“Wow, that’s a pretty pessimistic life view.”
“From a pessimistic man.” She watched Gabby turn on the speaker so she could filter her favorite tunes through her iPod. “How do you think he’s been able to write so many dark songs?”
“Must suck going through life like that.”
“Yeah, it must.” There was a time she’d felt sorry for Gunnar, when she believed she could love him enough to change him, but she’d given up hope of that happening a long time ago.
“So, what’s he doing here?” Gabby asked, reaching into the cooler for a bucket of roses. She set them on the floor by her workstation and reached for a block of damp oasis to lay out on the table.
“He came to spend time with his daughters, I guess. He’ll be going back out on the road soon, maybe over the summer, when they get a break.”
“Must be hard on them,” Gabby said, spreading the red roses out on the table. “Never seeing their dad.”
“It is, but they’re used to it. He’s always been gone more than he’s been around. So it doesn’t really matter where he lives, they don’t get to see him much. Even when we were all living under the same roof, he was rarely there.” She told herself she wasn’t bitter about that. Gunnar was just doing his job, but she knew there were plenty of people in his position who’d somehow found a healthy balance.
“It must be weird,” Gabby said, trimming the stems before she stuck them in the foam block to preserve them until they were delivered to the customer. “Having him around. Staying in your house, eating your food, sleeping in your...?”
“Guest room,” Gianna said, laughing at her boss’s not-so-subtle attempt to dig in the dirt. “He’s sleeping in my guest room. There is absolutely nothing going on between us.”
The bell rang and Gianna looked up to see the man himself walk through the door. He was wearing black athletic shorts, a gray T-shirt, and running shoes.
“Hey,” he said, grinning at her. “Hope you don’t mind me stopping by like this. I was just going out for a run and was curious about where you work.”
He didn’t look like he’d been jogging. He didn’t have a drop of sweat on him, but instead of interrogating him, she gestured to Gabby, who was standing next to her with her mouth hanging up. “Gunnar, this is Gabby. She owns the shop.”
Gabby extended her hand when Gianna nudged her. “Uh, hi. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m a big fan of your music.”
Gianna was used to people gushing over Gunnar, but it was still hard to watch, especially since she’d tried so hard to keep her past and present separate.
“Gi tells me she loves working here,” Gunnar said, turning on the charm. “And living here. I can see why now. I took a tour of the place this morning, and I have to say it’s charming.”
Gianna raised an eyebrow. Gunnar wouldn’t know charming if he fell over it. He appreciated big, bold, and ostentatious.
“Well, I love having her here,” Gabby said, smiling at Gianna. “Not only is she great company, but she does an incredible job. Especially with the wedding bouquets. It’s hard to believe she came to me with no experience.”
Gunnar chuckled as he eyed Gianna. “I guess she didn’t tell you about all those fundraisers she organized back home, huh? They were always trying to cut costs, so Gianna and her volunteers did it all. From mailing invitations to decorating the venue.”
Gabby raised her finger, shaking it at Gianna. “Hah! I knew you were holding out on me. Why didn’t you tell me you had experience with event planning?”
She knew if she talked about her previous life it would lead to questions she wasn’t prepared to answer. “It’s not like I was a pro, Gabby. I just did the best I could. But I’ve learned so much from you.”
“You could learn even more if you took that course I told you about, the one for floral design and event planning. Have you thought any more about it? We could definitely use an event planner on staff to work on weddings.”
“Um, I haven’t really had time to think about it.” She’d been too busy thinking about when her ex intended to leave. “But I will. I promise.”
“On that note,” she said, sliding a glance in Gunnar’s direction. “I’ll let you two chat.”
“Uh, before you go, Gabby,” Gunnar said. “Maybe you could help me. I’d like to buy some flowers for a special lady, but she’s always accusing me of being over the top.” He snuck a peek at Gianna out of the corner of his eye. “I used to brush it off, but I can see now that was a mistake. She definitely appreciates the simpler things… and I love that about her. So, what do you suggest?”
Gabby’s smiled spread as she reached into the cooler. “I personally love these,” she said, handing him a bouquet with lavender chrysanthemums, white roses, and purple Peruvian Lilies accented with white Asiatic Lilies and lush greens. It was tied with a lavender satin ribbon and Gianna had commented how much she loved it when Gabby made it the day before. “Don’t you, Gianna?”
“I do,” Gianna said, between clenched teeth.
“Perfect,” Gunnar said, withdrawing his wallet and handing over his black credit card. “I’ll take them.”
“You wouldn’t mind ringing those up for him, would you, hon?” Gabby asked Gianna. “I really have to get started on those orders.”
“No problem.” Gianna faked a smile as Gabby walked towards the back, but not before shooting Gunnar a knowing smile and wave. “So, you always go jogging with your credit card?”
He laughed. “Not usually, but being in a new town and all, I thought I might see something I wanted to buy.”
She handed him the debit machine so he could enter his pin number, though she knew the number by heart. Unless he’d changed it after their split.
After she gave him the receipt, she started to wrap the flowers.
“Don’t bother,” he said, smirking. “Just bring them home with you later.”
“Gunnar, you shouldn’t be buying me flowers. We’re not together anymore, and I don’t want to give the girls the wrong idea about us.”
His gaze darkened as he leaned his hands on the glass countertop. “You think I don’t know I made a mess of things when we were together? I never sent you flowers just because and I should have. Every damn day, in fact. Because that’s how often I was thinking of you, every minute of every day that we weren’t together.”
She was stunned by his claim. He could go away for weeks, months even, without telling her how much he’d missed her. “Why are you saying these things now?” she hissed. “Just to torture me? To punish me?”
“No, I would never do anything to hurt you,” he said, his voice soft. “I did enough of that when we were together. I just want to make up for that in some small way, if I can. I know flowers don’t even begin to make up for all the shitty things I did or for taking you for granted for all those years or—”
“Stop,” she said, raising her hand. “I can’t do this here. I’m at work. Besides, it’s pointless rehashing all of this. We’ve been apart a long time. We’ve both moved on with our lives.”
“You may have moved on. But I haven’t.”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” she said, desperately trying to make him understand what he was doing to her. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. You say you’re sorry for the way things went down. Fine. I believe you. I forgive you, if that’s what you need, but I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” he asked, lowering his voice further still. “Talking about what went wrong so maybe we can make it right?”
“Make it right?” she all but shrieked. “Make what right? It’s over. We’re over.”
“Can’t you even entertain the possibility that maybe I’ve changed, that perhaps losing you changed me?”
“No.” She shook her head violently, barely refraining from covering her ears. “No, I can’t.” Because if she did, she’d be right back where she started. In love with an emotionally unavailable man.
Chapter Four
He wasn’t dressed for it, but he didn’t think anyone would mind. Or notice, for that matter. He’d covered the entire town that morning on foot and not a single person recognized him with his shades and ball cap on. He loved it.
He sat at the bar and ordered fries and a burger while the guy next to him did the same.
“They make the best burgers,” the dude next to him said. “Only thing better is their pulled pork.”
“Why aren’t you having that then?” Gunnar asked, taking a swig of his beer as he watched sports highlights on the TV mounted over the bar.
He shrugged, staring at the screen. “Just in the mood for a burger, I guess.”
Gunnar suspected his companion was a man of few words, which suited him just fine. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk anyway.
“Levi,” the man said, extending his hand when the broadcast broke for a commercial.
“Excuse me?”
He grinned. “That’s my name. Levi Rowe.”
“Oh.” Gunnar clasped his hand, admiring his firm grip. “Gunnar.”
“I know who you are.”
“You do?”
“Sure, everyone does.” He laughed. “You think just ’cause we choose to live out in the middle of nowhere that we don’t watch TV, listen to music, or go online from time to time?”
“Uh, no, I didn’t think that. I just…” He didn’t want to sound like an arrogant ass, but he was used to being accosted by fans who recognized him. “Haven’t met anyone who’s recognized me, that’s all.”
“We believe in minding our own business ’round here,” he said, turning his attention back to the screen. “You want to be left alone, this is the place to come.”
Gunnar suddenly liked the idea of being incognito. A lot. “It’s nice here,” he admitted. “The peace and quiet is a much-needed change of pace.”
“I don’t know how the hell you live…” He frowned. “Where is it? L.A.?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I don’t know how I live there either to be honest. It suited me when I was younger and liked living that lifestyle. But it’s gettin’ a little old now.”
“You couldn’t pay me enough to live in a big city,” he said, his big frame shuddering at the thought. “All that noise and pollution and shit. Give me quiet and open fields any damn day of the week.” He gestured out the window by inclining his head. “I may be biased, but this, my friend, sure as hell feels like paradise to me.”
Gunnar smiled when he called him a friend. He had plenty of casual acquaintances, but the only people he truly considered friends were his bandmates and manager. The fact this stranger might consider him a friend spoke of the kind of person Levi was. Trusting. Open. Probably had faith in people, unlike Gunnar, who’d never learned how to trust anyone.
“You might be right,” Gunnar said, nodding at the bartender, who placed a plate in front of him, overflowing with mouth-watering food. He was used to paying thirty bucks for a burger that had so much fancy crap piled on it that it didn’t even resemble a hamburger anymore. But this, this was the real deal.
Levi laughed at his reaction. “You not used to eating like that or what? You look like a man who’s been on some damn vegetarian diet and is salivating for a taste of beef.”
“Not far from the truth,” Gunnar said, groaning when he finally bit into the grilled burger. “God, that is good.”
“What do you usually eat?” Levi asked, still looking amused as he dug into his own lunch. “No, let me guess. Sushi? Caviar? Squid?”
“Man, let me tell you, I grew up not knowing where my next meal was coming from, so I still appreciate food, whatever it is.”
“Sorry,” Levi muttered. “I didn’t mean—”
“Hey, don’t apologize. You’re bein’ real with me. I like that.” He popped a fry in his mouth followed by another. “I don’t have too many people who’re willing to be real with me anymore.”
“The price of fame, huh?”
“Somethin’ like that.” If anyone had told him the price he’d have to pay for fame, he wasn’t sure even that deadass broke kid he’d been would have been willing to pay it. “The truth, Levi? I don’t even know who the hell I am anymore.”
He could hear his publicist’s voice in his ear telling him to shut his mouth before the tabloids caught wind of his claim and turned it into a massive meltdown or mid-life crisis. For all he knew, this guy could be recording the conversation, trying to get him to open up so he could turn a fast buck selling the story, but his gut told him otherwise.
And he needed a friend. Someone outside of the music business who didn’t give a rip about fame or fortune.
“I hear that can happen,” he said, taking a swig of his beer. “I’ve got plenty of friends who lost sight of what was important along the way.”
“Maybe I never knew to begin with,” Gunnar muttered, suspecting that might well be the case. “Here’s the deal,” he said, still shocked at his willingness to open up to a stranger. “I had it all, right? Beautiful woman who was committed to me. Two great kids. A career path that would land me in the Hall of Fame, no doubt.”
“But?”
“She left me, and from there, everything just seemed to fall apart. All of a sudden she was gone. My kids were gone. And I felt like I had nothing left. No purpose anymore, ya know?”
Levi just nodded while he ate, waiting for him to continue.
“It’s not about the money anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.” He stared at the scarred bar, wondering when he’d realized that money didn’t give him a reason to get out of bed in the morning. “I don’t need more stuff. The fancy cars and guitars don’t do it for me anymore. Neither do the vacation homes and…” He sighed. “None of it does it for me anymore. It’s just stuff. Toys my kids will be stuck with when I die.”
“Your kids still think you’re a good dad?” Levi asked, looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
“Yeah, I think so. They still want me around, at least.”
“Then that’s something to build on, I’d say.”
Something to build on. He turned those words over a few times before he thought about it… a foundation he could build a new life on. But what would that life look like and who would want to be a part of it? Would he have anyone left if he walked away from his career? Did his friends stand by him just because of who he was and what he did for them?
“It may feel like you’ve got nothing, but if you’ve got even one person who loves you, I’d say that’s something.”
“I guess you’re right.” He thought of his girls. He wished he’d been a better father to them when they were growing up, but he couldn’t turn back time. He could only be a better man moving forward.
“And I don’t imagine it’d be too hard for you to find another woman,” Levi said, smirking. He looked around the bar. There were only a few women there, but each one of them seemed fixated on Gunnar and his companion. “Even here, just look around. You could take your pick.”
“But what if the only one I want is the one I can’t have?”
“Ah, then that might be a problem.” He grimaced at some score that flashed across the bottom of the screen. “This the woman who left you?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure it’s not a case of wanting what you can’t have? Maybe if you got her back you wouldn’t want her anymore.”
Gunnar couldn’t blame him for thinking that. He probably would have too in his position. “The way I feel about her is the one thing I am sure about, man.”
“Then get her back.”
“You don’t know Gianna. If—”
“Hey, is she the cute little brunette who works in Gabby’s flower shop?”
“Yeah, you know her?” Gunnar asked, suddenly feeling uneasy. His kids told him their mom h
ad been on a few dates. What if one of them was with this guy?
“It’s a small town,” he said. “Someone new moves to town, especially someone who looks like that, and it’s hard not to notice. So, she’s the reason you’re here, huh? I wondered why you’d come to a place like Vista Falls unless you wanted to slip under the radar.”
“I came here because of her… and my kids.” And they were the reason he wanted to stay. “I’m kind of surprised you didn’t know about us. Isn’t the grapevine usually solid in places like this?”
He offered a bemused smile before he said, “I don’t pay much attention to gossip, Gunnar. Could be you two have made the rounds now that you’re in town, but I can’t say for sure. Why? You wanted to keep it under wraps?”
“No, but she did. For our girls’ sake, I guess. Gianna brought them here to get them away from all the craziness in L.A. She grew up in a small town and claims it did her the world of good. I guess she wanted Ramsey and Keegan to have the same experience.”
He understood Gianna’s reasoning. Their daughters were young and impressionable, getting interested in boys, thinking about college. She wanted them to make smart decisions. He did too. He just wished they didn’t have to be so far away from him.
“That’s understandable,” Levi said. “Growing up like this can help you to keep your head screwed on straight, that’s for sure. I don’t know from experience, but I’ve heard living in those fancy suburbs and big cities can be hell. Always feeling the pressure of having to keep up with the Joneses. We don’t have much of that around here. Sure, some have made it big. Made a lot of money, but they never forgot where they came from. Never tried to impress people ’round here with all the money they made.”
Gunnar felt kind of sick when he thought about his multiple homes and collection of cars. His multi-million-dollar wine and cigar collections. Hell, he only smoked a stogie a few times a year.
“I grew up with nothing. Less than nothing,” he said, pushing aside his near-empty plate. “Can’t tell you how many times I crashed on a friend’s couch or went to school hungry as hell.”
Sticks and Stones (Vista Falls #5) Page 4