out and grab Seth’s arm like I’m never going to let him go. “All your dad wanted me to do was make you listen. The rest of it was my fault for improvising.” If I go back to the original plan, I’ll still be fine. I can still fix this.
“Improvising?” Seth’s face is all torn up. “You call that improvising?”
“What?” Cal asks. “Call what improvising?”
“Nothing.” Seth sneers. “Nothing important. Nothing worth mentioning.”
“Wait!” I run and throw my arms across the front door. I can still do this. I can make Seth listen, I know it. “Your dad has something to show you. Show him, Cal. Show Seth the truth.”
“What’s she talking about now?” Seth asks.
Cal looks sad, defeated almost. He knows what’s coming next. But he types at his wrist anyway and the video emerges, there in the great hall. Cal blows it up large enough for all of us to see.
I can barely stand to watch. Cal shuts his eyes.
There’s the same scene Seth showed me on Veritas Rex. The one that caused the riff, the one Seth posted online to publically humiliate his father. Cal in his bedroom with the naked woman under him. Only this scene is shot from above, from the surveillance cameras in the manor.
There’s Cal and the redheaded woman. There’s seventeen-year-old Seth surprising them both, and then running away. And then you see the woman sit up, totally distraught. The red wig falls off her head, and she’s completely bald underneath. She’s lying there naked, except for her golden pendant.
“It was Mom?” says Seth, his face blank. Then the rage comes back. “You were screwing my mom? When she was dying?”
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